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RE: Doms access to email - 8/23/2008 5:26:24 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

I know if I asked my pet to show me his correspondences, or to give me his passwords, he would. In fact, I have, once. Only once though, and it was to make sure that he had done something I asked, and did so properly. Overall though, it is his correspondence, not mine, and it is his privacy. What would I have to gain by having such things? Nothing, aside from him feeling that I don't trust him. And that is NOT something I wish to gain.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 61

RE: Doms access to email - 8/23/2008 6:27:16 PM

sublibrarian

Posts: 96
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Thanks everybody for the input. There's certainly differing opinions on the topic. I've been with my Dom for a year, I should have specified that in the OP. It's not like he came out with this a few weeks or months into a new relationship.

We've discussed the situation at length and while we don't 100% agree with each other's stance on it, there's been some compromise (and he will keep in mind my moral objection to sharing). I will give him my passwords to collarme and fetlife, but also put a note on my profiles that my Dom may read the emails there. Odds are good he won't as he's not interested in micromanaging and also agrees that I should have some privacy, he also says he trusts that I'm not doing anything I shouldn't. He'll also ask for the password to the vanilla site where the correspondence he wanted to see took place, just to read that particular set of correspondence. I made a big stink about wanting to meet this woman alone when he was encouraging me to set up a meeting with all three of us and he wanted to see what the fuss was about. (I have nothing to hide, it was just that I felt pushed out and would really like to get to know this woman on my own. I should have approached the subject more calmly before getting worked up so I wouldn't tick him off to the point where he demanded to see the correspondence.) So while I will be giving up some passwords, things like my personal email will remain personal. And he has never asked for financial information.

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 62

RE: Doms access to email - 8/23/2008 6:53:26 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*hugs* subl .. hope it all works well for you :)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 63

RE: Doms access to email - 8/23/2008 9:42:25 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

My x and I still have each others email and passwords. I guess it depends on how much you trust someone. He didn't have mine (nor I his) in our first year together. I believe in being logical. I don't give someone the right to my private times or letters unless they are in my life long enough for me to trust them with my life.
Kyst

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 64

RE: Doms access to email - 8/24/2008 12:02:13 AM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

*fast reply*
I know Sir's passwords for most things He does online, mainly because He tends to forget them! He has the password to one of my email accounts but doesn't want to know the others. If He's in hospital or not up to it, I can check His emails and get rid of all the junk, and tell Him if there's anything important that needs attention.

I also have His PIN number for His bank card so I can get His weekly cash out of the ATM for Him. I get a receipt every time but I don't know why I bother, because He never looks at it

He doesn't want to know mine.

I think He gave me that PIN number the first few days we were together. I must have an honest face

_____________________________

Collared sub and married to Nevershyau

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 65

RE: Doms access to email - 8/24/2008 12:22:51 AM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

Hehe, Rayne. A utility sub! :) Wonderful things to have around. Mine is the person in charge of reminding me where my keys and wallet and shoes are. It's sad, but at least he does a fine job at it. I'd never be able to leave the house without him.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 66

RE: Doms access to email - 8/24/2008 4:41:47 PM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

TheEngineer has been REALLY burned by past relationships. and so he is all paranoid about me having access to his finances, even after we're married. me, i say "yes, beloved" and keep showing him that i'm exactly what i appear to be and worthy of his trust.

he has my passwords and i have a couple of his, but we both respect each other's privacy and dont mess about with things. even when he leaves his gmail account open and i need to use the desk computer for something, i just minimize the window and do what i went in there to do.

if he wanted me to see something, he'd show it to me.

and frequently, he does.

