RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms

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Paulnz -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 12:38:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper I mean, like, where’s her orgasm? Interesting OP, and I'm scratching my head trying to understand it. If I read it right, you don't know anything about sex. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but there you are. As a general rule, her orgasm is her business. I'm not going to dictate it or provide it, and I don't give a tinkers whether she achieves it or not. I am not interested. If she wants a guaranteed orgasm, get a vibrator. Now, having said that, personally I like to take my time and I don't care for blowjobs. That's my preference. If she likes orgasm control, then we can do that, if I agree. But nowhere in the sexual contract do I say I am an orgasm giver. Basically the whole idea that men should somehow worry about her getting off is a load of bullshit fed to men from an early age. Men who buy into this line of thinking are complete wimps and likely useless fucks to boot. My experience with women who complain about the man they're with not doing it for her, simply don't like the guy fullstop. When they mysteriously find they like the guy, his dick grows several inches immediately and he's the most powerful lover god created. So, look in the mirror, decide who you like and who you don't and deal with your own orgasms.

WyldHrt -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 12:56:57 AM)
Sorry, PaulNZ, gonna call bullshit on that one. While that dynamic might work for you and those you choose to partner, calling all men who actually care about satisfying their partner "complete wimps" is a load of crap. Please see CD's and Raven's posts on page one to pick up your clue by four. As to like = "dick growing several inches"... dayum. The OP isn't the one who knows nothing about sex, lmao! In case you missed my above point... she lied!

MissIsis -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 1:19:58 AM)
I think what this is true of some men, whether vanilla or bdsm minded. I am sure it isn't applicable to all. I am not even sure if it has much to do with being selfish on their part. If for some reason, they are led to believe that all the submissive is interested in, is giving a guy pleasure, maybe they really do believe that is all she wants to do. Personally, I have found that most of the time, the men I have been with, will continue on & on, until they think I have had enough. And believe it or not, sometimes, I just really do want them to stop. It takes me a very long time to have the big "O", & many times, I am through long before they are. In those times, my thoughts have gone to what I will be doing at work the next day or what happened on one of my favorite TV shows. Sometimes, I just fake it to get them done with the whole business. Usually, I do appreciate it, but I recognize that my "O" is just that. It is my responsibility to get there, & just as a dominant man might use me to get where he wants to go, sometimes, I am using the man just the same. I use his body & the sensations he is giving me to get to where I want to go, as well. Of course, my perspective might be a little different, but I was a submissive well before I was a dominant woman, so I think I have a little experience to base that on. You asked about domme's as well in your original op. I can only tell you my experiences & I am sure they will differ from person to person. I do not get sexual satisfaction from submissive men. I tend to use them as non-sexual service submissives, but I do reward them by making sure they get sexual & bdsm satisfaction, even though they are never allowed sexual contact with me. I allow them to cum for me, while they masterbate under my instructions, & generally, after I have given them some form of masochistic pleasure. I get no satisfaction sexually from this. It is purely a means of rewarding them for something I know they desire. I may be wired oddly, but submissive men do nothing for my libido at all. Does that make me someone who is sexually repressed, or am I merely giving them what they told me they desired? Again, my experience with dominant men, is that they do genuinely care that I get sexually satisfied. And more often than not, they have made sure that I have reached my level of satisfaction before they let me anywhere near them to give them the pleasure of a BJ. (Not always, but mostly. There are of course, exceptions to this, but that is generally, the deep kissing, fuck me hard kind of moments, where we both have been swept away & easily satisfied.)

Paulnz -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 1:26:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt calling all men who actually care about satisfying their partner "complete wimps" is a load of crap. Sorry, I should have said pussywhipped.

WyldHrt -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 1:32:02 AM)
Yep, that reply was worth the wait...[8\|] lmao BTW, thanks for adding an up close and personal example to the OP [:D]

Leatherist -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 1:42:24 AM)
[8D] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mqb1tMsNj9M&feature=related

Paulnz -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 2:00:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt Yep, that reply was worth the wait...[8\|] lmao BTW, thanks for adding an up close and personal example to the OP [:D] Here's a real life example. On a Saturday night the chicks are all queued up outside the Rugby Clubs looking to find guys to root. Those guys drink, chuck, root and go to sleep. You won't find chicks down at the Sensitive New Age Recreation Centre looking to root guys with feelings. Then on the Monday morning those same chicks all have coffee together and compare notes about how sensitive and sensual their beer guzzling rooters and snorers are if they liked them, and how insentive and cheapened they feel by the whole exercise in the case of the ones they didn't like. At the end of the day any guy who concerns himself with these issues is a complete idiot, and is likely a useless fuck and almost certainly not getting any, and if he is he's a cipher to some hairy legged feminist.

