How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not interested"?

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How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not interest... - 8/25/2008 11:35:42 PM

youngstownsubm

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Joined: 7/29/2008
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I've noticed that most Dommes that I send messages to on CollarMe completely ignore me. Am I crazy in thinking this is an incredibly rude way to treat someone who just sent you an honest, heartfelt message expressing an interest in you?

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/25/2008 11:46:28 PM

YourhandMyAss

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From: Sacramento
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I think so. I don't believe any one has any real right to expect a reply, and your message not being replied to is indeed a reply. and it's saying not interested. If we said no thanks to every one who emailed most of us wouldn't ever do anything else.

Plus when you reply back you tend to get the whiney begging, then well do you have any friends, then the rude nasty replies come out as the responder becomes childish over being rejected.

(in reply to youngstownsubm)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 12:20:04 AM

youngstownsubm

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Joined: 7/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Plus when you reply back you tend to get the whiney begging, then well do you have any friends, then the rude nasty replies come out as the responder becomes childish over being rejected.

I don't think the bad behavior of a few subs should be an excuse for rude behavior on the part of a Mistress.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 12:35:37 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
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How about all the boys that I've messaged who haven't bothered to even say "thanks but no thanks"? It works both ways, you know.

Yeah, it's rude - but then you know that you don't want to deal with the person anyway, so it saves you some time. I almost always reply to e-mails ... if I don't, it's because they have ignored our profile entirely. I have no need to waste time on someone who can't spend 5 minutes (or less) reading a profile.

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(in reply to youngstownsubm)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 12:50:44 AM

purelea2003

Posts: 78
Joined: 12/12/2005
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Not interested whether it's rude of not - I don't care. I will say I personally try to respond to all emails - even the insulting ones. Sometimes though they don't seem to go out. I don't why. Maybe they have Me blocked or something in My mail setting effects it. If I'm very interested in responding, I may send out several responses. As far as I can tell it doesn't matter - emails to certain people just won't send.

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"There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up." - Booker T Washington

(in reply to SweetDommes)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 1:01:16 AM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
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In an ideal world all of our emails would be answered in full, with crystal clarity, and it would be done in a timely manner... But unfortunately.................

The best thing I can suggest to someone who, like me, is searching is: Find a way to establish some sort of peace with the fact that you're going to make contact with some here who simply don't have the energy or initiative to reply to you at all. Rude or not, it is what it is... I can tell you that accepting what I just wrote will make this whole process a bit less painful.

Good luck in your search!

....and add a pic to your profile to increase your chances, btw...

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"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to SweetDommes)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 3:40:10 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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For me, it depends on the message -- there are several that I won't answer, the top one being if you've clearly not read my profile. Also, if the message is from someone overseas, someone way too young, without a photo, or just one line. All of those would also indicate you haven't read my profile.

For the most part, I try to say 'no thanks' but sometimes, its very clear its just going to cause a barrage of rude emails so I don't bother.

It would be nice to always get a response, but the fact is, no one owes anyone a response to an unsolicited email.

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(in reply to youngstownsubm)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 3:48:01 AM

MissIsis

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I try to respond at least the first time, but when it is someone who sends the same canned email time & time again, or someone responds back with the whining on why not, or how could I be real if I refuse them, then, I go ahead & delete them. And then, there are some that I have seen on the website of s offenders, those, I just delete.

(in reply to Madame4a)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 3:55:44 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngstownsubm

I've noticed that most Dommes that I send messages to on CollarMe completely ignore me. Am I crazy in thinking this is an incredibly rude way to treat someone who just sent you an honest, heartfelt message expressing an interest in you?

If it really is an honest heartfelt message, expressing that you really did take the time to actually read their profile and write accordingly.....I doubt that ALL would ignore you.

So, the question is....is it your messages? Orrrr, your choice of women that you are sending messages too? Orrrr, something else?

You've got to look at the situation from all angles.

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(in reply to youngstownsubm)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 4:09:09 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
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I normally try to respond with a "Sorry, I've got all the boys I can juggle at the moment."

