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Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 10:00:20 AM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
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It was discussed a little in the Gangbang thread and in its offshoot however a statement made by the madrabbit really kind of got me wondering. This concept of a woman being emotionally damaged by sexual acts even though all the people involved in the sexual act are supportive of it. My question is why? I don’t really get it. I’m sure its just because I am a guy and the thought of having seven or eight woman at a time and having sex to my physical max potential is rather hot. So why isn’t the thought of such activities for woman so unpleasant? Where does this feeling come from? For those that do engage in activities that most woman would have problems with how do you work around it?

In my mind a submissive it totally not responsible for doing anything she is asked to do and the people involved should not be involved if they are not truly 100% supportive of the submissive efforts in offering herself as meat for her dominant and whatever he chooses to do with it. If its something that could end up placing the sub in jail or cause medical risks then I can defiantly see where she might say no however the thought of a woman who relishes the idea of being used to her potential by her Dom in any way he sees fit being emotionally damaged from such acts just doesn’t completely add up with me and I know my attitude id naïve or stupid but its something that derails me.

Just so you know I am one of those Doms that would adore seeing his girl in a Gangbang but I know that she could never do it. I don’t understand why because I am of the type that would just plain be really supportive of it and she know this…. However, it’s a hard limit and a topic I will never bring up with her and I am totally okay with that.

Post #: 1

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 10:42:54 AM

MasterHermes

Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
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I am sure there are different reasons but I will give you a real life example . She was ready to do anything for making me happy, but gangbangs were hard limit for her. Not because I asked but she told me her previous experience and how he shared her with his friends and it destroyed everything. I asked her why to understand it better. She told me if Master let others use her, the emotional connection between Master and her is broken and that is where her strenght as a slave is coming from. Once shared she wasnt feeling there is anything special between Master and her and she was falling apart.

This can give you a perspective along with others.

Hermes

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 2

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 11:18:00 AM

persephonee

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Joined: 12/15/2007
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Thinking that you wouldnt mind being in a pile of 7 or 8 women at once is not the scenario you should consider.
Think more along the lines of you being used by 7 or 8 men.
Its the objectification and sheer use of it that causes some women to balk. Also the very real fear that her Master's opinion of her would change for the worse.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 3

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 11:23:31 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Oh well said persephonee. You explained how I feel about it very well.

There is a difference between being used and using. Some psyches are not well suited to being used in such a manner.
Society.. women shouldn't enjoy or be liberated about sexuality.
A woman embracing sexuality is a slut, not meant in the good way so many here see the word 'slut'.

Personally? I would hate it. I would hate the feeling of being used and by an entire group would just make that so much worse.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 4

RE: Gang-bang related - Emotionally destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 11:42:22 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Thinking that you wouldn't mind being in a pile of 7 or 8 women at once is not the scenario you should consider.
Think more along the lines of you being used by 7 or 8 men.
Its the objectification and sheer use of it that causes some women to balk. Also the very real fear that her Master's opinion of her would change for the worse.

I consider that to be kind of a ludicrous argument since a heterosexual male being used by 7-8 men would be traumatizing in and of itself, because of the issue of gender and sexual orientation.

A better argument would be him being tied up and used by 7-8 women for their sexual pleasure. I imagine the answer, in many cases based off my experiences with my fellow gender, would still be...."Hell Yeah!".

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHermes

I am sure there are different reasons but I will give you a real life example . She was ready to do anything for making me happy, but gangbangs were hard limit for her. Not because I asked but she told me her previous experience and how he shared her with his friends and it destroyed everything. I asked her why to understand it better. She told me if Master let others use her, the emotional connection between Master and her is broken and that is where her strenght as a slave is coming from. Once shared she wasnt feeling there is anything special between Master and her and she was falling apart.

This can give you a perspective along with others.

Hermes

I am not trying to negate the feelings of the girl in question or imply that they or anyone else's feelings are wrong, but here's the thing I find interesting.

I've let girls cook, clean, and give massages to one or two friends in the past. You could very easily say I let my friends "use" those girls for those purposes, but it never resulted in an issue in a relationship. It wasn't taken as something derogatory. Instead, they felt valued, because of their skills.

What if a gang-bang went the same way? What if the women left it feeling valued, because she was seen as sexually attractive and something desired?

That's how I, as a guy, would leave a threesome with two women. It would be a huge boost to my ego. It would be something I would enjoy bragging about, because, as a man, I place a value on my ability to attract and mate with women and in guy world, that value multiplies exponentially by the number of women involved in the mating.

If one of my guy friends came and hung out with a credible story about banging 7 women at once, he would be a God that we hoist up our shoulders and buy beer.

I think this issue is one purely subjective to the individual's mind and largely based on our how are gender-based sexualities are influenced by society.

