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RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 2:44:30 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		~FR~

In a specific group that knows one another very well and has negotiated specific behaviors among the Dominants and submissives, that respect that has been talked about would be appropriate. But not in a general, open-to-the -general-kinky-public parties and not in most of the private parties I've been to.

There are Dominants who have earned extra courtesy and respect from me, in real-life and here. They consistently, with few slips, behave with respect and courtesy toward others. I can depend on their opinions showing wisdom and life-experiences that they've learned from. Not everyone learns from their life experiences so their opinions are not ones I listen to but I do try to learn from their mistakes.

It is possible that certain people who have commented on this thread are in a community where specific protocols have been previously negotiated and are taught to newcomers without the newcomers understanding the history for their actions. But that is not the environment where I spend the majority of my time. It would be nice if it were so!

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(in reply to UR2Badored)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 2:46:07 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Actually, he is still lurking and reading. Trying to find a way to rescind his previous statement that he is "outta here and won't be reading what you wrote"......... so he can add some more.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 2:58:56 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Actually, he is still lurking and reading. Trying to find a way to rescind his previous statement that he is "outta here and won't be reading what you wrote"......... so he can add some more.


I figured he would but I'll try to take him at his word till he shows otherwise. BTW, great thread!

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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 2:59:05 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf

<Beginning snipped>  Anyone that feels they are immediately entitled to it has already lost it.

Dolf


I agree.  Those "kneel, bitch" people just make me laugh....

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Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 3:13:22 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		This topic rocks!  I don't generally pay attention to whether or not someone is dominant or submissive from an online source.  I tend to meet people and get my imput from how they act.  But this topic shows me that the rose colored glasses are off for a lot of people.  Courtesy yes, civil behavior is perferred, but if someone has to use a title to define how they wish to be treated, I will continue to raise a brow.. though perhaps with a bit of distain revealed in my eye.
Actions mean much more than titles in my world.
Kyst

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 3:14:08 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I did get your point and issue RT, but you still refuse to answer my question - how does being rude or condecending to anyone, regardless of whether they are dominant, s- type or police officer grow or enhance (or even create) any kind of respect?
 
I will also refer to your police comment.  I am as trusting and open and take people at face value.  I contain faith within me.  But the moment I was pulled over, with my young daughter beside me, by a man dressed as a UK police officer, claiming to be a police officer and I refused to get out of my vehicle because his actions did not present his case in the way I could verify he was an officer of the law and so proceeded to call the police on my mobile, was the moment he got back into his supposed 'unmarked vehicle' and sped off.  I would rather of ended up in jail, than on the floor of some trunk.
 
If I walk into a dungeon and see a man tying up in woman I would assume he is a man tying up a woman.  He might be a sadist, or a dominant, or a top, or her master.  Until I verify for myself by asking, I am just second guessing.  And second guessing isn't always healthy.
 
And as far as flaming goes, I would state that not everyone has.  And again ask if you consider your behaviour towards some people, as a way to gain respect.  It is a simple question you have yet to focus on?
 
the.dark.

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Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 3:21:32 PM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I could not say exactly what it takes to earn my respect because I like to give folks the benefit of the doubt.  General respect is a matter of courtesy for me (assuming you do not find that my exercising my sense of humor is indicative of a lack of respect.).  I can tell you what it takes to lose my respect, though:  dishonesty, hypocracy, cowardice, willful ignorance, abuse of authority, and betrayal.  There might be more, but any one of those in their various permutations relieves me of any self-imposed obligation to treat the offending person with respect.

(in reply to natasha66)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 3:39:55 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bstardsbitch
Bows down in respect to LaTigresse

But... but... you are showing respect to a dominant you only know from online interaction!  Could that be because she showed you respect first?

The mind boggles.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 3:53:12 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I have more issues then playboy does about this topic.

I really reject the concept of respect being some Domly Dom exclusive thing as being part of the "the good old boys club".

Just because somebody is some orientation in this lifestyle does not mean some automatic Carte Blanche for somebody to walk around demanding respect.

Somebody compared Doms to being president of the United States.  I find fault with this logic.  Why?  Because some complete stranger that is nobody to me, is not in any position or power or authority over me, well frankly... I don't have to respect them just based on Merits or orientation alone.

