RE: i need help (Full Version)

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Sensualips -> RE: i need help (12/4/2005 9:03:08 PM)

quote:

(and if i come back tomorrow later all happy and cheerful.. nothings changed.. i've just managed to ignore all the "problems" and focus on the good for awhile)


Ahem. No one believes you.

Regardless of anything else, moving from unemployed to employed is always very good. Good luck.




MistressOfGa -> RE: i need help (12/4/2005 9:55:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

quote:

(and if i come back tomorrow later all happy and cheerful.. nothings changed.. i've just managed to ignore all the "problems" and focus on the good for awhile)


Ahem. No one believes you.

Regardless of anything else, moving from unemployed to employed is always very good. Good luck.


In the time it took Me to read this entire thread, we are back at the beginning. The only thing that I have seen that has changed is the date. This thread started 6 days ago, and in 6 days, you have had the BEST FREE advice I have ever seen. And after all that was said and done, it was pretty pointless. Next time you say you want help, mean it. Otherwise you are just the little girl who cried wolf one to many times. As far as the word abuse being "thrown around" it has every right to be thrown around on this thread. IT IS ABUSE, no sense in sugar-coating it. You can cover shit with chocolate and call it desert, but it is still shit. Best of luck to you.



truesub4u -> RE: i need help (12/4/2005 11:14:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa





In the time it took Me to read this entire thread, we are back at the beginning. The only thing that I have seen that has changed is the date. This thread started 6 days ago, and in 6 days, you have had the BEST FREE advice I have ever seen. And after all that was said and done, it was pretty pointless. Next time you say you want help, mean it. Otherwise you are just the little girl who cried wolf one to many times. As far as the word abuse being "thrown around" it has every right to be thrown around on this thread. IT IS ABUSE, no sense in sugar-coating it. You can cover shit with chocolate and call it desert, but it is still shit. Best of luck to you.



Standing Ovation is in order here...

That's all i have seen on here too reading this thread. And i have kept my opinion to myself.

But as I have seen physically and mentally abused friends come to me and ask my advise, or my help. Frustrated sometimes to tell them, you're bed, you make it or leave it. I don't, I give all I can to help. But I tell them, you go back... Don't come back!

I've seen the talk shows, heard the stories.. oh i can't make it on my own.. i did it for this reason, that reason. BULLSHIT! Abuse is abuse! And to stay with it, or go back to it.... the problem lays in you...You can "Love" someone all you want. But honestly, how can you love someone that treats you this way? You love him like you say you do.. then get out. Love him from afar. Make him see what he has done to you!

Lord let me shut up now!!!!
Reading this angered me to no end. So i'll stop now, before i anger someone else.



RiotGirl -> RE: i need help (12/5/2005 7:05:25 AM)

quote:

Ahem. No one believes you.

Regardless of anything else, moving from unemployed to employed is always very good. Good luck.


LOL. Aye, and he's talking to the landlord to work thing out there too. Its different, but i didnt come back in a day or two. LOL.

quote:

This thread started 6 days ago, and in 6 days, you have had the BEST FREE advice I have ever seen. And after all that was said and done, it was pretty pointless. Next time you say you want help, mean it. Otherwise you are just the little girl who cried wolf one to many times. As far as the word abuse being "thrown around" it has every right to be thrown around on this thread. IT IS ABUSE, no sense in sugar-coating it. You can cover shit with chocolate and call it desert, but it is still shit. Best of luck to you.


Yup, and i've gotten alot of advice off the thread. i have had tons of help. i've had tons of really good ppl talking to me. The best "free" advice on and off this thread. It wasnt pointless. Because i didnt do what you WANTED me to do, its pointless? Because i didnt do what was right for YOU, it was pointless? Because i didnt let everyone here push me to do something i couldnt live with? Granted, if you read the OP you'd of seen that the help i was seeking was finding an "alternative" to leaving. i honestly, did NOT get much of that here. i think i even stated that i was at an impasse. Staying in the situation, with things like they were was doing my head in and leaving would do my head in.

So, because i did took a different route, the one i orginally planned on, with the HELP of others, i got great advice and i am definetly not back at the begining. i tried mentioning HOW i was helped. IE the knowing i was right to push and hollar and fight for what is "right" i cant tell you HOW many arguements i have ended with "lets ask some one then" (as we hit another impasse in an arguement). i was had alot of good support. So much good support that helped me get things back on the right track.

