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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 9:38:49 PM

MstrVik

Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrVik

But I have come to the conclusion that, for whatever else they are: switches are switches... Simple as that.

Well, isn't that special. Enjoy your conclusions. It's as simple as that.

What now? I was simply trying to be witty. And expressing in another way that I still don't understand that disposition.

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~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to cjan)

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 9:46:05 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

I've hosted hundreds of bdsm parties and events, I've never seen a man who identifies as dominant, bottom, nor have any of the hundreds of dominant men I know ever shared with me that they have bottomed or even had the desire to bottom. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I've personally not seen it happen. In my opinion this "Doms who Bottom" subject matter is an online "Jerry Springerish" phenomenon. I view dominant men who claim they like bottoming just for the "sensation" just as disingenuous as I would view a guy who claims he is straight who enjoy sucking cock and/or likes being anally penetrated by another male penis just for the "sensation" It's bullshit!

And possibly the hundreds of Dominants you know are aware of your somewhat "purist" outlook, and have chosen to keep such info private.Black and White definitions are all very well, but when it comes to human nature you will most often find that grey is the more usual definition.....Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to SireKane)

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 5/31/2008 10:11:10 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

Ok, I haven't read all 5 pages, but from what I HAVE read, here's my 2 cents worth...
As a pro domme, many of my clients were actually switches who didn't want anyone to find out they enjoyed their sub side. When looking for a personal sub, I had one back out at the last minute because he couldn't bear to give up his publicly perceived place as a dominant. He feared that if anyone found out he was bottoming to me, he would never be able to find a submissive again. Switches are often looked down on as a group. I've never understood it.
I have a very good friend who has been in the lifestyle for a very, very long time. He's always said that switches get the best of both worlds. I tend to agree. If you're someone who can enjoy a little of everything, then do so!
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 3:18:40 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet

Switches are often looked down on as a group. I've never understood it.

Because it's human nature to latch on to anything that allows one to feel superior.

quote:

I have a very good friend who has been in the lifestyle for a very, very long time. He's always said that switches get the best of both worlds. I tend to agree. If you're someone who can enjoy a little of everything, then do so!
Mistress Scarlet

Sounds quite reasonable to me, too.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 3:20:37 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane
I view dominant men who claim they like bottoming just for the "sensation" just as disingenuous as I would view a guy who claims he is straight who enjoy sucking cock and/or likes being anally penetrated by another male penis just for the "sensation" It's bullshit!

Before people start frothing at the mouth too much over Kanes post... just want to point out something that I think is being missed..... "I view"... ergo a personal PoV... NOT a generic statement, not a value judgement, just the view from His lil' part of the universe.

And I do actualy agree to some extent... personaly I don't view any switch I have ever met as 'Dominant'.... but does it matter?.... I can happily respect them as people... I can respect the presented Dynamic... does it matter that I don't view them the way they view themself? I am not making a value judgement, just saying I don't see what they see because when I look at them I see the sub part of them... thats what I am prone to see because I am Dominant, if there is any submissive element in someone then thats what I will be drawn to notice.... does it matter, given I am not in a relationship with them?

No!

Thats all Kane seems to be saying folks... at least how *I* read it.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SireKane)

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 3:41:12 AM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
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Understanding one's deep-down sexuality, and putting it out there, as a "switch" or whatever, is threatening to all these hetero "dommy" types. 20 years ago, they would have been pounding the piss out of some poor Mormon kid on a ship somewhere who only wanted to love his wife and kids back home. Now they spray their seed around and put down those who are a bit more complicated, sexually. Just no beating them in the back alley.

Here, I'll come out with it: I've had women fuck me with strap-ons, tie up my dick, fist-fuck me, and all sorts of other cool shit. I can do that because I accept my sexuality.

There are a whole lotta tough-guy swingin' dicks who posture tough, but when push comes to shove, they run away. Pussies.

I figure I have a whole lot more courage exploring my sexuality than they do CLAIMING to have bombed a bunch of Iraqi kids.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 7:16:34 AM

PrinceHarming

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Joined: 3/1/2007
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Respectfully,,, sometimes we are the LAST person to know who we really are..   For example, sometimes it takes the intervention of a group of friends and family to say "you drink too much" While they just keep telling themselves ".. It's ok..I don't have a problem."

I have seen some in our community who undeniably crave total surrender and still position themselves as Dom/mes - and have seen 'clever' submissives who totally top from the bottom - master manipulators, sometimes not even realizing it.  It may work for them to some extent, but it's still not the person they claim to be:

"Behaviors follow Intentions"..    If you are Dominant, then your behaviors and attitude will follow suit; likewise for those who are submissive. People Do......what they ARE.

And not to say that it's wrong, as I'm sure it must work for some, but I've never understood the role play thing (with regard to title/identity) - you either ARE Dominant or you are not. One doesn't read a book or take a class to become 'certified' in either... it's just who you are - nuthin wrong with that.

Love the quote: "Live the lifestyle, not for it".    Don't act it - BE it.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 7:26:40 AM

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A dominant can bottom.

Does this make them a switch? If we get all legalistic with the language, I'd say yes.

But they're still a dominant, too.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to PrinceHarming)

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Post #: 88

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 7:36:33 AM

cjan

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Joined: 2/21/2008
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I agree with what Level said. In the end what it comes down too is semantics and labels. We can argue whether what I am is different or the same as what I do, but, I see little value in that except as getting a little debate exercise . I think the important thing is to accept oneself as we are and to respect others as they are.

MrVik, I can see how I may have misunderstood what you intended to convey in your post. I apologize for running up on your heels a li'l hard.

