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Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 5:28:21 AM

sublibrarian

Posts: 96
Joined: 12/23/2007
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I had an issue come up this week, and being new at being a submissive (and not just a playmate - I fell in love with him and said I wanted more than just playmate, now I'm discovering how far I have to go to be a real submissive) I was curious how many other subs have this expectation from their Doms. He asked me for my password to a site so he could read the correspondence between me and another person. I balked at this as I don't feel it's right, after all the other person has every right to expect that their email to me is just to me and not to others.

So how many of you give free reign over your passwords to your Dom? He's pointed out that he would never abuse it or micromanage and read all my emails, and I do trust this. But he does expect that if he asks then I will be forthcoming. I want to please him so at this point I would be forthcoming, I should have been in the first place. I just value my privacy and the privacy of whoever's writing to me. So I'm curious to hear from others who have a situation like this (and are subs, not slaves - I would expect a slave to have this expectation) and how they reconcile the idea that other people might not want their Dom reading their email?

Post #: 1

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 5:38:53 AM

Constrictor1

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline

sublibrarian,
Each dynamic is different. It sounds like a time to talk. Before agreeing to this you should have a frank talk about your limits/his expectations. Also is he willing to be as open and honest as he expects you to be? My girl and I are in a TPE and hide nothing from each other. I would have trouble living any other way. Some people still feel strongly about certain privacy issues, so sit down with your beverage of choice at your favorite talking spot and communicate. Good luck

Constrictor1

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 2

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 5:54:47 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I'm not a submissive, but if my husband wanted my passwords to any of my accounts he could have them. Hell, if my subbie wanted them she could have them. I'm not that private and I have nothing to hide... well, except for Christmas time when I'm doing online shopping, then all I have to do is tell them to stay out of a certain account.. no problem.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Constrictor1)

Post #: 3

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 5:57:08 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I'm in agreement with Constrictor to some extent. Each relationship is different.
Although I see open and honest as something given in degrees that equates directly with intent.
Seems the depth of the relationship for you is more on the shallow side (which is ok too) in that you are not
comfortable in offering total transparency. My guess is this guy may be more invested then you are.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Constrictor1)

Post #: 4

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 6:13:23 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Personally, I'd have a problem with it too, subl... not because of any desire to hide anything, but as you pointed out the person/people on the other end of the email is entitled to their privacy. What if they were to confide something to YOU, and the dom chose that time to monitor your email? *shrug*

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(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 5

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 6:14:00 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Giving access all depends on who is asking and how comfortable you are with them. I've only been asked once and I did give him my passwords. He was someone that I trusted and I never had a problem with it. He also never abused it. He wanted access as a control not because he wanted to read my mail or because he didn't trust me. I liked how it gave him power over me.

_____________________________

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 6

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 6:18:05 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

As has been said, every dynamic is different. I suggest you need to sit down and discuss just how much power exchange is suitable between the two of you.

Just because you don't want TPE doesn't make you not a 'real' submissive... just not one comfortable with that level of power exchange.

I run a TPE Dynamic, I have access to ALL My girls accounts. A person writting to her has NO right at all to expect anything. Especialy not on any of the lifestyle sites We are on where her profile clearly shows she is an Owned girl and that I have access.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 7

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 6:34:37 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Aileen trust me and give me your password. Im with Greedy on this one.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 8

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 6:41:58 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

if Daddy asked, i wouldn't give it to him.

it would change the nature of our relationship and trust we both have for each other. besides why would He want to read boring messages from bands, promotions, and fans to scammers proposing their undying love and devotion while asking for my hand in marriage?

He has enough to do within His busy schedule than to be bothered with logging into my 5 email accounts (including here) and looking at who sent me messages.

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(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 9

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 6:43:24 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

If the person you are corresponding with has the right to expect private correspondence, then you violated a confidence by turning over your password. RavenMuse pointed to the way out of this one. Make it clear -- for example by a note on your profile saying "SirMyNewLove has access to my mail" -- that starting today, no one can expect privacy.

As a practical matter, nothing sent on cmail, for example, is private. I've had several women show me parts of their inbox asking my opinion about x, y, or z thing. And if there are enough flags on your profile or the messages you send, the site might read your email.

I would also be suspicious of anyone who said, "Keep this secret from your husband/wife." That's really bad form. Make it clear you are in a deep, loving relationship, and your friends will know that you might discuss anything with your guy. However, anything that has already been communicated to you, in confidence, should stay private.

