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First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 10:52:22 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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This thread is universal as it applies to both "D" and "s" folks.

Whichever side of the slash your on, you have spent anywhere from two to six months with one that you have developed a serious interest in. You may have engaged in some cyber or perhaps not but you have had some good discloses of mutual interests.

The first R/T meeting is scheduled. From the "D" standpoint what are your expectations? From the "s" standpoint what are your concerns and what safeguards are considered, just in case?

CP

Post #: 1

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:00:18 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
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CP; I used to spend that long -- two to six months -- but I don't any longer. I think it's best to meet sooner rather than later.

In any event I remember I'm meeting a stranger, and act accordingly.

candystripper

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 2

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:00:26 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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I hope it goes as the online conversations have gone. It won't exactly, but I want it in the ballpark at least. There will be a closeness, a connection if you will, that both of you will feel even if things don't go how the cyber has. Both of you have built up an imaginary person in your mind, but you will know the feelings and desires of that person very well.

Look at it this way, you will know each other far better than you would after a few mumbled words about the weather a stupid dinner date would provide.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 3

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:03:57 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

CP; I used to spend that long -- two to six months -- but I don't any longer. I think it's best to meet sooner rather than later.

In any event I remember I'm meeting a stranger, and act accordingly.

candystripper

your never going to know who they really are until you meet face to face and spend time together...so 1 day, 1 year, of internet chat...is actually meaningless to me. since you can be anything, anyone, and change that personality anytime you want.

sooner is much better. because in the time you chat with someone that long and you find out when you meet that its no good for you two..you could have met someone who is good for you.

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Post #: 4

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:14:00 AM

CelticPrince

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Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

CP; I used to spend that long -- two to six months -- but I don't any longer. I think it's best to meet sooner rather than later.

In any event I remember I'm meeting a stranger, and act accordingly.

candystripper

candystripper,

Well to each their own i guess as fast meetings might favor a "D" but but if it works for you then its right untill you regret just one meeting.
Thanks for your thoughts

CP

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 5

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:16:00 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

I hope it goes as the online conversations have gone. It won't exactly, but I want it in the ballpark at least. There will be a closeness, a connection if you will, that both of you will feel even if things don't go how the cyber has. Both of you have built up an imaginary person in your mind, but you will know the feelings and desires of that person very well.

Look at it this way, you will know each other far better than you would after a few mumbled words about the weather a stupid dinner date would pr

ExSteel,

From the "D" side I agree that much of the ice has been broken.

CP

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 6

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:18:18 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

sooner is much better. because in the time you chat with someone that long and you find out when you meet that its no good for you two..you could have met someone who is good for you.

faery,

Your logic is good from the stand point of time but what of safety?

CP

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 7

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:18:21 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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We talked for two months. We didn't, and don't, "cyber" but I had orgasms for him on the phone. We had hours of conversation each day. I sent photos of myself, clothed and unclothed. My gut instinct trusted him. I googled him and learned about his public life. I had measures set up so that if I was never seen again, the police would know exactly who to go to (friends had his photo, home & work address and phone numbers). I had "safe calls" planned, for the purpose of letting my friends know I was ok.

We spent the night at a hotel halfway between our homes. I called friends around 1am and again at 9am and then when I got home. I was naked and kneeling when I met him. He gave me my first BDSM experience and I gave him whatever he wanted. That was what was expected before I arrived.

He would not allow me to offer myself to him like that until we were both certain that I trusted him. The safe calls were to reassure my friends. After a night of a lot of activity and little sleep, we went to breakfast, talked a lot, and parted company. He drove west and I drove east.

In retrospect, it was a life-changing evening.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 8

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:23:12 AM

tornaway

Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

     How ever long you communicate before meeting has no bearing on whether or not there will be a mutual chemistry that will compell you both to continue .    Only an actual meeting can tell you that - and even then, all kinds of unforseen things can blow it all apart at any stage .
                                                 OR - you could meet " the one" !

    But all the common sense behaviors apply to everyone when meeting a new person the first time .   I've heard of folks on either side of the equation running into trouble .   Be smart and safe - public place and all that - you know the drill .   Then listen carefully to your gut instincts - and trust them .