And HK, 'mano, you took it up the chute ? How could you, mang ? *snort*

Thanks for your candor and directness as always, HK.

< Message edited by cjan -- 6/1/2008 7:48:08 AM >

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"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 10:49:00 AM

Guilty1974

Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
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Well, why on earth would it be necessary to be able to classify someone by just reading the nickname? If you want to know all about my orientation, get to know me

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 3:11:46 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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When I created my first CM account, I struggled briefly with what little box to click. I've enjoyed bottoming, and I've enjoyed topping, but I hated being a slave and I'm not comfortable at all with being perceived as Dominant. At the same time, I crave (yes I switched tenses here, deliberately) the comfort and peace of mind that comes with being protected, being cherished, and accepting that someone ELSE is in charge. I inherently strive toward that need for a well balanced and symbiotic relationship. Symbiotic because a D/s dynamic is, in my own mind, a relationship of mutual benefit and dependance between two dissimilar individuals. I know that I personally function best, at higher levels of satisfaction and joy, when I'm doing whatever it is I'm doing for another. I knew all this and yet was not comfortable with labeling myself as submissive either.

So, as one can rightly guess, I tend to empathize with the pro's and con's that come with taking the label - switch.

However, in some rare instances, people are downright vulgarly deceptive about the titles they take for themselves. I have had, on two occaisions, men who did not know I knew who they were approach me from two separate pseudonyms. On their Dominant names, and later on their submissive names. Neither were forth coming about their alternate egos. I found the discrepency in their approach - unappealing.

At the same time, I know first hand the prejudices and complication that come with the label, and why people are sometimes hesitant to reveal the dichotomy of their nature. This doesn't, in my own perosnal opinion - rationalize or justify the deception. I'm just trying to bring the motiviation to light in as kind a manner as I'm capable.

I apologize for the lengthy run-on thoughts regarding this, but it is a topic that strikes close to the heart of my own past angst and felt compelled to put thought to paper (in a manner of speaking) regarding it.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 6/1/2008 3:25:34 PM >

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 5:48:20 PM

Level

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Good post, Winsome Defiance.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

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Post #: 92

RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 6:11:09 PM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

I've hosted hundreds of bdsm parties and events, I've never seen a man who identifies as dominant, bottom, nor have any of the hundreds of dominant men I know ever shared with me that they have bottomed or even had the desire to bottom. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I've personally not seen it happen. In my opinion this "Doms who Bottom" subject matter is an online "Jerry Springerish" phenomenon. I view dominant men who claim they like bottoming just for the "sensation" just as disingenuous as I would view a guy who claims he is straight who enjoy sucking cock and/or likes being anally penetrated by another male penis just for the "sensation" It's bullshit!

LIAR!

I'd bet the number of parties you've hosted is more in the neighborhood of the thousands!
Good to see you on this side of the site Kane. Its been too long since beth and I have been to your place, but its a long way to come back home to the South Bay, especially at 3:00 a.m. after a night in NoHo. However, I still can frighten her by threatening a bare handed spanking from you!

omg...this made me laugh out loud. i was really really honored to have KaneSir join in on my 48th birthday spankings....one bare handed spanking and it felt my head flew into outer space and only came back around just in time for my 49th birthday. yes, beth should be scared...very scared!

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 6:20:09 PM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

When I created my first CM account, I struggled briefly with what little box to click. I've enjoyed bottoming, and I've enjoyed topping, but I hated being a slave and I'm not comfortable at all with being perceived as Dominant. At the same time, I crave (yes I switched tenses here, deliberately) the comfort and peace of mind that comes with being protected, being cherished, and accepting that someone ELSE is in charge. I inherently strive toward that need for a well balanced and symbiotic relationship. Symbiotic because a D/s dynamic is, in my own mind, a relationship of mutual benefit and dependance between two dissimilar individuals. I know that I personally function best, at higher levels of satisfaction and joy, when I'm doing whatever it is I'm doing for another. I knew all this and yet was not comfortable with labeling myself as submissive either.

So, as one can rightly guess, I tend to empathize with the pro's and con's that come with taking the label - switch.

However, in some rare instances, people are downright vulgarly deceptive about the titles they take for themselves. I have had, on two occaisions, men who did not know I knew who they were approach me from two separate pseudonyms. On their Dominant names, and later on their submissive names. Neither were forth coming about their alternate egos. I found the discrepency in their approach - unappealing.

At the same time, I know first hand the prejudices and complication that come with the label, and why people are sometimes hesitant to reveal the dichotomy of their nature. This doesn't, in my own perosnal opinion - rationalize or justify the deception. I'm just trying to bring the motiviation to light in as kind a manner as I'm capable.

I apologize for the lengthy run-on thoughts regarding this, but it is a topic that strikes close to the heart of my own past angst and felt compelled to put thought to paper (in a manner of speaking) regarding it.

this post Winsome is exactly why you are my new CM crush.

. you're ability to articulate emotions not easily expressed in this type of medium is refreshing. thanks for sharing yourself with us.

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

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RE: Switches who say they are doms - 6/1/2008 6:27:21 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
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This is a rather sad subject fo me. Met a Man here, really liked Him, dated a bit and kept in touch, and He spoke of Himself as a Dom....but one day when i was finally getting around to reading His full profile i saw that He had listed Himself as a switch. We had many long conversations, kinda dancing around the subject, but recently we admitted that yes, He wants a chance to bottom in His relationship, and i cannot accomodate that desire, so we will take this no further and remain friends.

We should have been more honest with each other sooner; i should have asked tougher questions and He should not have denied He wanted to bottom. But people are people and the attraction between us was strong. i wish things were different, that's for sure, but i have a good friend now and that's always a blessing.

pinksugarsub

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