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RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 1:13:55 PM

rulemylife

Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

Blackmail is a 2 way street with dire consequences for the Blackmailer if it can be proven that they are attempting it.

1. Legally it is a felony. You don't have to blackmail for money for it to be a felony, and if it is for sex or favors of other types, it can lead to other charges as well. Tell your friend to tape record, save emails and chats and then tell the blackmailer..the police are being contacted.

2. The self same exposure they are threatening can affect them as well with the added kicker of "and after he found me on this site having joined up himself for his OWN reasons, he tried to blackmail me into doing such adn so for him..." If the community and people she deadls with are subject to looking down on her/him for being here, it' it going to be worse for the person doing the blackmail as not onloy are they on the site themsleves for their own reasons, BUT they are lower than the bottom of the slime a snail leaves behind to try and blackmail someone over it.

As for myself, I am pretty much blackmail proof. Been out and outspoken most of my life and my relatives are mostly dead now.

poenkitten

Huh?????? Isn't the effectiveness of blackmail dependent on the person being blackmailed needing to maintain secrecy? So if you are being blackmailed you are not going to out yourself by going to the police or exposing your blackmailer to the people you don't want to be exposed to in the hopes that they'll look down on him/her more than they'll look down on you.

Sure, that's what the blackmailer assumes.
The problem is, people are not usually as easily bullied as all that.
I'd laugh as I was dialing the FBI, and a very good lawyer...

It's not a matter of being bullied but the lesser of two evils. You obviously can afford to be open about your lifestyle but many on here cannot. You've insulated yourself in the BDSM community to the point you don't realize it is still a very socially unacceptable thing to a large percentage of the population. Some of us have to live in the real world, as much as we may not like it at times.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 41

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 1:17:04 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I work in the medical field, in a religious hospital, and even though i don't think I would get fired, it would be a public relations nightmare, and i know the hospital would look very dimly at the whole affair. I would rather not risk it.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 42

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 1:26:04 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife
Some of us have to live in the real world,

You can't get much more in the public eye than televangelists, movie stars and politicians. They only lose their jobs over sex scandals when there was infidelity, for crissake -- if then. You're more likely to be discriminated against for being gay than for being hetero and kinky. Gay crossdressers still get beaten to death occasionally for trying to pass as a female at a party. When was the last time that happened to a hetero submissive man?

Unless there's a sign at the outskirts of your town that reads, "Welcome to Bluenose, Population: 250," the "real world" doesn't much care. Spanking, dominatrixes, and dog collars appear on prime time TV, in pro wrestling, and in vanilla TV and magazine commercials. It is both rude and stupid to say that people who are comfortable and confident in who they are somehow live in a fantasy world while you are grounded in reality.

You sound married and "discreet."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 43

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 1:40:18 PM

rulemylife

Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

what are they gonna do? get my discount at the leather store taken away? :P

as many flames as this might bring, I personally believe that there are only a few cases in which someone should legitimaly fear being "outted" (public people and so forth) though even that is up for debate

Come on! You can't be serious. I don't know what you do for a living but I can name dozens of careers that would be ruined in a heartbeat just off the top of my head.

How about your minister or pastor. Think he'll still have a congregation when his CM photos are distributed in his church. How about your local pediatrician? Think she will even keep her license, much less her practice when her patient's parents find out she frequents SM clubs? How about the local kindergarten teacher? What about the cop or fireman that is looking for a Domme? That'll go over big in the station house. Or the investment manager that has a large retiree clientele. Think they'll still trust him with their savings?

You may be open-minded, but the majority of society is not.

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

Post #: 44

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 1:46:02 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

My ex-husband would use it against me to try to get custody of our daughter. Not that I think he would win, but I don't want to go thru the time, the drama, the hassle, and the expense of the whole mess. He is still angry that I got almost everything I asked for, so I'm sure he would use anything he could find to try to undo some of that.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 45

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 1:46:18 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

While I'm not a fan of comments about "living in the real world", I think there are a lot more people whose public lives are at risk than those on TV. I remember a case in California, some years ago, in which a divorced mother had her little one (I think just in kindergarten) enrolled in a private school, and who also wanted to be a stay at home mom. The three days a week the daugher was with her dad, mom worked as a stripper. She was home raising her daughter the rest of the time.

