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What is your 'Reality'

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ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
*shrug* I was just sharing information. Yeah, people could look at my profile, but my profile is designed for people who might be looking to get into a relationship with me, not interact with me casually on the forums. Most importantly, I tend to answer questions I have an answer for that I feel like answering at the time, regardless of anything else, and that applied here.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Hell Merc, I have SEEN your reality and can't believe it!  Seeing you two lovebirds with each other is both painful and fabulous, all at the same time.

1. 
   I am a 42 year old relatively handsome man
2. 
   I live downtown in a wonderful old craftsman house with beautiful gardens
3. 
   I can walk to one of the best farmers markets in the world
4. 
   I have a wonderful and amazing 17 year old son who makes me proud every day
5. 
   I am well respected and an “elder” in my local BDSM community
6. 
   I am going to UC Davis getting a degree in International Relations
7. 
   I have an amazing relationship with an incredible woman
8. 
   I have a great car that gets 40+ mpg
9. 
   I have a job I love

1. 
   I am 42, fat and balding
2. 
   The house is my mothers, I sold mine to go to school
3. 
   I rarely cook anymore
4. 
   I haven’t seen my son in more than a year or so out of those 17 years
5. 
   My BDSM community is somewhat small and a bit dysfunctional
6. 
   I got kicked out of UC Davis because I had my head up my ass
7. 
   My partner left me because I am a flake and our relationship will never be the same again
8. 
   My car is a 20 year old Honda CRX
9. 
   I work one day a week at a dead end job that I do because I am in school

1. 
   I have lost almost 30lbs, fit in clothes I haven’t worn in years, doing an hour and a half of yoga a day and am in the best shape I have been in since nearly dying in a motorcycle accident 
2. 
   I have owned my own house and am scheming to buy another one soon
3. 
   I can walk to one of the best farmers markets in the world
4. 
   My son has been living with me for the last few months and we have bonded in a way I have never dreamed of
5. 
   My BDSM scene is in a renaissance and some of that is due to me
6. 
   I am enrolled back in school and because of the growth I am going through I expect vastly different results
7. 
   I am rapidly becoming “THAT” guy and every woman I have dated over the last few decades has been more amazing than the last.
8. 
   My car is a wonderful vintage CRX that I love that gets 40+ mpg
9. 
   I love my job and am getting two businesses off the ground, one a profitable non-profit and a bdsm implement one that is less profitable for-profit enterprise.

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ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

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ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
*shrug* I was just sharing information. Yeah, people could look at my profile, but my profile is designed for people who might be looking to get into a relationship with me, not interact with me casually on the forums. Most importantly, I tend to answer questions I have an answer for that I feel like answering at the time, regardless of anything else, and that applied here.

Profiles are to attract people.  Period.  Elusive asked how we know their background is what they say it is - what is their reality and what is the real answer.  This post is just an extension of what people have wither already written about themselves on the forum or in their profiles.  People seem defensive to my stance that it's about promoting the self.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with it being self promotion.  Even my post is that.  But the reality is that nothing we type here makes what we are any more real.  I don't take much stock in people trying to prove they are real.  You either are or you aren't and for the majority here, they/you aren't real or anything to do with my reality.  I may perv a profile if you have said something I liked or disliked, I might even write you if I want to ask a question, give credit where it's due or get to know you better.  If I have met you or spoken to you on the phone... that is my reality.  What you do or have done makes no difference.
 
the.dark.

Exactly -- self-promotion and, for some of us, the opportunity to indulge in a fetish word-frenzy.

Hell... even if you live in my city (4th largest in the US), and are active in the local groups, you may not know me -- unless you happen to be active in the same groups I'm active in, and attending the same meetings, and the meeting wasn't so crowded that we actually got a chance to -meet-... and even then, unless you actually spent time with me, how would you know whether -anything- I've said about my life outside the meetings is accurate?

On a board like this, the only thing that makes any sense is to evaluate posts for applicability to one's own circumstances, see whether there is a modicum of common sense, and then decide whether it's something you want to hear -- because if you don't want to hear what's said, 90% of the people don't listen anyway!

Firestorm

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ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

i love that...it shows the truth.  Reality is subjective.  What in my opinion is a rich, full and well lived life, for another lacks something they see as a necessity for good living.  i wonder if i broke up and dissected my life and viewed it from several angles as You have...what the outcome would be.  Though, i can attest to one thing- BSB as far as i can tell...is an amazing woman. 
 
*psst BSB, i'm a 71/2 if you want to reward me in any way or come vsit or something....just sayin'*
 

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ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Mine, is, sweetie, I thought everyone knew that!    It's even fluorescent!

A simple man can not compete with plastic, rubber or silicone...  *smile*

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I've read all through this thread and find myself agreeing with several viewpoints, including Master FireMa'am, SimplyMichael, darcy&theDark, Leatherist.