Respect, is something that I give a basic amount to.  All human beings I come in contact with, I give a certain level of Basic Human respect for.   This is of my own free will.   However, if somebody is walking around demanding it without any merits besides of their orientation alone, well... Screw that.    You can kiss my ass.  I give respect out my own personal free will, and free choice.   When it comes down to things I have to do in life, they include things such as pay taxes and die.  Many things are simply optional. 

If I don't have respect for a person, I simply don't have it and I ain't feeling it.   In fact, I'll want to remove myself from their presense or I'm wanting them to remove themselves from my presense.  Some people confuse TOLERENCE with TRUE RESPECT.    Sure, I'm might be tolerent to a certain point or level.   I might not respect somebody, and not be quick to voice my lack of respect for them.   In short, I'm just tolerating them.   Trust me, if they push things too far.  I have limits to what I can humanly tolerate, then I will express my lact of respect for them.   It can be as simple as "You know what Bob, I just don't respect you, and well Bob I just don't really like you as a person, and personally I want nothing to do with you.".    At this point I'm simply being POLITE in how I express myself.   Being POLITE can be confused for RESPECT as well.   Everybody has limits.

I think everybody should give other people a basic level of respect.   However, that respect can either grow or become diminish.   People tend to earn the level of respect they are given by other people.

If somebody is not very respected in the Vanilla world, or in general by other people.  Simply coming into BDSM and demanding it because you are a DOM/Master does not mean one is going to get it here.   The basic rules of human interaction don't magically change.

In many regards, there are people that don't show other people respect just because of their orientation.  That explains why there are people emailing complete strangers online with some very disrespectful email messages.   Some of the submissives and slaves on this site, get some really crazy off the wall disrespectful emails.

Personally whatever happened keeping this concept simple.  Respect other people regardless of orientation (Dom/me,sub,slave,switch).  Whatever happened to the concept of respect is something that is also earned.

Like I said some people confuse being Tolerated with being Respected.   Some people confuse somebody being Polite as being Respected.

Some people love to bash on one another and joke around.  Some people's egos can't deal with it.   What's that expression "Fuck them if they can't take a joke".    Some people can't deal with the heat very well at times, and need to stay the hell out of the kitchen.    

(in reply to UR2Badored)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:04:59 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

If somebody is not very respected in the Vanilla world, or in general by other people.  Simply coming into BDSM and demanding it because you are a DOM/Master does not mean one is going to get it here.   The basic rules of human interaction don't magically change.



Whip, thank you very much for all of the time and effort you put into your lengthy post. I loved it. Please excuse me for snipping out a piece that really jumped out at me and got me thinking about something I've wondered for a long time.

I sometimes question how much the very idea of instant power and owed respect draws some really fucked up disfunctional people to BDSM and power exchange relationship.

That very concern is one of the things that leads me back to the whole idea that automatic, anything, towards an unknown person that gives themself a title or role and demands to be treated in a special manner, is downright preposterous.




_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:09:36 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I agree with you.  I adore a healthy ego and know many men who exude confidence and inspire my respect.  It is attractive.  What I don't get is how people can produce a title and expect everyone to partake in their delusion.   There are some people here I read and think.. yeah they do this, they get this (you two included), but there are a lot that I read and don't get that impression at all.
Kyst


Back from my demanding work schedule..

It is hard to exude anything thru a computer screen especially since the medium is so detached and all one has to go by are words on a liquid crystal display. Negatives attitudes and arrogant posturing can usually be spotted right away. On the other hand, someone who is genuine and who is worthy can only be figured out by repeated postings and by observing their behavior over time and with different people.

I give most folks here and in any online venue common courtesy "unless they are total asshats here or I know they are in RT" and do not expect the same in return. When I do get it... it comes as a nice  surprise.

C-D

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:14:45 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ModeratorSixteen

Lets try and keep on topic.


And I do apologize for my humor Miss,d and will try to curb that behavior in the future. :-)

C-D

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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(in reply to ModeratorSixteen)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:20:59 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		This is online.. all we have is our humor.  <g>  I much perfer that to online posturing.  And btw... what is an asshat? 
Kyst

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:24:16 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
And btw... what is an asshat? 
Kyst


someone who by all evidence, has their head up their ass and is wearing their ass like a hat


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I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

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(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:24:58 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
Like I said some people confuse being Tolerated with being Respected.   Some people confuse somebody being Polite as being Respected.

