CreativeDominant
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Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan
quote:
ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
I have to say I agree with the lovely LaT. Extreme is in the eye of the beholder. softness mentioned that there had not been a post on here yet that was headed towards the guppy vs. shark deal but there have been a couple of posts which have stated that someone described themselves as sadistic and yet turned green when confronted with certain descriptions of scenes. The fact that what was being described to them did not sit well with them does not mean that they are not a "true" or "real" or "good" sadists, it just means that they may come at things from a different way. After all, the dictionary definition of a sadist is simply that it is someone who receives pleasure and/or arousal...most often sexual...from the infliction of pain. Nowhere does it qualify what the level of pain is for a person to be considered a sadist.
As one of the people who made a "wimped out" post...
It's quite frustrating when people bill themselves falsely in an effort to please. I have started scenes with people who said they were sadists, and who, no starting the scene, were most reluctant about actually hurting me.
That's what I mean about wimping out.
I'm not going to meet someone, who says "well I love needles" and say "well boy golly gosh I do too" knowing full well that I don't. Likewise, saying "hello, I'm a sadist" when you aren't, is just going to disappoint everyone.
But see, this is where that old semantic/definition bugaboo of D/s and BDSM comes into play as an exercise in frustration.
In BDSM and D/s, we have the "slave". In BDSM and D/s, we have the "submissive". Anybody want to throw numbers out there about how many threads have been posted about whether a D/s "slave" can even exist since he/she does not meet the dictionary definition of slave? Anybody want to give the number of posts which state that a "slave" is not a slave when she doesn't even meet the criteria of the books written on BDSM and D/s VS the number of posts that say "fuck the books, a slave is what myself and my partner define it as" VS the number of posts that then turn around and state "Fine...but then do not be surprised if the minority/majority/all others within D/s and BDSM disagree with you"?
Now, in BDSM and D/s we have the "sadist" and the "masochist". This is something a bit more simple. I am sure you can find sadists and masochists within BDSM and D/s that fit the dictionary definition to a T. But...according to the way that BDSM and D/s works for most of us, there are infinite variations on the definition of "sadist" and "masochist". For some, a sadist is one who inflicts only heavy pain or distress...physically and/or emotionally...and may or may not care if his partner is enjoying it. For some, a sadist is one who inflicts pain...mild, moderate, severe...on either a masochist or a pain slut so that his pleasure is added to by the increase of her own pleasure. And so on...and so on. A sadist that seems reluctant about actually hurting you may be someone who:
1. has not played with you before and so has no idea where your level really is, despite what you told him about where it is and so goes cautiously, not only because of a genuine caring nature but a wish to avoid charges.
2. may be a sadist but not at the extreme/mild level you wish him to be and somehow, communication about such broke down
3. may be a human being whose consideration doesn't always get tamped down by his sadistic nature and who, admittedly, may be going a bit overboard in his concern and caution
4. etc.
L
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RE: A good sadist / masochist is hard to find.... - 
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What he said.
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