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Tempestspet -> RE: i need help (11/28/2005 9:09:15 AM)
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You won't leave til you are ready. When you decide that this is bad for your kid, doesn't matter what we say.... you have to figure it out for yourself... you have to go.
There's a reason everyone before me has told you the same things that your friends and family have said. It's true. You have to stop and wonder when everyone has the same opinion..... if, just maybe, they are right. But again, you have to figure this out for yourself.
To be a master, isn't a degree, or generic learning you get in how to swing a flogger. It's learning and acheiving the goal of master over someone else. He hasn't mastered you yet, or you wouldn't be here with this problem.
It's comendable that you love him, and want to help. But you can't destroy yourself, and your child helping ANYONE else. You have to be first, even as a slave. And especially because of your daughter. Being a mother comes before slave, submissive, wife, girlfriend, friend.... you are mother first. Before anything else. But I know deep down...you know and believe this. I think you are just caught in a hard situation where you can't put it down and accept that there's nothing you can do. There's one thing you can do. That's help your kid.
She's being hurt, even though not physically from him. She is being hurt by both of you. She feels the tension, probably hears some amount of the fighting, talking,discusing (whatever you want to call it.) She knows that there's something wrong. Mostly, she's being taught, and set up to fail as an adult.... by the example the two of you are setting. I KNOW you do NOT want that. But sometimes we get all rung up trying to help someone.... that we lose sight of that.
The simple fact that he has threatened to "smack" the two of you is bad. If he's threatened it, one day it will come. Yes, it will.
I can apreciate you not wanting to give up riot girl. I do. But leaving a bad situation isn't giving up. It's helping out you and your daughter. And think of it this way... by getting out and not letting him continue this crap.... you very well may help him. You might just wake him up, and make him get help, or help himself. He won't have you there coddling him, helping him, or doing everything for him. He's a grown man, let him wipe his own ass. Put the dpends in his hands. Doing this, might make him stop acting like a depressed spoiled child, and force him into acting like a man.... and eventually your Master.
Sometimes, the best help we can give, is making/letting a person help themselves. They are the only ones, in the end, who can do that.
And I understand about Ds relationships and the dynamic. I have lived in one full time, RT...(however you want to say it)... for 15 yrs now. Same man. I've also watched others fall apart. Too many and for stupid reasons, but's another story...lol.
In the end riot girl, be careful. Think not with your heart but with your head. There's a reason absolutely everyone else has the same opinion. And I now that your family can make you crazy, be mean etc... But they are your family. In the end, they will help you, even though they make you crazy. Likely you are scaring them right now. It's still hard for you, nothing is going to make it easier... I'm sorry for that. But you can do it!!..smiles.. write me anytime. Or if you need call. Just let me know if you want my number.
Sincerely,
Tempest's pet
jennifer
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