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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 5:49:39 AM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ToysAndTies

A better way for collarme to set up the sub/dom/switch part of profiles would be a slider bar of some kind, with sub at one end and dom at the other. Picking a spot on a spectrum is usually a better fit than choosing a box. True, some people have a Dom profile, as well as a sub profile, however, I feel that if you prefer both ends of the field, it makes more sense to select "Switch" for the simple reason that anyone who specifically singles out "not seeking switches" isn't worth my time anyway.

that slider idea is a good one...but also a "not sure yet" option wouldn't be bad.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 6:01:25 AM

Dini

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This is a very personal question, and changing your name / nick is something you need to feel comfortable with.. and need to do for you.

I am a Switch.. however I am Domme 99% of the time, and very occasionally come across one whom I desire to submit to, for what ever reason the chemistry with that person is right!.. on that note I have only truly submitted to two people in over 6 years! And the current Mistress who I do submit to honors me as Domme and accepts my submission as a gift when I am ready to submit! .. We are not in a relationship, and we play no more than twice a month.. partly because my body needs the time to recover between plays, since when I do submit we play relatively hard.

So that said I introduce myself to newbies as Domme, and those who know my Switch .. accept that part of me as what it is, and small but very integral part of my being!

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 6:11:12 AM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

Switches who say they are doms

yeah and....

point is its not really a big deal, more like small minds, and limited understanding.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 6:24:47 AM

mistoferin

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For me personally, I would want to know if a dominant had any switch tendencies right up front. When I was searching it drove me crazy to invest time getting to know someone, only to be a few weeks into the process and have them pop up with "well you know....there are some times that I enjoy being on the other end of the flogger". Nope, not gonna happen here. I know me very well and I know that to see someone that I call MY dominant in a position of submission would seriously screw up my head. So yes, I think it's best to try to affix the closest possible label to yourself right from the beginning.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 6:27:04 AM

Dnomyar

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Celeste I dissagree that a Switch should find a mainly submissive person to switch with. I have a friend who is very Domme who likes to Switch with me once in a while. I don't think that it uncommon at all for Dom/Dommes to switch once in a while.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 6:36:13 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

For me personally, I would want to know if a dominant had any switch tendencies right up front. When I was searching it drove me crazy to invest time getting to know someone, only to be a few weeks into the process and have them pop up with "well you know....there are some times that I enjoy being on the other end of the flogger". Nope, not gonna happen here. I know me very well and I know that to see someone that I call MY dominant in a position of submission would seriously screw up my head. So yes, I think it's best to try to affix the closest possible label to yourself right from the beginning.

Dominant in a position of submission? Ok, Ummmm... I can only speak for myself on this one. I enjoy a flogging from time to time. However, in all honsestly I really don't take a position of submission of any kind. The position I do take is the same, as I would if I asked somebody to give me a back massage. I'm very verbal in expressing how it feels, Ohh yeahhhh... that's it, yes... good girl.. ouchh.. that fucking hurt.. do it again. Hold on a minute stop for second.. Ok, do it again, but a little lower.

My position, words and whatnot are anything but submissive! Hell, even any Domme that has done this to me, understands and knows that it's not submissive.

Now, I could see this being a problem if the Dom wants to be treated like a whipping post of a bitch boy totally turning matters over into your own hands, and forcing you more into a Dom/me top sort of role. Sure I can totally understand how that would screw with your head.

Damn it, Flog my back, or go stand in the corner for awhile!! LOL... Why is good service so damn hard to find these days? LOL...

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 6:49:00 AM

mistoferin

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Oh I definitely see where you are coming from. That is why I punctuated my post with "for me" and "MY". In my head it really is topping and bottoming....and I have no desire to top a dominant...and I have no desire to see MY own dominant topped. I tried it once to see how it felt with my ex Master. I actually begged him to let me do it "just once to see how it feels". ICK ICK ICK!!! I ended up having to stop...and it was just a few whacks with a flogger....and then I cried my brains out and just felt EWWWW!!!

I don't see anything wrong with it if that is what others wish to do....I just KNOW it is NOT something that holds any appeal whatsoever for *ME* and I would not wish to be involved in a relationship where that was expected of me....even in limited instances.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 6:52:32 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Oh I definitely see where you are coming from. That is why I punctuated my post with "for me" and "MY". In my head it really is topping and bottoming....and I have no desire to top a dominant...and I have no desire to see MY own dominant topped. I tried it once to see how it felt with my ex Master. I actually begged him to let me do it "just once to see how it feels". ICK ICK ICK!!! I ended up having to stop...and it was just a few whacks with a flogger....and then I cried my brains out and just felt EWWWW!!!