My reality?  I am a person, not a role.  I am a Dominant and yet, I know when to turn off dominance or modulate it to fit the various situations and people I deal with.

I live in an apartment in the basement of my brother's home...and do so because I have spent the last 8 years paying off the tax debt and child support, figured before office expense is taken away from my income.  Not bitching...it is what it is and bitching about it gets me nowhere except for the relief provided by occasional venting.  One reason I support Fathers' Rights groups.  That is my reality...

I am a father of two grown female ums and a grandfather of one adorable female um.  They all bring me grief, pain, heartache and immense love and pride.  I've tried to be a good father and they know that I would lay down my life for any of them and that they are usually priority number one...but I won't quit living my life personally or interrupt my job of healing people because they consider any time they need me/want me/ need to talk more important than my time that I take for me.  Many mothers...vanilla and submissive...feel differently and look at the problems that has created (name a talk show, watch it and sooner or later you will see just this subject brought up).  That's part of my reality...

I have had 3 long-term D/s relationships.  They've all ended.  One amicably, one at my decision and the other at hers.  I've had several casual D/s relationships...a couple that were moving towards being serious but got off the tracks and a couple that were never going to be serious.  I am still friends with my first submissive and my second (though at a reduced level because of discomfort from her side over still doing what caused the break-up in the first place) and am not with my third.  With the casual relationships, I am friends and in contact with all but two.  I don't actively seek right now but that does not mean that I do not want a D/s relationship or that I am not real.  But I do know that I am finding that for many...dominant and submissive alike...that they want to hold potential partners up to very high standards of communication and trust and honesty and many other things but then, when the situation turns around and the onus is on them, they do not want to be held to the same standards they demand.  That is fine...none of us are perfect...but when you expect a certain standard from me, whether it be communication or keeping my word, then you do the same.  And when I understand that you are going to fall in that sometimes, then remember...and understand that about me.  (whoops, did I just give advice?)  That is my reality...

I was in the 82nd Airborne for 4 years, jumped out of airplanes and helicopters, trained as an operations sergeant and a sniper because I had the intelligence and the psychological make-up that allowed me to be.  I am also a doctor who has spent the last 25 years out in the "real" world trying to make sick people better and teaching other doctors how to do a better job at it.  That is my reality...

I have two marriages behind me...one of 2 years and one of 17 years (20 if you count the courting/engagement time).  Both failed but again, I managed to get some things right and learn from my mistakes.  That is my reality...

I've never dumped someone in an email, I've never changed phone numbers so I did not have to speak to someone I didn't want to speak to, I've never refused to answer the phone, I've never walked away from anyone in my life without giving them a chance to be heard for however long they needed in order to be able to say what they wanted nor have I walked away without letting them know why I was doing so, no matter how badly they hurt me.  My phone, my heart is always open to even those people but I am wary and I remind them that if they are going to be involved with me, then they need to be as fair and understanding with me as they expect me to be with them.  Sadly, sometimes even when they are not, I continue to try to be who and what I am with them.  That is my reality...

I do not want, nor care, if I am desired as the "One" to be flogged by, caned by, humiliated by, whatever by...by a group.  I know what I offer anyone who does desire to play with me.  I have had several that I did not come up "to snuff" with because I did not flog hard enough/flogged too hard or did not humiliate enough/humilated too much, etc..  I've had others who've been put into subspace over and over by what I do.  My first submissive dominates everyone else in her D/s world...and still is submissive in her behavior (though not as my submissive...have to clarify) to me, 9 years after we started and 6 years after we split.  Hurrah for the individualities of various people.  That is my reality...

So, does any of this make me more real?  Does any of it make me less real?  Does the fact that I am a chiropractic doctor rather than a medical doctor make me less of a doctor?  Does the fact that I do not care to be an ever-present member of the scene make me less real as a "player" in BDSM?  Does the fact that I prefer to be one-on-one with somebody right now, even though that takes longer to cultivate than the just-for-play relationships which I could have, make me less real?  Does the fact that I have never spoken to other BDSM groups make me less real as a participant? 
Or does the fact that what I say on here regarding patience, understanding, my take on relationships and how to behave whether you are involved in an ongoing D/s relationship or a beginning one, understanding, and everything else is consistent with what I say over and over again, here...on my profile...and in my real life, make me real?  Does the fact that many write me to say "thank you" for something I've said on the boards make me more real?  Does the fact that people I respect quote me sometimes in their sig lines or in their posts make me more real?
My reality is mine and everyone else's is what theirs is.  Understanding that goes a long way, just as understanding that sometimes what people say they want and expect from another and what they give in return is two different things, in making my reality a workable, liveable one...albeit sometimes a bit sad but usually pretty happy.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
All of these are “true” but the truth is a blend of all of them and it also depends on what is important to someone, what their perspective is.  Some may see a deadbeat, some may see an amazing man going through a renaissance and reinventing himself, someone may see an asshole, none are completely wrong but all miss some of the truth.