.. and some people confuse being respected with getting laid.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:36:57 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

It's  obvious to me that no one here even begins to understand what I said in my first post.


I think people understood what you posted just fine... you just don't like the outcome of what you posted.


quote:


In order for BDSM to work, there has to be Dominants and submissives.  For BDSM to work, submissives need to SUBMIT. For BDSM to work, there has to be a trust/belief  that Dominants are what they claim to be and submissives are what they claim to be.



mmmmm not really.  For An indivdiual relationship to work there needs to be trust/belief.  Which is not just a blank check either.  Just because a person says they are Dominant or Submissive is rather pointless.... one must go alot further than that for a given relationship that incorporates BDSM to be successful.  Claims are just ... talk.  Sorry... just because you claim to be a Dominanat... doesn't mean I am going to respect you as such... in fact your behavior on the boards is showing me that I should show you contempt over respect.

quote:


In this case,  things sure seem to have broken down! Here, subs distrust the credentials of ANY and ALL Dominants, unless they have had the opportunity to PROVE their dominance to THEM!


um no... most individuals will take note of the talk.... but they tend to reserve judgement on the actions/inactions that either support or undermind the talk.  Not unlike alot of Dominants will do for submissives.



quote:


Doms offer other Doms ZERO respect here.


It would seem that your projecting here.......... It does seem that you are recieving no respect..... I wonder why that is... interestingly enough... I have recieved alot of polite and respectful treatment... and so have alot of other individuals.... I think the problem is with you not the site.

quote:


I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way in real life!


really??????????? mmmmmmmmmmmm

quote:


If I believed that I had the right to question the credentials of every police officer that pulled me over then I'd be spending a lot of time in jail! I simply have to trust that they are who they claim to be-until they show otherwise. Whether I personally like them or not, I have to respect their POSITION as an authority figure. This is what I spoke of in my original post-respecting the position. And from what I can see, not a single one of you 'got it'.


not another stupid comparison?!!!!!!!!!

quote:


Are your collective minds THAT closed?


No.. actually it is very open to the fact that just because you say your a Dominant.. might actually mean your an idiot.  I am also open to alot of other possibilities as well.  I find it ironic that you are so closed minded that you can't accept that people are not going to just accept a person's claim they are Dominant and bow down to them.  Sorry ... people are not so up... mindless to such a concept.

quote:


What I speak of is called a leap of faith.  I believe that the guy who just put on blue lights, pulled me over and got out of his car is a cop. I make that leap of faith. I treat him respectfully and usually get off with a warning. Could he be a fake? Possible-but unlikely! The point is that I make that leap of faith that he is who he claims to be-and then I respect his position as an authority figure. 


You got to be kidding?  A leap of faith......... mmmmmmm just how many people do you know that drive a police car and dress as a cop and carry a gun and go pull people over and are not police.  This is not a leap of faith... this Critical Thinking based on knowledge and experiences.

And that is what people often do when assessing the person who claims themselves to be a Dominant... granted... there are some mindless irresponsibility idiots that will say Sir to any idiot that calls himself a Dominant.  But yeah.. those kind of idiots deserved each other... so I am ok with that.

quote:


It's the same with BDSM.  If I walk into a dungeon and see a guy dressed in black tying up a woman, I make the leap of faith that he's a Domniant. I don't walk over to him and ask to see his resume or credentials.   I don't quiz him on his knowlege. I make the ASSUMPTION that he's the real deal and treat him as such-with the respect that a Dominant should expect.


Really... I make the choice that he might be Topping the person in question... after watching alittle bit more.. I might see that he is doing a scene with this person and then will beable to validate my observation that he is Topping her.  Now... it might be this person is a Switch... it might be this person is a submissive to one person and Topping another... it might be that He is a Top and also happens to be the husband to the woman he is tying up... it might be alot of other things... but... I guess I am not so limited in my critical thinking to make a leap of stupidity in thinking the person is a Dominant when there are sooooooooo many other possibilities as well.  I don't make Assumptions as well... like assuming he is a Dominant as you did.... because that is exactly what you did!  You assumed he was a Dominant because of two facts... he is wearing black and was tying up a woman....... what if he was in a bunny suit... would this make him a service top?

quote:


I'm beginning to realize that this simply does not happen here. I'm beginning to realize that this is not real BDSM as I know and practice. It's a bunch of subs who whine and spend most of their time 'topping from the bottom' and a bunch of 'Doms' that let them get away with it. If that's what you want to do, then who am I to tell you otherwise? Go right ahead and believe/do whatever you want.


