ok, then what IS submissive?

ok, then what IS submissive? (Full Version)

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xxblushesxx -> ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:03:29 PM)
In another thread a submissive wrote of doing things she hadn't expected to have to do to care for her dom. Many people came down hard on her because it isn't any different than being vanilla. Sure, running around with a buttplug and being tied up is submissive. Allowing Him to make most or all of the decisions is submissive. But, when in a 24/7 relationship, must you sleep on the floor or in a cage to be serving? Can't I serve by doing what a vanilla would normally do (but probably not as much) by focusing on WHY I'm doing it and WHO I'm doing it for? Must I wear a collar and leash to be submissive? I got reamed by a local who asked me one night how I serve Him, (and besides the private things which I did not mention to her) I basically just mentioned the things I do do. Mostly housework. I also go to the lumber store with Him, and load the lumber on the cart and push the cart, and help Him when He is building things, but... We are 24/7. There are little ones in the house. I can't kneel at His feet while he's eating, or run around naked on a leash. My submission is in my heart and my mind. I focus on how to please Him, and try my best to do so. So what IS submissive?

RCdc -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:13:26 PM)
To submit in anyway for another regardless the issue. Wearing a butt plug isn't submissive, neither is being tied up. the.dark.

softness -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:18:46 PM)
... doing X .. whatever X is ... for them and not for yourself. Bending your wishes to theirs. obviously however .... eventually somewhere down the line it rings your bells too ... but not directly ...

Maxwell67 -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:21:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx So what IS submissive? It was always my impression that being submissive involved doing things your partner wanted you to do which you would not normally want to do. Hopefully, because the desire to please your partner overpowered whatever unpleasantness was attached to the task at hand.

RCdc -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:24:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maxwell67 quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx So what IS submissive? It was always my impression that being submissive involved doing things your partner wanted you to do which you would not normally want to do. Hopefully, because the desire to please your partner overpowered whatever unpleasentness was attached to the task at hand. So if I submit only to the activities I enjoy and wish to do, that isn't submission? the.dark.

Missokyst -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:28:28 PM)
Why do you have to not want to do it? What if you actually enjoy making your mate happy even if making lasagna at 2 am doesn't float your boat. What if getting up to make your mate happy, makes you happy? And lets say.. that your mate likes everything you do. What if he got up at 4 am horny, and as it happens, you also wake up at 4 am, horny. Does that mean because you both want it, that you are not being submissive? To the OP.. if it makes you happy, and makes him happy, that is what matters. The fact that other people need proof, or evidence that proclaims you to be submissive means to me that they have too much time on their hands to focus on your life. Enjoy the fact that you have what you want.. and relish in the fact that some people just cant see it because THEY have never been there. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: Maxwell67 It was always my impression that being submissive involved doing things your partner wanted you to do which you would not normally want to do. Hopefully, because the desire to please your partner overpowered whatever unpleasantness was attached to the task at hand.

MadRabbit -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:35:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark If quote: ORIGINAL: Maxwell67 quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx So what IS submissive? It was always my impression that being submissive involved doing things your partner wanted you to do which you would not normally want to do. Hopefully, because the desire to please your partner overpowered whatever unpleasentness was attached to the task at hand. So if I submit only to the activities I enjoy and wish to do, that isn't submission? the.dark. I don't know, but if I walked out on the middle of the street and ordered all the pedestrians to keep on walking to their destinations and continue about their business, I sure won't feel very dominant!

RCdc -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:39:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit I don't know, but if I walked out on the middle of the street and ordered all the pedestrians to keep on walking to their destinations and continue about their business, I sure won't feel very dominant! [:D] Well that depends if they are going to a place they loathe surely? the.dark.

MzMia -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:41:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit I don't know, but if I walked out on the middle of the street and ordered all the pedestrians to keep on walking to their destinations and continue about their business, I sure won't feel very dominant! [:D] Well that depends if they are going to a place they loathe surely? the.dark. I enjoy self-flagellation at times, must be the maso in me. Will someone next start a thread on what IS a Dominant? Not just any Dominant either, one declared a Dominant by the Grand Poobah, that ordains all the "real and true" Dominants and submissives, with his official seal of approval? pretty please, with marshmellows on top?[:D]

MadRabbit -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:45:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit I don't know, but if I walked out on the middle of the street and ordered all the pedestrians to keep on walking to their destinations and continue about their business, I sure won't feel very dominant! [:D] Well that depends if they are going to a place they loathe surely? the.dark. I don't find unenjoyable or enjoyable acts to be more or less submissive than the other. Both are forms of expression only. But if my will being carried out is based solely on the contigency of it being something they "want" to do, then, in my opinion, what is being expressed isn't submission.

Maxwell67 -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:45:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: Maxwell67 quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx So what IS submissive? It was always my impression that being submissive involved doing things your partner wanted you to do which you would not normally want to do. Hopefully, because the desire to please your partner overpowered whatever unpleasentness was attached to the task at hand. So if I submit only to the activities I enjoy and wish to do, that isn't submission? the.dark. Not by my definition, no. I am not saying that you should only do the things you dont want to.. or that doing what you want to do is somehow lesser. I am saying that even in a D/s relationship, ACTUAL submission only happens under those circumstances. It is willingly doing what you don't want to, or letting something you don't want be done to you that makes you submissive. People who are not submissive do not do that (well, I suppose they do, occasionally, but they dont enjoy it nearly as much).