                Good luck !

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:23:50 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

sooner is much better. because in the time you chat with someone that long and you find out when you meet that its no good for you two..you could have met someone who is good for you.

faery,

Your logic is good from the stand point of time but what of safety?

CP

your not gonna know if your going to be safe until you meet. you could be talking to a serial killer...and not even know it. the internet is easy to hide facts like that. since you can completely lie about everything. the show dateline shows many meetings like this.

meeting people off the net is a crap shoot...doesnt matter how much time you spend.

< Message edited by faerytattoodgirl -- 7/12/2008 11:24:52 AM >

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 10

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:25:30 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

We talked for two months. We didn't, and don't, "cyber" but I had orgasms for him on the phone. We had hours of conversation each day. I sent photos of myself, clothed and unclothed. My gut instinct trusted him. I googled him and learned about his public life. I had measures set up so that if I was never seen again, the police would know exactly who to go to (friends had his photo, home & work address and phone numbers). I had "safe calls" planned, for the purpose of letting my friends know I was ok.

We spent the night at a hotel halfway between our homes. I called friends around 1am and again at 9am and then when I got home. I was naked and kneeling when I met him. He gave me my first BDSM experience and I gave him whatever he wanted. That was what was expected before I arrived.

He would not allow me to offer myself to him like that until we were both certain that I trusted him. The safe calls were to reassure my friends. After a night of a lot of activity and little sleep, we went to breakfast, talked a lot, and parted company. He drove west and I drove east.

In retrospect, it was a life-changing evening.

girlie,

Well except for going straight to phone sex, yours was a classic senario that that worked out as we all wish it would. Funny, i have not heard anyone mentions safe calls for years.

Thanks for sharing.

CP

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 11

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:26:26 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Mainly, I hope that they will show up!

I've met more than a few people off the internets, and very rarely has there been a disconnect. I am of the "meet sooner than later" school, but even so, by the time there is a physical meeting, there has been a fair amount of discussion, so we are not meeting as strangers.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:28:09 AM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

I used to prolong real life meetings. Worrying and all that stuff. The chemistry was great on line and on the phone. Great conversations and everything. However, with the prolonged dancing around I got attatched to the person so when the actual meeting didn't go right I really hated it. It was a huge let down to bond with the person and then have things fall apart in person.

So now, I push to meet as soon as possible. A few convos to see if the click is there, get to know the person and then it's time to meet. As for safety, I always meet people in public places and such. You could know someone for years on line or irl and still not be safe. Some predators don't mind dragging along relationships to build up trust before striking.

I treat all first meetings in a vanilla way so I don't have any expectations besides a good time, good conversation and hopefully someone to meet with again and take things further.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 13

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:30:48 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I'm not faery, but I'll answer for me. For me it's realativly safe to meet almost immediatly after chatting, because we'll be meeting in a public place and he won't be going home with me, and I won't be going home with him, and if I don't like him or he's scary I'll just excuse myself leave an go hang out somewhere else for a w hile so he won't have a chance to follow me home.

Course in the past I have met people at my own home and gotten into their car tog o on our date, and while I wouldn't recomend that for any one else, it worked out just fine for me, however I know it could of turned out not so ok too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

sooner is much better. because in the time you chat with someone that long and you find out when you meet that its no good for you two..you could have met someone who is good for you.

faery,

Your logic is good from the stand point of time but what of safety?

CP

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 14

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:30:51 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
girlie,

Well except for going straight to phone sex, yours was a classic senario that that worked out as we all wish it would. Funny, i have not heard anyone mentions safe calls for years.

Thanks for sharing.

CP

I'm not sure it could be qualified as phone sex, since my orgasms for him had a specific purpose. We didn't do any of that "Ohh I'm touching you here..." stuff. But that's another subject.

My friends wanted assurance that I would be all right. My Master agreed to assure them. I remember after the 1am call, I said, "I guess this means you can kill me now" and laughed. He said, "Why would I want a dead slave?"

