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Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 2:00:55 AM   
HizBabyGirl


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I think I already know the "answer" here, but having picked the wrong people practically my entire life (or maybe letting the wrong people choose me) I would feel better with some feedback.

I "met" this guy online and he says he is a dom and he wants to be my dom. But it has not had the right feel to it. Now, we have not gotten together yet, and maybe once we did it would feel right. But for now its like this. I'm a very "touchy feely" kind of person, physically and with words/emotions. I like to talk and share my feelings. I want a dom who likes to do the same. I would like a dom who (this won't fit with the ones who view doms and dom behavior in a very narrow set of actions, I guess some might say I don't want a dom but I want a lover). Well, I want both, I want a master/daddy who will be just that with me but also be loving and nurturing and I thought I made that clear in my profile. When I "met" this guy he said he wanted to be my daddy. But now, he always says he wants me to be his slave and I am not a slave. He says he wants to collar me and eventually marry me. He says he wants me to do things like body/cock worship for him (and I have no problem with that, I love doing that) and he wants me to always be there for him. But though I have told him I want things like just notes, quick ones, to say hi or whatever, they never happen. The email I send him rarely gets any response. He calls me maybe once a week and it seems he wants help getting off (sexually). I told him that tonight on the phone and he got really ticked off. (Is this a case where the best defense is an offense?) He says he's a very busy man and he doesn't want to be tired in the morning so he couldn't talk anymore. I will grant you that I have gotten very short with him on the phone and told him to leave me the hell alone but then five days or so later he will call and try to patch things up. After a couple of minutes "schmoozing" he says so are we okay and I say yes and then its back to the same old same old. No calls, no notes. I send him e-cards that don't get responded to.

Tonight he said he wants me and we need to get together. (He lives about 800 miles from me). He said he would pay for the ticket. But my feeling right now is to hell with him. Every time I try to talk about emotional needs he gets exasperated. He's always either sick, busy, worried, tired. What the hell would I be anyway? He says I am not being "obedient"? WTF? Is this a one way thing, I was thinking that even though I am a submissive there might be something in it for me too, that my other needs might be important? I don't feel like he has earned my obedience. I can hear all the groans now about doms earning stuff. Help me out, please?

Should I go and meet him (I do believe it is "safe") and hope that actually in person he can be more hands on or am I wasting my time?

< Message edited by HizBabyGirl -- 5/23/2008 2:05:52 AM >
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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 3:49:27 AM   
Aileen1968


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You haven't even met him yet.  Then walk away.  Don't answer his calls.  Don't email him.  Find someone that wants the same kind of relationship that you do and who makes you feel good instead of all the things you just wrote.  It's really very simple.

edited to add...since it seems as if it would be a LDR if you decided to continue, it most likely would be just more of the same...little communication and jack off phone calls. 

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 5/23/2008 3:52:16 AM >


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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 4:32:54 AM   
Dnomyar


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Op I will be kind to you. Listen to Aileen.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 4:49:19 AM   
uliveonce


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ditto the above.

the "Dom" is nothing more than a user hiding behind a vague knowledge of the lifestyle to get a cheap vampiric sexual thrill.

read as loser

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 6:58:17 AM   
DarkSteven


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You've never met him and he is saying he wants to collar you and marry you?

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 7:42:44 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl
He says he wants to collar me and eventually marry me.
He hasn't met you in real life and he says this? I find that worrisome from a psychological point of view.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 7:59:07 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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I’m confused…
 
This is an established phone sex relationship at his convenience.  He only calls you when he needs a bump and you are lonely enough to be grateful for his calls.  Now he wants to send you a plane ticket and eventually marry you but you don’t want to go. 

Just tell him to stick to the phone sex you like so much and he should be as grateful for the bump as you are for the telephone company.    


One of you is nuts.  Check the mirror, if it’s not you it’s him.

[edit: In case you are confused because I commented based on what you did not what you said, my vote is cast in the ‘don’t go’ column.]

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 5/23/2008 8:58:57 AM >


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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 8:20:12 AM   
ThundersCry


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Does not appear tp me your looking for nor expecting to...much.
 