MadRabbit -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:48:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit I don't know, but if I walked out on the middle of the street and ordered all the pedestrians to keep on walking to their destinations and continue about their business, I sure won't feel very dominant! [:D] Well that depends if they are going to a place they loathe surely? the.dark. I enjoy self-flagellation at times, must be the maso in me. Will someone next start a thread on what IS a Dominant? Not just any Dominant either, one declared a Dominant by the Grand Poobah, that ordains all the "real and true" Dominants and submissives, with his official seal of approval? pretty please, with marshmellows on top?[:D] I fail to see where I am doing that MzMia. The question was asked and I gave an answer based on my own personal standards of what I consider to be submission and to not be submission. I'm not calling anyone true or false except in the very narrow context of my own little peice of Idaho.

MzMia -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:51:43 PM)
Oh, sorry MadRabbit! I meant the topic itself, not any particular replies! [:D] I really need to find/figure out what a "real" Dominant IS, so I will know if I am lying to myself! Once I know what a real Dominant IS, I can than figure out what a real submissive is![;)]

Missokyst -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:52:39 PM)
If that is the case then nillas are submissive all the time. I know my mother never liked washing the dishes. I know my dad wasn't joyful about mowing the lawn. I know that I must feed my birds daily to shut them up. I didnt think I was submitting to them. I just thought I was making my life more peaceful. I don't enjoy it, even if I am submitting to it. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: Maxwell67 It is willingly doing what you don't want to, or letting something you don't want be done to you that makes you submissive. People who are not submissive do not do that (well, I suppose they do, occasionally, but they dont enjoy it nearly as much).

MadRabbit -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:53:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia Oh, sorry MadRabbit! I meant the topic itself, not any particular replies! [:D] I really need to find/figure out what a "real" Dominant IS, so I will know if I am lying to myself! Once I know what a real Dominant IS, I can than figure out what a real submissive is![;)] Well, they have names like SirSadist and MasterTerrific and LordofDarkness and certainly aren't named after bunnies. That's about as far as I can go. You will have to find them and ask for more details.

NuevaVida -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:54:27 PM)
LA often says it's not the "act" that is dominant or submissive, but the motivation and intent behind it. I agree with that. There were things I enjoyed doing for him, and there were things I didn't. But my intention was to do what he wanted, and that is what drove my submission. I suppose something could be said if I listed everything I disliked as hard limits, but that would be between the dominant and submissive, wouldn't it? If the dominant is OK with such list and has the option of approving or denying it, he is still in authority.

Missokyst -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 1:56:34 PM)
I totally agree! LOL however, IF I had to engage in an act that would make me uncomfortable in order for some dominant to see me as submissive I do have one preference. Make me write bad checks!! On your account of course, because that would be something I could not normally do. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida LA often says it's not the "act" that is dominant or submissive, but the motivation and intent behind it. I agree with that. There were things I enjoyed doing for him, and there were things I didn't. But my intention was to do what he wanted, and that is what drove my submission.

MzMia -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 2:08:10 PM)
Goodness Kyst, I say the same sort of things to the No Limit submissives, that will do anything you want or ask. [:D] Start having your paycheck deposited to my account. Put your bank accounts in my name. Put my name on the deed to your home. I can think of a billion things you really will not say "yes" too. Oh! now you have a few limits?

Mercnbeth -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 2:12:34 PM)
quote: So what IS submissive? OR dominant? the way this slave sees it, there are at least 3 different answers to the question of "what IS submission or dominance"---sometimes the catagories overlap in the same person, sometimes they don't. it has been this slave's experience that the motivation for submission and/or dominance is as unique as the individuals that engage in it. 1. Personality type. some folks tend to submit to others while other folks tend to dominate those around them. there are even folks who are a little of both, depending on who they are with or some other qualifier. 2. Relationship orientation. some folks prefer and thrive in a relationship where they submit to, or dominate, another. it could have absolutely nothing to do with their personality, or how they are wired sexually. 3. Sexual preference. some folks are aroused and fulfilled by submitting to another's sexual desires, or dominating another in the bedroom/dungeon. again, this could have nothing at all to do with their personality or preferred relationship orientation. the problem this slave sees so often on these boards is that inexperienced or small-minded folks expect "a" submissive or "a" dominant to ALL identify exclusively with any particular one or ALL of the above mentioned catagories and to ALL have the exact same motivation as the next one that has either label affixed to themselves.

Missokyst -> RE: ok, then what IS submissive? (8/5/2008 2:13:34 PM)
OOOOOO... I really hope someone forces me to add my name to his home in the future. It will be a burden I am sure.. but for the sake of submission... I might just have to make myself do it. adding this to my list of limits.. just in case. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia Put my name on the deed to your home.

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