quote:

ORIGINAL: ViciousCycle

Hard dick =focus on maintaining it as long as possible in a desirable warm moist location. Perhaps you shouldn't be quite so accessible as several posts have said?  You can clinch the deal on being sought/obtained/seduced/aroused/entered/and completed his need. Where in the unfolding is discussion as to direction  and expectation?  Perhaps you need to look toward a more mature man....(Emphasis added.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
Did you mean something like:
 
You shouldn't be such an easy lay?
 
I haven't had intercourse with any Dom..have yet to reach a point where I might have *plans to 'do' you tonight*.
 
I have given about 3 or 4 Doms bjs at the end of like 2nd or 3rd dates. 
 
I can't do the math, but total real-time !st time actual dates with different Doms is somewhere like maybe 10 in the past year..I'm up early & I can't find my calculator. I can't estimate the number of 2nd or 3rd dates...just too math-impaired....too fuzzy memory atm.
 
Do you think I should wait longer before giving a bj?  Because pretty much all my life as a sexually active person, I've been comfy with going to 3rd base somewhere around then.  Men who do not inspire lust in me just never get a 2nd date.
 
candystripper

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ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220

quote:

When I see something like "toy" or "Pleasure submissive"....I tend to think "selfish bottom".

Someone with an itch to scratch, but lacking the depth of giving that a guy like me is interested in making a serious investment in.

That's a great point - what's in it for a Dom except for meeting the sub's needs and mutual hanky panky?  I'm not sure that you're going to attract a Dom of any great depth with that in the profile.  Candy, I perved your profile and honestly, didn't see where it mentions anything that you offer to the Dom.  It's a very comprehensive list of your needs, wants, desires, as well as a lot of things you don't want. 

Perhaps it's best to start out with (or at least include!) what you offer him.

Well...she gives head.

And drama. [8D]

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeIgnited

Hopping in Slightly late, but wanted to share my experience.

I'd argue that many of these men are simply self-absorbed, and perhaps talk a good game that would lead you to believe otherwise.

And of course, that leaves whoever is left over--

I was with a Dom briefly whose ideal dynamic was for me to be the sort of female equivalent of a cuckold. We may have sex, but it would be rare, oral for him and other physical expressions of affection would be more common (he mentioned cuddling, specifically). He would sleep with whomever he wished (though being open and honest about who, when, etc), while I would be denied penetrative sex with him except on very rare occasions probably following a good deal of begging on my part. Ultimately, he wanted me to have other partners, to be very promiscuous, but at his discretion--sleep with who he wanted me to, when, and where--sharing me with friends, and in some cases pimping me out. I should note, that this was an End Goal for the dynamic, and not something he had any intention of jumping into immediately or even in the not-so-distant future. He also seemed to have a good handle on the need of keeping my emotional well being in mind during the process.

Extreme it seemed to me, especially since I'm generally something of a "light" player, but the idea really appealed to me in many ways. When we were together I performed oral sex on him for (literally) hours, while he remained, essentially uninterested--watching TV, surfing the 'net, reading, talking on the phone with others. Performing oral sex is something I really enjoy, and while I like receiving too, my enjoyment of performing oral is in no way dependent on my own forthcoming release, or even really his gratitude (he praised me, but remained distant). I didn't get off except by my own hand at his direction.

But while we were having sex I noticed things that weren't ever discussed--we usually stuck to positions I had told him I really enjoyed. I had told him I really enjoyed spanking and hair-pulling, specifically, and he indulged me heavily. He liked these things too, but they weren't his particular kink. I believe he was doing them largely because of me.


I'm not saying that this Dom is (in a general way) the Doms you have encountered, but merely that this sort of "selfishness" can be a valid and fulfilling kink for both parties. Perhaps your troubles are more that of a mismatched kinks (Or a Man who is willing to "fudge" what his real kink is in hopes of finding someone, anyone).(Emphasis added.)

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ORIGINAL: Leatherist

[8D]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mqb1tMsNj9M&feature=related

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ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220

quote:

When I see something like "toy" or "Pleasure submissive"....I tend to think "selfish bottom".

Someone with an itch to scratch, but lacking the depth of giving that a guy like me is interested in making a serious investment in.

That's a great point - what's in it for a Dom except for meeting the sub's needs and mutual hanky panky?  I'm not sure that you're going to attract a Dom of any great depth with that in the profile.  Candy, I perved your profile and honestly, didn't see where it mentions anything that you offer to the Dom.  It's a very comprehensive list of your needs, wants, desires, as well as a lot of things you don't want. 