By saying we are "right back at the begining" and that it was "pointless", you are insulting countless ppl and not just the ones here on the board, but friends i talk to off the boards (that are from CM).

One of the things that was pointed out to me, was alot of ppl like to throw around the abuse word and mostly they've never experienced it.

You know, your post to me was so insulting. Not to me, mind you. But to those who gathered around me and said, look you dont have to deal with this. This is CRAP. This is wrong. Strength i suppose, to stand up and say the same thing to him. Strength i suppose to be ready to say "things HAVE to change". Strength to say this is not going to continue.

Plus, i'd rather tie him to a bed and unleash all my sadistc fantasies on him then leave him. Whadda wake up call.

But again, Dont insult the good ppl here its uncalled for.




sweetwhisper -> RE: i need help (12/5/2005 7:31:33 AM)

Riot,

you do what you have to do - a relationship always has it's ups and downs, and a relationship of our kind has even more intensity in it, more drama, more emotions, than if it were just a regular vanilla relationship.

You accept His collar, uou are His slave, this doesn't mean that you are His only when things are nice and pretty. i admire you for staying, for fighting for the man that you love and for fighting for the relationship that you cherish. Don't give up, as long as you love Him there's hope.

Live and Let Live people - she's happy right where she is, at her Master's feet, and if it's not always roses it's because life isn't always roses, we all have our issues, we all go through our shit.

More power to ya Riot! i sincerely wish that you and your Master live a long and happy life TOGETHER!

HUGS & KISSES!



MistressOfGa -> RE: i need help (12/5/2005 10:44:50 AM)

quote:

Yup, and i've gotten alot of advice off the thread. i have had tons of help. i've had tons of really good ppl talking to me. The best "free" advice on and off this thread. It wasnt pointless. Because i didnt do what you WANTED me to do, its pointless? Because i didnt do what was right for YOU, it was pointless?


No, you didnt know what *I* wanted you to do. I didnt say what you should do or not do. I was making a point that it took Me a long time to go through this entire thread and at the end of it, I found you insulting the very people who you have said helped you so much. THAT was the pointless part.


Because i didnt let everyone here push me to do something i couldnt live with? Granted, if you read the OP you'd of seen that the help i was seeking was finding an "alternative" to leaving. i honestly, did NOT get much of that here. i think i even stated that i was at an impasse. Staying in the situation, with things like they were was doing my head in and leaving would do my head in.

So, because i did took a different route, the one i orginally planned on, with the HELP of others, i got great advice and i am definetly not back at the begining. i tried mentioning HOW i was helped. IE the knowing i was right to push and hollar and fight for what is "right" i cant tell you HOW many arguements i have ended with "lets ask some one then" (as we hit another impasse in an arguement). i was had alot of good support. So much good support that helped me get things back on the right track.

But you also said that if you came back here a few days later and showed happiness, chances are, things havent changed, you have just decided to ignore the problem for a while and focus on positive things. So what are we to believe?

By saying we are "right back at the begining" and that it was "pointless", you are insulting countless ppl and not just the ones here on the board, but friends i talk to off the boards (that are from CM).


"JUST for the record this is all plain crazy. Its crazy i'm saying this and its crazy what you all are saying. i'm just getting to the end of my line of BS i can take, i suppose."


No dear, you insulted them by coming back here and saying it was bullshit what they were telling you, simply because you didnt want to hear what they were telling you.


One of the things that was pointed out to me, was alot of ppl like to throw around the abuse word and mostly they've never experienced it.


You insulted these people's intelligence when you insist that there isnt an elephant in your livingroom. Yes, I know abuse. I have lived it. I grew up with it. And I know exactly what I say when I say THIS IS ABUSE.


You know, your post to me was so insulting. Not to me, mind you. But to those who gathered around me and said, look you dont have to deal with this. This is CRAP. This is wrong. Strength i suppose, to stand up and say the same thing to him. Strength i suppose to be ready to say "things HAVE to change". Strength to say this is not going to continue.

Plus, i'd rather tie him to a bed and unleash all my sadistc fantasies on him then leave him. Whadda wake up call.

But again, Dont insult the good ppl here its uncalled for.


Take your own advice. I feel insulted that you have called most of the people here uneducated liars. They based their advice on the information that YOU gave to them. <shrug> I call it the way I see it. Again, good luck to you.