I am beginning to realize that you don't know what real BDSM is.  but you do have your fantasy version of it.. I give you that. 

quote:


In the first line of my profile it says; "I am the real deal. No more, no less".  That describes me to a T.  Frankly, I don't care if anyone here believes me and/or respects me or not-what I DO care about  is when I walk into a Dungeon that I get the respect there that I deserve. And 99% of the time I do.

I'm willing to accept those odds.

This is the last I will say about this subject. Flame away all you want-I won't be reading what you write, as I'm outta here...


Funny... most people that are the real deal don't have to claim it... they just are.  Secondly... you do care... otherwise you wouldn't be making a big deal about it.  And I care too... because I think your pompus concept belongs in fantasy and not in any working community or relationship.

I am not surprize you are leaving.... most here on the boards don't tolerate mindless BS that you are tying to sell...     However... I suspect you will peak in once in while hoping things will change... because people like you continue float around trying to find someone that will buy what you selling.

(in reply to masterforRT)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:44:28 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Please forgive me everybody, but just what exactly are credentials when applied to somebody's orientation in the lifestyle?

My hair just wants to stand up on end when I read certain things, Credentials.. for instance.  Like there is some offical means for getting one's Credentials for their orientation. 

Even when looking and the history of BDSM, where the hell is there some offical society of one wayesm passing out credentials?   The ultimate BDSM society or governing board of BSDM certification.

I realize some people have a bit of a fetish for obtaining and collecting certifications, awards and such to hang on their walls.

Makes BDSM sound pretty exclusive and out of reach for the common person, when one pulls out words such as credentials.

Yes, I disagree with a POV or thought that somebody has posted on this thread.   Yes, I'm a DOM.  Does this automatically  mean that I have Zero Respect for other DOMs?  Not really.   Some DOMs I respect and others ones I don't.   It's a case by case basis.   

Yet, there was a complete blanket statement made, that Doms offer Zero Respect for one another one this site.   I disagree with that statement.   In fact, there are a number of Doms that have been very supportive of one another at times.  Hell, I've even have had some great behind the scene email exchanges with Doms, sub, switches and slaves.

I have a very dear friend of mine that is a slave, I have a lot of respect for her, her relationship she has with her Master and I've been 100% supportive of things.   This girl has had problems with wedge driving games players trying to convince her that her Master is not good enough.  I have yet to hear a single thing from her lips, IM's or emails that has given me a Red Flag about him at all.   

With that said, I take things on a case by case basis.  Not all us Doms life mission is to bash other Doms in some vain attempt to make ourselves look better.   If somebody wants to bash or beat on me, well I think I can take the heat and defend myself and my views.   Hell, I'm not perfect.  I'll admit that I make mistakes, that I can make an ass out of myself from time to time.  That I even have my own blonde moments.

I am fascinated by the concept of Credentials.   I seem to be lacking some form of Official Domly Dom Credentials in my collection of paperwork.  lol...   Yes, I'm making a bit of smart ass joke and stab at this.  

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:48:16 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGIONAL: masterforRT
And from what I can see, not a single one of you 'got it'.


Yep...it's not you...it's every bloomin' one of US!!



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Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:48:59 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Yes, I disagree with a POV or thought that somebody has posted on this thread.   Yes, I'm a DOM.  Does this automatically  mean that I have Zero Respect for other DOMs?  Not really.   Some DOMs I respect and others ones I don't.   It's a case by case basis.    



I don't think I have ever said I was a Dominant per se. I more identify as ..

A nose picker with Dominant tendencies. Shouldn't that garnish me more respect?

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Age + Experience = Respect??? No...I don't think so... - 8/12/2008 4:52:56 PM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		FR
 
just b'cuz someones lived alot of years doesn't automatically mean they were paying attention.

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 120
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