chickpea
Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline
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Think all the advice is good on here, plus maybe to start... getting the sub into more healthier activities, like more excercise to get more oxygen to the brain to help stabilize and uplift moods, eating right, different activities, meeting new people, doing things they enjoy will help increase energy so the sub doesn't sleep all day and get even more depressed. That's a start, with all the non-medical professional stuff.
Think the hardest part is getting them to admit they have a problem and get help. Think it's easy to say about somebody else that the person is crazy and screwed up, but for the sub to admit about him/herself that help that their own judgement or own emotions may need professional help....well if a Dom tells a sub that in the wrong way it may not work and may make a situation worse. Again doing it from a loving and support angle will help ease the sub towards getting help, as telling someone they need help typically is like a put down and carries a stigma which could lower their self-esteem/confidence and make their condition worse (and at the same time, they will still NOT get help). Kinda like getting a drug addict to go get professional help... Think since mental illness has no tangible cause, so not being able to label a concrete event outside of oneself, there's more of a risk of blaming oneself and harder to justify if it even exists to the sub or why they should get help--and then getting sucked into a blame, not seeking professional help, more depression cycle, like a black hole. So definitely be like a life couch sort of Dom that tells them what to do that's good for them. I'm not sure if you want to play counselor, as you are the dom. But to be supportive of the situation and show that you care maybe better than trying to fix your sub yourself by playing counselor.
The onset and cause of mental illness or depression may be due to a past experience or genetically inherited or both (where genetics causes a string of aweful experiences). Both are chemically based and due to chemical alterations in the brain. Non-medical therapy can break the cycle, and get the synapses to fire in a positive way and the chemicals in the brain to change to normal (with inner resolution of past issues, change of lifestyle activities/surroundings, and different thoughts/attitudes). Medications may be needed and used temporarily to help ease symptoms during their recovery process. If its genetically-based, medications will probably be needed (if there are ones to help their specific illness and the side effects are not worse than the illness itself) and use will probably have to be permanent.
I agree with all the people on this thread where real relationships + depression don't mix. I agree with most that think a Dom should not play with someone in the kinky sense with those that are depressed and who hasn't gotten help yet, because it's tough to deal with, they'll probably end up resenting the sub for putting such a burden on him, and then the relationship will go kaputz anyway. Just do as much as you're willing for the sub. If you care about the sub and see hope in a future full-on relationship, the sub will notice. It will give you brownie points when and if the sub gets better and you two jump into BDSM. Probably make it easier for the sub to fully give him or herself, and make the BDSM and the regular relationship more intense and more fulfilling. The level of emotional health required to navigate successfully and thrive within a relationship with all the ups and downs and complications of a relationship (being evaluated by the dom and others, all the emotions, giving your emotions and time to someone else) is already demanding for someone who's not depressed, and just way too much for someone who's not all together yet.
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RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 
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