AbstractSavant -> RE: i need help (12/5/2005 11:50:26 AM)

You say you need help, but all you WANT is sympathy.

You've dug your own grave of squalor, now sleep in it.



amayos -> RE: i need help (12/5/2005 12:35:03 PM)

You mention you have a slave status to him, and yet he lies to you. Why do you think he lies? Though it is certainly something within his rights to do for his pleasure, I am curious why he feels compelled thus.

One needn't lie to a slave, just as much as one needn't lie to their dog—unless one feels a need to hide from one's slave in some degree. Is your owner hiding from you? If this is the case, I question his understanding as a Master. As a Master to a slave, he holds the right to have as many females as he wants; it should not be an issue with him, and certainly not with you. Why all this tension? Is it an apparition, or something made of sterner stuff?

As for advice, I would suggest apologizing deeply and sincerely for your covetousness and pride—even if it's something simply perceived on his end. Perhaps you could in some way offer up the above philosophy on lying, and why it is unnecessary to do with you. As for your financial problem, this is certainly more tangible, and hearkens back to a discussion I was recently involved in on the Gorean board regarding a master's financial strength; that a dominant should possess the resources and social dignity their positions inspire them to have. Having said that, perhaps material comfort and wealth is something he should be taking more seriously, being a NOBLE Master.

I have no doubt that you love and need him. It is evident, and so very honorable, but your communications with him regarding these matters must be from that of a humbled slave, not a disrespectful one who wants to "cut off his head".



petwolf22 -> RE: i need help (12/5/2005 2:26:40 PM)

i don't think a Master automatically has rights to other women...that's all dependent on what was established in the beginning of the relationship and what the terms of the slavery are.

Regardless, riotgirl chooses to live with it and deal with it and that's her choice.

Best of luck.



amayos -> RE: i need help (12/5/2005 2:49:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: petwolf22

i don't think a Master automatically has rights to other women...that's all dependent on what was established in the beginning of the relationship and what the terms of the slavery are.

Regardless, riotgirl chooses to live with it and deal with it and that's her choice.

Best of luck.


I suppose this all depends on how one views the term "slave". If one wants to be in a "relationship" and have a say in anything, perhaps one is more a submissive than slave. While some may not really see much of a distinction between the two terms, I most certainly do.



Rubyb -> RE: i need help (12/5/2005 10:41:03 PM)

RiotGirl,

After wading through this thread, your request for ideas, the suggestions returned, and your arguing about the definition of abuse, I'm very very confused. I've got tons of questions, but I'll just put a short list here.

You say you want to stay with him. Why? How is he good for you or your child?

Are you trying to change your master or accept him as he is?

Are you in love with the idea of being in love or actually in love with him?

Is he more into or more in love with you, than he is with himself?

Do you want to be his slave/submissive so badly, that you are willing to endanger yourself or your child?

What is it that he brings to the relationship that makes you want to stay with him?

If you met him today, as he is now, would you want to move in with this man and be treated the way you are being treated?

Under what conditions will you stay with him and is he meeting those conditions?

Actions speak louder than words.

What do his actions say to you?

Am hoping that things are much better for you now than when you started this thread.

To your success,

Ruby



swtnsparkling -> RE: i need help (12/6/2005 2:33:05 AM)

I have read through this thread also and IMO the only person who should matter is the child. Keep her safe, sercure, loved and happy then think about Yourself.



truesub4u -> RE: i need help (12/6/2005 9:09:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

I have read through this thread also and IMO the only person who should matter is the child. Keep her safe, sercure, loved and happy then think about Yourself.



And this is why I'v been called a fake, someone looking for kinky sex.

Well Hell... Call me a Fake...Nothing all that wrong with some kinky sex then.. Because.. my families' safety, and the love I have for them WILLL COME FIRST!..... then i can think of myself.



