Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Kink V Lifestyle


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Kink V Lifestyle Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 4:42:09 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
~ Fast Reply ~
Okay, but first there needs to be some common ground. Take this statement for instance. I've been an active participant, public, private for quite some time. Yet I couldn't make this statement:
quote:

I am very much into the tradition of the Leather.  Its meaning, its importance in the community. 
Can you provide examples of what you mean by "the tradition of the Leather". It would also be important to set its definitive "meaning" and would be interesting to learn of "its importance in the community".
quote:

I see these new P/people coming on here saying you will do this and you will do that before I will look at you, and to me this seems counter productive.  How many have you alienated with this?  
Seen it, but "alienated"? I guess in the broad stroke their approach isn't what I desire or want. If there is any alienation it is consensual and I'm not effected by it. Like beth says about safe words; "They are only good if the submissive party reacts when they hear them and stop." However if someone whats to use them or thinks them of value, the only alienation would be playing with me. I doubt that either them or us, feel we've missed anything, let alone felt alienated.

quote:

How many prospects have passed you by?
I'm sure there are plenty. However shouldn't the question be; how many have been 'missed'? Much easier to answer - NONE. 
 
quote:

I dont know, but it seems all of that will come with time.... every relationship takes work even the BDSM ones.  How can I demand respect if I Myself show none.
Now here we have fundamental disagreement. Do you take 'vacations' or 'breaks' from the aforementioned "tradition of Leather"? If so I can understand why and the reference to 'work' is accurate. However, anything requiring 'work' should require closer evaluation. If it feels like 'work' to be around your partner all the time, taking the long way home may become routine. Once that starts, you've begun the process of 'retiring' from your 'work'.
quote:

How can I demand respect if I Myself show none. 
Internet or real time; if respect comes from someone who lacks integrity what value is that? However of minimal concern should be internet respect; in whatever form that takes. You can demand respect, but you shouldn't expect to get it without earning it. Even then, the source of that respect is a factor.

Taking your basic premise; if you respect yourself does it take another person to validate? You can say it takes at least one, your partner. However, upon closer inspection respect would be healthier and have a longer term if it was more focused upon the relationship instead of either individual. Integrity comes into play when the symbiotic partnership is given the highest priority of respect. When you accomplished and have confidence in that, no other validation or respect is necessary. Better yet, it isn't possible for any comment to effect you or make you feel disrespected. 

Using a previous reference; if you have to 'work' on getting someone's respect that you may reach your goal. However it has little value until that person has the opportunity to see if you deserve respect when you are just being you and having fun, and not 'working' or even wondering about it.

My suggestion, and ONLY a suggestion - Have fun with the entire process. When it starts to feel like work or someone's posts and/or rants start to make you feel disrespected, log off, have a some fun with a nice real life night out with your real life wife. Don't log back in until whatever was perceived as an insult or attack generates a chuckle or some literal 'lol'.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 4:54:03 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61
<snipped for brevity>
This is a curiousity question here.... and I am eager to hear what others think along this line.
Oh goody because there are times when I am feeling verbose and you may have sparked that tonight.

Is it just Me.... or are people today only more interested in the Kink then the actual lifestyle. 
Kink is more fun to talk about, it has more salacious details and has words like 'wet' involved therefore it has more attention paid to it. (actually the power exchange part of it is heavily discussed here as well, heck just about every facet is discussed.)
Bottoms and tops are more kink oriented and they seem to fit in here very well. Really though I think it is a pretty healthy mix of all sorts.


I have never asked any body elses sub to call me anything, or even an unowned one.  I will know right away if they are good prospects (if unowned) by the way they approach Me or My Wife.
Or 'even an owned one' throws me off a bit, almost like you are implying that it is terribly gracious and forward thinking of you to not be asking something that in all truth you have no right to ask anyway.

Respect is a two way street, and I really do try to show it to all, but at times I find it very difficult and I need to pay close attention to what I say, to temper my words.
To me there is a huge difference between being polite and respecting someone. Politeness is shown to everyone but respect is given to those that can actually hold it.