GreedyTop -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 2:34:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Paulnz quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt Yep, that reply was worth the wait...[8\|] lmao BTW, thanks for adding an up close and personal example to the OP [:D] Here's a real life example. On a Saturday night the chicks are all queued up outside the Rugby Clubs looking to find guys to root. Those guys drink, chuck, root and go to sleep. You won't find chicks down at the Sensitive New Age Recreation Centre looking to root guys with feelings. Then on the Monday morning those same chicks all have coffee together and compare notes about how sensitive and sensual their beer guzzling rooters and snorers are if they liked them, and how insentive and cheapened they feel by the whole exercise in the case of the ones they didn't like. At the end of the day any guy who concerns himself with these issues is a complete idiot, and is likely a useless fuck and almost certainly not getting any, and if he is he's a cipher to some hairy legged feminist. soooooooooooooooo.........these girls are basically looking for bedpost notches, not relationships (apart from the odd golddigger, right?) sigh whatever makes YOU happy dude..I pity the emptiness you'll face in your coming years.. and I say this from the POV of a woman who is NOT currently in a relationship ...(but who knows that such a self-centered pov from any potential partner is grounds for making sure that the door DOES hit where the good lord split...)

candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 2:52:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 A personal question, candy - one you don't have to answer, obviously, but perhaps you can consider it. Are you new to actually getting out and dating Doms, after dipping your toes in the water online? You very well could be sending out the desperate clues signals that Leatherist mentioned, without even realizing it. Perhaps your radar for choosing men whose desires meet you isn't finely tuned yet. Perhaps you need to be very clear with a possible Dom how your past several experiences have gone, and ask someone whom you're interested in to be patient with you and to take things slowly. I speak from experience. I've met the men you're talking about - you're not alone, sad to say for me. lol I've been there with the Listerine and the 'what the fuck was that all about?' questions. But I did learn from those experiences and found my voice in sharing what it is I was really looking for and became much more careful in my communications. The quality of the men that I have spoken with recently has differed greatly from those I spoke with when first starting out. I'm pretty sure I'm not, NeedingMore. I sort of think there'd have to be some form of a cue* that a Dom could get but a vanilla guy could not.* But maybe, if I turn the question around? Some cue* I only send if the guy is Dom?* E.g., I don't date vanilla. Even though most vanilla guys who've asked me out have no clue WTF is D/s they seem to grasp I'm not rejecting them for anything personal about them...so to speak. Ya know what I mean? So, I'll ponder this some more. Thanks for the input, serioulsy. A favor, if you would? Read my profile and see if it could possibly have anything to do with the phenom? See if any cue* like what you've described kind gives you a vibe like that?* Ya know, like if/when you're in the mood. Probably takes a max of 30 minutes to read* for possible vides.* Sisterhood is powerful candystripper

Leatherist -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 2:53:17 AM)
I know that I need to like someone for more than sex to have them around. But if either of us makes "getting the nut" the primary focus in any sort of "play"-that's more performance pressure than I care for on either side. If it happens, great-but I am not going to knock myself out making it happen every damned time.

candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 2:58:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Abaddon2u candystripper P.S. Any idea how to identify such a man prior to the bj? Perhaps a little communication, prior to opening cerimonies? It is just a thought. Abaddon "the only difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad."- Salvador Dali In theory this works. However, what would I say? Some variation of: Hey, you? Gonna get me off too, right? Just doesn't feel comfy* to me.* Any ideas? candystripper

Leatherist -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 3:02:17 AM)
You can get a freaking orgasm with a vibrator. Have you gone so far into the hole that you can't see beyond your next squirt?

candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 3:05:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Perhaps men are seeing that label of "pleasure submissive" as someone who only wants to give. Is it your sense most Doms don't know what a 'pleasure submissive' is? Seems the word pleasure implies both sex and sensuality...but I wonder if you think so too? There's a good quote right near the top of my profile that expains the general idea of a pleasure submissive, but maybe ii's not the right quote..or maybe no one ever reads my profile. A favor? Read the quote and see if it might possibly be contributing to the problem? Thank you very much. candystripper