Hohoho -> RE: i need help (12/6/2005 10:47:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenxx

Hi Riot Girl,
Depression and abuse are very scary. The worse thing is that he may well be an awesome man, but when the depression hits it's bad. My sweet fawn is an amazing person, as long as she stays on her medication. I took her to the doctor and explained what was happening and then walked out of the room. About an hour later she came out feeling much better. Her talking to the doctor and realizing that the feelings she had were apart from her and not a part of her lifted a great weight.
At the worst she was ready to drive a car off a bridge. She would freak out on the kids and on me. Then feel horrible about it.
Now, while she still has blue moods, they are normal and very understandable.
However, he will not get help, there is not much you can do. It’s like an alcoholic that will not admit it or deal with it. Eventually someone will get hurt, and hurt bad.
You said that your girl was waking up nightly and has been doing that since forever? If this has been only since the start of your relationship, you need to get that checked out. If it started BEFORE, then you need to have it checked out even more!!!!!
I have a friend who suffers from schizophrenia. Because of the doctor’s fucking with his medication and not telling him fully what they had done, he went on a trip with a relative. Sad to say, the relative did not return. While it is not his fault, he lives with that burden. A friend who suffered from depression, well I feel I failed him. I felt the urge to call him and didn’t. He pulled out a rope and hung himself with it. I had helped him before, but did not insist enough that he go to a professional. Even though it was over 20 years ago I still feel a lot of guilt. Please don’t do that to yourself.
Hugs and prayers
Tony and sue








Guilt? You may have loved these people, but its not your illness. You can give advice, but thats about all.

I had a past lover who was/is alcoholic/manic depressive....I tried to assist him to find help. He refused. Once I called the local mental health department to explain his behavior. The social worker had the nerve to say, "yes, you wouldn't want his blood on your hands" Excuse me? Ugh!! I thought that very nervy....

I was sick of him and his behavior. I know I am straying, but this forum is upsetting. I am getting to my advice. Here is how I finally rid myself of this unwanted pain.

I found him sitting on my couch one day with a kitchen knife to his chest. I listened to his gripe and left him, saying don't let the blood spill on my rug. I was furious.
I had it, that was the last straw. Previously I tried to remove him from my house. The local WV police explained that I could not "kick him out" because my house was his place of residence. Since he did not threaten me, I couldn't do shit. So this time, when he was playing with the knife, I called the local law and told them he was suicidal and threatened ME. Bingo, with a restraining order in effect, he was escorted from my house.
So, yep, I lied. And I don't care. I think he has talked to people about his problem. He loved attention and blamed the world.

And I blamed myself for putting up with him for so long.

But as for Riot, bless you. You don't have to lie. He has threatened you and yours. Use it. Get your restraining order. Get peace.

Keeping all in my prayers.

K



collaredlilone -> RE: i need help (12/6/2005 11:22:44 AM)

[:)] well this slave is newly into the lifestyle as a collared slave. i honestly dont think i would be able to just leave my Master either if he was mean to me. i love my Master. though this slave does not have those problems. i have a domanent Master and i do not do much but he loves me. Master teaches me the right way to go so i do not get hurt. i would like to say well.....try to stick it out and then leave. i would have a hard time with this problem too. but dont be sad. you have a good group of people on here willing to help. although if it is bad you need to think about leaving. even though Master loves me and does not hurt me...
if he did hurt me enough i would find a way out mostly for my kids and not for me. because its one thing putting yourself into that but its another when you place a child in the situation.
i hope i helped
lil one.



Wulfchyld -> RE: i need help (12/8/2005 9:07:51 PM)

Well hmm… How do I lasso the miasma of livid thoughts and formulate them into a simulacrum of sympathy and understanding? Looking at the overall thread I will have to give riotgirl props. You have showed that this community, in this small corner of the vast Internet, has deep compassion for its members. You have showed the dreaded Mr. Hyde Dome… which appears to have murdered the astute Dr. Jekyll.
I would encourage all D/s to view this thread, beyond the plea for help, in its entirety and learn from it. There are limits, safe words, contracts, negotiations, et al, for good reason. To the sub/slaves look at this as a valuable lesson, do not walk into anything blindly. Doms/Masters, do not kid yourself subbies can be serial killers too.
As the thread has shown, the resources of support is staggering. Therefore when you consider the kollar, given or received, do exploit your peers for contract, contractual negotiations, lines & limits, and just good or bad advice.
Most importantly have a clear vision of your pay off and make sure that is met. Okay back to riotgirl.

