RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms

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candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 6:11:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 quote: have given about 3 or 4 Doms bjs at the end of like 2nd or 3rd dates. Are there dates after these? Do you not go out with them because you didn't have an 'o' with them after the bj? Or did the attraction fizzle out after the bj on his side? Did you talk with these guys about it - after all, you said you only went on the 2nd dates with them because you were attracted to them. You could ask how he sees the relationship progressing. Well, basically, see post no. 115. If you consider only Doms who are 'sexually connected', the only thing I have to add is this feels akin to having just moved someplace about 18 months ago without knowing anyone there when I first arrived, ya know what I mean? candystripper

Aileen1968 -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 6:14:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Maybe it was a lousy bj. I've given bj's and become quite aroused by the whole process, but never once have I ever been close to coming from giving one. I've given bj's and not been touched at all before, during and after. I've given bj's and been fucked before, during and after. It all depends on the mood and the people involved. Candy seems to be having communication issues. I did try to read her profile, but it was just way too long for me. I have a feeling that only a few men ever get to the end of it. She has every right to want a romantic, sensual relationship. That kind of relationship requirement doesn't become a troll filter though. They are everywhere...even in that romantic d/s world of unicorns and castles. And that's why she needs to fine tune her selection process and forget about flowery romance until after she chooses someone healthy for her. Then enjoy the whole fun process of exploring with someone who matches her desires. They are out there. She needs to learn how to recognize them. I agree Aileen...but how much exploring can you do to find out if these men aren't actually sexually disconnected and would actually be a good match if you don't ever make it past the 1st blowjob? Maybe she shouldn't give bj's on the first date then. Or the second. Or until she knows that she may have potential with the person.

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 6:16:56 AM)
quote: If you consider only Doms who are 'sexually connected', the only thing I have to add is this feels akin to having just moved someplace about 18 months ago without knowing anyone there when I first arrived, ya know what I mean? Yes, I know what you mean. Which is why I really think this disconnect is coming from you, candy. You're still figuring things out, wondering what kind of Dom is going to be a good match for you, etc. It's not that the Dom is sexually disconnected, it could very well be that your desires and needs are disconnected from those you're choosing to communicate with. Personally, I hate labels. Slapping the label 'pleasure submissive' on your profile may just suggest to some Doms that you're fulfilled in fulfilling HIS needs. There's nothing wrong with having a sensuous, sexually satisfying D/s relationship without the S/M part. You just need to find the right partner - and be open to the fact that you're responsible for finding him, not that there's something wrong with the ones who don't exactly meet your needs.

mistoferin -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 6:20:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Maybe she shouldn't give bj's on the first date then. Or the second. Or until she knows that she may have potential with the person. Shuddup!!! You mean some people actually take time to get to know a person before they start gobbling down their privates???? Who'da thunk???[:D]

Aileen1968 -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 6:23:10 AM)
Heh heh. Gobbling is such a funny word.

mistoferin -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 6:29:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Heh heh. Gobbling is such a funny word. Uh huh...and the look on their face when you're eyeing them up like a turkey leg on Thanksgiving...is priceless! [:D]

Twicehappy2x -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 6:54:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Heh heh. Gobbling is such a funny word. Uh huh...and the look on their face when you're eyeing them up like a turkey leg on Thanksgiving...is priceless! [:D] You know, a few days ago Scooter commented that around me, it is much safer to hide the dick. Now you have me wondering, could it be "that" face? Does my way of eying him up perhaps say "cannibal" instead of just "yum"? Sheesh, he acts like i get all distracted if he is naked or something!

