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RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/31/2008 12:45:29 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Ah, I'm sorry. I guess my post sounded just that--self righteous. Didn't mean to, but I see my error.

[Edit to add: I've only had 1 screwdriver. I'll have another and see if that helps!]

Not you, silly woman ... but do have another screwdriver, whilst I pour another beer...
what I meant is that I'm one of those terribly OUT people (although I DO understand why not everyone is.. I was poking fun at the very people you were commenting on)

(and I just realized I've been talking to Sundowner enough that I am beginning to talk like him....)

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Post #: 121

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/31/2008 12:50:52 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

I have never been "blackmailed," however... Daddy is black and all Man... so I have been "black male'd"... does that count? ~giggles~

you left out 'yummy'..silly wench!

Dear me, GT, you're right!!! I should be flogged for such an omission!

would canes work?? *grin*

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 122

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/31/2008 12:53:34 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
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yes!!!

*giggles and grins*

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(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 123

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/31/2008 12:56:17 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*volunteers*

(wonders if I can brush up on the double handed caning in time)

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 124

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/31/2008 12:57:11 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
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Wait, cane party? Where?

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Post #: 125

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/31/2008 6:23:39 PM

LushLadyLilith

Posts: 26
Joined: 5/24/2008
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The idea that we can be blackmailed for participating in legal activites with consenting adults fills me with rage. How many of us have spent too many years in isolation, shame and fear because of our terror of being blackmailed or outed? I occasionally dipped my big toe into the waters of BDSM for about 20 years, only to retreat. It wasn't until I realized, after becoming VERY depressed a couple of years ago, that I HAD to get active and be myself or have an essentially unlived life. I decided that if I got outed it would be an AFGO (another fucking growth opportunity) and that I would adopt an "in your face" attitude and consider it to be my personal mission to become an activist and educate people about this lifestyle. This would be a complete turnaround from my usual diplomatic "don't make waves" persona.
In the meantime, I "trust my gut" (stay on alert for anything that feels "off" about someone). If someone got in below my radar, I would: 1) record any conversations with that person, or ensure that there was a witness; 2) immediately contact a KAP attorney and the ACLU to clarify my legal position and inform the potential perp about this (or have the attorney of other advocate contact that person; 3) inform a trusted authority at work about what may be coming down the pike; 4)I would meet them in person, stay very calm, use "alpha" body language, look them directly in the eye, smile mysteriously, and say "There are many, many things that you don't know about me. You DO NOT want to even THINK about going there." Then turn around and walk away.

Lilith

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 126

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/31/2008 6:30:10 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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Well...the activities many of us engage in are not legal.
Perhaps being tied up, calling another Master/Mistress, serving Him/Her in legal ways but...
One cannot consent to 'abuse'.
No matter how much you say you like it or want it, it's still illegal.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

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Post #: 127

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/31/2008 8:11:07 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
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Ooops, wrong thread. Nevermind.

< Message edited by cjan -- 5/31/2008 8:15:46 PM >

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Post #: 128

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 5/31/2008 11:59:06 PM

LushLadyLilith

Posts: 26
Joined: 5/24/2008
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I am referring to consensual BDSM, not abuse. You certainly know the difference, don't you?

Lilith

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 129

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 12:04:21 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Lilith, blushes is right. All impact play is on-the-books illegal where I live, and in most states of the US. England has recently gone one better, and possession of a wide range of photos is now illegal there.

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Post #: 130

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 12:35:48 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
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No, I have never been blackmailed. However, I have run across a few submissive males who have blackmail fantasies.

A was talking to a sub who seemed to be perfect in every way. Until I talked to him on the phone, that is. He lived in Canada and said he was willing to relocate to the United States. During our first phone conversation, he asked me what measures I was going to take to make sure he could never "escape," such as taking compromising photos of him and threatening to send them to his family, friends, and people in his industry. He was self-employed but felt it would damage him if his industry contacts knew about his lifestyle. I told him if a sub did not want to me with me, I'd just as soon he left. Why would I want to hold onto someone who didn't want to be there? That was our last conversation.

