1. 
   If you are going to use safe words, surely they should be used properly.
   If amber means stop and lets talk about it a second surely that is what should be done. If red means stop, scene over again surely it is what should be done?
   
2. 
   If you are mentoring a new top, what kind of example is ignoring safe words to set?
   
3. 
   If you are playing with a new or fairly new or hell even an experienced sub, safe words should not be ignored.
   
4. 
   Why would you give them and then ignore them? It's just not safe in any way shape or form!
   
5. 
   Why did the DM's not step in? They clearly heard her safe word just as my friends and i did!
   
6. 
   How about those watching the scene? You hear a sub 'red', do you step in and say 'hey she just asked for the scene to stop, now stop?'. I know if it had been my friend who had 'redded' i would be straight in there.
   
7. 
   What kind of example does it set to possible other newbies watching the scene? What impression of the lifestyle does it give?                     

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

Stop means stop in any dictionary that I've ever read. Does it means something else overseas?

C-D

quote:

Why did the DM's not step in? They clearly heard her safe word just as my friends and i did?
This is what makes me think there may have been a discussion beforehand and the DMs were in on it as well. It does seem odd that they wouldn't step in. Maybe you should ask them?

quote:

How about those watching the scene? You hear a sub 'red', do you step in and say 'hey she just asked for the scene to stop, now stop?'. I know if it had been my friend who had 'redded' i would be straight in there.
I don't know. I'm pretty sure thats what the DMs are for ... People just jumping into the middle a scene can be more traumatizing than the scene itself. I mean, if you were a newbie and you trusted this dominant, how would you feel if some OTHER person simply jumped in and took over?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I get the distinct impression that you did not know what was really going on.

Lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: opposingtwilight

I understand why people came up with safewords. (Sometimes, in the heat of the moment "No" doesn't really mean no and all that jazz.)

And yet, I've never really liked them. I only ever used them one time ... And like I said, they were ignored. And it didn't harm me in any way. I learned a lesson in endurance that day and actually felt closer to the dominant than I had before. He saw through my fear and got me past it.

At this point, if I need a break or whatever, I'll ask for it. I don't always expect to be given what I want, however.

• If I heard a safeword used by a friend and ignored, the Top involved would get a paddle to the squidgy region.
• DM's should be dragged over the coals for at least not clarifying the safety and integrity of the scene continuing after a safeword (that is what they are bloody there for after all) myself and several others were watching that girl very carefully, if she had been in any genuine danger from haviung her safeword ignored the Tops involved would have been toast. Which is as it should be.
  
• I really hope that both the bottom and the training Top do not go forward into the scene thinking that is how BDSM play should be done, otherwise *both* represent a potential risk to future partners.
  

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

My impression of "red" was never "Stop, pack up and go home", it was "stop what you're doing".  And then the dom would ask the sub what was wrong, and she would then call whether it was just too rough or too much at the moment, or she actually did want to stop the whole scene.  But, that's where the ever lovin' communication comes in.

quote:

Hey hun ... how's the oobies?

Purple and red speckled and sitting slightly unconfy in their bra lol. But all good mmmmmm

How's your oh so pretty back? and bum?

quote:

 It was obvious that the newbie bottom had NOT been taught what a safeword was and how it should be used correctly. She was using it at the same time as giggling, demanding for more of one thing but less of another. Now I have played with newbies as a Top and I would *always* make sure they were clear about how and when communication within a scene should work. When I bottom I do not use a safeword, but if a bottom does have one they must have absolute clarity that it will work, and the scene will end. This work had clearly not been done. She was treating the safeword like a toy, and the two Tops working with her were allowing that to continue.

I knew i'd missed a vital part *slaps forehead*

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I get the distinct impression that you did not know what was really going on.

Lol
You may well be right *shrugs*.
But saying that you weren't there either.
However in the interests of discussion i'm pretty sure that safe word ignoring does go on so for interesting discussion i still think it is a valid thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation


Last night i went to a small club with friends. There was only about 14 or 15 people there, so it made observation of scenes very easy. By easy i mean it was pretty quiet, hard to miss what was being said and views of scenes were unobstructed.
There was what appeared to be a fairly new to the scene submissive playing with a dom, who i would say was probably pretty experienced. They also had a girl with them who was topping for the first time. The dom appeared to be mentoring / training her.
In my opinion it seemed like a pretty fluffy, almost gentle scene they were playing out. There were no big hits or anything i would class as edgy. Because my opinion of what is edgy may not be everyones, i will try to describe the scene a little better. Floggers, canes, gags, restraint, scratchy mitts, sensual play and knife. The floggers and cane were leaving red marks but only what i would class as 'skin warming'. The knife never broke the skin, in fact the dom mainly used the blunt side, not blade.
Several times during the play which lasted a good few hours in total, the sub safe worded. They were using the amber and red code, or whatever you would call it! Now it is my understanding that when a sub says amber it means 'i don't want to stop the scene altogether but there is a problem we need to discuss'. Red just means an out and out 'i need the scene to end full stop'.
Several times the sub 'ambered'. The dom would 'say do you mean that', she would say 'yes'. Ok, so you would think time for a little discussion, change of intensity, change of implement, position? Nope after hearing 'yes' he just carried on.
The sub then cries 'red'. Does the dom stop? Yes, very briefly and then again just carries on. This happened several times.
My issues here are as follows.....

1. 
   If you are going to use safe words, surely they should be used properly.
   If amber means stop and lets talk about it a second surely that is what should be done. If red means stop, scene over again surely it is what should be done?
   
2. 
   If you are mentoring a new top, what kind of example is ignoring safe words to set?
   
3. 
   If you are playing with a new or fairly new or hell even an experienced sub, safe words should not be ignored.
   
4. 
   Why would you give them and then ignore them? It's just not safe in any way shape or form!
   
5. 
   Why did the DM's not step in? They clearly heard her safe word just as my friends and i did!
   
6. 
   How about those watching the scene? You hear a sub 'red', do you step in and say 'hey she just asked for the scene to stop, now stop?'. I know if it had been my friend who had 'redded' i would be straight in there.
   
7. 
   What kind of example does it set to possible other newbies watching the scene? What impression of the lifestyle does it give?                     

As you all know (or maybe not) lol, i am not an advocate of safe words, i don't use them. But i will stand up for those who do and for their right to use them. The right to have them adhered to, and not ignored as was done in this case.

Edited for bad spelling and really bad grammar.