RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness"??

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 1/8/2009 5:21:26 PM

MasterRoissey

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be true to your "self' , allow him to be true to whatever got in to him. be well!

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 1/14/2009 4:45:04 PM

MisterMonster

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BTW, in response to the original post, I think he's always had those opinions of his lifestyle. I mean, that's what it sounds like, to me.

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 1/14/2009 11:02:41 PM

bound4more

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ravenslaveheart

it's so odd, i've written articles for other BDSM sites about a D/s relationship being a "state of healthy codependence." for example, a submissive must anticipate the Dominant's needs to some extent, and the Dominant sometimes needs to make assumptions about what's going on inside the submissive's head in order to drive a scene in a certain direction. all of this is codependent, but it's healthy in that both parties are consenting to be codependent. he knows about my writings, i can't remember if he ever read any of the articles, though. it's just ironic i guess, we both consented to be codependent in a healthy manner, and now he calls it perverse.

I'm sorry for this experience. I can only imagine how you feel. I do want to address this idea of what you call "co-dependent". I think there's alot of hot air blowing around regarding that term. A person is only co-dependent when they're contributing to something that's not good for themself or the other. To anticipate another's desires/needs or to comprehend how another thinks and feels is NOT co-dependent - healthy or otherwise. I don't know where that idea even comes from. I actually think there's way too much focus on co-dependency. People are afraid to care about each other or be intimate for fear that they're "co-dependent". Oy. Just my 2 cents.

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 1/14/2009 11:07:32 PM

NormalOutside

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If he's actually serious, which I doubt he is, good riddance. Anyone who thinks sexuality is immoral, a sign of mental illness, or disgusting is probably immoral, mentally ill, and disgusting. Sexuality, including control dynamics and kinky play, is healthy, normal, and important for us all.

If he keeps it up, you'll probably have to say goodbye, unless you want to follow him where he's going.

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 1/15/2009 7:10:29 PM

faithbunny

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I've never had a dommy-ex say something like that, but the non-dommy boyfriend who meant the most to me while my beloved and I were apart used to tell me the things I was into (and not doing with him ; ) were sick, and that submission was for weak losers. Of course then I would go off on him, and we would fight all night. It's difficult to respect someone who can't respect you...

~faith

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/18/2009 11:17:04 PM

omega1955sjoy

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Op; I believe although i could be wrong that it has something to do with his therapy or the therapist he is seeing. have you wandered perhaps if he or she is putting thoughts in his head telling that the BDSM life is a mixture of perverse and mentally unstable people. The reason why I am asking this question 1. is because you mentioned that he was in therapy and perhaps he has a therapist that is totally against our world. 2. I say religion is out, i know several Christians that are living happily in our world and they are not mentally unstable. 3. I know from experience and beings that i have been in therapy for a good many years now, it's very difficult to find one that you can truly open up to and share your inner most secrets 1. being your life and our world perverse or not. After several attempts of trying to find the perfect therapist one day my therapist decides to go on vacation for 6 weeks in the meantime she hands me over to another therapist well immediately we clicked. No mind you I had been seeing the other one for 3 years and I was very frustrated. But this new one was wonderful it's was as if I'd known her all my life come to find out guess what yes she is.... in our world maybe that besides the point here. But I still believe it could have something to do with therapy and they may be trying to tell him that he needs on meds for this or that or they are pushing somekind of mental illness that he doesn't even have and now the poor thing is questioning everything and everyone in his life... just my .50$ worth i hope i helped somewhat.... but then again is he reaching that middle age crisis point the horrid 50's..

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/19/2009 1:12:52 AM

steviemichael

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I think the answer to your post is very much within my post on the subject question of How do you find out?if a person is of sound mind and in good health ?
most times is you find out after your encounter a person within a realtionship which personally not the kind of way I would like to find out !

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/19/2009 2:13:35 AM

chezzy71

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i would say that someone who runs a company into the ground and then expects his or hers million dollar retention bonus is mentally ill.The rest of us are stable as can be.

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/19/2009 8:58:30 AM

Aneirin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ravenslaveheart

my somewhat-ex boyfriend/Dom just dropped a bombshell on me today! he said that he wants to pack up and sell all of his BDSM equipment. that's okay, i told him i'm keeping what's mine, because i'm still in the lifestyle. then he said that he's never ever going to be in the scene again, because he believes that it's SICK. *BOGGLE* as in, mentally ill sick. he says it's just "perverse codependence." this is from a man who has been in the scene for years, an experienced player, a man with an awesome innate Dominant nature, and quite a lot of talent. this is from the man who took me to places i'd never even dreamed of before, made me fly and flew with me, the man who kept saying over and over "you're so beautiful" whenever i submitted, the one who told me my submission was a precious gift to him, the man who said he cherished my submission. and now i learn that i was just partaking in some kind of perverse, sick relationship dynamic?? and he went farther to say that my perception of it isn't real, that things were never good between us, that we never had a good scene. but i have them all carefully journaled! with notes from him right beside my writings!

i don't understand this. i'm confused, and i feel hurt. who was i submitting to, if not him? why would he say it was sick?? i told him, i am a submissive woman, and it's healthy for me to be able to say that! he just kept shaking his head, silently. nothing he can say can take my submissive nature away from me, my slave heart. but the word "sick" is reverberating in my brain. i literally feel sick that i submitted for so long and so intensely to a man who now tells me it was all a delusion. i am so angry!!! but also i feel so damned hurt. i find that i'm doubting myself, deep inside, because i had given all my trust to this man, apparently some of that trust is still there. i am so confused!!!!

I have been there on this, my past relationship and marriage of ten years, but now I know it is not sick and an indicator of mental illness, what it does show, is a willingness to trust and explore those dark bits of the mind. BDSM to me, is a healing process.

