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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/24/2008 8:10:26 PM

bamabbwsub

Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

When I was searching it drove me crazy to invest time getting to know someone, only to be a few weeks into the process and have them pop up with "well you know....there are some times that I enjoy being on the other end of the flogger". Nope, not gonna happen here. I know me very well and I know that to see someone that I call MY dominant in a position of submission would seriously screw up my head.

I have no desire to top a dominant...and I have no desire to see MY own dominant topped. I tried it once to see how it felt with my ex Master. I actually begged him to let me do it "just once to see how it feels". ICK ICK ICK!!! I ended up having to stop...and it was just a few whacks with a flogger....and then I cried my brains out and just felt EWWWW!!!

Erin, I'm with you, girl!

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 61

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/29/2008 12:30:48 PM

SireKane

Posts: 105
Joined: 1/22/2004
Status: offline

I've hosted hundreds of bdsm parties and events, I've never seen a man who identifies as dominant, bottom, nor have any of the hundreds of dominant men I know ever shared with me that they have bottomed or even had the desire to bottom. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I've personally not seen it happen. In my opinion this "Doms who Bottom" subject matter is an online "Jerry Springerish" phenomenon. I view dominant men who claim they like bottoming just for the "sensation" just as disingenuous as I would view a guy who claims he is straight who enjoy sucking cock and/or likes being anally penetrated by another male penis just for the "sensation" It's bullshit!

(in reply to ToysAndTies)

Post #: 62

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/29/2008 12:53:18 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

I've hosted hundreds of bdsm parties and events, I've never seen a man who identifies as dominant, bottom, nor have any of the hundreds of dominant men I know ever shared with me that they have bottomed or even had the desire to bottom. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I've personally not seen it happen. In my opinion this "Doms who Bottom" subject matter is an online "Jerry Springerish" phenomenon. I view dominant men who claim they like bottoming just for the "sensation" just as disingenuous as I would view a guy who claims he is straight who enjoy sucking cock and/or likes being anally penetrated by another male penis just for the "sensation" It's bullshit!

LIAR!

I'd bet the number of parties you've hosted is more in the neighborhood of the thousands!

Good to see you on this side of the site Kane. Its been too long since beth and I have been to your place, but its a long way to come back home to the South Bay, especially at 3:00 a.m. after a night in NoHo. However, I still can frighten her by threatening a bare handed spanking from you!

(in reply to SireKane)

Post #: 63

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/29/2008 1:07:22 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

To Kane:

That's always so cute..."They don't exist because I haven't seen them and they can't exist because anyone who says they are is lying!" Mindset couldn't have anything to do with not knowing any, not at all, I'm sure. Funny how others, like myself, have met a number in non-net real life. On ignore now, I need one less bigot/prejudiced person in my world.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 5/29/2008 1:08:43 PM >

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 64

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/29/2008 1:17:09 PM

charlotteS

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

I've hosted hundreds of bdsm parties and events, I've never seen a man who identifies as dominant, bottom, nor have any of the hundreds of dominant men I know ever shared with me that they have bottomed or even had the desire to bottom. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I've personally not seen it happen. In my opinion this "Doms who Bottom" subject matter is an online "Jerry Springerish" phenomenon. I view dominant men who claim they like bottoming just for the "sensation" just as disingenuous as I would view a guy who claims he is straight who enjoy sucking cock and/or likes being anally penetrated by another male penis just for the "sensation" It's bullshit!

LIAR!

I'd bet the number of parties you've hosted is more in the neighborhood of the thousands!
Good to see you on this side of the site Kane. Its been too long since beth and I have been to your place, but its a long way to come back home to the South Bay, especially at 3:00 a.m. after a night in NoHo. However, I still can frighten her by threatening a bare handed spanking from you!

3am?!? Try leaving at 5am and driving back to Santa Barbara!

We're moving next month. I think our place will be much closer to the Lair than you so we'll have to have a night of debauchery and perhaps a barehanded spankings afterparty.

charlotte

_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 65

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/29/2008 3:30:53 PM

LushLadyLilith

Posts: 26
Joined: 5/24/2008
Status: offline

Coming from someone who has had 60+ posts but never initiated a topic, I'd say that claiming that my "Doms who bottom" subject is "Jerry Springer-ish"- therefore implying that I am either seeking attention or gratuitiously fostering dissent- is disingenuous. As a male dom whose justification for his opinion is having hosted quite a number of parties/events, your pool of research subjects is severely biased.
Do you think that any dom who wants to continue to be viewed as a dom in the community is going to disclose to another dom or bottom in public? And bottoming vs. submitting is not analagous to homosexual behavior vs. homosexual behavior. The term "dominant" refers to a power dynamic- one can bottom and still be very much in control of what the sub is doing; sucking cock is sucking cock no matter what. As a switch who is very much aware of the differences I claim greater knowledge through greater variety of experience (unless you have dommed, subbed, topped and bottomed). And a few more things besides. :-)

My research pool is likewise limited. I will acknowledge that perhaps I should have titled my initial post "Dom(me)s who bottom" instead.