Perhaps it's best to start out with (or at least include!) what you offer him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I know that I need to like someone for more than sex to have them around. But if either of us makes "getting the nut" the primary focus in any sort of "play"-that's more performance pressure than I care for on either side. If it happens, great-but I am not going to knock myself out *making* it happen every damned time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Candystripper
Leatherist, may I be frank?
 
It's been pretty apparent your posts on this thread were snarky....but for as long as I could...I tried to interprete them as 'non-snarky'.
 
Believe me, I long ago answered the clue phone that you are hostile to me.
 
I'm f**king fed up to the teeth with it.
 
How the f**k anyone could develop actual 'hostility' towards a nick/member solely by reading posts on a message board totally eludes me.
 
Whenever you do this, I feel just like I do when you use any conceivable chance to do your 'hating on women' thing.
 
Dunno if it's there any connection between your 'hating on me' and your 'hating on women' and frankly don't give a f**king sh*t. 
 
You've never inspired that kind of curiosity in me.
 
But Leatherist -- seriously -- f**king check yourself already. 
 
Your posts verge on some weird form of 'white noise'.
 
candystripper

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ORIGINAL: Paulnz

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

 
I mean, like, where’s her orgasm?

Interesting OP, and I'm scratching my head trying to understand it. If I read it right, you don't know anything about sex. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but there you are. As a general rule, her orgasm is her business. I'm not going to dictate it or provide it, and I don't give a tinkers whether she achieves it or not. I am not interested. If she wants a guaranteed orgasm, get a vibrator. Now, having said that, personally I like to take my time and I don't care for blowjobs. That's my preference. If she likes orgasm control, then we can do that, if I agree. But nowhere in the sexual contract do I say I am an orgasm giver. Basically the whole idea that men should somehow worry about her getting off is a load of bullshit fed to men from an early age. Men who buy into this line of thinking are complete wimps and likely useless fucks to boot. My experience with women who complain about the man they're with not doing it for her, simply don't like the guy fullstop. When they mysteriously find they like the guy, his dick grows several inches immediately and he's the most powerful lover god created. So, look in the mirror, decide who you like and who you don't and deal with your own orgasms.

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ORIGINAL: MissIsis

I think what this is true of some men, whether vanilla or bdsm minded.  I am sure it isn't applicable to all.  I am not even sure if it has much to do with being selfish on their part.  If for some reason, they are led to believe that all the submissive is interested in, is giving a guy pleasure, maybe they really do believe that is all she wants to do. 

Personally, I have found that most of the time, the men I have been with, will continue on & on, until they think I have had enough.  And believe it or not, sometimes, I just really do want them to stop.  It takes me a very long time to have the big "O", & many times, I am through long before they are.  In those times, my thoughts have gone to what I will be doing at work the next day or what happened on one of my favorite TV shows.  Sometimes, I just fake it to get them done with the whole business. 

Usually, I do appreciate it, but I recognize that my "O" is just that.  It is my responsibility to get there, & just as a dominant man might use me to get where he wants to go, sometimes, I am using the man just the same.   I use his body & the sensations he is giving me to get to where I want to go, as well.  Of course, my perspective might be a little different, but I was a submissive well before I was a dominant woman, so I think I have a little experience to base that on. 

You asked about domme's as well in your original op.   I can only tell you my experiences & I am sure they will differ from person to person.  I do not get sexual satisfaction from submissive men.  I tend to use them as non-sexual service submissives, but I do reward them by making sure they get sexual & bdsm satisfaction, even though they are never allowed sexual contact with me.  I allow them to cum for me, while they masterbate under my instructions, & generally, after I have given them some form of masochistic pleasure. I get no satisfaction sexually from this.  It is purely a means of rewarding them for something I know they desire.  I may be wired oddly, but submissive men do nothing for my libido at all.  Does that make me someone who is sexually repressed, or am I merely giving them what they told me they desired? 

Again, my experience with dominant men, is that they do genuinely care that I get sexually satisfied.  And more often than not, they have made sure that I have reached my level of satisfaction before they let me anywhere near them to give them the pleasure of a BJ.  (Not always, but mostly.  There are of course, exceptions to this, but that is generally, the deep kissing, fuck me hard kind of moments, where we both have been swept away & easily satisfied.)  (Emphasis added.) 