''Sickness'', can be applied to those who harbour secret desires, but do not admit nor explore with a view to expelling those thoughts, bottling desires leads to mental illness, I have been there on that, and so now know being honest with oneself and others is a way to clear the illness.

If you find a person a would be partner who is uncomfortable with your honesty, you have to ask yourself can you live with this, or would it be better to seek another who is comfortable, as if something is hidden, desires pushed down, where is honesty in the relationship or the self.

Me, never again, my next partner will be just as 'sick' as me, sick in that they are honest.

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/19/2009 9:30:35 AM

subangi

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What a horrible and frustrating experience. Since this post is rekindled.. i would be interested in an update.

inquiring minds want to know!!!

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/19/2009 11:58:57 AM

dove967

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Ya know, it's one thing when when a friend or loved one holds the opinion that BDSM or D/s is "sick". But, I'm going to take this thread up a notch. During my divorce from my ex husband 6 yrs ago, his attorney presented a reams worth of paper that represented every activity I have engaged in on the internet regarding this lifestyle. Every email.....every post.....every site I have ever been to....even if I was just surfing though it. Now the judge could not legally lay eyes on any of it,because it was considered "heresay"-no one could prove it was ME at the keyboard. But, just planting the seed of BDSM in the judges mind and the sight of all that information was enough. Offically.......my ex husband was granted physical custody of our two children because I had started to date before the divorce was final. But, unoffically, the judge looked me in the eye and stated that she did not believe this lifestyle and it's activites was mentally healthy for ANYONE. That in her female, catholic, republican, conservative opinion it was "sick". We have a very long way to go folks in gaining acceptance of our constitutionally protected right to freedom of sexual expression.

dove

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/19/2009 3:33:46 PM

tornaway

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Whoa Faerytattoodgirl ! The scenes in Hostel and similar films , were not BDSM . The things done to the victims were meant to truly torture , maim , and kill - NOT to provide any sort of satisfaction or pleasure . Those victimes weren't flying - they were dying . Their captors couldn't care less about the outcome of their evilness .

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/19/2009 3:59:49 PM

Vanityfull

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i have been there my first relationship with bdsm elements was with an older girl who brought out the submissive side in me more than anyone, the relationship went on for about a year before she felt pressured to "become a proper submissive girl" riping my heart out and all the wonderfull feelings of a relationship ended. my advice to anyone in that situation is pretty basic, cry.. let out your pain you have been hurt and it sucks, talk to freinds or family or whoever you can trust to be a shoulder to cry on. if you dont have anyone use the internet to speak about it, but be careful people can be cruel be catious of who you open up to. dont blame yourself whatever faults you have you still dont deserve to be shit apon by the people around you.

< Message edited by Vanityfull -- 3/19/2009 4:01:16 PM >

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/20/2009 7:45:49 AM

GotSteel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: I've always thought of it as somewhat of an illness. I mean, it stems from some sexual abnormality that occurs when you are young, or some sort of trauma, or something else, I'm pretty sure...kind of...

Just thought I'd point out that historically D/S was the norm. Equality is a modern invention.

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/20/2009 9:12:07 AM

FawneTwo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

Just thought I'd point out that historically D/S was the norm. Equality is a modern invention.

Good point GotSteel. Thank you.
'Equality is a modern invention' - an invention that 's not been actualized and imho never will

SciFi mode - secret government scientists develop synth elixir that neutralize human's deepest primal impulse...

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/20/2009 8:24:16 PM

MistressLucyK

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dove967

We have a very long way to go folks in gaining acceptance of our constitutionally protected right to freedom of sexual expression.

dove

agree totally dove

As to the OP - I feel for you - there's another reply I found interesting something about the grass being greener elsewhere?

my thoughts - maybe he found someone else and when they went to play he was called sick and mentally unstable and thats made him think

Remember its not you - don't doubt yourself

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/21/2009 9:47:26 PM

boosire

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It does not have to be religion, people change period. Have you ever loved something like Chocolate and suddenly you eat it so much you do not love it any more? It happens. However, what does not have to happen is that you change. You are the same. Hurt, alone, all the emotions that go with that but you are the same inside and you are certain of what you are. You are the gift so many of us want to find and that no one can take away. Your gift is special and it was special to him, its just that he can no longer see it. Does not mean he did not appreciate it when he could see it. Does not mean that it was a stranger you were submitting to. Does not mean that it was all a big lie. It only means it is no longer that for him...and it is still for you.

Keep your gift, share your gift with someone who will appreciate it, and be happy as soon as you are ready by celebrating that lovely wonderful rare gift with someone who does appreciate and want it and yearn for it!

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/22/2009 12:14:53 PM

RealSub58

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old thread.

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/22/2009 1:52:05 PM

naughtysubK

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quote:

ORIGINAL: boosire

It does not have to be religion, people change period. Have you ever loved something like Chocolate and suddenly you eat it so much you do not love it any more?

fall out of love with chocolate? impossible!!!!

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RE: BDSM is "sick" and "mental illness&q... - 3/22/2009 2:23:36 PM

windchymes

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Since this is an old thread, I won't say everything I was going to, but on the religion thing.....I have to admit that that was my first thought, too. And just the fact that he "had" religion doesn't mean he didn't find another one, one that is more judgmental and outspoken about what they feel isn't going to get "you" into heaven along with them. My suspicion is that there's another woman in the picture, one who has strong opinions about BDSM and possibly religion, and she knocked his socks off recently and he wants more.

Or....BDSM was a venture off the beaten path for him, and he's returning to values he had preached to him while he was growing up. (I said "was", but I meant "could have been")

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