RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms

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NeedingMore220 -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 8:44:37 AM)
sigh ... yes, the kind of freak who knows how to get to the core of a woman and make her crave serving you. I adore that kind of freak. [;)]

persephonee -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 8:45:00 AM)
O4SS...you guessed it....8675...309....baby, you've got my number.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 8:45:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave I must be a freak or something. Haha. I was hoping that the smiley face in my post showed the little bit of sarcasm that I intended. Ya freak.

justNCmale -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 9:08:56 AM)
I was going say more, but to enter into a deep dialogue about the use of subs with some Doms is useless. So let me just state my case and say; I get pleasure from the subs pleasure - each has 'chosen' their roles and each must respect the others path. Oh and BTW @ 6'2" and 220 lb of ex-jock I am not a whimp. Remember "Light travels faster thand sound, thats why some look bright until they speak!"

lapgirl -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 9:19:36 AM)
is it really a sexual disconnect or could it be more of an emotional kind of disconnect??

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 10:06:07 AM)
This is something that might sound stupid to some people, but I actually don't like it when a sub gets wrapped up in trying to make me cum. Basically, I want to get off when I want to get off. I myself might deny myself from cumming right away to extend the play action some. There are moments when I'm thinking to myself, where in the Hell do I want to cum. Inside or on what part of her body. When I cum should I add some humilation factor to it. I have partners in the past attempt to get into some mindset about being worried about making me cum. Sort of feels a bit like topping from botttom. It's like "STOP Worrying about it". I'm enjoying every moment of what is going on. Just let me worry about and deal with it. Hell, I have used somebody to tease myself with. Be it Eye Candy, or for an unfinished blow job. Actually, using somebody and not giving up the hot cum for them. Well really is about teasing and denial. Perhaps I'm being Sexually Disconnected with myself, but staying in control of when and where I cum. Another thing that is a stupid issue at times, has been that after I cum. I enjoy to keep on going. Then the submissive starting to wonder if they are not able to please me, because I did not fall over dead and die into some after sex coma. Some of you submissives out there simply drive guys like me nuts. OK, honey.. do you think I would be still fucking you because I was not satisfied with what the Hell is going on. If anything some submissives are actually too focused upon their Dominant partners cumming or if they good enough. Also, god forbid jacking off on some poor submissive, she might be thinking her pussy is not good enough to get the job done. I tell you there are Moments when I wish the Submissives would simply Sexually Disconnect. Not worry so much how if they were being pleasing to me. Being Sexually disconnected has it's place and time, and advantages you know. Let me worry about me cumming and making you cum as well. Damn it, who's is supposed to be in control and in charge of things again. I've literally had to make 1/2 joking threats about spanking their ass silly if they did not stop worrying about when, where and if I cum. I don't like the headspace a submissive is in when they are worried about this. Just makes me want rip the control of their worry out of their brain cells for a moment. Wack Wack Wack... OK honey I want you to sexually disconnect from me, your head space if fucking with the reactions I'm trying to get from you. Let it go! Let me take control. Anyways, this is some of my thoughts upon Sexually Disconnecting. I really hate it when somebody worries about me cuming or not. Where I cum and how I cum. This can be a real bitch to deal with in terms of the ALL PLEASING mindset of a submisisve partner, who's mission in life is to please me. OK babe, if you want to please me, you'd stop with all the worry about pleasing me or not. I don't know how many DOMs have had to deal with these issues before. I know I can't be the only one. But at times, you submissives can drive us Doms crazy. You guys realize this don't you? lol All submissives should come with a sexual disconnect switch! Would be a nice handy feature. Just because I pulled out and jacked off your tits, does not mean your pussy is not good enough for me. Just because I don't cum within 2.5 minutes flat does not mean I don't find you sexually attractive. Just because I want more after I come, does not mean you are unable to please me. You'd swear a guy was not pleased unless he came in her pussy after 2.5 minutes of fucking, went limp, rolled over had a smoke and passed out. Anything outside of this behavior tends to freak girls out at times. Ok, I'm sort of Exaggerating things here some. But still there's some truth in the matter.