Word got out and mom was told she had to quit her job or the girl would no longer be able to attend school there.

I know of people who work with youth, who, if their "kink" was discovered, feel they would find themselves the subject of a public/parent outrage. The closemindedness of people is a shame, but it does affect your average Joe/Jane out there, which is unfortunate.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 46

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 1:55:46 PM

rulemylife

Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife
Some of us have to live in the real world,

You can't get much more in the public eye than televangelists, movie stars and politicians. They only lose their jobs over sex scandals when there was infidelity, for crissake -- if then. You're more likely to be discriminated against for being gay than for being hetero and kinky. Gay crossdressers still get beaten to death occasionally for trying to pass as a female at a party. When was the last time that happened to a hetero submissive man?

Unless there's a sign at the outskirts of your town that reads, "Welcome to Bluenose, Population: 250," the "real world" doesn't much care. Spanking, dominatrixes, and dog collars appear on prime time TV, in pro wrestling, and in vanilla TV and magazine commercials. It is both rude and stupid to say that people who are comfortable and confident in who they are somehow live in a fantasy world while you are grounded in reality.

You sound married and "discreet."

No, not married and do try to be as open as possible. Just being realistic. The comment about being insulated in the BDSM community wasn't meant to insult anyone, only to point out that I think we become so used to these things in the lifestyle that we don't recognize how others view us, and there are a great many who view us unfavorably. While spanking, dog collars, and dominatrixes do appear on TV and have become more socially acceptable, there is a big difference between your neighbors being titillated by those things on TV and real life. Do you think they are going to ask you to babysit the next time they go to dinner if they know you are "kinky".

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 47

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 1:56:08 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

See post below, double-posted somehow.

< Message edited by RedMagic1 -- 5/16/2008 1:59:45 PM >

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 48

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 1:57:37 PM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

what are they gonna do? get my discount at the leather store taken away? :P

as many flames as this might bring, I personally believe that there are only a few cases in which someone should legitimaly fear being "outted" (public people and so forth) though even that is up for debate

Come on! You can't be serious. I don't know what you do for a living but I can name dozens of careers that would be ruined in a heartbeat just off the top of my head.

How about your minister or pastor. Think he'll still have a congregation when his CM photos are distributed in his church. How about your local pediatrician? Think she will even keep her license, much less her practice when her patient's parents find out she frequents SM clubs? How about the local kindergarten teacher? What about the cop or fireman that is looking for a Domme? That'll go over big in the station house. Or the investment manager that has a large retiree clientele. Think they'll still trust him with their savings?

You may be open-minded, but the majority of society is not.

this is actually pretty funny.... A doctor my ma worked with when I was younger used to hol "toy" parties at his house... hes the same doc that stitched me up (and dozens of other kids) when we did something stupid and got hurt
I dont have a minister or pastor, though the last one I had kept handcuffs in his trunk

as far as cops go, I know a few of them as well, and none of thier co-workers care... maybe its a male thing, or even a Dom thing, but somehow noone seems to worried that Jo Blow over there ties his wife up every night....... Hell they are more worried about homosexuality then they are kinkyness... and this in Utah

I realize that there are other reasons for hiding things... but in a lot of cases I just cant see your job being one of them unless you are in the public eye, and even then the media focuses more on whether or not you are cheating than anything else it seems

_____________________________

Pirate King,

The nicest man you'll ever bleed for

Posting Help

Vitam Piratae Eligo

The Rainmaker

(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 49

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 1:58:12 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife
How about your minister or pastor. Think he'll still have a congregation when his CM photos are distributed in his church. How about your local pediatrician? Think she will even keep her license, much less her practice when her patient's parents find out she frequents SM clubs? How about the local kindergarten teacher? What about the cop or fireman that is looking for a Domme? That'll go over big in the station house. Or the investment manager that has a large retiree clientele. Think they'll still trust him with their savings?