I don't see anything wrong with it if that is what others wish to do....I just KNOW it is NOT something that holds any appeal whatsoever for *ME* and I would not wish to be involved in a relationship where that was expected of me....even in limited instances.

Note to self: submissives with sadistic streaks desired, or with such a deep desire to please they can get past it.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 6:58:16 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
Note to self: submissives with sadistic streaks desired, or with such a deep desire to please they can get past it.

Trust me on this....I have a 10 mile wide sadistic streak. Maybe it's a leftover from my fighting day but I have no problem putting a serious hurting on someone....but not on "MY" dom. I don't think it has anything whatsoever to do with a desire to please either.

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 8:51:07 AM

cjan

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I just had a conversation with a wise friend this morning on this subject. She is a submissive but shows dominant qualities at times. I have called myself a Switch, but I am naturally dominant. My friend pointed out that a submissive is what she IS topping or bottoming is what she does, depending on circumstances and the individuals involved, energy, etc.. However, even when she tops, she enjoys getting a good spanking afterwards to "remind" her of who and what she IS.

Made me realize that dominant is what I AM , despite enjoying bottoming from time to time. I think she nailed it for me.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 9:08:23 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

For me personally, I would want to know if a dominant had any switch tendencies right up front. When I was searching it drove me crazy to invest time getting to know someone, only to be a few weeks into the process and have them pop up with "well you know....there are some times that I enjoy being on the other end of the flogger". Nope, not gonna happen here. I know me very well and I know that to see someone that I call MY dominant in a position of submission would seriously screw up my head. So yes, I think it's best to try to affix the closest possible label to yourself right from the beginning.

I am in total agreement with Erin on this one.

I'd want to know if someone I was interested in had switch tendancies orientation-wise and play-wise. I could not handle seeing MY dominant submitting to someone else, nor could I handle seeing Him strung up on a St. Andrews cross being beaten by someone.

Not gonna happen here either.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 9:16:49 AM

sassysexygirl

Posts: 213
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

For me personally, I would want to know if a dominant had any switch tendencies right up front. When I was searching it drove me crazy to invest time getting to know someone, only to be a few weeks into the process and have them pop up with "well you know....there are some times that I enjoy being on the other end of the flogger". Nope, not gonna happen here. I know me very well and I know that to see someone that I call MY dominant in a position of submission would seriously screw up my head. So yes, I think it's best to try to affix the closest possible label to yourself right from the beginning.

and later she said ~~

Oh I definitely see where you are coming from. That is why I punctuated my post with "for me" and "MY". In my head it really is topping and bottoming....and I have no desire to top a dominant...and I have no desire to see MY own dominant topped. I tried it once to see how it felt with my ex Master. I actually begged him to let me do it "just once to see how it feels". ICK ICK ICK!!! I ended up having to stop...and it was just a few whacks with a flogger....and then I cried my brains out and just felt EWWWW!!!

I don't see anything wrong with it if that is what others wish to do....I just KNOW it is NOT something that holds any appeal whatsoever for *ME* and I would not wish to be involved in a relationship where that was expected of me....even in limited instances.

greetings A/all

yay mist!! and thanks for writing this. right there with you on this, but didn't know how to say it without sounding snobbish or distainful. the idea of topping someone squicks me out big time. i don't care what others do, more power to 'em. it's just not for me.

well wishes,
gemmie

< Message edited by sassysexygirl -- 5/22/2008 9:17:25 AM >

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 9:18:15 AM

pettingdragons

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i have run across many siwtches who as soon as they find out i am female they turn into dominants.....its all in what you are looking for....if i am loking for a sub i would put dominant or if i was looking for a Dominant i would put sub....

my 2 cents
pettingdragons
**Master Dragons considered slave**

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 9:18:18 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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quote:

I am in total agreement with Erin on this one.

I'd want to know if someone I was interested in had switch tendancies orientation-wise and play-wise. I could not handle seeing MY dominant submitting to someone else, nor could I handle seeing Him strung up on a St. Andrews cross being beaten by someone.

Not gonna happen here either.

Geeeeshhh... what's a guy gotta do for a little pain, without somebody thinking the worse of things! Damn, well string me up on a Cross why don't ya! Hell, like to see somebody try and do that! Might be in for a bit of fight. Damn, so does it mean if I go downstairs.. take the clip off the Potatoe chip bag and clip it on myself, that I've somehow magically become submissive? Excuse me, I while I pull out my flogger and strike it across my back a few times. Mmmmmmm... Why does everybody have to have D/s in their Scene Play?

That's it I want to make some BDSM Dom Couple Porno's now!! without D/s involved anywhere!! Might be a growing market to totally fuck with everybody's misconceptions.... Some topping from the Bottom Ones as well! You know clip showing this is a Submissive getting Flogged by their Dom... this is a Dom getting flogged by a submissive!! See the difference.. No let's play it again... Please pay close attention! You know a sort of back and fourth Video Comparitive... OK, string me up on the cross for this one. I honestly don't think some people fully understand... Honestly...