candystripper -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 11:31:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 What is a 'sexual Dom'? Is this someone not interested in S&M? candy ... I don't know if I can stress this enough, though - stop asking why things happened in past relationships and use what did happen in the future to manage your relationships, until you're prepared to give over that management to the Dom who collars you. Only you can stop yourself from being/feeling used. LMAO. 'Only you can prevent a forest fire', Smokey the Bear. Sorry, couldn't resist. NeedingMore, it's axiomatic that only I* can live my life. I have, like, no clue what this turn of phrase is intended to convey.* A sexual Dom is a Dom who does not: Self-identy as 'asexual'. I guess I figured that was pretty self-evident. My turn now: What does this stuff mean: '..use what did happen in future relationships...' Huh? What kind of info would I have about something that hasn't happened yet? And how could something to occur in the future be said to have 'did happen'? and '...until your're prepared to give over that management...' Manage what? I'm monogamous; there would never be anything resembling 'collared but still dating' going on in my life, if that's what you meant. If I could get a clue, maybe I could get at what you've said. I'm really sorry NeedingMore, but the quote above reads like a 'word salad' to me. candystripper

camille65 -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 11:47:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave <snipped> I tell you there are Moments when I wish the Submissives would simply Sexually Disconnect. Not worry so much how if they were being pleasing to me. Being Sexually disconnected has it's place and time, and advantages you know. Let me worry about me cumming and making you cum as well. Damn it, who's is supposed to be in control and in charge of things again. I've literally had to make 1/2 joking threats about spanking their ass silly if they did not stop worrying about when, where and if I cum. I don't like the headspace a submissive is in when they are worried about this. Just makes me want rip the control of their worry out of their brain cells for a moment. Wack Wack Wack... OK honey I want you to sexually disconnect from me, your head space if fucking with the reactions I'm trying to get from you. Let it go! Let me take control. Oh boy this was just like listening to my owner talking to me lol. It took a long time for me to get past that worry and yeah.. he pretty much ripped the controls away in order for that to happen. I agree that this is an occasion where disconnecting is a good thing. In general worrying about a sexual response can take away from everything. OP, on the problems of giving head on date #2 and not hearing from him(s) again. If this is a pattern and you recognize it, then why aren't you changing it? Stop doing that so early in the relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting a romantic relationship, or a gentle relationship. But that doesn't happen on date #2, it takes awhile to build that sort of framework and both people have to want the same kind of goals. I think you need to discuss what it is that both of you want before you go diving.

2Fiesty -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 2:14:48 PM)
oh! so thats what this is about.... yeah, Candy hun? Spend a bit more time getting to know your guys before giving it up if your so hung up over the monogamy thing. Date 2-3 guys at once without getting serious with any of them and if you like em enough to give em bj by the 3rd date....dont; keep dating with them and sometimes just hang out and talk w/o all the fancy dates or $ being spent. chat with em online when ur not on dates....be their friend ffs! as for me? I am a huge slut I have gone all the way with guys on the first date before (tho most of those didnt get a 2nd date haha :P) I dont just mean Doms either I am talking about guys in general here. I have only had 3 Doms in my life, maybe a dozen relationships that could qualify as boyfriends (tho some only barely) and over 30 total sexual partner in my lifetime.(I am 25, so thats either an accomplishment, or I am lousy with men?) I'm not sure I am the most qualified to give relationship advice but I think I have a fair amount of sexperience. Every semi-successful relationship I ever had was introduced to me by a friend or co-worker who I had already established a rapport with and they knew the person so basically it was "If you can vouch for this guy, I'll give him a shot." kind of deal. Only once did I have a relationship with a random stranger I met off the internet work out for more than a week or so, we did not have sex til the 3rd date (yay me). But he turned out to be one of those "sensitive new age guys" lol and i couldnt stand him. My (current) Master I knew him as one of my ex-bf friends before we started playing and now I couldnt be happier (unless I was living with him). ----- Owner4SexSlave Yes, we subs do aim to please (and drive you nuts) :) but I do have the courtesy to let him get me off once first. 2.5 minutes? thats ludicous! 10 minutes minimum for a quickie tho generally I like to go 30min-an hour -and thats once we get to sex. Foreplay (for me) can often take just as long (if not longer) than sex. (painslut/bondage kitten here) --- Give the guys a break! quote: Candy.....after a man cums they generally do go into shut down mode....at least for a little bit. They want to relax in the moment ORIGINAL: mistoferin I even get that way after I cum....and I am a girl. Orgasms make some people exausted! Please be a little patient, give him some cuddles, go get him a glass of water and gently tease his cock for awhile (while you snuggles him). In my sexperience, most most guys will start to "perk up" again after 10-20 min of this attention. (some need a few hours to recharge) Tho...in my case we usually dont have sex until bed time so we both roll over and go to sleep afterwards lol.