And just FYI - All four of my current favorites had no pic on their profile when they started talking to me. They were just all very interesting people who caught my attention by treating me like a human being first and NOT constantly talking about their kinks.

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(in reply to MissIsis)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 4:09:37 AM

TNstepsout

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Sometimes it is hard and sometimes I just don't feel like dealing with nonsense. I don't like to waste time with even "thanks but no thanks" to anyone who didn't waste their time reading my profile. If you don't meet my basic criteria of location, age range, marital status, profile (you have one that is intelligible) I don't bother to respond. I try to respond to all others, but sometimes I don't check my email often, sometimes I don't have time to begin the process with another potential sub, sometimes I read an email in the morning but don't have time and then forget that I didn't respond, sometimes I just lose track of who I have responded to and who I haven't.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 4:30:25 AM

SoulPiercer

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Joined: 5/27/2007
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This is going to sound sexist, so I apologize in advance to any males who may be offended.

If this were Ask a Master and the OP were a submissive woman, I would say it is rude to not respond.

Since this is Ask a Mistress and the OP is a submissive man, I say it is not rude. This is why:

A Mistress can step out of her front door, throw a stick and hit a submissive man in the face. Translation: On average, Mistresses/Dominant women get far more email from sub men than Masters/Dominant men get from submissive women. No .. it's not true in every single case .. which is why I qualified that staement with "On average".

I go through periods where I, as a MAN, get flooded with email from submissive men. My profile clearly states who I am and what I am looking for, yet still I get these messages. That seems to be the nature of the submissive male.

For that reason, I don't think it's a case of Mistresses being rude to all because of the behavior of a few. I think it's a case of time management due to the behavior of a great many. Time is not money. You can always make more money .. but you can never get more time.

What would you do if you took 45 minutes to fill out a job application and were never called back for an interview? Send the company a letter telling them how rude they are?

Get over it. Put your big boy pants on, read The Little Engine That Could, say "I think I can, I think I can" and keep chugging along.

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(in reply to MissIsis)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 4:39:25 AM

TheLadyConstance

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

A Mistress can step out of her front door, throw a stick and hit a submissive man in the face.

Why didn't I think of that? I'm going to try that this afternoon!

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 4:44:31 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngstownsubm

I've noticed that most Dommes that I send messages to on CollarMe completely ignore me. Am I crazy in thinking this is an incredibly rude way to treat someone who just sent you an honest, heartfelt message expressing an interest in you?

Given that your recent posts include the statements that (1) any prodomme is not really a dominant woman, and (2) a dominant woman who does not want a drug-using sub in her life is someone unworthy of service, I have no trouble believing your email contact with dominant women could be seen as arrogant and snarky. Why write back to some jerk who messages you out of the blue?

I have gotten a lot of responses to emails I have sent. Frankly, I attribute my success to the fact that women are glad to read something from a man who does not have an attitude like yours.

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(in reply to youngstownsubm)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 4:57:36 AM

SoulPiercer

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyConstance

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

A Mistress can step out of her front door, throw a stick and hit a submissive man in the face.

Why didn't I think of that? I'm going to try that this afternoon!

Evening is best, M'Lady.

And be sure to put rubber tips on the ends of the stick. You don't want to be sued for putting out someone's eye.

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(in reply to TheLadyConstance)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 5:10:10 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Red has a good point here. I'll follow it with a second one.

How much unsolicited mail do you get at home? Do you receive advertisements from cell phone companies when you are already quite satisfied with your phone service? Do you get letters about home owners insurance when you rent an apartment? How about things from your local Republican candidate for the Senate when you are clearly a Democrat?

Guess what? That unsolicited mail that you receive at home is just like folks who haven't bothered to read a profile, and contact people who are obviously a bad match. Personally, I have a few key things in My profile that make it very obvious for certain people to know that we are not compatible. They mail Me anyway. Now, please remember that the information is already available to them. Why would it be necessary for Me to write it again in an email? By the way, My general solution for this is to copy/paste those portions of My profile and say that they should read the profiles of the people they contact.