A male sub friend of mine told me something similar. He told me that if a Domme puts a lot of time and effort into a sub, she should take measures (i.e. blackmail) to make sure that she doesn't lose her "investment." I told him the same thing as the one from Canada. I only want a sub who wants to be with me, not someone who has to be threatened in order to stay in the relationship.

Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 6/1/2008 12:36:52 AM >

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Post #: 131

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 3:05:39 AM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

So many things I've read I want to comment on.....
First of all, I'm not worth blackmailing. Anyone following this thread for leads is out of luck. I was a pro domme out of my own private dungeon for 2 years. What do you think?
As far as requests for blackmailing and kidnapping, I got/get them all the time. Some begged so hard that I would take some of the info they gave me, but then 'weaned' them off of me. Never used any of it. I have no desire to go to jail or prison.
My husband's place of employment has a morality clause, but he has so much on the other people that work there I hardly think he would stand out. Both his kids and mine (all over 18...the youngest turning 21 this year) know that something is up. My son knows more than any of them and I haven't heard any threats from his father (my ex), so I'm not really worried about it. I don't associate with his family anymore, so there's really no leverage for him. If anyone was going to try to blackmail me, he would be the one.
My husband and I have always felt that if someone tried to blackmail us, they would have to be a member of the site to get the info. (Or attend the meeting, event, etc.) At that point, they have to explain what THEY were doing there. Quid pro quo.
A pro domme that used to post to a list I belonged to used to say "If they don't accept you for what you are, why would you want to work for them?" Ummm...for money? Not everyone can be totally out in the open like she can. Everyone has to find their own comfort level.
My mother is the only one left that I would rather not disclose everything to, but she lives halfway across the country in a little podunk town. She's lucky to get a phone call from my son once or twice a year just to remind her that he's alive, so not much fear there. He's my one and only link in that situation.
If someone were to come up with pictures of me they pulled off the internet, there's always photoshop. He did WHAT with my face? Besides, again he would have to visit the site to get them.
If I think of anything else, I'll chime in. The one and only thing left I can think of right now is Ron in the beesuit. With tweezers.

Mistress Scarlet

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(in reply to LadyBug1967)

Post #: 132

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 3:34:31 AM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

i took my sister in to live with me and having to go to work and leave her in my home allowed her access to things better left unseen. i was open to her about those things and she later used them against me....eventually outing me to my family. This left me in the uncomfortable position of being asked a lot of personal questions by "concerned" people that i had no interest in answering. i had to think of my children so i lied and said she was delusional (not too far from reality as she is an alcoholic and does say many outrageous things). They believed me so it backfired on her. i hate to be in that position but it was necessary, for now anyway.

It's sucks to have things hanging over your head like that. i was also blackmailed for several years by my older brother who threatened to set me up and all sorts of unsundry things if i did not share my settlement with him. i told him to go fuck himself and that i wouldn't give him 10 cents and to take his chances, my word against his. He happened to be a 3rd party to something and he said he would lie if i did not pay him money i did nothing wrong, so i had nothing to fear except that he would carry through on his unscruptulous intentions. He ended up damaging a car i had beyond repair.

Needless to say they are both out of my life, forever.

This is very sad. I cannot imagine how difficult all that was. My heart goes out to you. Because they are outside the community and family members, it's an almost impossible battle for you.
I HAVE heard of two unrelated incidents where people in the lifestyle found out about one of their group's members running into trouble and the group took care of things for the person in a round about way. Information just happened to end up with law enforcement anonymously. Very effective.
The craziest situation I've come across is someone who is well known in the community was outed by his ex wife who is ALSO well known in the community. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that one.
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 133

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 8:26:11 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

I've been blackballed, more than once, but never blackmailed. I think blackmailing is rude and totally unacceptable.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)

Post #: 134

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 8:40:32 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Not blackmail really, but still...

