slaveluci
Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007 From: Little Rock, AR Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach While you as an accessory might not have become decietful in other areas, can you Really say the same about the males who used you TO cheat? How certain are you that they were being honest with YOU, considering that they were so obviously dishonest with their wives? That is an excellent point, hizgeorgiapeach. I guess I never was 100% certain, of course. It's totally possible. However, in most instances, it was someone I knew something about and I really believed that what they were telling me was true. I never felt "used" at all. I knew from the get-go what we both wanted and there were never any illusions that it was more than that. I guess they could have been misleading me but I never felt that was the case. It's not like they told me "sob stories" or anything. I just knew that everything wasn't going well for them at home. Now how much of that was totally their fault, I guess no one knew but them, for sure. quote:
Could you say the same about Anyone who is supposedly Committed to their Relationship who goes and finds someone to cheat with? Doesn't matter whether they are male or female, gay or straight - they made a commitment, and then lied to break that commitment, which in the long run leads to other lies to cover up the first lies True. But that brings me back to my original point. Didn't the wife who has cut him off sexually make a commitment too? Do you honestly think most men would marry a woman if he knew she was one day going to just stop having sex? Some would, I suppose, but I don't think the majority would. It's just like someone alluded to in LA's thread "Affairs of Men:" Don't commit to being someone's sole source of sex, then cut off the supply completely and expect them not to get it elsewhere. THAT'S the first commitment to be broken. If they do get fulfilled elsewhere, that's also a broken commitment but comes from another being broken first. I just totally believe that. quote:
I've had a partner do some Serious cheating on me - the father of my 10 yr old. He did so for 4 Months, much of that with someone who knew from the outset what the Truth of the situation was, since she was one of My Best Friends at the time. It was While I was pregnant with his kid - and she knew that it was his kid, and that we lived together, and that I didn't know what was going on behind my back - not much chance she didn't, since she was often a guest in our home at My unknowing invitation! When I accidentally discovered the truth - I confronted him with it, and with the proof that had clued me in. His excuse for lying to me? That it was somehow my own fault I got lied to by the two of them - I was pregnant and therefore wouldn't be "rational" about it. When I didn't accept responcibility for their poor actions, he changed his story (that's right, lied again) to say it was to "protect" me from the stress of the truth. (More like protect Himself from the stress of me stomping a mudhole into both of them, pregnant or not.) I'm very sorry for what happened to you. To me, that particular situation was different from what I'm describing. To do something like this to your best friend is a "double whammy." She had a commitment to you as did he. So, they both broke a commitment to you for sure. To me the worst part was to somehow convince you it was your fault. I don't know what, if any, issues were going on in your marriage. But his decision to go to her was his and he should take the responsibility. Her decision to go behind her best friend's back is her responsibility. Trying to blame you is the worst of what they did, IMO. Did you stomp that mudhole, btw? I see your points and I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do. I hope things are better for you know and thank you for the civil exchange..................luci
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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin
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