(in reply to SireKane)

Post #: 66

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/29/2008 3:39:51 PM

FullCircle

Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline

There is no discontinuous variation from Dom to sub it is continuous variation, therefore groupings are rather irrelevant and only describe two ends of the spectrum missing out the middle. Yawn to this labelism.

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(in reply to LushLadyLilith)

Post #: 67

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/29/2008 5:16:37 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

With almost 4000 posts, I can assure you that Kane is anything but disingenuous.

There is a double standard in the community; bisexual female switches are often seen as unicorns, while bisexual male switches are usually seen as opportunists. So long as women are continued to be viewed as 'gatekeepers' of sex, this isn't likely to change. If only those poor souls realized that male dominants are the real gatekeepers in Male-dominated relationships

Merc: you're right, I figure in the past 12 years, there's probably been just over 1000 events at the Lair. Ahhh, if only I'd moved to LA earlier!

Stephan

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(in reply to LushLadyLilith)

Post #: 68

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/29/2008 10:31:23 PM

SireKane

Posts: 105
Joined: 1/22/2004
Status: offline

Hey merc, stephan, and charlotte,

It's good to see you all here. Merc, it's been far too long Bro! Stephan, this thread is pretty similar to the conversation you and I had at the Lair a few weeks ago.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 69

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 2:28:27 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

I've hosted hundreds of bdsm parties and events, I've never seen a man who identifies as dominant, bottom, nor have any of the hundreds of dominant men I know ever shared with me that they have bottomed or even had the desire to bottom. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I've personally not seen it happen. In my opinion this "Doms who Bottom" subject matter is an online "Jerry Springerish" phenomenon. I view dominant men who claim they like bottoming just for the "sensation" just as disingenuous as I would view a guy who claims he is straight who enjoy sucking cock and/or likes being anally penetrated by another male penis just for the "sensation" It's bullshit!

So, they're switches with labeling problems....

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to SireKane)

Post #: 70

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 5:19:34 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Regardless as to what the OTW minded folks may think, there is NO rulebook to say you must change your name.

Personaly, I don't look for a switch... if a girl has it mentioned in her profile, fine, We maybe talk as friends and just maybe, so long as she doesn't think she stands any chance of switching with Me then there maybe chance I might see something worth looking into after all.If I only find out later, I consider it deception and write her off as someone I can't trust.

But I wouldn't say she HAD to change anything, thats her decision, I will simply make MY decisions based on what I see and learn of her.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)

Post #: 71

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 6:23:24 PM

MstrVik

Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

There is no levels to my submission, I do not get to choose what I get to do and what I don't. He wants to be bound? I do it. I don't get to say - 'I don't like it' or 'I am not really into that today'. I do as I am instructed when told. I do not have authority. I do not have limits.
Who I am is not what I do.

the.dark.

This resonates really well with my idea of a submissive, and I think it defines it excellently.
I sure am comfortable with this way of 'topping from the bottom' - though it isn't that at all of course. As long as the submissive identity is maintained throughout, and there is complete obedience, you can't go wrong.

I have a hard time understanding switches though, and the only one I've ever dealt with did try to take the lead in some ways, and appeared to me very much as a 'play-sub' - it may not have been a conscious or deliberate thing, but it finally thoroughly pissed me off. I doubt I will ever seriously consider a switch again actually, though I enjoy learning more about it and the different ways people define themselves. It always comes back to the one important thing: communication; the way one person defines something may not be exactly the same to someone else. And that's ok. Really. But also very useful to keep in mind.

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 72

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 6:40:00 PM

LushLadyLilith

Posts: 26
Joined: 5/24/2008
Status: offline

I'm sorry to hear that you've been put off switches; I have been told that I am " not a real sub" (from a dom whose idea of being a sub was more like being a slave.) And to most doms I would be a VERY bad sub. My domme-y side makes me EXTREMELY particular about choosing a dom that I would be willing to submit to. BUT...I have taken the risk to submit to someone I deeply trusted and have been told that it was very exciting and gratifying to see me struggle with my fear and overcome it enough to go to the next level because of my trust in and desire to please him. It is also terrifying and completely exciting and erotic for me to go right to the edge of my tolerance with someone who knows just how far to go, and no further.

Lilith

(in reply to MstrVik)

Post #: 73

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 8:16:55 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

I actually find the question of switches who "say" they are doms a bit offensive. To me, it's just more labeling which, I admit, is sometimes useful in communication, but, it's no more than that for me.

I've recently changed my profile label from switch to Dom in an interest to more clearly communicate who and what I AM. Dominant is what I AM, bottoming is something that I, occasionaly, enjoy doing, depending on circumdstance. In my mind, the distinction between what I am and what I do is quite clear.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to LushLadyLilith)

Post #: 74

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 8:36:25 PM

MstrVik

Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

It's interesting that you put it that way: 'to most Doms I would be a VERY bad sub' - I accentuates also how much personal chemistry has to do with it. - This switch I had to do with had actually, in his own words, recently discovered his 'true (twue?) submissive nature' which was why I felt tempted to 'probe' into it at all - and for just that reason I had not even expected it to get tricky in just that aspect. I also experieced something similar with a former Dom who had also - allthough not so recently - made that same discovery. Possibly it was more about 'role playing' for them both - and under any circumstance we were no good matches. - But I have come to the conclusion that, for whatever else they are: switches are switches... Simple as that.