TreasureKY -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 2:38:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper 1. These are men who self-idenitify as 'sexual Doms' and I* have a strong sense that this is true,* right along, just like any other Dom I've played with, until.. 2. He cums. It's like suddenly someone turned off the sexual lightbulb. I've debated even bothering to contribute to this thread again, but... Candy, what part of "sexual release has a soporific affect on men" do you not understand? A man (or dom, if you wish) can say he's very sexual... and actually be very sexual... but honestly just "poops" out after he's orgasmed. It doesn't have to mean he's lied about what he's interested in. It doesn't have to mean all his "talk" about how he wants to fulfill you and have a full sexual relationship was just to get what he wanted and leave you bereft. It doesn't have to mean he's selfish. It doesn't have to mean that you engaged in sexual acts too soon. It doesn't have to mean that anything you've done has changed his intent. It doesn't have to mean that you've chosen poorly in the first place. It can mean any of those things, but it doesn't have to. It's very likely you're simply engaging with men who get very sleepy and comfortable once they are satiated. I'd imagine that's the case before I'd ever jump to any other possibility. There's a reason that it's a common and oft joked about complaint for women that men just roll over after orgasming and going to sleep... Because it's very often true. As has been alluded to over and over again in this thread, take some responsibility for how your sexual relationship develops. I wasn't joking earlier about seeing to it that you get yours before he ever gets his.

Asherdelampyr -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 2:51:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin psssssssssssssttttttt Candy.....after a man cums they generally do go into shut down mode....at least for a little bit. They want to relax in the moment, have you make them a bite to eat, take a quick nap....that sort of thing. I'm assuming you're not dating 18 year olds who can be ready for round 2 in 3.5 seconds. So if the blowjob is coming at the end of the date....and there isn't another date....when exactly are you expecting them to show you what "sexual doms" they are? This You are what? blowing these guys in thier car after dinner? so he ate a meal, had a blowjob... What is it you are expecting at this point? Dom or not, a majority of guys with any sexual orientation do "shut off" after coming... Just the way we are wired. You want to know if they are into you after? TALK TO THEM

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 3:40:18 PM)
quote: A sexual Dom is a Dom who does not: Self-identy as 'asexual'. I guess I figured that was pretty self-evident. OK, now it's my turn. No shit, Sherlock. You keep using the phrase - I thought it meant something to you besides a Dom who likes sex. I've never met one that didn't, but maybe that's just me. quote: '..use what did happen in future relationships...' That means don't suck 'em off until you've established a relationship with the guy so you won't feel like you've been used after he rolls over and snores or watches the game after you give him a BJ on the 2nd or 3rd date. IOW, don't make the same mistake. quote: ...until your're prepared to give over that management...' Manage what? I'm monogamous; there would never be anything resembling 'collared but still dating' going on in my life, if that's what you meant. That means once you've moved from dating to being collared - at which point I would assume you'd turn over the reins of the relationship to him. Or perhaps that's not what you would do ... quote: What does this stuff mean: '..use what did happen in future relationships...' Huh? What kind of info would I have about something that hasn't happened yet? And how could something to occur in the future be said to have 'did happen'? It means ... use the stuff that did happen in your past which you did not like to change how future relationships develop. quote: I'm really sorry NeedingMore, but the quote above reads like a 'word salad' to me. All it really takes is some reading comprehension, candy, together with some common sense. I rarely get snarky on here, but for god's sake, you bring it out in me.