_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 5:34:06 PM   
evadne


Posts: 49
Status: offline 		Hello Sir,
Thank you for bringing up this topic as it is an issue that I have personally been struggling  with myself, from a 'personal growth" standpoint.  As a slave/submissive I have been taught that to grow in my own submission, I must learn to always be respectful to those of the 'dominant persuasion'.  And yes, this resonates with me, because every time I chose to 'mouth off', which I have done on occassion, I am really hurting myself first and foremost, because at that moment, I pursued an assertive or perhaps even aggressive stance, rather than a more passive, submissive stance.  (And no, I don't mean slaves should be doormats, but IMO, they should not be 'bitches' either... for lack of a better term).
Then again, if a girl gets herself in too much of that mindset, she can develop such a passive or submissive state, that truly, she can start to feel the loss of some of the assertiveness that is needed to survive.  Unless she always has a strong Master that is always capable of 'stepping in' and handling things... which would not really be the case, usually, on the job, or the like.
I've spent the last two years allowing myself to 'let go' more and more, and accept my submissive state, only now to have to deal with some very tough issues in my personal life which require me to almost 'snap out of it' and be anything but passive or submissive.
For me... it is a state of being and a state of mind, so it is tough... it is not something that i can just turn off and on like a light switch.

Hopefully this did not get off track, I guess I am just basically agreeing with you, but thinking there are reasons why a sub/slave might not want to fully submerge herself in her submission by being respectful to every Tom, Dick and Harry.   Almost a self-preservation thing... preserving the self, by not allowing the self to fully be herself.  If that makes sense.

Just my thoughts,
~evadne~

< Message edited by evadne -- 7/7/2008 5:36:55 PM >

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 5:45:24 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		I respect people who chose to live life their way. But when they claim their way is the "lifestyle" and others are just kinky, that shows a complete disrespect for others. I chose to live my life the way I want. I will give others who earn it, respect, but I probably won't follow their protocols. I don't expect them to follow mine. When you expect anyone else to live by your rules, you become as self centered as religious fanatics who expect you to live and worship as they tell you.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 5:48:07 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

Is it just Me.... or are people today only more interested in the Kink then the actual lifestyle.  I do not spend an inordinate time on these boards, but have seen enough to lead Me to believe that this is true.  What happened to the days when a submissive was just that and if they ever mouthed off to the wrong person it was a reflection on their Master/Mistress.  I am not talking about stating opinions or giving advice, but the flat out attacks.



well.. I think if you making sweeping generalizations as a rule your going to be more wrong than you right most of the time.  And making such sweeping generalizations based on what you see on the forums... well I think you even more likely to be wrong.  Some people are very interested in their Kink... and some are interested in living a specific lifestyle and then again some are both. But, I don't believe Kink or living a specific lifestyle has anything to do with some individuals that happen to be submissive that also happen to be rude.  Hell, some Dominants are just as rude... Some people are Rude... some are not... that has nothing to do with lifestyle or kink.

quote:


Now I do want everyone to keep in mind that I am relatively new to this (2 Years active), but that does not mean I know nothing.  I have read on the subject, been to many "like minded" gatherings, learned from some great Masters and Mistresses and rarely see it in real life, it just seems to be on the internet.  I know there is relative safety in the anonymity online, but I would be horrified if one of mine ever behaved like this.  I would further pursue corrective action immediately upon discovery.

 
Yup..  on the internet people tend to get away with it alot more.  In some ways, I think you are able to see a more authentic person on the internet than you can in person.  In person so many put on their Sunday best... but when church is out... well lets just say we are all sinners.  So.. I think it is rather refreshing at times that I can get a prespective of a person that might be alittle more authentic than if I see them only at church.  I find it even more refreshing when people I listen to on the boards and then have the opporunity to see them in the flesh.  There are actually more than a handful that I have met from the forums and my knowledge of them from the forums has proven to be insightful in judging them in person as well.

quote:


My Wife who many know here and in person are working on a poly family, and though some come and some go, We will always have each other first and foremost.  For those who show respect always, you will know what I am talking about here.  I have never asked any body elses sub to call me anything, or even an unowned one.  I will know right away if they are good prospects (if unowned) by the way they approach Me or My Wife.  Respect is a two way street, and I really do try to show it to all, but at times I find it very difficult and I need to pay close attention to what I say, to temper my words.


Yes but... before respect is shown it must be earned and not assumed in my world.   If a person approached me with interest... I would first need to learn.. was their manner of approach done in order to interest me.. or was it an intrinsic part of their character.  I would much prefer someone that was geniune and not some that put on the behaviors to impress me.  That is why, I prefer to watch people and how they interact with others as much as how they interact with me.  If I can watch them without them knowing I am there...all the better.


quote:


I am very much into the tradition of the Leather.  Its meaning, its importance in the community.  I see these new P/people coming on here saying you will do this and you will do that before I will look at you, and to me this seems counter productive.  How many have you alienated with this?  How many prospects have passed you by?  I dont know, but it seems all of that will come with time.... every relationship takes work even the BDSM ones.  How can I demand respect if I Myself show none. 