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissIsis

You asked about domme's as well in your original op.   I can only tell you my experiences & I am sure they will differ from person to person.  I do not get sexual satisfaction from submissive men.  I tend to use them as non-sexual service submissives, but I do reward them by making sure they get sexual & bdsm satisfaction, even though they are never allowed sexual contact with me.  I allow them to cum for me, while they masterbate under my instructions, & generally, after I have given them some form of masochistic pleasure. I get no satisfaction sexually from this.  It is purely a means of rewarding them for something I know they desire.  I may be wired oddly, but submissive men do nothing for my libido at all.  Does that make me someone who is sexually repressed, or am I merely giving them what they told me they desired? 

Wow.
 
The world is obviously a much bigger place than I ever imagined.
 
Query: any aspect of this dynamic include a form of leading a sub male that you desire him and later surprising him with the truth that you do not?  Anything of that lk at all?
 
candystripper

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ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

WTF?
 
How is this a ‘sexual relationship' – unless it’s some weird form of masturbation?
 
I mean, like, where’s her orgasm?

 
some submissives get intense pleasure and some are even brought to orgasm by pleasing/pleasuring their partner.
 
those particular submissive's pleasure/orgasm is bringing their partner pleasure, by a blowjob, handjob or whatever the sexual activity is that the partner desires.

Lol, yes to all of the above plus adding, some of us just find blowjobs irresistibly HOT! And that is enough to get those subbies off. Go read the thread about this subject in the Ask a submissive board.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
Did you mean something like:
 
You shouldn't be such an easy lay?
 
I haven't had intercourse with any Dom..have yet to reach a point where I might have *plans to 'do' you tonight*.
 
I have given about 3 or 4 Doms bjs at the end of like 2nd or 3rd dates. 
 
I can't do the math, but total real-time !st time actual dates with different Doms is somewhere like maybe 10 in the past year..I'm up early & I can't find my calculator. I can't estimate the number of 2nd or 3rd dates...just too math-impaired....too fuzzy memory atm.
 
Do you think I should wait longer before giving a bj?  Because pretty much all my life as a sexually active person, I've been comfy with going to 3rd base somewhere around then.  Men who do not inspire lust in me just never get a 2nd date.
 
candystripper

What happens on the 5th. 6th and 7th dates? Or does the dating end with that blow job on the 3rd and 4th? If it does, then I'd have to say that there really isn't much opportunity for them to rock your world by reciprocating if you are giving them a blow job at the end of that date.

As for where's your orgasm?...I can nearly always have an orgasm giving a blow job...sometimes even several.

quote:

have given about 3 or 4 Doms bjs at the end of like 2nd or 3rd dates.

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ORIGINAL: candystripper
Well, only gotten to 3rd, so far.  One thing or another has caused one or the other of us to give up.  Usually distance.
 
Christ -- hold your horses will ya?  Only been dating D/s regularly for about a year at this point.
 
candystripper 

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ORIGINAL: nhite

i cant speak for someone else but i will say that for me, since i havent had a d/s relationship i CANT tell a dom what i have to offer;
i know what i'm curious about and what things have caught my interest as i read about them in terms of activities

but i cant say what i'll be for him because i dont know;  and i dont know that my definition is going to match up to his -- what i think is being obedient may annoy the crap out of him

for a piece of work by warhol to be beautiful; it has to be admired by someone that likes and wants that kind of art -- it wont do any good in the home of someone who adores monet

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ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220

quote:

When I see something like "toy" or "Pleasure submissive"....I tend to think "selfish bottom".

Someone with an itch to scratch, but lacking the depth of giving that a guy like me is interested in making a serious investment in.

That's a great point - what's in it for a Dom except for meeting the sub's needs and mutual hanky panky?  I'm not sure that you're going to attract a Dom of any great depth with that in the profile.  Candy, I perved your profile and honestly, didn't see where it mentions anything that you offer to the Dom.  It's a very comprehensive list of your needs, wants, desires, as well as a lot of things you don't want. 

Perhaps it's best to start out with (or at least include!) what you offer him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Maybe it was a lousy bj.
I've given bj's and become quite aroused by the whole process, but never once have I ever been close to coming from giving one.  I've given bj's and not been touched at all before, during and after.  I've given bj's and been fucked before, during and after.  It all depends on the mood and the people involved.
Candy seems to be having communication issues.  I did try to read her profile, but it was just way too long for me.  I have a feeling that only a few men ever get to the end of it.   She has every right to want a romantic, sensual relationship.  That kind of relationship requirement doesn't become a troll filter though.  They are everywhere...even in that romantic d/s world of unicorns and castles.  And that's why she needs to fine tune her selection process and forget about flowery romance until after she chooses someone healthy for her.    Then enjoy the whole fun process of exploring with someone who matches her desires.  They are out there.  She needs to learn how to recognize them.