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RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 11:16:57 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

nonono...i would never do that...because whats to stop him from wanting your bank account #'s and emails connected to them??? then your really in for it as he can wipe out those accounts without notice. a simple email money transfer can do that in minutes.

you need some private life.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 21

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 11:29:05 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

nonono...i would never do that...because whats to stop him from wanting your bank account #'s and emails connected to them??? then your really in for it as he can wipe out those accounts without notice.

you need some private life.

Just because you can't/won't trust someone to that degree don't assume others can't/won't/don't want to

and no, some here (My girl for one) doesn't "NEED" anything private from ME!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 22

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 12:25:57 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

And mine doesn't WANT it.

Fortunately she chose the person she wishes to serve wisely. If the day comes she decided she needs to leave me, she will be much better off for having served me, in many ways. It is my responsibility to make sure of that.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 23

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 12:29:55 PM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

Ditto what Raven said.
I don't NEED to have anything private from Sir. He would probably be bored to tears reading my mail lol. He has my passwords to all accounts, I doubt He's ever used them, unless I've called His attention to some lunatic or other that needs a dose of His sarcasm lol..
xx

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 24

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 12:45:56 PM

DelightnDevotion

Posts: 45
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline

One of the things I really appreciate about my Dom is that, as our relationship has grown and developed on deeper levels, he has very, very rarely insisted that I submit something particular to him. The things he has insisted on are those that he perceives to be safety issues. For example, I am not allowed to start attending a new munch or meet n greet unless he goes with me the first time (to check it out and make others meet him and know I belong to him and am under his protection).

Otherwise, he has allowed me to progress in my submission at my own pace--which has done wonders for making me feel comfortable and at ease with him and our relationship. Plus, he recognizes how much more powerful and deep my submission to him is when I give it to him, rather than his demanding that I surrender it.

My Dom does have my password to one of my e-mail accounts--but because I gave it to him and not because he asked for it. And I did it because that particular e-mail account was the one I used to contact and correspond with my play partners before I became monogamous with him. I gave him the password, after we had been together and monogamous for months, because it was symbolic of my saying, "I'm committed to you and to us by surrendering this to you". Now we use the account to find others who want to play with us as a couple.

_____________________________

"Surrender yourself humbly;
then you can be trusted to care for all things."
Tao Te Ching, Chapter 13

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 25

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 4:09:10 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

Sir has the password to my e-mail but he said he was uncomfortable with it and doesn't want to use it. (I think he was doing what LaT did, just to see if I'd hesitate, but I was actually hoping he'd take advantage of the info.) He hasn't asked for other passwords since then. I wonder if it might have been part of a mind-fuck I messed up for him.

(in reply to DelightnDevotion)

Post #: 26

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 6:48:02 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

He hasn't required passwords to emails or anything else but if he did I would not have any problems giving it to him. I have nothing at all to hide, especially from him. If someone I was emailing had a problem I would make them aware that he does read my emails and they can decide for themselves if they wish to correspond with me in that manner. Otherwise well..it's His right.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 27

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 7:36:36 PM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

My Master has all the passwords to my accounts, even before I was His slave. I have nothing to hide from Him and none of the accounts He asked for were tied in any way to money, they were just things like my email, myspace, CM, my IMs, etc. It didn't bother me any because even if He didn't read them, I'd tell Him about them anyways. He's never abused it and has only used them when I had problems with a person or two being rude. If the day ever comes that I end up released, it's a simple thing to change my passwords.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 28

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 7:41:03 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublibrarian

...He asked me for my password to a site so he could read the correspondence between me and another person...

Why not print the messages and hand them to your Dom on paper?... Seems to me that would work just fine.

quote:

...I balked at this as I don't feel it's right, after all the other person has every right to expect that their email to me is just to me and not to others...

Well, there you go. You've already figured it out for yourself it seems.

