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buffiyum -> RE: i need help (12/1/2005 12:56:26 PM)
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*thinks and thinks on this before she posts....*
riotgirl,
It is not for buffy to say, what you need or should do. buffy dont know what you need or should do - only you know that, and you do one believe, deep down inside.
The problem is maybe a sense of panic and pain and deep fear inside sometimes at what one maybe feel that they need to do. How to do it? When?? How to do that so that Eeveryone in the situation is happy, helped and able to either change or move on with Ttheir lives on a positive note???
The truth maybe, is that there is not any 'sure fire thing' that anyone can do, to ensure that Eeveryone in a given situation is happy with what must be done. There is two people you need first to take care of if one may say that.
you are a mom and that must be something that plays a part of whatever decision you make. The child must have a roof over her head, she must have food on the table, she must know that she is care for in your heart deeply enough to defend her against Aanyone. you have said that you do that and buffy is very happy that you do.
The other person you need to care for is you and it sound like you are so deep in pain and confusion that you not able to help you. So concentrate on what is best for your little one for now maybe. Then you can think better, for you.
As to the one you call Master. He is a Man, He is an Adult and He make decisions for Him. This is not your job it is His.
He ordinarily would have maybe made decisions for you too but it sound very much like He is not able to do that at this time. one is hoping that you will consider the caring spirit that buffy is writing to you with as she now write things which maybe will seem harsh. They are not meant to be harsh, but helpful.
If it helps with a decision to leave Him be at least for awhile to figure out His life just now.... maybe consider that if you and your daughter were not with Him, He would be 'freed up' to make those decisions He need to make for Him, easier? you were not, and are not, and will never be, responsible for what He choose to do or not do, with His own life. He is suppose to be Master and even if He was not, He is adult. As slaves or submissives .... we often wish to 'help' Oothers. This is part of who and of what, we are maybe. But there is not much you can do in this instance riotgirl. It is something within Him that He need to do and is BEYOND YOUR CONTROL. Yes that sound odd but it is true.... as those who live within the abuse, we often stay because we think we can 'change the abuser' and we often blame ourselves for the instances of abuse because our mind thinks.......... IF IT IS OUR FAULT THEN WE ARE ABLE TO CHANGE IT. Only we cant - we really cant. It was not our fault these things happen and we cannot make changes within Aanother. Only Tthey can do that.
riotgirl....buffy knows that it often takes many instances of abuse before a person will leave the Abuser. she refuse to judge anyone who is in the midst of that kind of decision-making process. she has been there herself and it took 20 years to leave so who is she to judge eh? What she can say happened in her own circumstance, is that it began with threats and emotional abuse/mental cruelty and finally escalated to physical abuse and more threats only this time, of death. At that point, buffy got her children and herself out if the situation. Abuse has a pattern to it and those who are with the abuser, whether adults or children, will become caught up within that pattern. Like any pattern, it can be quite complicated. But it is not pretty - it is horrible and it can maim the mind and heart of any within it, adult or child, for many years, sometimes forever if one need help and doesnot seek it.
one need to say that although you may not see this as yet, your daughter is being affected by what you choose to do or not do (as were buffys children). If your daughter is in school, those things which have impacted on her, are going to begin coming out in ways and this will then be notice by the School People. They are legally bound to report this to the Child Welfare People.
The Child Welfare People are legally bound to investigate all reports of neglect and/or abuse. They usually have a 'criteria chart', in terms of how quickly They respond and how that response will look. Untimately They must consider the welfare of the child first, and They will. If They have talk to the child and determined that emotional/physical or mental abuse is occuring within the home, then They will take action. They have to, thats Their job.
one is glad that you wrote on here so that all of Uus who have responded, can voice the concerns Tthey may then see, or offer whatever help and hugs Tthey can. one has read what Ppeople have posted and sense the feelings of concern and caring that motivated the responses. one hope that you sense that also.
Please remember that buffy too has not meant to cause hurt in saying those things she has said, she says them because she knows these things from both her own experiences and her education within social work and because she deeply, deeply, cares for people.
buffy is sending a hug your way,
with caring and concern,
this is buffy
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