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 15

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:32:05 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't invest emotions or hope in online. I meet men as people not roles. I am not particularly safe, I don't have all the protocals in place other than common sense, just as if he was someone I went out with after work.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 16

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 11:36:40 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Nope, it won't and I feel the longer you talk and "bond" online, that there's more of a chance you'll feel chemistry is there, and hope it's there, and then be sorely disapointed if it's not there in real life. For instance I talked to a guy in newyork forquite a long time, we were online bf and gf and we talked on the phone all the time an he sent me greeting cards an love letters, an when I met him, he was living with his aunt and uncle, one of them whom had expressly forbid him from having me over to her house, and he thought it'd be ok once I showed up. He was also not the loving and kind and sensitive person he portrayed himself to be through the entire duration of our talking and online relationship. He was quite actually a selfish bore.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tornaway

    How ever long you communicate before meeting has no bearing on whether or not there will be a mutual chemistry that will compell you both to continue .    Only an actual meeting can tell you that - and even then, all kinds of unforseen things can blow it all apart at any stage .
                                                 OR - you could meet " the one" !

(in reply to tornaway)

Post #: 17

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 12:17:31 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
The first R/T meeting is scheduled. From the "D" standpoint what are your expectations? From the "s" standpoint what are your concerns and what safeguards are considered, just in case?

Greatest concern: Rejection
Secondary Fear: Not being rejected, but not connecting either - putting me into the position of being the one doing the rejecting.
Safeguards: The usual. Third party awareness (safe call) etc.

I've been out of a relationship now, for a few years, and I'm finally planning on meeting someone very soon that I've talked to online here off and on since originally signing up for CM. It isn't the first time I've met anyone offline, but for some reason the enthusiasm by which I jumped into things several years ago is lacking in me now. My only real concern is walking away feeling rejected. Not a very "she's got it together" sort of fear, I know, but that's about the truth of the matter. I'm not desparate. In fact, I'm less eager about finding someone now than I was 2 relationships ago. I'm in no big hurry, and I'm quite content with my life being quiet and simple. While, it is daunting to put yourself out there, in effect making yourself vulnerable to being hurt, fear isn't the driving catalyst in my decision making.

I'm not worried about my safety, in that I'm going to be meeting at a public place just before a munch and attending the munch with the dominant and one of his slaves. It does help that the online 'relationship' is a more casual one. I've never really felt emotionally invested in the Dominant, so meeting him and being rejected won't emotionally bankrupt me. Doesn't mean it will be fun either! I sort of view it as a safer way to dive back into the waters. If we meet, connect, enjoy eah other, wind up eventually having great kinky sex, and I make a wonderful Dominant and submissive friend - Yay me! If he absolutely owns me, and I find myself adoring worshipping and serving him? Yay me! A Winsome Win/Win.

There are others that I have a stronger emotional connection to, that I'm still working up the courage to take the risk and meet. Ultimately, I know that I need the connection with someone special, and I'm working slowly toward it. I'm just not in a big hurry to be snatched up by the first Dominant who shows an interest in me, as I was 9 years ago. Live and learn :)

In the meantime, I have a great fuck-buddy (a vanilla guy I lived with for 2 years who happens to be one of my bestfriends), a wonderful ex-Master with whom I'm not compatible with long-term, who has been generous enough to allow me to bottom to him to take the edge off if I start getting restless enough to beg his indulgence. Come to think of it, maybe the fact that I have it otherwise so good is detrimental to my overall goals!

I apologize for rambling. To wrap up my response, my biggest concern is fear of rejection more than any other concern.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 18

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 12:39:28 PM

CreativeDrive

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

As a guy and a dom, I don't feel threatened physically by meeting someone in person, but this reminds me of something else that has come up recently. Has anyone here had any difficulty from giving out a phone number early on? I'm sure there's at least the potential for abuse there, but at the moment I don't see any major reason not to do it.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 19

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/12/2008 12:41:27 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

You can get all sorts of info about a person from their phone number. So if you don't want them to know your full name and address, don't give out your number. If you don't mind, then no problema.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to CreativeDrive)

Post #: 20

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