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 29

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 7:41:50 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

This is amusing to me...... He and i have talked about this at great length. We too live together and use one computer. There have been many times i've tried to access my email and his account has come up. i know the same thing's been true for him. Additionally, i'm usually always logged in on CM so he hasn't used His account for about 5 or 6 months.
A couple of weeks ago i was out of town for work. i didn't have access to a computer the entire week. One night i called him and asked him to log onto my email account to send a letter to a co-worker for the next morning because we were having a lay off meeting at work and i couldn't be there. He was so uncomfortable!!! It made me laugh!! He know's i'm honest, loyal, and faithful and that i have not now nor would i ever do anything i need to be ashamed of or hide.

Incidently, i must be going to hell. Because i've given him my password for my bank account and my debit card.

Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 30

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 8:59:51 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I have al of Fox's passwords. Whether or not I choose to use them is a different story. He can ask me not to read a certain person's mail, if that person wanted privacy of their communication. However, since Fox tells me about everything anyway... is a bit moot.
I have Angel's as well and I know what I can and cant read without endangering our trust.

I HAVE the passwords as a show of faith. I have only used Fox's, and mainly to check his email for him when he has no access of his own.

I also have both boys pin numbers and bank account information. I have full access with the trust I would never use any of it without permission. I carry Fox's bank card with me. I do not have one of Angel's becasue he is paranoid about it getting lost after a major fiasco when he lost one last year.

For US it made sense and there has not been a problem. For others it might not work as well. No one size fits al solutions.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 31

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 9:10:06 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

The funny thing is that, just for fun I might ask for my girls' passwords, just to see if they would hesitate. The reality is that I probably wouldn't even bother actually using them. Only if I got the gut feeling I really needed to, based on their behaviour. At that point there would be alot more, wrong, than email access would fix.

I have my girls passwords... um at least I think I do... well maybe I forgot them... but I had them honest... and um I was going to spy on them... being insecure as I was... but I forgot to check.. and then when i remembered to check I remembered that I forgot the passwords............so... anyways.... so I didn't forget my passwords... I gave my girls my passwords.... and that way... they can check up on me.. and make sure I am not forgetting to write any important emails.... funny thing is... I don't have any important emails coming in.........mmmmmmmm do you think they are forgeting to tell me? I have to remember to ask them.. hopefully I don't forget.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 32

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 9:21:27 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

Sir has all my passwords to my email accounts, yahoo, and collarme.... I don't have a problem with Him viewing my accounts.... if anything, He gets a kick out of all the conversations.

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 33

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 9:28:17 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

The frase true submissive is kind of a straw dog around here. There is no such thing as a "true submissive" in the way most doms use it, because they're probably using it to make you feel bad and do something you don't wish to do.

In most cases It's a scam and it's a manipulation trick.

I'd also like to say It also doesn't make you any less real or not real if you won't hand over passwords to your emails and your personal accounts.

Also, one way of making sure people you're communicating with don't feel their privacy is violated is to state right up front in plain view in bold letters, that your mail is being monitered, if there's something the mailer would feel is private then please do so knowing it may be read by your Dominant.

I wouldn't give my password to someone who demanded it, but in time when I trusted him I';d offer it. I've offered on a number of ocasions that my Daddy may log in an read my mail look at my posts, check my banking info. And I have his banking info. I am also allowed to check his email and his accounts at will too. He knows I do, and really has no problem with it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublibrarian

now I'm discovering how far I have to go to be a real submissive) I was curious how many other subs have this expectation from their Doms. He asked me for my password to a site so he could read the correspondence between me and another person. I balked at this as I don't feel it's right, after all the other person has every right to expect that their email to me is just to me and not to others.

. I just value my privacy and the privacy of whoever's writing to me. So I'm curious to hear from others who have a situation like this (and are subs, not slaves - I would expect a slave to have this expectation) and how they reconcile the idea that other people might not want their Dom reading their email?

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 8/22/2008 9:31:37 PM >

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 34

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 9:29:36 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublibrarian
I balked at this as I don't feel it's right, after all the other person has every right to expect that their email to me is just to me and not to others.

