Twicehappy2x
Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
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Wow! Asmodeus, you have my sympathy for your situation. Having dealt with similar issues with several subs we've recently met it brings up the subject of a lot of conversations we have had around our house. As a group, right or wrong, whether or not anybody on here agrees or not, we've drawn a few conclusions which i will share.
There appears to be, for the most part, though not everybody will fit these categories, two basic types of mindsets for subbies.
The first type is the "i am responsible for my own self, my own responses to people/situations, my own behavior" type. Witness several on the boards or that i know in real life, LA, mistoferin and myself to name a few. This type is very capable of saying, no way, get away from me, and managing their own responses if put in a similar situation.
Those who own this type are very aware of what they hold, grins, if for no other reason than while we can be obedient as loving as any we do tend to have very strong opinions. Lmao...and we often voice them.
Then there are the wishy washy ones, those who are often incapable of making their own decisions, especially if someone they trust is present and giving their opinion/view of things. They are easily swayed/led even if left to decide on their own they can make the correct decision for themselves.
While many here are going to respond "then this type needs to grow a backbone" (i myself am guilty of saying the same thing), the truth is for whatever reason, given human nature, it is highly unlikely these types ever will.
This type is very susceptible to gossip, to believing that what person "A" says about person or situation "B" is true. This type does usually require/need the care and protection of an owner or mentor who is ethical/responsible/mature and who wants/cares for the best interest of the sub. Otherwise they often end up led into a bad situation or are at the very least led away from a good situation because trusted friend "A" can manipulate them easily and quite well.
Those who own this type can usually tell because they tend to be a bit softer spoken, if given a choice to make tend to be unable or tend to look at you to see what you want them to choose, and sometimes have a trail of past bad choices due to their above described nature.
As to what you can do; in a more private venue like ours i would say cut off the subs ability to have contact with this switch, have her ignore any emails, phone calls, etc. Given the public nature of your venue i would speak with your groups leaders, advise them of the situation and that you are going to have a talk with this switch at "X" event.
Have the talk with the switch, advise them of your decision on the subs behalf. Make sure your sub is present when you do so. If the switch continue to gossip you cannot control that. You can however do a little scene with your subby where you do a question and answer session prior in which she publicly announces her explicit desire to obey you in this matter and admits her error to begin with. Hopefully this will squelch any further gossip from the switch.
Now for a bit of honesty; slave or no, i am highly protective of "my" people. Jewel has often described me as part pit bull, rather accurate i hate to admit, must be the biker me that brings that out, lol. Both times that we, as a group, were in a similar situation, my reaction was that we should go to said individual and explain in no uncertain terms " go away and shut the fuck up. And that was the nicest way i thought of to handle it, TOS forbidding me from posting what i actually said in the matter. Again, bad biker me has a really sadistic streak when somebody is/has fucked with "my" people.
< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 9/17/2008 5:19:08 AM >
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RE: Got a new one for you (dealing with a manipulative ... - 
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