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stella41b -> RE: Complete obedience = doormat? (5/29/2008 4:19:27 PM)
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Wow, so it's an either or choice is it? A submissive either has to be a doormat, or they aren't a doormat.. and doormat here can only be ever linked to their identity?
Okay, so how about this? How about if I say that there are times when you can be a doormat and it's appreciated, and times when it isn't? This isn't any sort of flash of genius, but just paying particular attention to all the postings made by Dominants or about Dominants and drawing some kind of consensus.
I fall back on my favourite analogy of BDSM and theatre (or theater for some of you out there). It's really like the director and actor or actress, a Dominant and submissive or slave. The submissive is the performer, the artist, the dancer, and must either act or dance to the tune of the Dominant.
When an actor performs, does he not show complete and total obedience, whether it be on the stage or in front of the camera? When an actress is in role, is she not totally submissive to both director and script? She delivers the lines exactly as they are meant to be delivered, the same words, the same tone, stress, inflection, she uses the gestures and body language in the descalia of the script, she has submerged her whole self, character, thoughts and feelings to become her character, who she is portraying for an audience.
This is, as far as I'm aware, and I may be wrong (I'm human) what a Dominant wants from a submissive, someone who can think, act, interpret, assume a role, and deliver a performance, albeit a performance under their control and only for their benefit. The only variable is, like the actor, how much freedom to improvize you are given, if at all.
I can be and am at times a doormat, I can submit totally, and you can do whatever you like to me, anything, and I will respond, I will take it, speak and I will jump, and it doesn't matter whether I like it or not, whether I am afraid or not, whether I agree with what you're doing or not, whether I am upset, whether it is hard for me, difficult, painful, it doesn't matter - I am the submissive, I submit, I serve, I obey, and to me as a submissive obedience isn't conditional, it is absolute. You either give it or you don't. There's no such thing as degrees of obedience.
But just because I'm being a doormat at that particular time doesn't mean to say I'm a doormat in real life, or weak or wishy washy. Sure yes I'll let you get away with a lot, you can walk all over me, even push me around a little, but more fool you if you think this is weakness or being wishy washy. Fool's paradise.
As anyone who knows me will tell you, I'm not a weak or wishy washy person. Far from it. This is just an act, a performance, the role I play because it gives me really deep emotional fulfillment, and I'm well equipped to seize power or control if and when I need to. However I try and keep that bit secret (it makes some Dominants nervous and insecure).
I couldn't be a doormat, I'd be more of a magic carpet. Try and wipe your feet on me and we're either flying some place or you end up on your butt by the front door having cracked your head on the front door thinking 'What happened?'
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