tazzygirl -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 7:31:37 AM)
~tosses in my two cents worth... if its worth that much~ was in such a relationship... stayed for three years... sometimes it was what candy called a disconnect.. sometimes a bit more... as the years went on, its like he finally allowed himself to trust me enough to give back some pleasure.. and when he did.. wow not everything is as black and white as it may seem... we are all human beings, with different backgrounds, different needs, wants, desires a slave's lot in life is to please... and.. yes... i get alot of pleasure from pleasing a Master's lot in life is to take care of his slave... took me a while to get that through his head... but when i did.. things changed eventually, yes, i can see how you would get tired of giving and not recieving.. a slave is not a doormat... and has to stand up for herself at times, as hard as that may be to be believed.. and some men are frankly clueless as what to do with a woman ~grins~ another thing a slave has to stand up for, then kneel for, then.. umm. yeah.. you get the drift

candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 7:37:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 2Fiesty Ok heres the quick and dirty answer to this entire thread. If your Partner (whether Dom or Vanilla) is frequently "disconnected" (more than just a "bad day at work", or "has alot on his mind" sort of thing) then chances are he is not interested in you and you need to move on. Sometimes one partner will allow a relationship to drag on for months or years because they dont want to hurt your feelings and ending it would be terribly inconvenient (for 1 reason or another). I should know, as I myself done this to previous boyfriends, who seemed to prefer me to lie to them rather than end the relationship. ------ The other thing that bothers me about this thread is, to all of you who gave {candy} shit about being a "pleasure slave" not everyone is a masochist, she is simply reinforcing her limits and telling you up front what she likes. You know that whole communication thing? People arent mind readers and a slaves needs and desires are important if you want to keep her. She offers potential Doms monogamy, honesty, her body and a willingness to serve (within her limits). She cant exactly offer anything specific because she would have to know what her partner likes (since we are all different). Not every Dom out there wants a doormat who begs them to be abused everynight. There are different levels of D/s which in reality even vanillas whether they realize it or not participates. Candy (it seems to me) just wants a Man who is strong and aggressive who will order her around and be possessive of her. She likes to play dress up and top from the bottom which is fine....some guys are into that. Not all guys are comfortable with pain-play or hardcore bondage. -I hate how some people try to make D/s black and white (and its not just Dom(me)s who do this but self-righteous and snobby subs as well); I have often been told that if I am a real sub I should continue the same mannerisms and timid demeanor in public as I do in the bedroom, and that "playtime" is a B.S. concept. "Either you are D/s all the time or your not." I strongly disagree, I am a sub not a slave and I am still a human being, and after the formalities of D/s have been acknowledged, Master and I have normal conversations like normal people. After I have finished my daily responsibilities set by Master, I go about the rest of my day doing as I wish (again like a normal human). --- So! in closing, for those of us who are submissives and NOT slaves or beasts (Gor). (And for those like candy who are NOT painsluts)...... PLEASE STOP CRITISIZING AND JUDGING US! <bows respectfully> Thank you very much for your consideration. (Emphasis added.) Wow. I feel like I just got a butterfly kiss. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaZl1RrTnco Deeply appreciated. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 7:49:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper Well, only gotten to 3rd, so far. One thing or another has caused one or the other of us to give up. Usually distance. Christ -- hold your horses will ya? Only been dating D/s regularly for about a year at this point. candystripper Okay then...if you give the blow job on the 3rd date...and you've only gotten to the third date...that would mean that there haven't been any dates after the blowjob (or only 1 at the most if you gave the blowjob on the 2nd date). So I have to assume that means that there has only been the one (or at the most 2) sexual contacts between you. If that is the case, how on earth can you label these men as sexually disconnected? I would have thought that what you were referring to was men who ONLY want blowjobs and don't give a whit about ever satisfying you. If there hasn't been any ongoing sexual interaction between you, how can you determine such a thing? (Emphasis added.) Yes, that's is right..but it's also wrong, because: 1. These are men who self-idenitify as 'sexual Doms' and I* have a strong sense that this is true,* right along, just like any other Dom I've played with, until.. 2. He cums. It's like suddenly someone turned off the sexual lightbulb. That do it for ya? candystripper