Twicehappy2x -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 3:06:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper that some Doms want only play, not play and sex. And some do not want play at all.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 3:09:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: WTF? How is this a ‘sexual relationship' – unless it’s some weird form of masturbation? I mean, like, where’s her orgasm? some submissives get intense pleasure and some are even brought to orgasm by pleasing/pleasuring their partner. those particular submissive's pleasure/orgasm is bringing their partner pleasure, by a blowjob, handjob or whatever the sexual activity is that the partner desires. Lol, yes to all of the above plus adding, some of us just find blowjobs irresistibly HOT! And that is enough to get those subbies off. Go read the thread about this subject in the Ask a submissive board.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 3:15:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth Similar to 'Pavlov's dogs, beth now 'salivates' with a simple snap of my fingers and a point to a spot where she's to kneel. Oh well...why whine about my burden. We all have a personal cross to bear. [sm=lol.gif] If you email Scooter, i'm sure you two can give each other sympathy for the mutual cross you both seem to bear, and good morning Merc.

candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 3:20:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 quote: Something else is happening, at least in addition to, if not instead of, that. You have to look at yourself then, candy ... you're the common denominator here. I hear you on that NeedingMore, that's why I asked if anyone else was aware of this phenom. By reading what's been posted so far that's still an open question, but there's some suggestion that it's not just happening to me. Do you think it worthwhile for me to confab on the other side of CM with the affected people, so to speak, and try and find something we all have in common that might be a vibe such as I'm not sexual, etc.? candystripper

Paulnz -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 3:26:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop soooooooooooooooo.........these girls are basically looking for bedpost notches, not relationships (apart from the odd golddigger, right?) sigh whatever makes YOU happy dude..I pity the emptiness you'll face in your coming years.. and I say this from the POV of a woman who is NOT currently in a relationship ...(but who knows that such a self-centered pov from any potential partner is grounds for making sure that the door DOES hit where the good lord split...) No. Completely wrong. These women are not after bedpost notches. They're out to Reproduce. You might have heard of the concept. It ensures the human race continues. I face no emptiness. My life is surrounded by people competing to spend time with me. I have to turn more down than I could possibly service. How this came about was by looking at how relationships formed when I was at University. What I noticed was a major discrepancy between what women said and did. What they tended to do was choose guys who were totally insensitive. Engineering students, legendarily the most insentive of all, got the best looking chicks. So after my first year spent as a jock variously drunk, playing sport, chucking, rooting and snoring ( not necessarily in that order ), I spent the second year working things out and forming definite opinions ( a natural process anyway ). In my third year I emerged as a complete right wing arsehole, totally insensitive and unsympathetic. My motto could have been ' you can never be too cruel.' Well, that year went so well I could have installed a revolving door on the bedroom. The chicks had to make bookings, and half of them had supposedly ' steady ' boyfriends. Even the Marxist chicks were prepared to shave their armpits. It got to be too much !! In my fourth year I had to put a filter in place and chose three chicks to compete with another. I bonked two each day, giving one a day off. Anyone else who wanted in had to get through one of them and there were no shortage of applications. Then when my studies were over I dumped all of them, cruelly of course. In the workforce I applied the same rules but preferred married women as they didn't get the idea to move in and start setting up house and reproducing. Years on, today, the slave is still getting applications. For any man reading this, the lesson is this - be firm in your opinions, know what you want and how to get it. The women fall into line willingly and offer themselves. Concerning yourself with what she wants is a complete waste of time. Make it obvious what you want, and the rest follows. Even if a guy gets this haphazardly right his stock usually rises several hundred percent.

candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 3:33:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Perhaps men are seeing that label of "pleasure submissive" as someone who only wants to give. When I see "service sub", I tend to wonder how such a person could help me to have a better life with her. Which makes me at least tentatively interested in meeting some of the needs of a person I could potentially be happy with. When I see something like "toy" or "Pleasure submissive"....I tend to think "selfish bottom". Someone with an itch to scratch, but lacking the depth of giving that a guy like me is interested in making a serious investment in. (Emphasis added.) Leatherist, any thought on why "pleasure submissive = selfish bottom'? Any thought on what other 'label' I could consider using instead? My impression is that for most Doms: submissive = maso < > I have 0* maso. This is apparently rather rare.* candystripper

candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 3:37:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 quote: When I see something like "toy" or "Pleasure submissive"....I tend to think "selfish bottom". Someone with an itch to scratch, but lacking the depth of giving that a guy like me is interested in making a serious investment in. That's a great point - what's in it for a Dom except for meeting the sub's needs and mutual hanky panky? I'm not sure that you're going to attract a Dom of any great depth with that in the profile. Candy, I perved your profile and honestly, didn't see where it mentions anything that you offer to the Dom. It's a very comprehensive list of your needs, wants, desires, as well as a lot of things you don't want. Perhaps it's best to start out with (or at least include!) what you offer him. Well, that's easy to and I will do -- probably today. Thanks. It can't hurt -- and coud even solve the whole problem, or at least reduce it. candystripper

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