A Dom friend of mine was fired after a submissive he had dated and broke up with sent a print out of his AOL web page and profile to his employer.

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Post #: 135

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 8:52:42 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I met a guy on CM who was local to me. When it turned out on the first visit that there wasn't any chemistry, and I wasn'tinterested in pursuing anything, he implied he would tell my children about their mother's interests. I don' think he ever realized that I wasn't protecting myself but HIM, when I told him "You don't want to do that."

After you have had the home you lived in aired on National television as being the home of "THOSE people who put on THAT event" well, a sad little man's pathetic attempt at control isn't all that disturbing. While I wasn't terribley woried, I admit that I did get squicked a bit, and deleted my Collar Me photo online. Was quite a while before I put another one up again. Honestly though, I was more worried about him than myself. My son put a man in the hospital just for breaking into my home and stealing my DVD player and a few movies. I cringe to think what he'd do to a guy who tried to steal my good name and reputation.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 136

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 9:00:59 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

I've been blackballed, more than once, but never blackmailed. I think blackmailing is rude and totally unacceptable.

That surprises me cj - I had you as a rather nice gentleman. So maybe you wouldn't be accepted at my club? (In truth I think there wouldn't be a problem - as long as you kept your bdsm interest off the application).

No - not a thread hijack; I'm of cj's generation and for us, when we were younger, wiitwd was as secret activity, as homosexuality was. So like so many others I grew up living two lives and so perhaps more susceptible to blackmail. But I took GT to my extremely respectable club recently and we giggled about how, while bdsm was not an overt club activity, would one be asked to resign if involved in it - half the members would probably be excited by it and the other half were probably involved in it.

Of course "outing" can still be a problem for some - the FIA Moseley scandal is an example. But GT's first post in this thread says it all - "blackmail only works if the person is afraid of being outted".

And whilst one can prefer to lead a number of separate threads in one's life, with some aspects not openly revealed, one shouldn't be afraid of things. And what fun to fantasise about just how viciously one would go for the throat of a blackmailer!

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 137

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 11:10:32 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Just had this guy saying that if I didn't own up to edge play he would give me a lumbar puncture..

The thing is about blackmail is usually the blackmailer is in a weaker position than you. When I think of the people who are trying to 'out' me for being transgendered they fall into three main categories (1) closet transvestites (2) men who have issues over their own sexual orientation and (3) women who have issues over their own appearance. The rest of society isn't really that bothered. I would assume that most blackmailers would have issues about BDSM themselves. Otherwise surely it wouldn't cross their mind to even think about blackmail.

The other thing is what is kept hidden will one day come out. But as LaTigresse says people don't pay any attention and after a couple of days they have found someone or something else to talk about.

I somehow don't buy this 'you being into BDSM affects our customers' line. Just because you're employed doesn't entitle your employer to absolute control over your life. You're employed to do a job and no more. What you do in your own time is your own business, and there is such a thing as constructive dismissal and discrimination.

One of the best defence strategies against a blackmailer is calling their bluff.

But then again threats and promises don't work with me. If you're going to do something then do it, without the advertising.

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Post #: 138

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 2:28:47 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

i've had more subs asking me to blackmail them than i can count, what do i look like the type? i've been threatened with "outing" but my family already knows i'm kinky and wht they didn't know beforehand my ex husband was sure to fill them in during our divorce, so it's old news. hell one of my cousins is here too, so i guess i'm not the only one in my family.
PM

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Post #: 139

RE: How many on here have been blackmailed? - 6/1/2008 6:03:50 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LushLadyLilith

I am referring to consensual BDSM, not abuse. You certainly know the difference, don't you?

Lilith

I believe I have taken enough law classes to know that what I partake of in my private bedroom is not condoned by law. It would be very difficult for the government to discern the difference between consensual and non-consensual, especially when so many cry consensual to keep their mate out of jail...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to LushLadyLilith)

Post #: 140

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