kitten

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 67

RE: Doms access to email - 8/24/2008 9:14:01 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP.....I would not give over my passwords..I would hope that trust would be incorporated into my dynamic...now if he wished to see my e-mail, I would have no problem giving him access to it (I would do the logging on however)..but to my way of thinking, if someone is bent on being deceptive then what is to prevent that person from not telling all? To keep one or two accounts hidden?..giving over of a password first shows there is no trust and second that there is a lack of confidence within the relationship on the Dominants part..And sure ,he can attribute it to the issue of "control" but personally I would view such a statement with a jaundiced eye..The exception to the rule would be, we were married, we were living 24/7 together and had a sharing of all finances,or that the dynamic had been of long standing, to qualify long standing...to MY way of thinking at least 3 years or more...A foolish thing would be to give your passwords up in a developing dynamic.....Of course I am awaiting those who will come back on me and say, if you trust your body to this Dominant why would you not trust your passwords with him as well????..my answer...trust grows, as a dynamic grows....and patience is a virtue on what ever the side of the slash you reside on..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 68

RE: Doms access to email - 8/25/2008 5:27:28 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

quote:

Hehe, Rayne. A utility sub! :) Wonderful things to have around. Mine is the person in charge of reminding me where my keys and wallet and shoes are. It's sad, but at least he does a fine job at it. I'd never be able to leave the house without him.

I need one of those. Where can a nice slave girl buy one of those? One who won't expect to get beaten or anything, i mean.
I now own THREE half pair of shoes. I do not understand how I keep losing ONE shoe at a time. Srrsly - i mean, whenever it was, the last time i used them, i probably used them together, right? I probably took them both off at the same place - don't you think? Where does the ONE keep going off to?

PS - Pixie Dust - i love your personal name for your Master. Master has a wooden plaque behind His desk that says:
'Never, Never, but NEVER, question the Engineer.'
hehe :)

< Message edited by tsatske -- 8/25/2008 5:29:41 AM >

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 69

RE: Doms access to email - 8/25/2008 7:58:57 AM

phoenix92901

Posts: 40
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

My Sir didn't ask for it but I gave him my CM password. To my knowledge, he hasn't checked my emails but I tell him all about the correspondence on here anyway. As our lives and households merge, he may have access to more or perhaps we'll just do away with individual accounts (email, bank, etc) and create joint ones. We trust each other implicitly... it's as simple as that.

_____________________________

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. John Lennon

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 70

RE: Doms access to email - 8/25/2008 8:06:33 AM

Monkeyontuesday

Posts: 357
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

NviceSub: I agree completely with you. I don't have things to hide (and maybe it's my aversion to extremely intimate relationships), but what's mine is mine. I'll gladly share and, like you said, log in and he's more than welcome to read any little thing he wants -- but I'm not giving someone access to my personal life like that. If he wants my passwords, we can swap.

_____________________________

Make no little plans. There is no magic in them to stir men's blood.

(in reply to phoenix92901)

Post #: 71

RE: Doms access to email - 8/25/2008 8:18:24 AM

Plumpinthefatty

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/11/2008
Status: offline

Like said above giving one access shows how comfortable you feel, I remember 2 weeks after being with my former dominant I wasn't ready to give him access to my email. Regardless at the time, I did being I was head over heels in love with him and wanted to please him, now looking back I realize I shouldn't have. I wouldn't give someome access unless I really trusted him, if we were married or in a long term serious relationship

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 72

RE: Doms access to email - 8/25/2008 2:50:32 PM

aperversetwist

Posts: 48
Joined: 8/3/2008
Status: offline

Personally I would never ask for my bottom's passwords or access to their email. I feel that in any relationship there needs to be a level of privacy as well as trust. I had a bottom who wanted to give me access to their email and I declined. If you want me to see an email, forward it to me. It's not a matter of hiding anything or nothing to hide. It's just simple respect for the privacy of another person as I see it.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 73

RE: Doms access to email - 8/27/2008 4:43:45 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

quote:

It's just simple respect for the privacy of another person as I see it.

I agree 100%.
And I have NO privacy. That is not how everyone's relationship works, not a judgement on how yours should work - it is just what works for me.