Yes... alot of prospects are passed by..... but how many prospects are you passing by because you expect a behavior that can be catergorized as Leather.  We all have our standards that will perk our interest... why should someone else standards or expectation be any less than your own.  Why should they be counter productive and yours are not.  How many do you alienate?  Fact is... you might be alinate more, less or the same as compared to others...but the comparison is irrelevant.  What matters are you happy that you are alienating the ones you want and opening the door to the prospects that you want.  What others do..well frankly.. that is their issue.



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 5:51:46 PM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Is it just Me.... or are people today only more interested in the Kink then the actual lifestyle.
  If a person loves to collect stamps, but has other interests, and an otherwise full life, are they somehow not living a stamp-collector's lifestyle?  Oh for fuck sake - it's ALWAYS about the kink.  Without the kink - there is no "lifestyle".


I would like to think Frenchy's behavior on-line is very much a reflection on me.  When I met him, he didn't know how to use a computer at all - now he can bid and pay for items on on-line auctions, look up information, check e-mail, get maps, even plan a vacation.  I think it rather a virtue of his that he doesn't frequent message boards or chatrooms.  If he did, he's far too nice to call a spade a spade.


< Message edited by Racquelle -- 7/7/2008 5:56:11 PM >

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 5:52:34 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't know about you, but I'm not allowed to submit to anyone other than him. Certainly not any self styled dominant on the internet is supposed to get that, anymore than I am allowed (or want) to have sex with any other self styled dominant who demands it.

By doing what he says and reserving my submission for him, I am reflecting him and his wishes. You have to earn his respect before he would order me to give it to you. You haven't.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 5:55:39 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Racquelle

quote:

Is it just Me.... or are people today only more interested in the Kink then the actual lifestyle.
  If a person loves to collect stamps, but has other interests, and an otherwise full life, are they somehow not living a stamp-collector's lifestyle?  Oh for fuck sake - it's ALWAYS about the kink.  Without the kink - there is no "lifestyle".


Unless you consider a M/s power exchange to be a kink then I have to disagree with your statement.


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to Racquelle)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 5:58:44 PM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I'm a vegetarian and I don't buy leather. 


Dude! *high five* (I'm in a mood. ) I just got a flogger myself from veganerotica. (I have to admit to only being so-so happy with it, though.)

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:00:30 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
Dude! *high five* (I'm in a mood. ) I just got a flogger myself from veganerotica. (I have to admit to only being so-so happy with it, though.)


Quick hijack - - Have you tried rubber floggers?  Yeowch!!! 

:: end of hijack ::

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to DominantJenny)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:00:35 PM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: Racquelle

quote:

Is it just Me.... or are people today only more interested in the Kink then the actual lifestyle.
  If a person loves to collect stamps, but has other interests, and an otherwise full life, are they somehow not living a stamp-collector's lifestyle?  Oh for fuck sake - it's ALWAYS about the kink.  Without the kink - there is no "lifestyle".


Unless you consider a M/s power exchange to be a kink then I have to disagree with your statement.

  When it isn't a kink, we call it "oppression".  When it is a willing and mutually pleasureable, and sexually charged exchange - it's a kink.  Go ahead - argue with that because you don't like the label, whatever - we all know what it is.

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:09:17 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Racquelle

If a person loves to collect stamps, but has other interests, and an otherwise full life, are they somehow not living a stamp-collector's lifestyle?  Oh for fuck sake - it's ALWAYS about the kink.  Without the kink - there is no "lifestyle".

I do like smart, attractive women. I wonder how she feels about a barbarian? 

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to Racquelle)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:11:12 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

Prinsexx....LOL   thank You

And yet i can tell you this....for free....in other words you don't have to earn it (smiles).....there is one man whom i respect a great deal. Not because we are in the same community. Not because we are of the same gender or even orientation. This is Jack Rinella.
I respect this man because of his integrity of personal insight, his willingness to speak frm experience, his ability to move from the purely experiential, to the informative and thence to the theoretical, without seams, without projection, without blame and make wrong.
I therefore feel connected not excluded.
It is individuals whom, in my honest and humble opinion, who shape the so-called lifestyle and its attendant community and not the concept of the lifestyle or the socio-determinant of the community that shapes an individual.
I am not concerned with tradition in that way. Otherwise i would have read Classics. A dynamic is a phenomenological mind fucking process, an intangible, bound by tangibles perhaps: the crack of the whip in one hand (smiling again) and the blood sweat and tears on the other.
Hoping that this builds a bridge across the chasm.
prin xx


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:16:09 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Meh.. yet another whine about the lifestyle. 