Back to the point. Do you respond to all of the unsolicited mail you get at home for offers that you aren't interested in? I'm willing to bet you haven't written back to any of the folks who have sent various forms of junk mail, newspaper circulars, credit card offers, or anything else that didn't interest you.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RedMagic1)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 5:21:31 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

A Mistress can step out of her front door, throw a stick and hit a submissive man in the face.

Hahahaha.... I love your posts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngstownsub
I don't think the bad behavior of a few subs should be an excuse for rude behavior on the part of a Mistress.

Yes, yes it is. I do not reply to virtually 99% of emails I get. Why? Because men on this site tend to be a pain in the a** when even gently rejected.

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HBIC

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 5:36:03 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngstownsubm

I've noticed that most Dommes that I send messages to on CollarMe completely ignore me. Am I crazy in thinking this is an incredibly rude way to treat someone who just sent you an honest, heartfelt message expressing an interest in you?

Actually in terms of general etiquette, not replying is our reply. To do otherwise is to send mixed signals especially since email is much like a postal letter.

If you were to approach someone face to face, it would be polite for a lady to say "good day to you, sir" and then ignore you if she was not interested.

Check out some basic etiquette guides for things like this.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to youngstownsubm)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 5:51:01 AM

bottomboy81

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For a average male sub to get a reply, his email and profile has to stand out from most male subs to qualify the interest of most dommes. A male sub has to be extra interesting or extra intelligent than most average men next door to be worthy enough. But how many dommes have the capability or status of standing them selves out from most dommes and being extra interesting and intelligent than most average women next door? It also seems that bi sexual women will more easily give an average woman a chance who doesn't stand her self out from the rest.

Yes, it is rude to place your self above the other gender, unfortunately, 99 percent of the dommes do on this site.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 5:56:21 AM

LadyLou

Posts: 110
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I will not respond to someone who obviously didn’t take the time to read my profile. I will not respond to one-liners. I will not respond to emails where most of the characters used in that email, consist of someone’s email address. I will not respond to obvious form mails.

I will always try and respond to someone who obviously put in some effort, but I found them incompatible. I even respond to those inept emails, if it seems they put effort into reading my profile. I will even respond to some form emails that made some decent specific reference to my profile.

I get so much useless email from those that mail me purely because I‘m logged in and am a woman, and don‘t bother checking my profile, that I appreciate it if someone takes the time and courtesy to do so. I send a polite note, that basically says thanks, but no thanks.

Am I rude in not replying to some? I don’t think so. Were they rude to email me, particularly if had they read my profile they would of found that it was inappropriate to do so? Yes, I believe they were.

Are you reading profiles, and emailing ladies selectively and appropriately? This will increase your chances of a reply. Is your approach as edgy as your attitude seems in this post? A minor irritation that escalates into a general sense of anger towards the demographic you seek, is a turn off for most people, and thus counter-productive.

If you see a lady you fancy in the real world, how do you approach her? I am going to assume you have decorum and tact, and you approach them as humans you take a genuine interest in…. just convert that into email.

But something I should point out is that it may just take time for someone to respond, even if they have read your mail. For example, I am always very busy, and I rarely respond immediately to strangers, or people I have had little contact with, even though it may show I have read the mail. It may take me several days or more for me to respond. So, just because you are not getting that immediate contact doesn’t mean you were ignored.

I see the argument for and against it being rude to ignore emails. But, no one is compelled to respond to you, even if your mail was appropriate, thoughtful and heartfelt. Some people, rightly or wrongly, feel it more appropriate to not reply; as has been said here, no response is often a response. We are all strangers here, and owe each other nothing but the most basic of common courtesy - and for some, that includes being kind enough not answer an email; it is not easy to basically say ‘I don’t like you’. For others it’s the decent thing to say ‘thanks but no thanks, good luck’. Its all down to someone’s moral compass, which is not for you to dictate. You consider it important in your moral compass to give a ‘thanks but no thanks’ response - those who don’t show you that kind of courtesy obviously weren’t compatible with you, so it is rather fortuitous they didn’t reply, isn’t it?

(in reply to youngstownsubm)

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