Every morning, I say the Kajara's Creed, and then i say:
No Limits
No Walls
No Boundries

No Hesitations
No Reservations
HIS

(and, no, it is not a true statement about who I am or what we do. It is like the pledge of allegence here in the US - a far ways from true, but, none the less, the eye on the prize goal.)

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to aperversetwist)

Post #: 74

RE: Doms access to email - 8/27/2008 6:26:47 PM

xoel

Posts: 28
Joined: 11/7/2006
Status: offline

Daddy has access to my mail, does not read all of them, but it does give me a bit of a warm and fuzzy feeling when i see that he has been on my acct.

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 75

RE: Doms access to email - 8/28/2008 1:12:28 AM

sweetkarma

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline

Master has the password for her email that is used for him and anyone that knows she is submissive. when he said he wanted full access, she did tell her friends that email her that her Master would be able to read whatever they wrote. She doesn't know how often he reads there and maybe he doesn't at all. He has told her that she is not to delete anything on there and so she does not.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 76

RE: Doms access to email - 8/28/2008 9:56:36 AM

Daes

Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline

As others have said, it depends on your dynamic and how much you trust Him

When Sir first asked me for my password, I got a little defensive. I've had Bad experiences with giving out my password, but that is because my ex eventually abused it, he deleted contacts, pissed off my friends, and would kick me off when I would get on. I had to get a new account altogether.

This trust goes both ways. He can check my email whenever or not at all, he is trusting that I would not sneak around him or hide anything from him, in turn I am trusting Him not to abuse my privacy. I don't think its out of the question, whats mine is His and I dont have anything to hide. And in its own way, its kinda special and it makes me feel like He's watching out for me and that He cares. ^_^

If you really don't feel comfortable with it, then talk it out.

< Message edited by Daes -- 8/28/2008 9:58:02 AM >

_____________________________

~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 77

RE: Doms access to email - 8/31/2008 12:59:11 PM

subkay2neil

Posts: 11
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

i agree with when you start the relationship you have to communicate with each other & set the limits. privacy is a big thing & if the other person wants to confide in you then they should be able to.
Sir does have access to my online profiles to just see how things are going & help me search for what we're looking for however he does not feel the need for passwords to my emails.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 78

RE: Doms access to email - 8/31/2008 11:59:41 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

I am an extremely private person and before this point nobody had my passwords. My Owner not only has all my passwords, when we are together I hand over my cell phone for him to carry around in his pocket, and when it goes off he reads it first then passes it to me, and he gives me a yay or nay as to whether I can respond. I have found it to be quite liberating. He has had my passwords for almost a year now and never once done anything to abuse my trust in him.

(in reply to subkay2neil)

Post #: 79

RE: Doms access to email - 9/1/2008 12:59:59 AM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

To the original post:

I would never, EVER give out my email password.

This is for two reasons...

1) I could be fired from my job. (yay semi-confidentiality D:)
2) It's my email. Like you said, the person emailing me has a reasonable expectation that it's coming to ME not to other people as well (though one could argue that you could just forward the email to 10,000 other people and the point would be moot, it's a nice point in theory that I put into practice. I always ask before I forward emails from someone to another person)

That said, however, nearly everything else I wouldn't really care. My ex still knows the password into my computer, the password I use for my AIM, the password I use for a gaming site, and a few others... and yes, they're almost all different passwords (I'm, like, hyper-crazy about that o.O)

I don't mind. Anything I do I pretty much talk about anyways. The only thing I'd be remotely bothered by (beyond email) would be the password to my melo, which is my blog where, occasionally, I will post private entries that really aren't meant for other people to read.

Even then, I'd give it to my dominant (if I had one) if he asked.

But I'm also assuming a good amount of trust. I would NOT give any of these things to someone I didn't already trust implicitly (just like I wouldn't let anyone dominate me that I didn't already trust implicitly).

*shrug* there's my answer.

EDIT: Blagh... stupid fingers hearing sounds but not spellings XD

< Message edited by aravain -- 9/1/2008 1:00:40 AM >

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 80

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