KatyLied -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 7:54:46 AM)
I hate to say this, but it's a "not really into you, got what he wanted" sort of scenario. The only remedies I can think of is: wait before giving out bj's or when giving out 2nd/3rd date bj's don't expect it to turn into a romantic relationship. Or/and if you aren't getting what you want, tell him you want more physical action than merely giving a bj.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 7:55:05 AM)
I've had moments of being sexually disconnected. I'm not sexually disconnected for the most part. Think a lot of people have posted about some types of submissives, that get off on being used by sexually disconnected DOMs. So, it all depends upon the people involved. If you want a Dom that is Sexually connected with you, find one. Stop getting mixed up with Sexually Disconnected ones, Ditch the ones you come across that are Sexual Disconnected. If you stick it out with a Sexually Disconnected DOM, you'll never be satified in trying to make the relationship work out. You'll just resent him in the END. You won't end up respecting him or yourself. Some people are simply sexually Disconnected and enjoy it that way. There are sexually Disconnected submissives and switches as well as DOMs. For some people a piece of ass or being used or using is what they are into.

candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 7:56:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Maybe it was a lousy bj. I've given bj's and become quite aroused by the whole process, but never once have I ever been close to coming from giving one. I've given bj's and not been touched at all before, during and after. I've given bj's and been fucked before, during and after. It all depends on the mood and the people involved. Candy seems to be having communication issues. I did try to read her profile, but it was just way too long for me. I have a feeling that only a few men ever get to the end of it. She has every right to want a romantic, sensual relationship. That kind of relationship requirement doesn't become a troll filter though. They are everywhere...even in that romantic d/s world of unicorns and castles. And that's why she needs to fine tune her selection process and forget about flowery romance until after she chooses someone healthy for her. Then enjoy the whole fun process of exploring with someone who matches her desires. They are out there. She needs to learn how to recognize them. ROFLMAO. Okay, back to reading. candystripper

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 7:56:49 AM)
What is a 'sexual Dom'? Is this someone not interested in S&M? candy ... I don't know if I can stress this enough, though - stop asking why things happened in past relationships and use what did happen in the future to manage your relationships, until you're prepared to give over that management to the Dom who collars you. Only you can stop yourself from being/feeling used.

mistoferin -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 7:59:04 AM)
psssssssssssssttttttt Candy.....after a man cums they generally do go into shut down mode....at least for a little bit. They want to relax in the moment, have you make them a bite to eat, take a quick nap....that sort of thing. I'm assuming you're not dating 18 year olds who can be ready for round 2 in 3.5 seconds. So if the blowjob is coming at the end of the date....and there isn't another date....when exactly are you expecting them to show you what "sexual doms" they are?

persephonee -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 8:04:52 AM)
~FR~ Candy i have only read some of the responses here so forgive me if this has been said. But Dr. Phil (much chagrined as i am to admit) is right. You teach people how to treat you and for your own sake you should do that immediately upon contact with someone of the Dominant persuasion as they will treat you as they see fit fairly early on. If you let it be known that you are a person worthy of time and sexual attention then you will get time and sexual attention. If you present yourself as someone who is so swept away by the chemical dynamic youve established within 2 or 3 dates that the only way you have of expressing that feeling is head...then they will more than likely take the gift and go on about their way. This is not a D/s lesson...its one a majority of girls learn early on in their sexual lives. Submission is not a gift. Submission is a part of an exchange. And i am not suggesting that a person on the s-side needs to be greedy. i am merely saying that you dont give everything you have to a person that you have only talked to and seen in person for short periods of time(dates) without first determining what benefit will come to you. No offense, but men, regardless of the level of domination they claim, are relatively easy to read. If you are cued into a lack of reciprocated feeling from them, and it would upset you to blow him and then receive nothing in return....including another date, then by all means...take some hard candys with you to the movie or whatever. And this comes from the heart...i would say it to any woman struggling with D/s...you may be new to D/s but you are not new to life in general. Please dont allow yourself to be swept away by the brochures....there is a gritty side to human nature and you have been on the earth long enough to have gleaned that. Respect yourself and others will follow suit. Once the foundation is set firmly and to both parties satisfaction....slut it up babygirl...slut it up.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 8:15:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied I hate to say this, but it's a "not really into you, got what he wanted" sort of scenario. The only remedies I can think of is: wait before giving out bj's or when giving out 2nd/3rd date bj's don't expect it to turn into a romantic relationship. Or/and if you aren't getting what you want, tell him you want more physical action than merely giving a bj. Absolutely! You need to make sure that you are getting equal value for your effort. When you have a price you have to stick to it, or you devalue the product. It shouldn't be a matter of the number of dates. Giving quality, bj's or any product, you have to get quality, orgasms or nice dinners; in return. As a capitalist I appreciate that quid quo pro expectation. You're not prepared to 'give' anything. You, as a 'pleasure submissive' expect pleasure. You have to turn the deal around and not give until you get. Candy - The bottom line is, all you need to do is be more dominant in your submission; and stick to the price you've set for providing it! Best wishes & Good Luck!