I wanted to respond to this thought; does the other person have the right to expect their email is private? In my relationship, that is an unrealistic expectation and it has nothing to do with the fact that our relationship has an M/s structure. It has to do with the fact that the three of us are a family and that there is nothing that we keep from each other.

I also do not expect my friends or family to keep things from their partners either. If there is something that I didn't want my dad to know, then I would not put my mother in the position to have to hide it from him. If someone who calls themself my friend wants me to hide things from my primary partners, then they are not the kind of friend that I want in my life.

That we have an M/s relationship is irrelevant to this issue. It is based on the level of intimacy and openess that we have developed in our relationship. It did not happen over night and probably took more than a year to forge. Asking me to keep something from him and Alandra is like asking me to lie to myself. It would harm me and our relationship.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 35

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 9:39:25 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

oh sure.. you gonna out do my post with a good to honest answer instead of the BS that I posted... *G*

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 36

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 9:51:14 PM

cravesdom

Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I have never been asked by a Dom to give him my passwords. I truly don't know how I would feel about that. On one hand I can see it being used as a method of control or even a measure of trust in the Dom, but I think my gut reaction would be to feel that he didn't trust me. And if he did ask and I hesitated, would he think I was hiding something from him? I think the dynamic of the relationship would figure so heavily into just how that situation would make me feel. I am a very open person in general and I share almost everything going on in my life with my love, but I seriously think I would feel like he felt he had a need to check up on me if he asked me for my passwords.

Now, if I needed to have him check an email for me or something like that, I wouldn't think twice about giving him my password. I trust him completely. If he offered me his, I would automatically give him mine in return as I have nothing to hide from him. It's just the concept of him asking me for it that would make me wonder a bit I guess.

_____________________________

Finally home where I belong.

"A lot of disappointed people have been left standing on the street corner waiting for the bus marked 'Perfection.' " Donald Kennedy

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 37

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 10:10:39 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

I use a short list of standard (for me) passwords for everything. I have one main password - and a couple of alternates if the site in question doesn't like my standard password.
My Master knows these passwords. But, then again, so do my children, my parents, and, likely, several of my closest friends.
beyond that, i use Opera as a brwser. It saves my passwords for me to any site I visit on it's 'password passport'. Plus, all my standard passwords are saved on it's convienant drop down menu.
when my dear little part time sister visits, she uses my puter. I have told her that all my nicks and passwords are on the dropdowns, if she wants into anything, just play around with them a while. She just laughed and said why would she ever do that? good question - who wants to read my boring old email, anyhow?
As to expectation of privacy, anyone who knows me knows how security unconcise I am. I leave my keys in the cupwell of my car, for cripes sake. I leave my purse anywhere and everywhere. My SS#, DL#, phone number and BD are preprinted on my checks.
I am not suggesting that everyone be like this - this is just who I am. Y'alls security concenciousness makes it possible for me to safely be this a way. Thank 'ya.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 38

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 10:58:33 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

~FR~

re: the comments about 'hiding' convos from a partner ..
Hypothetical here:
Sometimes, I may want to confide in a friend via email. If I know that my friends partner may read what I want to say, then I'm going to be less open with my friend.
What I want to say doesnt necessarily have to have anything to do with MY partner, or my friends partner or anyone we know.
Sometimes, there are things to be said that really ARE extremely personal, things I wouldn't be comfy with a person other than my friend knowing.

By the same token, I would like my friend to know that they can safely have the expectation that what they tell me in confidence will remain just that.. a confidence.

I'm probably not getting my point across clearly, I'm tired...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 39

RE: Doms access to email - 8/22/2008 11:10:28 PM

subdevra

Posts: 37
Joined: 3/28/2008
Status: offline

when He asked for all my passwords, at first i balked at bit. but it was really a control issue more than anything else. and also a reminder that i am His. although he does not read my emails or look at my chat logs he could at any time. there is one account though that He does not have access to and it was something that we discussed and he encouraged me in and that was the sub sisters forum where no Doms are allowed to have access so that the subs could talk freely.

devra

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 40

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