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RE: Doms access to email - 9/1/2008 1:21:25 AM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
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My Husband has all my passwords and if I change them I let him know right away. I do this because I LIKE for him to have access into my thoughts, I like him to have free reign to know what I am up to. I think of it as a securety blanket for myself, this way all he ever has to do is take a peek through my mail to see what I am up to and that I am not off flirting it up.

I know that I am not up to no good and by golly I'd like him to know it too..hehe.

Poor guy though, normally the most intresting thing in my emails come from my stitching buddies and it's always about stitching stuff..fabric, charts and threads...not really any good gossip for him to read up on.

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Post #: 81

RE: Doms access to email - 9/1/2008 7:17:17 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The problem with giving over passwords, especially in a new relationship is that your mail includes things the other person believed they were writing in confidence. Writing to a person in a marriage, we assume the stuff will be shared. But deciding to give someone else's privacy away, in effect making them submit to your dominant, is just wrong.

In the op's case, I would have deleted all prior mail in the account and written to all those previous correspondents that as of Monday, Jan 1 (or whatever date) nothing would be held private, and that passwords were now given to a new partner. Just to warn them that if they got strange mail, it could easily be from the new partner.

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Post #: 82

RE: Doms access to email - 9/1/2008 8:28:20 AM

SeekingHawk

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline

I totally agree that it all depends on the dynamics of the relationship. I have many friends on CM, both Masters and submissives, and would chat with them about all sorts of things. This one Dom that I meet with for coffee only, told me that I had to stop talking to all other Dom's, Masters and submissives, and that he wanted a list of all the friends I talked to. Because of a previous relationship he had been burned. Well, I'm not going to stop talking to my "friends" and give up their names, because of his insecurities and some sub that messed him over. That's not me and I won't be punished for her. And mind you this was on the first meeting to have coffee... I didnt like the vibes I was getting from this person... comes out swinging and doesnt even know with whom he's talking to... let alone how he's coming across to me.. and I'm a newbie.

NOW, ! ! The Master the I belong to and is my very first Master, is wonderful. I trust Sir with all.. of me and mine. Sir had no issues with my having friends, be it Doms, Master or submissive. Sir, never asked me for my passwords, however I gave them to him willingly. Sir does check on my emails, and then offers me advise on how and what is proper behavior on how other Dom and Masters talk and treat me... . As I said, I am newbie.. and Sir is training me, teaching me, educating me.

So between Sir and I, it works..and the trust, safety and seurity is there between us. This other one, NOPE ! Hope this helps you..

SeekingHawk

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 83

RE: Doms access to email - 9/1/2008 9:06:36 AM

Carmeldelight

Posts: 139
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline

My email is my own. He does not need to know what I am saying to other people. Then again Daddy knows not to ask too much of me, because I have a look that I give him that lets him know that what he is requesting is not going to happen.

(in reply to SeekingHawk)

Post #: 84

RE: Doms access to email - 9/1/2008 9:08:00 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

so, carmel.. basically youre topping from the bottom? or he's a pussy whipped punk?

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Post #: 85

RE: Doms access to email - 9/1/2008 9:22:20 AM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

Was thinking the exact same thing GT lol.
I'd love to see how that would work with Sir.....lemme try I'll get back to you lol

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 86

RE: Doms access to email - 9/1/2008 9:23:55 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Btch.. unless you're into the actual punisment thing (aka OUCH THAT HURTS IN AN ICKY WAY!!!) I wouldnt test it ;)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 9/1/2008 9:26:29 AM >

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Post #: 87

RE: Doms access to email - 9/1/2008 9:37:00 AM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

Yeah ,on second thoughts maybe not a good idea.
I think I know how it would work out

Sir: Give me your password.

Me: Ain't gonna happen

Sir: Hmmm.....*Whack, thud,thud whack, slap*

Me:

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 88

RE: Doms access to email - 9/1/2008 10:45:14 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

LMAO!!

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Post #: 89

RE: Doms access to email - 9/12/2008 7:48:12 PM

SirLordspet

Posts: 34
Joined: 6/30/2008
Status: offline

i believe that it all boils down to the negotiations. my Dom has all of my passwords.. i don't have a problem as i have nothing to hide. As a submissive, do you have a contract? Have you negotiated limits? This may be a hard limit for Hm and something that He insists on or maybe He will be willing to negotiate. However, even as a sub, i would not have a problem with turning over my passwords..

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(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 90

RE: Doms access to email - 9/13/2008 3:46:12 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

I'm a very private person when it comes to mail n emails, I don't read another persons mail..nor e-mail and if I'm asked to do it I find it rather uncomfortable to me it means that I'm invading someones privacy or personal matters. I don't have anything to hide however this's my private matters and I prefer to keep them to myself so the answer would probably be no if my dominant asked for the password, just like I wouldn't like them to look over my bills etc.

(in reply to SirLordspet)

Post #: 91

RE: Doms access to email - 9/13/2008 7:28:11 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

For me to give my passwords for my emails or any other things to someone, there would have to be an incredible level of trust built first. I've learned lessons the hard way, but I did learn them. Most likely if I reach that level with someone, it will be an exchange of the info.

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(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 92

RE: Doms access to email - 9/13/2008 8:32:32 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

This is really the type of issue that can be rationalized to anyone's end, but...

I'm particularly irked by the continuing interpretations that the wish to retain (or wishing for another to retain) a level of secrecy (calling it privacy seems too pretty a way to describe it) in a relationship is somehow attuned to burgeoning "trust".