Aileen1968 -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 8:32:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin psssssssssssssttttttt Candy.....after a man cums they generally do go into shut down mode....at least for a little bit. They want to relax in the moment, have you make them a bite to eat, take a quick nap....that sort of thing. I'm assuming you're not dating 18 year olds who can be ready for round 2 in 3.5 seconds. So if the blowjob is coming at the end of the date....and there isn't another date....when exactly are you expecting them to show you what "sexual doms" they are? That's why women, if they want to come, need to come before the guy does. Once he comes, sex is over. [:D] And of course there are freaks of nature in the male kingdom that don't follow this general rule. Please forward their phone numbers to me.

angelikaJ -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 8:34:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 candy ... I don't know if I can stress this enough, though - stop asking why things happened in past relationships and use what did happen in the future to manage your relationships, until you're prepared to give over that management to the Dom who collars you. Only you can stop yourself from being/feeling used. I disagree a bit here... if you pick people who are not going to meet your needs or pattern your relationships in ways where the end result is the same and you are unhappy with it then yes... examine what it is that you are dong so you can learn to have a different outcome...but in order to have a different outcome you will need to do things differently. Perhaps find a kink friendly therapist to gain some perspective. UNLESS you are WILLING and able to change what it is that you are doing, things aren't likely to change for you. to the OP: You can't live life in your head...life is meant to be lived...not thought.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 8:38:57 AM)
Damn you people and threads like this. I'm drinking my coffee and killing time on this message board again. One of the things I love to do, is prolong my partners orgasm. Have them in a complete state of going over the edge and then some. Hearing the beg for it to stop. I love hearing somebody beg for it stop. Knowing they are feeling like thier brain is about ready to jump out their skull, can't breath and their body is trembling to death. I love seeing somebody tremble and shake after I've done this, and them trying to regain their ever loving friggen senses afterwards. Mind you this is after I've used them for complete fuckmeat and sex toy for awhile and I've cum. Damn it! I love spanking pussy too.. knowing the effects it's having on somebody who responds well to it. If I know my partner gets all crazy and horny from me forcing them to give me a blow job. You betcha, I'm all over that one. I love working girls up to the complete super slut stage. Once they are there, you can do just about anything and everything you want to with them. Get them doing all kinds of crazy things without too much second thought. Sure, I love Blow jobs... but I Love and enjoy getting somebody worked up into a sexual frienzy and being in control of it. Basically, letting them loose control and give it over to me. hehehe... It's like having high sex drive Barbie on my hands and I can play with her anyway I want. Why? Because she's turned into one big walking clit that's completely free of inhabitions. Hehehe... What's amazing is the fact, I actually worked somebody up who was not into Anal sex, to the point they were begging me to fuck them up the ass. So, I must be doing something right. LOL... Damn it... I do love Quick Blow Jobs and sex on demand. However, my partners all knew that sooner or later they would get and get it good. At times one can use Sexually Disconnected moments to simply tease somebody. I'm guilty as charged with that one. However, I'll verbally tease about how bad they love and want it. Remind them that I'm going to use them nice and hard later on! Get them worked up to the point they are friggen begging me to fuck the hell out of them. OK, then show me how bad you want it! Bend over, show me that hot beautiful ass and let me take my flogger to it. With ever stroke I want to hear you say "Please fuck my sluttly whore pussy!"... Wack Wack.. let me hear it! Then after a bit. Good Girl! Now you are going to get it good. I must be a freak or something.

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