Why wouldn`t anyone...
 
As for meeting someone....
 
People meet people all the time...sometimes it works...sometimes it does not...
 
Good luck either....way.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 8:21:23 AM   
kinkypuppy2


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Do not go. If you do take a friend with you

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 8:39:37 AM   
atypicalsub


Posts: 284
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From: an atypical sub
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Sounds like you are already feeling uncomfortable with this guy.  I can't see how being face to face with him is going to make you feel better.  He is going to behave the same way.  He is only concerned with his own desires and has shown concern at all for your needs or desires.

Someone needs to watch out for you.  Until you find a Dom who has proven he will take care of you then you need to take care of yourself.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 8:53:21 AM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
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Your are wasting your time to answer your question at the end of your post.

He cannot respond to emails, and does not care about your needs!

Have enough self-respect to get what you need. Feel proud of who you are and all the things you have to offer someone as a human being first and a sub second.

IMO: Kick this guy!

ME


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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 9:05:30 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
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He said he would pay for the ticket. ---haha...ya..and if he does he wants sex 4 sure and not just once either!

But my feeling right now is to hell with him. Every time I try to talk about emotional needs he gets exasperated. ---what man doesnt do this? there are not many sensitive men in life that can handle or understand this part of us.  note i said not many and didnt say ALL.

He's always either sick, busy, worried, tired. What the hell would I be anyway? He says I am not being "obedient"? WTF? Is this a one way thing, ---yep for most in the lifestyle its their way or the high way.  which is a total crock! all relationships in any life is a 2 way street.

I was thinking that even though I am a submissive there might be something in it for me too, that my other needs might be important?  ---yes but you dont need a man for that.  just a toy store.

I don't feel like he has earned my obedience. I can hear all the groans now about doms earning stuff. Help me out, please? ---i would run far away find someone better and more real.


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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 9:06:25 AM   
aftrshock


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Warning flags should have begun waving when you clearly state a need, and he ignores it. Also, this 'are we okay' shows that he knows it's not OK, but is happy to keep things in that circle. I agree with the above advice; ditch the loser. you have to have some self-worth, and some self-respect; don't become a slave if you don't want to be, and don't continue the BS with this guy. It just spells heartache and unhappiness.

-edit-

While it's true that many guys have problems talking about emotional issues, him 'shutting down' as soon as its brought up shows he has no inclination to talk about it, and if that's the attitude at the beginning, you can bet that'll be the attitude through the end. he wants to not take any initiative, nor do any work himself.


< Message edited by aftrshock -- 5/23/2008 9:08:23 AM >

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 9:37:11 AM   
antipode


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Walk.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 9:46:58 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
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ahhh i get why your n ame is aftershock...its because you sing like johnny cash 

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 9:54:16 AM   
Siesumi


Posts: 33
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Run as fast and as far away as you can ~smiles~  you deserve better than how he has treated you thus far...and as some of the other's said, he wants only the sex and it's his way or the highway...look for someone whom compliments what you want and wants what you want and you'll be a much happier person in the end

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 10:19:49 AM   
Dnomyar


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faery Johnny Cash dose'nt sing anymore. Op is this guy from Nigeria.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 10:27:05 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
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From: Chicago, IL
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why meet someone who isn't compatible to you? imho, seems to me he's only telling you what you want to hear ...flowery prose and flattery can only lead to heartache and despair. hate to be blunt like this but it's the truth - from my pov.

if i was in your shoes (and i have been there before), i wouldn't meet him however it's not me in this situation.

good luck in whatever you decide.


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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 10:42:09 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

faery Johnny Cash dose'nt sing anymore. Op is this guy from Nigeria.


of course he does..havent you gone to his grave???  maybe johnny is channeling his music through aftershock.  aftershock should try out for american idol..he's only 24..so not too old.





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I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 2:03:11 PM   
HizBabyGirl


Posts: 97
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Thank you, I guess I did not make it clear, I would relocate to him if all went well. I have the freedom to do that.

Thanks for your reply.

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