Drama-queening, and wrong, except in exceptional cases where someone vindictive is involved, like an angry ex. Ignoring me, people I personally know who are out include: the (female) president of a national attorney association, a (female) personal trainer at a country club that caters to retirees, and several (female) spankee grade-school teachers.

Edited to add: you are basing your statements on opinion. I am basing mine on people I know. Calm down.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 50

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 2:03:18 PM

Karimacala

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

As others have said, one can become immune to this sort of thing by outing oneself to anyone whose opinion matters.

Not only is this safer, it's healthier for us... life is happier and better when we are accepted for who we, rather than worrying upon what others would think if they knew.

While this is not always realistic (some of us are unfortunate enough to have to live or work with prudes), sometimes if we're in a situation where it isn't, it's better to get out even if it costs us personally or financially. Life is too short.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 51

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 2:26:54 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I did a decade or so in the retail trade for a major retailer. I was the interim department manager for anyone who was out for vacation or sickness. I ran the paper. I was the go-to girl for anyone who needed info. And I was the one person who only had to answer to the store manager for many years, where everyone else had a lessor boss.
Then, it became known I was into BDSM. I was admittedly not shy about my leanings but I never played with anyone at work, or brought items of interest to share.
But people's outlook of me changed. My tasks were not quite as high as they were prior to knowlege. I felt a little frustrated and moved on to another company for a while, but hated it there. And I tried to go back to the original company but though I saw many people come back into the fold, I was never rehired. It wasn't until I started seeing someone who was an assistant manager that I learned it was my interest in BDSM which flagged me as undesirable. Apparently a christian company like my old place did not want anyone with those leanings.
So, you do not have to be a public figure to be blackmailed, blackballed, or have reason to be private in what SHOULD be ones personal business.
We have a very judgmental society.

Now in my current job I keep a low profile even though it is my own company. I do it because I am often in the home of clients and I do not want someone who sees my face on a kink site to make any assumptions about what kind of person I am.

My private life is no ones concern.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Drama-queening, and wrong, except in exceptional cases where someone vindictive is involved, like an angry ex. Ignoring me, people I personally know who are out include: the (female) president of a national attorney association, a (female) personal trainer at a country club that caters to retirees, and several (female) spankee grade-school teachers.

Edited to add: you are basing your statements on opinion. I am basing mine on people I know. Calm down.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 52

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 2:42:39 PM

rubbervermin

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

Very recently I wrote a brief polite note to a sub who mentioned that she wanted to be possibly "forced." This opens a whole Pandora's box of possible problems with claims of rape. Unless there are witnesses (public play, group, or video) the Dom (Domme) places themselves in a bad position by fulfilling the desires of the sub. Blackmail immediately came to mind. Fortunately, I'm a true switch - and expect to get what I dish out in return. Equality.

(in reply to luvnchains)

Post #: 53

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 3:10:58 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Find a criminal attorney and have a letter sent outlining the results of this highly illegal act and you'll find most blackmailers will cease and desist.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 54

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 3:35:54 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar
Blackmailing me is not an option because no one I know would care.

Well, crap. I just wasted my email then. ::sighs::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 55

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 4:18:05 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

Blackmail is a 2 way street with dire consequences for the Blackmailer if it can be proven that they are attempting it.

1. Legally it is a felony. You don't have to blackmail for money for it to be a felony, and if it is for sex or favors of other types, it can lead to other charges as well. Tell your friend to tape record, save emails and chats and then tell the blackmailer..the police are being contacted.

2. The self same exposure they are threatening can affect them as well with the added kicker of "and after he found me on this site having joined up himself for his OWN reasons, he tried to blackmail me into doing such adn so for him..." If the community and people she deadls with are subject to looking down on her/him for being here, it' it going to be worse for the person doing the blackmail as not onloy are they on the site themsleves for their own reasons, BUT they are lower than the bottom of the slime a snail leaves behind to try and blackmail someone over it.

