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RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:14:03 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		If there is no question to what he means, then why all the doubt as to what he means??
I actually raised no doubt at all .. I know how to please my Owner, and I know how to displease Him. I have not raised *any* doubts about it anywhere on this thread. Other people (like the OP) have raised doubts on my behalf, without asking me first if I minded being used as an example.




I apologise if you think I am taking this thread personally ... but when I see my words starting it off .. my relationship being the start of anothers uncertainty, and my relationship used as an example peppered throughout ... then I get the idea someone might be questioning me .. so colour me human for defending myself and the things I value


_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:16:05 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		nope katy, I didn't read that other thread, just going by the OP's mention of her (quote in opening statement) and further mentioning of her and thought the issue was truly a legit problem she was facing in regards to 'pleasing or else'.

Used the word 'she' as an example initially, then the rhetorical question that I thought was genuine.


quote:

but when I see my words starting it off .. my relationship being the start of anothers uncertainty, and my relationship used as an example peppered throughout ... then I get the idea someone might be questioning me .. so colour me human for defending myself and the things I value


I apologize now to you softness, I was under the assumption that this was actually a true dillema.


< Message edited by came4U -- 6/24/2008 1:32:51 PM >

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:35:52 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

but when I see my words starting it off .. my relationship being the start of anothers uncertainty, and my relationship used as an example peppered throughout ... then I get the idea someone might be questioning me .. so colour me human for defending myself and the things I value


I apologize now to you softness, I was under the assumption that this was actually a true dillema.



thank you for the apology

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:38:17 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Firstly i am absolutely disgusted that treasure ky would post such a derogative thread about someone. I used to respect you ......
 
Secondly i am surprised that such an obvious violation of TOS would be allowed to stand undeleted.
 
Came4u, i have never ever seen someone so blatantly twist someone elses words to fit what you want to read. How is 'if you do not please me you are gone' a problem? Are you saying to me you would stay in a relationship that was displeasing to you?
 
Treasureky, instead of being derogative to and about Softness could you not have privately messaged her with your concerns? Why bring such an obvious bitch fest, judgemental, nasty and hurtful thread to the boards?
 
I am pretty god damn certain that both came4u and treasureky do not know the amazing softness and DV well enough to form these kind of judgements.
 
This thread and those i have mentioned just makes me sick. I think you are both behaving despicably.
 
Edited angry typos.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 6/24/2008 1:42:54 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:40:27 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

I apologize now to you softness, I was under the assumption that this was actually a true dillema.


Too little too late springs to mind here.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 6/24/2008 1:41:08 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:43:50 PM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

In D/s relationships where truthfulness and trust are so highly vaunted, I question the wisdom of a dominant making such an ultimatum… one that, for all intents and purposes, is not true.  Since it seems to be a common ultimatum, is there some other purpose for this that I am missing?


I'm gonna go with the ol' reliable "'cause it's hot" reason. Seriously, I think in most (or at least many) cases where this ultimatum is used, it's to suggest that the dominant has more power than the submissive; that the submissive is dependent on his/her goodwill, thus making the submissive feel vulnerable and giving the illusion that the dominant is not.
In reality, of course, a submissive (of healthy mind) isn't going to stay with a crappy, unsatisfying dominant anymore than a dominant is going to stay with a crappy, unsatisfying submissive. It may be a reality that a submissive may try a bit harder/longer than the dominant, but it may not...depends on the individual.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:47:18 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I think that Treasure asked an interesting and legitimate question and did it with tact and grace.
Accordingly, Softness answered with tact and grace.
I respect both of them.
Now, to the question, which I find to be excellent;

Honey Master told me in the beginning all I have to do is S.H.O.P.

Serve
Honor
Obey
Please

It's a lot like what was brought up in that question. Have I always done those things? Absolutely not.
But I strive to.
As long as I attempt to, and He sees me trying, my position is secure.
I suspect the same is true in Softness' case.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:52:09 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Firstly i am absolutely disgusted that treasure ky would post such a derogative thread about someone. I used to respect you ......
 
Secondly i am surprised that such an obvious violation of TOS would be allowed to stand undeleted.

This thread and those i have mentioned just makes me sick. I think you are both behaving despicably.


I missed the derogatory parts I guess.  I actually found some very thought-provoking ideas in it. Treasure is asking what something means, something which was posted on a public board.

I guess I just don't understand the depth of YOUR anger about this (or anybody's anger about this).

It's no secret that softness and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but her response actually had me seeing more positive things in her. I thought everything was peachy until your outburst.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:52:20 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I agree the question itself is a good one. What i dont agree with is using another poster in a negative light to ask it. She also opened Softness's and DVs relationship to direct criticism from others. Certainly not something i would call tactful or graceful. Had she approached softness first and softness had said ok, well thats all good. Did she really need to use softness at all to highlight her point?

< Message edited by missturbation -- 6/24/2008 1:55:08 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:53:23 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Firstly i am absolutely disgusted that treasure ky would post such a derogative thread about someone. I used to respect you ......
 
Secondly i am surprised that such an obvious violation of TOS would be allowed to stand undeleted.

This thread and those i have mentioned just makes me sick. I think you are both behaving despicably.


I missed the derogatory parts I guess.  I actually found some very thought-provoking ideas in it. Treasure is asking what something means, something which was posted on a public board.

I guess I just don't understand the depth of YOUR anger about this (or anybody's anger about this).

It's no secret that softness and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but her response actually had me seeing more positive things in her. I thought everything was peachy until your outburst.