_____________________________

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- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 10

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 6:55:07 AM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

The great thing about being a real submissive instead of a slave is that you control how little or how much power the dominant has. I agree that the other person has a right to privacy even if you decide to give up your right. I suggest that, if you do give up your right to privacy, you inform the people you correspond with so they may choose whether or not to continue speaking openly with you.

I have never given any of my passwords to anyone. In fact, no one has had the balls to ask me for them.

< Message edited by FlamingRedhead -- 8/22/2008 6:57:47 AM >

_____________________________

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When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
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(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 11

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 6:56:11 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Some use it because they are insecure and need to know with whom the submissive is interacting and also the nature of those interactions. I think more than anything it is one personal way a dominant can exercise control over a submissive. I've only submitted my cm email password to one person. He never abused it and I think he found it amusing to read the nonsense that some men litter all over inboxes. We had quite a few laughs.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 12

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 7:00:11 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

The funny thing is that, just for fun I might ask for my girls' passwords, just to see if they would hesitate. The reality is that I probably wouldn't even bother actually using them. Only if I got the gut feeling I really needed to, based on their behaviour. At that point there would be alot more, wrong, than email access would fix.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

Post #: 13

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 7:06:26 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublibrarian

So how many of you give free reign over your passwords to your Dom?

...So I'm curious to hear from others who have a situation like this (and are subs, not slaves - I would expect a slave to have this expectation) and how they reconcile the idea that other people might not want their Dom reading their email?

Before we lived together, Firm did make a point to offer me access to some of his accounts and I reciprocated by giving him access to similar accounts of my own... none of which were email. Now that we live together and and share several computers between us, our passwords are saved all over the place... both his and mine. To my knowledge, Firm has never bothered to even open my email, but if he did, he wouldn't find anything interesting. In the same vein, his email has also been purged of any prior private communications that have no relevance to our current relationship.

You do know you can delete email, right?

Regarding the privacy of people who email me, it's not really a concern. I don't hold private conversations of that kind of nature in email. Anyone close enough to me to engage in correspondence with me, knows that I am in an intimate relationship. Private information shared with me would be more likely talked about between Firm and I in casual conversation rather than read by Firm in my email.

Of course, if there are concerns that other types of private conversations are continuing to be held, I'd say there were other issues of more importance to worry about.

As a side note (and a much lighter one), looking at your photo and then KatyLied's... I can't help feeling you might be related.

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 14

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 7:22:24 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

More often then not, my email passwords are mine only. I treat my email as if it's an actual letter I received then it is for my eyes only unless I wish to share with someone else. In the same token, I treat my dom's email the same. It is for him and I don't have any interest to know what it contains. I don't see this as a lack of trust on my part, my thoughts are that any email sent to me is meant for me to read and/or share. Also if my Sir wants to know what is in an email I received, all he has to do is ask and I will show it to him without hesitation and he knows that.

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(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 15

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 7:42:32 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

I agree with Ravenmuse on this one sublibrarian. I've got some red flags going off around your use of the phrases "submissive" and "playmate" What I am gathering is that before, this was a less committed relationship and the boundaries of your submission were pretty tight. Now, the relationship is developing and the dom is encouraging you to broaden those boundaries. That is all fine and dand and good and as it should be. What I'm worried about though is the implication that you MUST extend your boundaries in some particular direction or amount in order to be submissive.

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 16

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 8:50:04 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

As a side note (and a much lighter one), looking at your photo and then KatyLied's... I can't help feeling you might be related.

If only I had cleavage like hers. ::sigh::

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 17

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 9:29:59 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Katy yours are fine the way they are.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 18

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 10:51:18 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My Master has all my passwords (not that he always remembers them). I have nothing to hide i usually end up deleting 90% of me e mail anyway. He can look at it and my collar me mail anytime he wants. I also know his collarme password but i trusr him and have no reason to access his mail. i would do it if he needed me to though.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 19

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 10:58:05 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I would not have a problem with Darcy reading any emails I get - but I think this is just one of those things you need to communicate with this guy and with your friend. Your friend may have shared some private information that they do not want shared elsewhere, which was shared beforee you became an item. If this is the case, both should be willing to be understanding IMO. An easy solution is for your dominant to have access from now, and pre warn the friend that now, all that is spoken about, is shared with your dominant.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 20

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