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RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 4:25:32 AM   
DeferentialBaby


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		If the depression has a serious and real cause, then sometimes all the silly "meds" in the world taken for years do absolutely nothing, except let you hide (a little) from the pain for a few years and postpone the inevitable.  I speak from experience.

If the depressed person is on their own, then they must cope as they can. And if the depression has a clear and understandable source, that sometimes means facing the pain, cold turkey, without the smothering calming ssri blanket.  As hard as that is, as much as it it hurts, facing the cause is sometimes the only way to resolve a depression with a cause.

If the depressed person is a submissive with a dominant, I would hope and pray that the dominant would have it within him- or herself to help their partner  through this in whatever way possible.  Out of the 18 stupid, irresponsible, selfish, uncaring and childish responses to this question, I saw only one person mention that they would try to help their submissive (and not just stuff her full of pills to get her to shut up).  Since in actual life, a single genuine responsible dominant is typically surrounded  by 1700 capering fools and strutting little boys, I guess I should be pleasantly surprised at an 17-to-1 statistic in this thread.  But the nature of the responses, few though they might be, have sickened me... and reminded me quite clearly of why I am still single. 

(in reply to DomAviator)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 4:36:22 AM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Stuffing someone full of pills isn't always the magic answer to a medical problem, especially something dealing with emotions.

And just because someone has an illness doesn't mean they're "broken" and should be ditched and avoided at all costs. "Oh, you're depressed? Well...bye!" Yeah, that's really going to help a LOT. I know being discarded like a broken toy always cheers me up.

(in reply to DeferentialBaby)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 4:42:04 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeferentialBaby

If the depression has a serious and real cause, then sometimes all the silly "meds" in the world taken for years do absolutely nothing, except let you hide (a little) from the pain for a few years and postpone the inevitable.  I speak from experience.




you are speaking from YOUR experience and while that is to be respected it is not true for everyone.
The brain is an organ,,as is the heart, liver, etc. There are imbalances that can occur with all organs and medications can and often do help. If you had a cardiac issue and the prescribed medication did not solve the issue would you have the same posture on this subject? I doubt it.
What you are talking about in your post seems to be a depressive state secondary to post traumatic stress disorder...past issues surfacing and inducing depression. While you are correct that a case such as this requires psychotherapy it does not apply to everyone who is experiencing depression. Sometimes the "serious and real cause" can be treated with a closely supervised medication treatment.


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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 4:56:26 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeferentialBaby
Out of the 18 stupid, irresponsible, selfish, uncaring and childish responses to this question
Please note that I was the only one to state to consider depression in a true sub to be no illness, but an inherent aspect of the nature of the mind of a true sub. I also provided specific directions on how to live with this particular non-illness - not involving medication, as those would interfere with the natural order.

< Message edited by Rule -- 5/15/2008 4:57:52 AM >

(in reply to DeferentialBaby)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 4:59:42 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		effexxor is a wonderful med.   w/o it i am 10x worse.   with modern world- the elctrical shoots in brain surely are discombuchulated.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 5:00:46 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Being one of the 17 stupid, irresponsible, selfish, uncaring and childish responses/ers, I'd like to call attention to the actual answer I gave.  I was very specific as to say that My sub's illness wasn't depression.  In fact, his is ADHD, which is a chemical imbalance in the brain.  There's no underlying cause.  There's nothing to 'work with him' through.  That's just the way his brain is, and medication is the way to help him with his condition.

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(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 5:27:51 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeferentialBaby
Out of the 18 stupid, irresponsible, selfish, uncaring and childish responses to this question
Please note that I was the only one to state to consider depression in a true sub to be no illness, but an inherent aspect of the nature of the mind of a true sub. I also provided specific directions on how to live with this particular non-illness - not involving medication, as those would interfere with the natural order.


please note you were the only one to state that you would use a subs depression for your own gain.


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 5:34:59 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		I did? Where?

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 5:35:05 AM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeferentialBaby

If the depression has a serious and real cause, then sometimes all the silly "meds" in the world taken for years do absolutely nothing, except let you hide (a little) from the pain for a few years and postpone the inevitable.  I speak from experience.




you are speaking from YOUR experience and while that is to be respected it is not true for everyone.
The brain is an organ,,as is the heart, liver, etc. There are imbalances that can occur with all organs and medications can and often do help. If you had a cardiac issue and the prescribed medication did not solve the issue would you have the same posture on this subject? I doubt it.
What you are talking about in your post seems to be a depressive state secondary to post traumatic stress disorder...past issues surfacing and inducing depression. While you are correct that a case such as this requires psychotherapy it does not apply to everyone who is experiencing depression. Sometimes the "serious and real cause" can be treated with a closely supervised medication treatment.



Holly, You are my hero!!!!!!!!!!


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~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 5:44:26 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		Depression is a treatable illness. Often a chemical imbalance that is effectively treated with appropriate medication. Sometimes, psychotherapy helps. In any case, it should be diagnosed and treated by a physician. I speak from experience. Anti-depressants changed my life during a particularly dark period.

I also agree that D/s or BDSM activities are inappropriate while someone is clinically depressed.