DomDolf -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/20/2008 4:00:38 PM)
Quick reply: Men that get in, get off and get out are not into you. There is a desire to satisfy the woman you care about. Her needs are important to you, you take your time and you make sure she wants you and wants you often. I wrote in a post yesterday that dominants don't do that, but I had time to think about that more. The reality is that when I have had a woman offer the goodies and I didn't have someone else I was involved with then I have taken them up on it on occasion. While I have never been an overly selfish man in bed, I did not take the time I normally would. My internal/deep satisfaction was not there either. When I don't feel that level of satisfaction I can guarantee there is no future for us. It has always amazed me at how often the woman would come back. After saying this, I think it is important to note that I despise a person that "plays" someone and creates expectations that they have no intent on meeting. Dolf

windchymes -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/22/2008 5:44:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper candystripper P.S. Any idea how to identify such a man prior to the bj? Maybe I'm going about it all wrong, but thoughts of when I'm going to give him a blow job never enter my head (no pun intended) during the first date. It just happens well into the dating relationship, if and when things seem to be going well, which, for me, means we're hitting it off conversation-wise, there's physical attraction, and I can tell from the way he kisses and touches me that he will probably be a considerate and possibly even fabulous lover, or at least has potential to be. That he seems to be enjoying pleasuring me and enjoys my reactions. I just never make a decision to "schedule" a blow job (for lack of a better term).

Hippiekinkster -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/22/2008 8:40:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Perhaps men are seeing that label of "pleasure submissive" as someone who only wants to give. No, I don't read it that way at all. There's even a category on fetlife about sensual BDSM, which describes me fairly accurately, except I'm not into the role play so much. I prefer just straight-ahead, naked, come-as-you-are encounters. "Pleasure submissive"? WTF is that? "Hot bottom" is a better description. I think a LOT of you people get all hung up on the so-called "power exchange" shit when there are actually top/bottom relationships which have NO power exchange. In fact, I opt out of the bullshit modern interpretation of BDSM as b- D/s-m. I'm not a "Dom", whatever the fuck that is. I'm a TOP, which means I run the action in the bedroom. Or a "cave" with black-painted walls, a sling, a drain in the floor, and a water hose.Whatever that is. Bondage, fisting, big toys in her ass, whatever. In fact, having seen some of the marvelous specimens of male humanity who claim to be "dominant", I'm happy to not buy into all that horseshit. Candy, what do you want? Do you want some douchbag with a leather vest who has a button stuck in his forehead saying "Diminant", or do you want a real pervert? 'Cause you are going to have to search for the perverts. "Doms" are a Dime a Dozen.

Hippiekinkster -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/22/2008 8:44:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt Sorry, PaulNZ, gonna call bullshit on that one. While that dynamic might work for you and those you choose to partner, calling all men who actually care about satisfying their partner "complete wimps" is a load of crap. Please see CD's and Raven's posts on page one to pick up your clue by four. As to like = "dick growing several inches"... dayum. The OP isn't the one who knows nothing about sex, lmao! In case you missed my above point... she lied! Good call. You should read his posts on Bondage.com.