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 9:21:12 AM

Dnomyar

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snobbish and distailful squicks me also.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 9:27:58 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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I will pitch in here Whip.
I am submissive to Darcy. I am not 'a submissive'. I am subservient to the man who has total authority over me and my life. I have no choice. I submitted and that was both the end and the start.

Topping from the bottom has a POSTIVE vibe in these scenarios.

Darcy enjoys that I top him. So I top. I am submissive when I top. I do not control the scene. I am not dominant in the scene. Topping is an action, no different to giving a blow job or serving breakfast. What I do does not equal what and who I am. There is no levels to my submission, I do not get to choose what I get to do and what I don't. He wants to be bound? I do it. I don't get to say - 'I don't like it' or 'I am not really into that today'. I do as I am instructed when told. I do not have authority. I do not have limits.
Who I am is not what I do.

the.dark.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 9:28:16 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

quote:

I am in total agreement with Erin on this one.

I'd want to know if someone I was interested in had switch tendancies orientation-wise and play-wise. I could not handle seeing MY dominant submitting to someone else, nor could I handle seeing Him strung up on a St. Andrews cross being beaten by someone.

Not gonna happen here either.

Geeeeshhh... what's a guy gotta do for a little pain, without somebody thinking the worse of things! Damn, well string me up on a Cross why don't ya! Hell, like to see somebody try and do that! Might be in for a bit of fight. Damn, so does it mean if I go downstairs.. take the clip off the Potatoe chip bag and clip it on myself, that I've somehow magically become submissive? Excuse me, I while I pull out my flogger and strike it across my back a few times. Mmmmmmm... Why does everybody have to have D/s in their Scene Play?

That's it I want to make some BDSM Dom Couple Porno's now!! without D/s involved anywhere!! Might be a growing market to totally fuck with everybody's misconceptions.... Some topping from the Bottom Ones as well! You know clip showing this is a Submissive getting Flogged by their Dom... this is a Dom getting flogged by a submissive!! See the difference.. No let's play it again... Please pay close attention! You know a sort of back and fourth Video Comparitive... OK, string me up on the cross for this one. I honestly don't think some people fully understand... Honestly...

What I have to wonder is why you are taking what *I* find fulfilling and what *I* don't in *MY* relationship as though that somehow defines or lessens what *YOU* like or don't in yours. Trust me.....I FULLY understand the issue and have made my decision in regards to *Me* based on that understanding.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 5/22/2008 9:33:55 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 9:33:05 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I will pitch in here Whip.
I am submissive to Darcy. I am not 'a submissive'. I am subservient to the man who has total authority over me and my life. I have no choice. I submitted and that was both the end and the start.

Topping from the bottom has a POSTIVE vibe in these scenarios.

Darcy enjoys that I top him. So I top. I am submissive when I top. I do not control the scene. I am not dominant in the scene. Topping is an action, no different to giving a blow job or serving breakfast. What I do does not equal what and who I am. There is no levels to my submission, I do not get to choose what I get to do and what I don't. He wants to be bound? I do it. I don't get to say - 'I don't like it' or 'I am not really into that today'. I do as I am instructed when told. I do not have authority. I do not have limits.
Who I am is not what I do.

the.dark.

And I would do exactly the same thing as dark....IF it had not been for the fact that *this* particular issue is one that is important enough to me that it was fully discussed before I made any commitments because I know that while I would certainly comply, it is definitely something that would cause me anguish to do so. I was assured that this is not something that would be expected of me.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to RCdc)

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 9:37:22 AM

RCdc

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If I can stick my nose in erin - I don't believe Whip is so much taking it personally - but from the other side of the flogger and my persepctive - the question on 'switches who say they are doms' - people think that because you might like to be bound, or because you might enjoy being whipped, that makes you a switch. And as much as you know and I know that it doesn't make any difference what people outside our relationships think, it is ultimately annoying and frustrating to be judged on what you do.

It's like being told over and over, that because you practise BDSM, means you must be abusive or being abused. And you know that isn't 100% true.

the.dark.

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/22/2008 9:45:29 AM

RCdc

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And Erin - that anguish I thrive on - and Darcy knows it.
I absolutely get that was your negotiations just as they were in mine. I think it is simply a case of finding that compatable person that you know has the same thoughts.

Settling would make me shudder. People go through life being with people who aren't compatable with them, settling for the 'almost' and losing themselves (which links to Whips compromise post) instead of waiting for the point where they can have everything and growth as well. Listening to what others think and want, instead of being true to themselves and realising you can have it all and then some.

the.dark.

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