Finally, Rule, thanks for putting the "WARNING" label on yourself. You need one.


_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 5:45:05 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGIONAL: Rule
I did? Where?
quote:



RIGHT HERE RULE!!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

In my model of the mind depression is the ideal condition of the true sub. The life force and direction is then supplied by the dominant. The strength of the sub is in his or her ability to be in the world, to perform a task. So be. Take a ball and go outside to play ball. You may experience no joy doing so, but you will play ball excellently and that is its own reward.


_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 5:48:21 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeferentialBaby

If the depression has a serious and real cause, then sometimes all the silly "meds" in the world taken for years do absolutely nothing, except let you hide (a little) from the pain for a few years and postpone the inevitable.  I speak from experience.




you are speaking from YOUR experience and while that is to be respected it is not true for everyone.
The brain is an organ,,as is the heart, liver, etc. There are imbalances that can occur with all organs and medications can and often do help. If you had a cardiac issue and the prescribed medication did not solve the issue would you have the same posture on this subject? I doubt it.
What you are talking about in your post seems to be a depressive state secondary to post traumatic stress disorder...past issues surfacing and inducing depression. While you are correct that a case such as this requires psychotherapy it does not apply to everyone who is experiencing depression. Sometimes the "serious and real cause" can be treated with a closely supervised medication treatment.



Holly, You are my hero!!!!!!!!!!



you humble me Kalista....i could never touch your level of heroism.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
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(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 5:51:41 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		I am sorry, but I still do not see where I state that I would use a sub's depression for my own gain. You appear to be confused.

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 5:55:46 AM   
VelvetMaam


Posts: 45
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline 		I am not a medical doctor nor am I a therapist.  I do not delude myself into thinking that I can cure someone of what ails them.  As with any other disease, I'd expect the sub to be going to the doctor regularly, taking appropriate meds, getting the therapy they need, and engaging in activities that promote their own wellness.  If they were not, then there would be no possibility of starting a relationship;  if we were already in a relationship and they did not take care of themselves, there is a good possibility it would end.

I do not think someone who is severely depressed should be seeking out any type of BDSM or romantic-based relationship becaus of the inability to cope with the roller coaster of emotions that such relationships invoke.   It is better to spend time focusing on getting themselves back on track.

< Message edited by VelvetMaam -- 5/15/2008 6:04:41 AM >

(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 5:58:54 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan
Rule, thanks for putting the "WARNING" label on yourself. You need one.

Pff. If a supergenius was normal, he would not be a supergenius. Thank you for the compliment.

(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 6:00:33 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

just thought i would toss this out there to see the varying ways people cope with a submissive that is depressed. i probably won't participate in this, as my participation only tends to spawn flaming.


I would provide them with friendship and support, suggest that they see a doctor (and go along with them for support if asked) and also suggest that they see a counsellor.  I would do this regardless if the person was in a relationship with me, a family member or a friend.  If I was in a D/s relationship with a dominant whom I thought was showing signs of depression, I would ask if they wanted us to ease off on the D/s aspects temporarily and if there were parts of our lives that they wanted me to become a bit more involved in.

If a dominant that I had recently met disclosed to me that he had clinical depression and that he had been receiving treatment (whether medication and/or counselling) and that his mood was stable and being monitored if required I would have no qualms exploring the possibility of a relationship.  If the dominant showed signs of possible depression eg. low motivation, social isolation, avoidance, tearfulness, showed an external locus of control (it's their fault that this is happening to me, I can't do anything to help myself) and wasn't willing to seek professional support I would still support them as they sought help however I would not contemplate entering into a relationship with them as I would feel that their health was the primary focus.

For the person that mentioned psychotherapy rather than taking medication... psychotherapeutic styles (tell me about your childhood, talking about specific instances of trauma, reliving the past and the pain) can be helpful if the person has specific issues about that trauma that they wish to resolve however there are many people who have no desire to relive their past and they are more interested in acknowledging that the past happened and learning strategies to help them to move forward and live their lives in a healthier way... the soution focused and cognitive behavioural strategies can be helpful in these cases.  They are often short-term (6 - 20 sessions) rather than every week for the rest of your life.  In a lot of cases people receive the most benefit from taking prescribed medication and having counselling.

edited to add: my advice wouldn't change if it was a submissive that was experiencing clinical depression and I was the Domme.  (well ok it would...if I was in a relationship with them I would put a halt to the D/s aspects if I thought they were struggling with it)

< Message edited by wandersalone -- 5/15/2008 6:03:57 AM >

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(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 6:05:15 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule
Please note that I was the only one to state to consider depression in a true sub to be no illness, but an inherent aspect of the nature of the mind of a true sub.


Sorry Rule but depression is not an inherent aspect of submission.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 6:08:17 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Where did I say that depression is an inherent aspect of submission?

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 6:12:25 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 6:15:43 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan
Rule, thanks for putting the "WARNING" label on yourself. You need one.

Pff. If a supergenius was normal, he would not be a supergenius. Thank you for the compliment.


ya know...tooting ones own horn is a sure sign that one lacks the very qualities they are tooting about.


_____________________________

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(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 40
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