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When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 9:41:04 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Ah yes, that word that has launched a thounsand relationships!

But what does one do when thr feeling of fading interest begins to control the thoughts of the day?
many will say to discuss it, but in reality does that ever get done for fear of making it worse. How do you, whether "D" or "s" handle the issue.

CP
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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 10:03:39 AM   
missturbation


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Status: offline 		I personally would be in the camp of discussing it, seeing what could be done. Is there a way to spice that chemistry back up or not?
Problem is things you ignore don't go away. So to not say anything in my experience would only lead to things getting worse.


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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 10:13:34 AM   
softness


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Status: offline 		whatever I did I would do it gently, considerately, and fairly -  but I think the solution would vary for each relationship

its crushing for either the D or the s to hear that chemistry is either not there or needs working on, it can leave you feeling useless or rejected, and I imagine it is as hard to say to someone as it is to hear.



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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 10:20:20 AM   
KatyLied


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Status: offline 		I look at the objectives of the relationship, what I hope to gain from it, what wants/needs are being fulfilled.  That pretty much guides how I'm going to feel when the chemistry fades.  Sometimes I will fight to keep it going, but if it seems like something that is naturally coming to an end I'd rather let it go than struggle with rebuilding.

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 10:25:58 AM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

I personally would be in the camp of discussing it, seeing what could be done. Is there a way to spice that chemistry back up or not?
Problem is things you ignore don't go away. So to not say anything in my experience would only lead to things getting worse.


missturbation,

I think most will indicate the same thing. but it is rare that discussing helps as it seems to lapse into whose fault is it.

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 10:26:25 AM   
Mercnbeth


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Ah yes, that word that has launched a thousand relationships!

But what does one do when the feeling of fading interest begins to control the thoughts of the day?
many will say to discuss it, but in reality does that ever get done for fear of making it worse. How do you, whether "D" or "s" handle the issue.

CP

CP,
I believe there are two kinds of 'chemistry'. One is like dropping a packet of Mentos into a liter bottle of coke. Explosive for a short time but no amount of shaking recreates the initial reaction. When this is the basis of the relationship, no amount of discussion will change it.

There is another kind of chemistry involved with the merging of iron and carbon which under fire - creates steel. Yeah, it is still susceptible to rust and corrosion over time, but with attention and regular maintenance it lasts a long time.

Before wondering 'what happened' to the reaction look back. Most likely there was more 'Mentos' involved than iron.

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 10:27:01 AM   
OmegaG


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Status: offline 		are we talking chemistry or lust?  Lust will fade and if you don't have chemistry then the relationship is screwed.

Chemistry doesn't fade, it may become softer and subtler as more time is spent together, if there is chemistry lust evolves into familiarity and comfort.  When people are complacent about the relationship, if they take it for granted then stagnation can take hold.  Continuing to work on the relationship, continuing to grow as partners by learning together and exploring together can keep the apathy away.  Spice, excitement and thought can keep the chemistry more pronounced in the relationship.

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 10:39:47 AM   
ThundersCry


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Status: offline 		Point `em to the door...of course.
 
If it *fades* as you put it, it was really not there in the first place....

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 12:56:25 PM   
Deliena


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From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I believe there are two kinds of 'chemistry'. One is like dropping a packet of Mentos into a liter bottle of coke. Explosive for a short time but no amount of shaking recreates the initial reaction. When this is the basis of the relationship, no amount of discussion will change it.

There is another kind of chemistry involved with the merging of iron and carbon which under fire - creates steel. Yeah, it is still susceptible to rust and corrosion over time, but with attention and regular maintenance it lasts a long time.

Before wondering 'what happened' to the reaction look back. Most likely there was more 'Mentos' involved than iron.


I think this sums up how I feel about this perfectly.  However, I have found that rust and corrosion if not properly dealt with can eat away at a relationship that was iron until all that you are left with is a hollow shell that crumbles all by itself and is rent to the four corners by the wind.

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 3:47:25 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
I look at the objectives of the relationship, what I hope to gain from it, what wants/needs are being fulfilled.  That pretty much guides how I'm going to feel when the chemistry fades.  Sometimes I will fight to keep it going, but if it seems like something that is naturally coming to an end I'd rather let it go than struggle with rebuilding.