Trust should not be something measured in degrees of things hidden, but rather in degrees of things openly bared.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 9/13/2008 8:33:23 AM >

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(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 93

RE: Doms access to email - 9/13/2008 9:34:37 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

Trust should not be something measured in degrees of things hidden, but rather in degrees of things openly bared.

Individuals measure trust in the way that best works for them and it may not be the way that works best for others. I know for me, the more I trust someone, the more I give and do because I want to please them and show them my trust in and feelings for them; but until there is trust and feelings and a relationship, I won't give them things that they can use to harm me with.

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(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 94

RE: Doms access to email - 9/14/2008 3:37:37 PM

SirLordspet

Posts: 34
Joined: 6/30/2008
Status: offline

As a slave i do not have the option to tell my Master "no" nor do i want it. However, saying "no" and retaining hard limits is one of the advantages that a submissive retains and a slave loses once she or he submits and accepts a Master's collar as a slave verse being or remaining a submissive.

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Post #: 95

RE: Doms access to email - 9/14/2008 3:42:50 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLordspet

As a slave i do not have the option to tell my Master "no" nor do i want it. However, saying "no" and retaining hard limits is one of the advantages that a submissive retains and a slave loses once she or he submits and accepts a Master's collar as a slave verse being or remaining a submissive.

Are you for real?
Where do you get the idea and in what handbook did that come from? That is probably one of the most dangerous comments that I have read. You don't have the option of saying no because you are a slave? You ALWAYS have the option to say no, you don't necessarily have the choice - but then, neither do some submissives - in the same breath some slaves totally do get to say no. It depends on what the Master decides, not you - not for anyone.

That other post you printed shows you need to get out of the valley of absolutes before you cause yourself some serious issues.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 9/14/2008 3:44:32 PM >

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Post #: 96

RE: Doms access to email - 9/14/2008 6:22:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

so, carmel.. basically youre topping from the bottom? or he's a pussy whipped punk?

Actually GT, that seems a little harsh. We don't know how long they've been together and what she has agreed to submit to, and what areas she will not.

Hell, I'm not signing over my house and my inheritance but I don't consider that the dreaded tftb. So if he's pushing a limit she's entitled to say "don't go there".

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 97

RE: Doms access to email - 9/14/2008 7:26:14 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLordspet

As a slave i do not have the option to tell my Master "no" nor do i want it. However, saying "no" and retaining hard limits is one of the advantages that a submissive retains and a slave loses once she or he submits and accepts a Master's collar as a slave verse being or remaining a submissive.

Are you for real?
Where do you get the idea and in what handbook did that come from? That is probably one of the most dangerous comments that I have read. You don't have the option of saying no because you are a slave? You ALWAYS have the option to say no, you don't necessarily have the choice - but then, neither do some submissives - in the same breath some slaves totally do get to say no. It depends on what the Master decides, not you - not for anyone.

That other post you printed shows you need to get out of the valley of absolutes before you cause yourself some serious issues.

the.dark.

Thank you. You said what I was thinking. The bolding is mine.

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(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 98

RE: Doms access to email - 9/15/2008 12:21:24 AM

Shylahgirl

Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublibrarian

I had an issue come up this week, and being new at being a submissive (and not just a playmate - I fell in love with him and said I wanted more than just playmate, now I'm discovering how far I have to go to be a real submissive) I was curious how many other subs have this expectation from their Doms. He asked me for my password to a site so he could read the correspondence between me and another person. I balked at this as I don't feel it's right, after all the other person has every right to expect that their email to me is just to me and not to others.

So how many of you give free reign over your passwords to your Dom? He's pointed out that he would never abuse it or micromanage and read all my emails, and I do trust this. But he does expect that if he asks then I will be forthcoming. I want to please him so at this point I would be forthcoming, I should have been in the first place. I just value my privacy and the privacy of whoever's writing to me. So I'm curious to hear from others who have a situation like this (and are subs, not slaves - I would expect a slave to have this expectation) and how they reconcile the idea that other people might not want their Dom reading their email?

Being a "real submissive"does not mean being a doormat, no matter how much desier you have to please or how much love you ave for your master.

It is my opinion and the opinion of those who have trained me, both my former Master and current Master, that if the dom feels the necessity to remove all of your privacy with friends without just cause (just cause like you were "submitting online" to someone else and were caught for example) then it the dom being insecure and wanting to controle to protect then selves.

I equte reading of my email by Master the same as if I were in a vinilla relationship and my boyfriend wanted the same thing. Would you give your password to a vinilla boyfriend? Probably not... Why... because you probably would tolerate the jelousy that brought on the request for your password in the first place.

I see a dom wanting to read their slaves email as the dom saying... " I don't trust you to tell me the truth.." or "I don't trust your honesty..."

If Master asked for my passwords without just cause then I would tell him no and most likely ask him why he doesn't trust me... what he is afraid of.

Not allwoing at least minnamal privacy for you and your friends is a sign of fear... argue with that all you want, but it's the truth. Even slaves need something to them selves if they desier it.

I would not serve a Master who required access to my personal messages.

If Master needs to know I will tell him.. just as he would with me. We are all adults, there's no reason not to trust you segnifficant other.

Shylah

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Post #: 99

RE: Doms access to email - 9/15/2008 1:55:15 AM

NeedsFocus

Posts: 42
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

I actually just had someone mention the same thing to me. We were just getting to know each other when this came up, but he said he would require passwords to all of my email accounts. I told him there was absolutely no way he (or anyone else) could have one of them. My best friend just recently shot himself, and his widow and I are also best friends, and that relationship with her I hold very dear. I'm very protective of that relationship we have.

I'm not doing anything wrong, but there should be a certain level of trust there, I think.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 100

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