Hippiekinkster -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/22/2008 9:10:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomDolf Quick reply: Men that get in, get off and get out are not into you. There is a desire to satisfy the woman you care about. Her needs are important to you, you take your time and you make sure she wants you and wants you often. I wrote in a post yesterday that dominants don't do that, but I had time to think about that more. The reality is that when I have had a woman offer the goodies and I didn't have someone else I was involved with then I have taken them up on it on occasion. While I have never been an overly selfish man in bed, I did not take the time I normally would. My internal/deep satisfaction was not there either. When I don't feel that level of satisfaction I can guarantee there is no future for us. It has always amazed me at how often the woman would come back. After saying this, I think it is important to note that I despise a person that "plays" someone and creates expectations that they have no intent on meeting. Dolf You know, even if I'm not all that "into" her, I still care about getting her off because I dig getting her off. I had a playmate for about a year after I separated whom I had no romantic feelings about at all, but I had "satisfaction" feelings about. The point was mutual pleasure. It was worth it just to watch her eyes roll back in her head. I won't go into what we did; suffice it to say that very few "doms" could ever let themselves go like that. And I have been surprised that maybe the first time there weren't fireworks, but it was OK, OK enough so that we had a second "date", and then it all changed and got really good. I have been REALLY surprised how often that has happened. All because I stopped focusing on myself and focused on "us". One of the hottest relationships I ever had was with a lesbian I met at the Little Five Points Pub back around 78. She turned and asked me, "DO you like sailing?" "Oh, I do, my step-bro fixes boats in Rochester, it's been so long though..." and I listened RAPTLY (clue here) as she told me about going to Wrightsville beach, NC with a Catamaran and her girlfriend and doing what they did. Well, our first "date" was a towel-soaker. I was topping her, but I wasn't excluding her from the activities. (That's what Candy is talking about). In fact, the hottest times I've ever had have been when I just stood up and said, "here I am, baby. All yours. Let's play". While never giving up control. I think about 99. 8756873924% of men simply cannot understand going bottom but staying in control. I have been fisted while being totally in control. I directed the entire scene. And I feel sorry for those guys because they just aren't availing themselves of what is truly being offered to them. Chumps. Where was I? Doesn't matter. Tschüß!

Hippiekinkster -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/22/2008 9:34:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 2Fiesty I am a huge slut I have gone all the way with guys on the first date before (tho most of those didnt get a 2nd date haha :P) I dont just mean Doms either I am talking about guys in general here. I have only had 3 Doms in my life, maybe a dozen relationships that could qualify as boyfriends (tho some only barely) and over 30 total sexual partner in my lifetime.(I am 25, so thats either an accomplishment, or I am lousy with men?) You sound soooo much like me. quote: I'm not sure I am the most qualified to give relationship advice but I think I have a fair amount of sexperience. I can sit around and tell myself how experienced I am at relationships, but, truly, I don't know fuck-all about love. I've just had a lot of partners. quote: ...so basically it was "If you can vouch for this guy, I'll give him a shot." kind of deal. Sort of like a blind date kind of thing. Yeah, I know. quote: Only once did I have a relationship with a random stranger I met off the internet work out for more than a week or so, we did not have sex til the 3rd date (yay me). But he turned out to be one of those "sensitive new age guys" lol and i couldnt stand him. Well, in my day there weren't no intertubes thingie. Random stranger was a bit more random back then. But it was way early 70s and things were waaaay different from the bathhouse/disco/Aids shit of the later 70s. You sound a lot like me back then. I look forward to reading your observations.

AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/22/2008 11:14:54 PM)
All people in life, female, male, straight, gay, bi, dominant, submissive, switch, vanilla, etc must learn not to be selfish. It's a natural human trait that's killing off our planet, and yes even the joy of sex too. Consideration takes effort but we all should try it more often. Hear hear.

ravenslaveheart -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/22/2008 11:28:04 PM)
to the OP (still reading the thread) i hear you, have been there. in fact my first Dom who trained me "into the lifestyle" so to say, was the one who told me it was my duty to please him whenever and wherever, yet asking for any pleasure of my own would be topping from the bottom. luckily i met better men as time went by, but honestly, every Dom i've ever met has the same mindset - i do for them, they might do for me but only as a reward for some behavior or service. i wonder if Dominants (male and female) think this kind of mindset is the only proper mindset for a Dominant? a "one, twue" sort of thing?

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