Kink not-withstanding, for some of us this is just life and you are just another person.  What I do should not reflect on anyone but myself.  LOL and this woman finds whining,  childish.
Kyst

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:19:45 PM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
Dude! *high five* (I'm in a mood. ) I just got a flogger myself from veganerotica. (I have to admit to only being so-so happy with it, though.)


Quick hijack - - Have you tried rubber floggers?  Yeowch!!! 

:: end of hijack ::


*big grin* I have and use a real bastard of a rubber flogger that I got from the Stockroom. I LOVE that thing. (But, then, I'm a very serious sadist, so I would.) His feelings are a tad less fond.  I also have those light ones you can get at lots of mostly-vanilla stores, that have spaghetti type strands...those are really nice, actually, and last forever. :) I've got the long one in blue and the little one in yellow. The OMG flogger is black, and it should be.

:end of my portion of hijack:

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:21:40 PM   
solia


Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

Sir... I can not even begin to show how Honored I am that You even chose to reply.  I did not mean to infer that I demand respect, it is just something I observe in others.

Thank You for the correction as well.  I just thought that the passing of Leather from the old to new was tradition.

I do love reading Your books and was so disappointed that I missed an opportunity to meet You, alas My job has Me overseas.  I so would have enjoyed that.  Again Thank You Sir.

MrP



I've not ever understood the bizarre use of capital letters.  For example, Thank You or You or My job had Me ... just weird grammar to me. 

To some a tradition, to others ~ not so much.   It does make for a good example of differences.

As far as the respect issue goes, I'm opposite from most.  I give respect up front and it can be unearned, lost, eliminated, deleted, removed, etc. by that person's actions.  Kind of an innocent until proven guilty. 

I think alot of our perceptions come from our first encounters with this .... stuff (whether that be lifestyle stuff or kinky stuff.)  I used capital letters, I distrusted until trust was earned, I was respectful to the point of turning off my bullshit filters.
Then I woke up one day and noticed that I was compromising myself by warping to other's expectations and demands and behaving in turn by passing on those same expectations and demands.  I didn't like who I was becoming and so I stopped doing what I once thought was the norm. 
I'm happier for it. I no longer use capital letters, I trust until that trust is violated, I respect until that respect is violated, I am courteous (another way to show respect.) 

To lifestyle or not to lifestyle ~ there have been a lot of boards on this lately.

My answer, is that, I live a life that is mine. 

Take care and be safe,

(The above should be taken as a good old fashioned courtesy and not a command.  Just clarifying.)

Solia

(edited because I hit 'ok' instead of preview ... )

< Message edited by solia -- 7/7/2008 6:41:51 PM >

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:31:13 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61
I just thought that the passing of Leather from the old to new was tradition.

John Warren may respond with more specifics, but the basic deal is that different clubs/groups have developed different traditions, but each club (and each geographic area) developed differently.  A case in point is the use of collars: some developed use of a "training collar" but most did not.  If you do a search on the boards for the phrase "Old Guard" there's a lot of information about this.  There was no leather Vatican that proclaimed how things were gonna be all over the world.  Instead, people locally used a process called "making it up as we go along."

That said, if you see something you want to pass along as a tradition to those you care about, please do.



Exactly, I am put in mind of a sign that appeared on the newly relocated campus of Barrington College in Lincoln, Rhode Island.  "It is traditional that students not walk on the grass in the quadrangle.  This tradition begins July 16th."



_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:33:00 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
*big grin* I have and use a real bastard of a rubber flogger that I got from the Stockroom. I LOVE that thing. (But, then, I'm a very serious sadist, so I would.) His feelings are a tad less fond.  I also have those light ones you can get at lots of mostly-vanilla stores, that have spaghetti type strands...those are really nice, actually, and last forever. :) I've got the long one in blue and the little one in yellow. The OMG flogger is black, and it should be.

:end of my portion of hijack:


He has 2 LARGE ones.  I felt like I was getting hit by a spare tire. 

OK, Sorry to the OP....we're done now.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to DominantJenny)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:38:28 PM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

"It is traditional that students not walk on the grass in the quadrangle. This tradition begins July 16th."
  LOL - thanks for sharing that.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Kink V Lifestyle - 7/7/2008 6:38:29 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren



Exactly, I am put in mind of a sign that appeared on the newly relocated campus of Barrington College in Lincoln, Rhode Island.  "It is traditional that students not walk on the grass in the quadrangle.  This tradition begins July 16th."



Choking....good gag.......Brit colloquialism for a good laugh that is and not the traditional gag you may have had in mind.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Kink V Lifestyle Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.141