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to LushLadyLilith)

Post #: 75

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 8:44:03 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

I've hosted hundreds of bdsm parties and events, I've never seen a man who identifies as dominant, bottom, nor have any of the hundreds of dominant men I know ever shared with me that they have bottomed or even had the desire to bottom. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I've personally not seen it happen. In my opinion this "Doms who Bottom" subject matter is an online "Jerry Springerish" phenomenon. I view dominant men who claim they like bottoming just for the "sensation" just as disingenuous as I would view a guy who claims he is straight who enjoy sucking cock and/or likes being anally penetrated by another male penis just for the "sensation" It's bullshit!

Geee... I have a maso side, don't let anybody do whatever they want to do to me. So it's kinda bottoming but not really. Then again, I inflict pain upon myself at times. Yes, all for the sensation of it all? So what? When I do this to myself, who's really being the top/bottom or whatever in your friggen book? Perhaps I'm just a freak of nature and society, but I'll wear that label proudly.

Think we butted heads on the back what? 8 monthes ago on here? I make a very disspointing switch or sub.   You know the whole basic control aspects of it, and well. It really does not do anything for me, having somebody do just anything to me. Then again, I've done some crazy shit it my days.   I like to engage in a little head to head play at times.   That whole furian type of thing.

My and my one girlfriend who was a Domme used to inflict pain and have some pretty rough play. No D/s or BS involved. Her or I both being terriable switches.    I've been approached to be tied up and having somebody Literally top me before, and I keep on passing it up. Nah....

But I enjoy pain at times just like a back massage.    Well, since Body massages are an activitity that two people engage in, I don't suppose you've ever bottom for the Just the Sensation of that?

Guess what I'm trying to express, is that I'm Dom and I enjoy a little pain now and again. Not really into being somebody's bottom as a submissive.   Just does not go over well with me.

What's your view on Topping from the bottom? Kind interested in hearing that one?

I enjoy a little pain now and again, Has nothing to do with topping or bottoming.   Like I said, I'll inflict pain upon myself just to feel it when I need a fix? Yes, you bettcha it's for the wonder sensation of feeling it, feeling the release afterwards.   Has nothing to do with wanting somebody to Top my ass.    If I want to feel pain, I want to feel pain. 100% sensation.

Hell, to give you an idea of how fucked up my world has been.   My and a Buddy of mine used to beat the shit out of each other with Bamboo practice swords. As in Dual or Fight. We both were Sadomaso.   Pretty amazing at times... That's ok, one time he intentionally cut himself and was making jokes about it, and That's ok.. I showed him a few of my own cigerettee burns. Oh crap spanky, yes... I'll actually caress my skin for a bit with end of a smoke.. enjoying the warm sensation for awhile.. perhaps buring the hair of my arm.   If my Maso streak is really running intense, Gee... I'll take and pick a spot and burn myself.   Not something I do all the time mind you, just when the mood strikes me right. Just one stupid friggen example.

Hell, There are times when I'm getting Chips that I'll attach the friggen Bag Clip right on my nipple.. while fetching chips out of the bag.   All for the sensation of it.   Gee, look no topping or bottoming involved whatsoever.

When it comes to S&M, I really think too many people get hung up on orientation at times.

(in reply to SireKane)

Post #: 76

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 8:55:04 PM

MstrVik

Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

I've recently changed my profile label from switch to Dom in an interest to more clearly communicate who and what I AM. Dominant is what I AM, bottoming is something that I, occasionaly, enjoy doing, depending on circumdstance. In my mind, the distinction between what I am and what I do is quite clear.

Seems far more accurate to me as well. Taking it up the ass at times surely doesn't automatically make someone a switch.

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 77

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 9:25:13 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

Dude, bottoming isn't the same as taking it up the ass.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to MstrVik)

Post #: 78

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 9:28:57 PM

MstrVik

Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

Dude, bottoming isn't the same as taking it up the ass.

Oh man, there we are with those terms again!! Sorry if I have offended you LOL (I just checked your profile) My bad.

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 79

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 9:33:39 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrVik

It's interesting that you put it that way: 'to most Doms I would be a VERY bad sub' - I accentuates also how much personal chemistry has to do with it. - This switch I had to do with had actually, in his own words, recently discovered his 'true (twue?) submissive nature' which was why I felt tempted to 'probe' into it at all - and for just that reason I had not even expected it to get tricky in just that aspect. I also experieced something similar with a former Dom who had also - allthough not so recently - made that same discovery. Possibly it was more about 'role playing' for them both - and under any circumstance we were no good matches. - But I have come to the conclusion that, for whatever else they are: switches are switches... Simple as that.

Well, isn't that special. Enjoy your conclusions. It's as simple as that.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to MstrVik)

Post #: 80

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