If a woman were able to re-educate herself and find value and pride in being sexually attractive and desired by all those men, it would be a positive experience as opposed to something potentially negative stemming from this feeling of being used and devalued.

Once again, before anyone jumps down my throat, I am not dismissing or negating the feelings of any women who have or will post to this thread.

I'm just speaking hypothetically and theoretically that it doesn't have to be way the it is.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 6/26/2008 11:43:44 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 5

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 11:42:36 AM

DaddyDomsgirl

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/4/2008
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for myself...i would lose alot of respect and love for my Dom if He ordered me to be involved in a gangbang......emotionally i would break down and most likely start to fight back....which in turn would most likely get me hurt.....cause just one guy no matter His size can't control 7 or 8 growen horny guys..

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 6

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 11:45:20 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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I think that women sometimes have a more difficult time detaching the emotional aspects of sex from the physical. That is how it's been in my experience anyway...it seems that men have an easier time seeing it as a purely physical act. Women have a harder time turning off their head and ignoring the messages they have gotten since birth about how "good girls" act. It's not a general rule by any means but I do think it's contributory in many instances.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 7

RE: Gang-bang related - Emotionally destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 11:48:30 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
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If i have to explain the physical mechanics of the difference between a man having sex with 8 women and a woman having sex with 8 men then we are at an impasse. i do not have an issue with a well executed gb at all.
i was referring to "use" in the physical sense of the word. And i was referring to the same sense when changing the perspective of the comparison.
There is a world of difference between fucking 8 people at once and being fucked by 8 people at once.
No need to consider the sexual orientation of the bangee...just the physicality of it.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 8

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 11:53:12 AM

chickpea

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I think that women sometimes have a more difficult time detaching the emotional aspects of sex from the physical. That is how it's been in my experience anyway...it seems that men have an easier time seeing it as a purely physical act. Women have a harder time turning off their head and ignoring the messages they have gotten since birth about how "good girls" act. It's not a general rule by any means but I do think it's contributory in many instances.

I think because a woman's entire body (including the brain) is connected with her sexual organs, (when we orgasm it's the entire body that stiffins up and tingles), and men only have the stuff hanging away from their body (penis and scrotum) that stiffin up and tingle...the two heads are quite a distance apart.

_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 9

RE: Gang-bang related - Emotionally destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 11:57:06 AM

Daes

Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline

Good thread.

I've always enjoyed the prospect of being lent out, but then I dont get attached to men just by having sex with them. I can use them as easily as they use me, or so it has been in the past.

I Do wonder though if my reaction would change if the numbers were different, and after reading this thread I wonder if it would affect my relationship with Sir. In my heart and mind I'm skeptical that the experience would be damaging, but then again, its not really something I'd want to risk. Its just a thought - Sir would Never lend me out to that many men at once.

I could see him doing it with one, Maybe two people that he trusts to take care of me as His property, but that would be all...

Still, its something to think about.

_____________________________

~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 10

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 12:03:07 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Thinking that you wouldnt mind being in a pile of 7 or 8 women at once is not the scenario you should consider.
Think more along the lines of you being used by 7 or 8 men.
Its the objectification and sheer use of it that causes some women to balk. Also the very real fear that her Master's opinion of her would change for the worse.

DV and I have discussed before how sex in negotiated invasion. I very much feel that way about it myself. I have a very detached attitude to sex as an act.. before committing I would happily go out and screw several different (fairly random) guys over a weekend - the negotiated invasion there was minimal, and welcomed. I was using them for sex and booting them out afterwards. They never entered my head space, just my body. I very much feel that sex in that context is a sport, and there is no emotion attached to it for me at all. My body was mine to trade on, and mine to negotiate with.

As I move more deeply into my submission I become less able to have intimate or personal interactions in anything other than a Dominant or submissive manner. I doubt very much if I could just go out and snatch a quicky with some random guy unless I felt I was either Dominating him or being submissive to him. I certainly wouldn't get a mindblowing sexual release from plain old vanilla sex now (much as sometimes I would like to think otherwise).

A situation where my head space was being played with - through objectification, humiliation, even just your basic D/s ... that is where not just my body is being invaded, but my mind also. So now I have a situation where I am always going to choose to have D/s involved in my sexlife ... and so my mind is being invaded along with my body. Invaders have a tendency to leave their mark. Multiple invaders will leave multiple marks. Negative, positive, indifferent ... there will be something left after the cock has gone. FOR ME and myself only ... that is why a sexual situation like a gang bang could prove emotionally destructive.