A few things come to mind… Stockholm syndrome… you are obviously in the “devil to pay” of a sinking ship. Take your kids to some one who can care for them while you and he sort it out. It appears your life’s threads have unraveled… let them. Time to weave a new skein for your life. You and your Master get native and pitch a tent in the middle of nowhere and resolve or dissolve the relationship. Set pen to paper and work out your contract. Be clear on “your needs” and all your wants. The wants, of course, are discretionary toys for the Master to play with. However the “needs” must must, be met. No matter how great your list will be his will be bigger. After all is written trade notepads and break out the red pens.
This is not an afternoon event. Your life has reached the bottom. Bottom it all the way. If you and he can walk from the jungle in agreement, that means you’re needs met, you have a good chance. Keep in mind that sub/slaves work by Dome/Masters discretion. Your life and livelihood should not depend on “your” income, unless that is a condition of your relationship. I do understand that disability does not destroy the need for the lifestyle.
There’s my 2 pennies.
Lockran



truesub4u -> RE: i need help (12/8/2005 11:15:23 PM)

Wulfchyld

While I'll agree with most of your post. Not all of it. You hit a lot on the head there. Too much to even go back over. While yet, there are a few that i would like to reach out on.

To the sub/slaves look at this as a valuable lesson, do not walk into anything blindly. Doms/Masters, do not kid yourself subbies can be serial killers too.


Ok that about says it all there. You are right.


A few things come to mind… Stockholm syndrome… you are obviously in the “devil to pay” of a sinking ship. Take your kids to some one who can care for them while you and he sort it out. It appears your life’s threads have unraveled… let them. Time to weave a new skein for your life. You and your Master get native and pitch a tent in the middle of nowhere and resolve or dissolve the relationship. Set pen to paper and work out your contract. Be clear on “your needs” and all your wants. The wants, of course, are discretionary toys for the Master to play with. However the “needs” must must, be met. No matter how great your list will be his will be bigger. After all is written trade notepads and break out the red pens.
This is not an afternoon event. Your life has reached the bottom. Bottom it all the way. If you and he can walk from the jungle in agreement, that means you’re needs met, you have a good chance


From reading the Original Post... it's beyond this... but then again, who knows. It may be just what's needed.

But in the end, the situation according to the original Post had moved to extremes. At war with family, daughter, threats of down right physical abuse. No the pen and paper out in the middle of nowhere in a tent might lead to DOMA.... Dom Missing in Action... LOL

I've read through this post a few times. I've read the reactions of the other posters. Though they are but word on the screen Some are powerful enough to reach and and make you feel. No matter be it the sub or the Dom/Domme that is the supporter of the house. (What ever was agreed upon in the begining) The whole aspect of being physically, mentally, verbal abused is just not what anyone walks into hoping to some day have in their relationship. Not in any life style at all.

From what the original post is stating, this Dom (and I use that tern lightly) has decided because he's in a slump, to use this as an excuse to do whatever, and nothing. Bills aren't pay. And even if she's the soul income, she should be able to work and not worry about the rest she has stated in this post. Going to work and having to worry if family and others are being effected by this "slump" Running around on line, off line sleeping around. (apparently non part of the agreement or would not be an issue). Refusing to shower???.. COME ON!!!!??

We fight all our lives to be happy. And when we're not happy, we by God change that. Apparently she did once before. She wasn't happy with her life, so she made a change. Apprently another change is in order. Sometimes we have to make many descisions before the right one is made. We learn from our past, our mistakes. But we also move on from them too. Or at least try to. But the word "Try" is another excuse sometimes. To not do what we need to do.

No, this is all wrong. No other way to look at it. To put ones self in harms way. That's one thing. No matter if it be physical, mental, verbal, sexual. But to drag family and friends into it. That's a whole different ball park entirely. Specially ones that can't stand up for themselves. Or even know the whole story but being made victims as well. That's where the line has been crossed.

As i stated before in this post. We may not be able to totally control who we love.. but we sure as hell can control the type of "love" received back!



DublinSwitch -> RE: i need help (12/9/2005 1:23:17 AM)

OK - got 4/5th through this thread, its actually WORSE than Oprah and Jerry Springer combined.

Am I the only person here that finds it really odd that someone can be in such a bad situation and expect some sort of solution to it by posting it on the internet? Or is it just some form of cry for attention?

My advice to the OP - spend less time flaffing about here and spend more time on real life. Oh - and get some counselling. Pay for it. Make sure its a professional, not a bunch of people who know next to nothing about you except for what you have typed online.

Cheers
DS



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