Ditto.

It's also important to remember that the initial burst of chemistry WILL fade- that's why you need to work on the foundations of a strong lasting commitment at the beginning, rather than being forced to scramble to get one together when the rubber hits the road.

The good part is that while the initial chemistry fades, I have found a new chemistry can certainly replace it.  Balanced with a strong foundation, it's pretty awesome.

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 4:01:19 PM   
MusicalBoredom


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Status: offline 		I think talk is a good first step.  I have had the feeling of things cooling because of things going unsaid.  I can get aggravated about something and keep to myself thinking it will go away.  If I find myself self thinking "here she goes again" or some variation of that I usually find I'm the chief cause even though I didn't think so in the moment.  Talking and listening usually works for me there if it hasn't going too far.  If talk doesn't work and things have just changed at least you gave it your all.

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 5:18:56 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		If one or the other in the relationship continually has to re-light the fire, for it to only burn for a short while, then there is something wrong.  That's when you have to step back and decide if it's worth it to go buy another pack of matches.   (I know probably a very bad analogy)

I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes it just fades.   Sometimes it's not worth expending all your energy on trying to get it back.  Sometimes you can look back and see that you thought it was chemistry but it was just your mind/heart wanting it to be.   There were other things that were masking as chemistry. 

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 6:07:36 PM   
CelticPrince


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Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

its crushing for either the D or the s to hear that chemistry is either not there or needs working on, it can leave you feeling useless or rejected, and I imagine it is as hard to say to someone as it is to hear.



softness,

that is exactly the way I look at it, yet it must be done. Thanks for your thoughts.

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 6:09:53 PM   
CelticPrince


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Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

Sometimes I will fight to keep it going, but if it seems like something that is naturally coming to an end I'd rather let it go than struggle with rebuilding.


katy,

but how do you address it with the "D"? surely you would not just leave him hanging!

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 6:12:32 PM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

Before wondering 'what happened' to the reaction look back. Most likely there was more 'Mentos' involved than iron.


beth,

laughs, well I have just not seen that example before. Thanks for the chuckle.

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 6:17:52 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

Chemistry doesn't fade, it may become softer and subtler as more time is spent together, if there is chemistry lust evolves into familiarity and comfort. When people are complacent about the relationship, if they take it for granted then stagnation can take hold. Continuing to work on the relationship, continuing to grow as partners by learning together and exploring together can keep the apathy away. Spice, excitement and thought can keep the chemistry more pronounced in the relationship.


Omega,

Well much of your comments are true, however i will take issue with the thme that chemistry cannot fade. It is not mutually exlusive to lust. I have known many where the lust was as good in the end as it was in the beginning; yet the linterest went downhill, albeit slowly but down .

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 6:21:03 PM   
CelticPrince


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Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

Point `em to the door...of course.

If it *fades* as you put it, it was really not there in the first place....


TC,

A major difference of opinion can be found here. Your premise is that all good relationships will last forever. I don't think so!

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 6:25:26 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I think talk is a good first step. I have had the feeling of things cooling because of things going unsaid. I can get aggravated about something and keep to myself thinking it will go away. If I find myself self thinking "here she goes again" or some variation of that I usually find I'm the chief cause even though I didn't think so in the moment. Talkin


MB,

Thanks for your thoughts, unfortunately so many folks just pretend until it is too late.

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 6:27:04 PM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		It's been my experience that true "chemistry", while rare, never fades, although the relationship might, for other reasons. It goes much deeper and is more mysterious than lust or desire. Those can and do fade. Chemistry, to me, is more than pheremomal attraction, although that rocks, too, includes physical attraction, shared interests and an eagerness to explore, but goes deeper into what I call the mysterious. A mystery that is never solved, so never fades. Despite the mystery, there is something in those realtionships, where each one "gets" the other. Cool stuff.

< Message edited by cjan -- 6/10/2008 6:28:25 PM >

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 7:26:31 PM   
Leatherist


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Status: offline 		You do it by being bright enough to find someone who is fired up by what you are both going to do in life, and then making it happen together. Not by some silly infatuation based on hormones.

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