As for myself, I am pretty much blackmail proof. Been out and outspoken most of my life and my relatives are mostly dead now.

poenkitten

Huh?????? Isn't the effectiveness of blackmail dependent on the person being blackmailed needing to maintain secrecy? So if you are being blackmailed you are not going to out yourself by going to the police or exposing your blackmailer to the people you don't want to be exposed to in the hopes that they'll look down on him/her more than they'll look down on you.

Sure, that's what the blackmailer assumes.
The problem is, people are not usually as easily bullied as all that.
I'd laugh as I was dialing the FBI, and a very good lawyer...

It's not a matter of being bullied but the lesser of two evils. You obviously can afford to be open about your lifestyle but many on here cannot. You've insulated yourself in the BDSM community to the point you don't realize it is still a very socially unacceptable thing to a large percentage of the population. Some of us have to live in the real world, as much as we may not like it at times.

You have absolutely no idea how wrong you are.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 56

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 5:32:59 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

"I am amazed at how many on this site choose not to put up a photo for privacy's sake. To me it smacks of fear and of discomfort with one's own life choices."

"When you are out, and proud of who you are..."

With comments like this all of us picture-less folks might as well just post complete photo albums. We're not likely to encounter attitudes out among the rank and file that are any worse than these.

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 57

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 5:44:57 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

"I am amazed at how many on this site choose not to put up a photo for privacy's sake. To me it smacks of fear and of discomfort with one's own life choices."

"When you are out, and proud of who you are..."

With comments like this all of us picture-less folks might as well just post complete photo albums. We're not likely to encounter attitudes out among the rank and file that are any worse than these.

Well it goes back to those who are "out" and in the community versus those who are not, and neither side accepting the others' reasons for doing so. We saw this amongst some folks in the Local Community thread, too. People have choices regarding where they want to be and what they're ready for. Just because everyone isn't ready for or doesn't choose the same thing at the same time doesn't mean one choice is better than the other. Whatever is right for someone at the time is what the best choice is.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 58

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 6:23:49 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvnchains

It's recently come to my attention, that a good freind of mine is being black mailed by someone they met through this site. It made me wonder just how many of us are being abused in this manner for fear of their non-vanilla activities being made public.
And so my question, ever been black mailed or had it threatened?

Had it threatened three times.
First one chickened out.
Second one threatened it because he wanted to stay in relationship after I found out he lied about his marital position.
Ge sent pics to my publisher and mails to my ex husband threatening to get the kids taken away from me. I went to the police made statements, they gained information and gave him warnings. The police told him to leave me alone otherwise I would call in the troops. eventually after contacting the vanilla partner he stopped contact and I don't know where he is or care to this day.
The third, whom I 'met' on here, sent details of my profile here to my employer and to trading standards. He outed me because I would not have a relationship with him. But his threats and his actions achieved nothing as everyone who is close to me knows about my kink and my sexuality so it makes no duifference.
I thank all of them from the bottom of my soul as I have learned at the first hint of lies or manipulation to be long gone.
What do I care; I have nothing to hide and no wealth anyway BUT I am professionally insured to the tune of a couple of million....so try it I say. IT WILL COST YOU!
Anyone who thinks blackmail threats or actual blackmail makes them attractive has serious mental health issues.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to luvnchains)

Post #: 59

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/16/2008 6:29:26 PM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline

I was "outted" to my family at 18... my ma came over to visit without warning and I forgot all about a paddle I had left out... I guess I could have said it was my roomates, but I cant lie to her, so when she asked me about it I told her it was mine... the next time she brought it up was to ask me where to get a good paddle (my family is funny that way)
So, really there is nothing to blackmaiil me with... my boss only cares that I can keep a network running (there are few enough network techs in SLC that can do satellite that im somewhat valuable)

I guess thats why I dont undertand the point of blackmail

_____________________________

Pirate King,

The nicest man you'll ever bleed for

Posting Help

Vitam Piratae Eligo

The Rainmaker

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 60

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