I don't want any emotional marks left by anyone but the man I love and trust and am Owned by, any marks He leaves (directly or indirectly) I know He will take responsibility for.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 11

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 12:09:14 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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MR & others,

I'd have to agree with persephone's assessment here. Maybe not to the degree she suggests; imagine (as a dominant male without any masochistic tendencies) being tied and fucked by seven women with strapons. Gangbangs, generally speaking, aren't about the woman being pleasured by seven men; it's about being used by seven men. Typically, they're about the woman being degraded, to being used as such a slut that she can't help but crave dicks without any regard for whom they are attached.

I'm not saying this with any hostility mind you; GBs are an interest of mine as well. I'm just pointing out that a man having sex with seven women has an enormously differently dynamic than a woman having sex with seven men. I've had sex with a woman who, in effect, used me just for sex. It wasn't a very fulfilling or enjoyable experience.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 12

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 12:11:11 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I've had sex with a woman who, in effect, used me just for sex. It wasn't a very fulfilling or enjoyable experience.

Stephan

I know hun .. am sorry about that ....I really do feel terrible

but charlotte told me to do it ... and held my second best shoes to ransom until I agreed to it.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 13

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 12:12:56 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

That's ok, soft, at least I ruined other men for you

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 14

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 12:27:56 PM

TwoNYCDommes

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy
I don’t really get it. I’m sure its just because I am a guy and the thought of having seven or eight woman at a time and having sex to my physical max potential is rather hot. So why isn’t the thought of such activities for woman so unpleasant? Where does this feeling come from? For those that do engage in activities that most woman would have problems with how do you work around it?

This is another one of those areas in which my take tends to match the stereotypical male position rather than the stereotypical female. I've had a lovely time in all of my multi-partner sexual experiences, and the one-woman-(me)-plus-x-straight-guys has an extra bit of ego boost to it, since they are all there just for me!

However, I can see how the concept of a gang-bang set up specifically for one person to be used by a group of others could feel a bit different. (I'm not a sub, so I've never bottomed to this particular flavor of group event.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDomsgirl
just one guy no matter His size can't control 7 or 8 growen horny guys..

This idea has been tossed out by a few people, and it always rings hollow to me. Has anyone here actually had an experience in which the participants in a gang-bang overpowered the organizer to do unauthorized things to the bangee? I've never seen it. One doesn't typically recruit rapists when planning this sort of thing, and the idea that the average horny guy is likely to commit violence if told "no" strikes me as a bit ridiculous.

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 15

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 12:29:32 PM

rulemylife

Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

[/quote]

I think because a woman's entire body (including the brain) is connected with her sexual organs, (when we orgasm it's the entire body that stiffins up and tingles), and men only have the stuff hanging away from their body (penis and scrotum) that stiffin up and tingle...the two heads are quite a distance apart.

[/quote]

REALLY! I've been a man all my life and never knew that! I've always thought men had pretty much the same reactions. Silly me! It always amazes me what I learn from all the expertise here on Collarme.

(in reply to chickpea)

Post #: 16

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 12:39:15 PM

TwoNYCDommes

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
imagine (as a dominant male without any masochistic tendencies) being tied and fucked by seven women with strapons. Gangbangs, generally speaking, aren't about the woman being pleasured by seven men; it's about being used by seven men. Typically, they're about the woman being degraded

I agree with everything above except the parenthetical part. In the discussions of gang-bangs on these boards, the focus has been on submissive women. The OP's question was why the feelings expressed by many women here was so different from that of men. To make a simple comparison, the relevant male perspective would be that of a submissive man, not a dominant one. Changing the D/s orientation of the person involved brings in an entirely different element.

< Message edited by TwoNYCDommes -- 6/26/2008 12:41:20 PM >

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 17

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 12:39:34 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Thinking that you wouldnt mind being in a pile of 7 or 8 women at once is not the scenario you should consider.
Think more along the lines of you being used by 7 or 8 men.
Its the objectification and sheer use of it that causes some women to balk. Also the very real fear that her Master's opinion of her would change for the worse.

so you are saying that it is sexually (without the aid of various toys and gizmos) impossible for a woman to use (use in a derogatory sense) a man sexually?

I kinda agree.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 18

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 12:44:02 PM

cuddlemesoft

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

Being "forced" to give oral gratification to a number of men is one of my favorite fantasies (maybe because I love it and am soo good at it...got to give myself a little plug

)...however I have never acted upon this fantasy though I have had ample opportunity as I don't think the fantasy would live up to reality. I think I might regret it or at the very least not find it to be very satisfying. Maybe if I just had a group of better looking men

Oral though would be different I suspect as I would have some sense of control which isn't there when being fucked by a number of men. I think I would feel more in control anyways. So maybe a lack of control and being vulnerable to a number of men that you don't know is a factor for some women. Men in a similair situation probably don't feel as vulnerable. Just a thought.

(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 19

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 12:45:47 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddlemesoft

Being "forced" to give oral gratification to a number of men is one of my favorite fantasies

sup.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to cuddlemesoft)

Post #: 20

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