Cali



See above post.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:54:23 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		It appears that negativity is in the eye of the beholder.  If you don't want your opinions on a public board questioned, then why post them?

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:55:37 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Honey Master told me in the beginning all I have to do is S.H.O.P.

Serve
Honor
Obey
Please

It's a lot like what was brought up in that question. Have I always done those things? Absolutely not.
But I strive to.
As long as I attempt to, and He sees me trying, my position is secure.
I suspect the same is true in Softness' case.


yes ... Sir's needs are simple, and He has made it clear how to get there ... I don't feel insecure in my position at all .. I doubt anyone would either if they were in the position Christina and I are in.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:55:58 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Came4u, i have never ever seen someone so blatantly twist someone elses words to fit what you want to read. How is 'if you do not please me you are gone' a problem? Are you saying to me you would stay in a relationship that was displeasing to you?


Did I mention it as a problem? I think not. My advice was strictly that whatever he says goes and up to her to find out if she wanted to. When did I mention it is a problem? I implied that it is quite common for these sort of ultimatums.

quote:

I am pretty god damn certain that both came4u and treasureky do not know the amazing softness and DV well enough to form these kind of judgements.


I don't know either of these women- or him.  Do we have to know every detail about every poster in intimate detail before we post? What next? stalking their journals before posting? Knowing their address?  That is all a little TMI for me.

Take your anger out on this messy situation on someone else.


< Message edited by came4U -- 6/24/2008 2:01:20 PM >

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:56:52 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

It appears that negativity is in the eye of the beholder.  If you don't want your opinions on a public board questioned, then why post them?

Cali



As far as i know softness did not ask or give permission for her relationship to be put in the spotlight with this thread. As i said the thread is good, but using someone by name without permission is not.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:57:35 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Well, yeah, she could have not used a name...
Of course every time I do that, the person I was referencing comes in yelling at me...*lol*
But, if Softness isn't upset about it, then I have no reason to be either.
Also, it seems as if the OP went out of her way to say that some generic person living in that situation is perhaps in a more tenuous position than Softness' is.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 1:59:37 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Oh yeah of course you are hiding behind thinking this was a legit problem that softness had and not twisting what she had said at all.
My bad

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:01:25 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Treasure is asking what something means, something which was posted on a public board.


It's no secret that softness and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but her response actually had me seeing more positive things in her. I thought everything was peachy until your outburst.

Cali



actually cali i struggled to post calmly. I was shocked to find my name peppered across an OP and had to pause to compose myself.

Personally I would have appreciated Treasure's concerns with regard to me and Dv to be asked in private, and a more general - non specific post put up on the boards.

at no point did I put my security up for deabte on the boards ... if someone had concerns about it they should have contcted me directly .. not used it as fodder for the boards

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:04:39 PM   
phoenixrising43


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		Very true.  I do think that sometimes the submissive tries harder or longer for a relationship, she thought was mutually rewarding.  Who knows, but maybe that is a female trait as well. 

I thought I had a wonderful Master and that he really truly did care for me.  But it is so easy for some people, to state they are leaving the lifestyle, rather than deal with or be honest about real issues.  Just hard, life lessons that for some people, not all, a collar and the person you claimed to have loved and still love and care for....are so darn easy to get rid of.  It's all about choosing wisely, communication, and mutual respect.  Though it is definitely going to be extremely hard for me to trust another Dominant again.  Not much here in Houston when it comes down to it.  I think so many people have agendas that you never find out until close to the end or even after the end.  Very humbling and very hurtful experience for me, but I will survive it.

Used to be texancutie2....anyway....didn't mean to be a downer here.  I respect whatever relationships you have with your partners. 

(in reply to DominantJenny)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:05:20 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Did you see me post on the mentioned thread?  I didn't even open it, had no interest to. It is a situation/topic that I chose not to get into.  Should we all backtrack to that entire thread to check every intimate detail of it?  Who has time for that, to check on every poster and postee that is mentioned??

I go by/went by the information AT HAND, which was the initial posting quote.

What you dream up that I 'mean' is up to you. I twisted NOTHING.  I took all it was literally and nothing more.

quote:

As far as i know softness did not ask or give permission for her relationship to be put in the spotlight with this thread. As i said the thread is good, but using someone by name without permission is not.   


Who are we to know who knows who around here? I have seen the origional poster around (as a familiar nik) and we may have all assumed she (softness) knew about this upcoming conversation.  Yes I agree it was wrong to bring her up as an example for a topic/conversation without her permission. 

< Message edited by came4U -- 6/24/2008 2:11:48 PM >

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:13:07 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

Did you see me post on the mentioned thread?  I didn't even open it, had no interest to. It is a situation/topic that I chose not to get into.  Should we all backtrack to that entire thread to check every intimate detail of it?

I go by/went by the information AT HAND, which was the initial posting quote.

What you dream up that I 'mean' is up to you. I twisted NOTHING.  I took all it was literally and nothing more.


I have no idea if you read that thread. To be honest you are irrevelant to me and not a poster i look out for. Did i even mention the other thread? I said you had twisted what was put here. An obvious rhetorical question was not obvious to you? Well if not, my bad.
As for going by the info at hand, all well and good except even the op of this thread does not know for definite what softness meant by the opening quote. Second hand info is not often correct or quoted in the same context as first hand info. And even then there is a lot of misunderstanding here.

Edited to add.............. I know for a FACT softness was not approached about this thread.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 6/24/2008 2:14:42 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 40
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