Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 1:56:32 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Wow, some of you do understand that you can ignore im's and block people on im, right?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 1:58:20 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Which is why the old saying is wrong............ you can really only rape the willing.....

Jeff


Slight Hijack alert!!!

Jeff,
i don't get this...Can You explain it to me?
Kali


_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 2:04:01 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Seriously?  It sounds like you need to re-assess your current relationship if you can be "stolen away" by the sheer will of another.  Either that or re-assess your own self-control.


Indeed.

HFM, I'm wondering if perhaps you're alarmed because of his crossing a friendship boundary with his words on the screen, or the possibility the words are prompting you to examine the strength and stability of your current relationship. I'm not saying it is one of the other, but the latter would, to me, better explain your rather intense reaction.



_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 2:12:41 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		HFM, the ball's in your court.  Your friend did something way out of line.  Then when confronted, he lied about it.

I'd drop him as a friend, but it's up to you if you think you're willing to make this work.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 2:17:00 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		You did the right thing. You let your Keeper know, and you ended the conversation. In the future, I would make it a point to block this individual, until your Keeper has determined that it is safe for you to reconnect (-if- he does so).

Your instincts were correct that a 'friend' would not have put you in that kind of situation.

Since we have no idea what extenuating circumstances may have prompted this behavior, it is not possible to make an extensive recommendation about how to handle this person in the future -- but in this case, as in many others, you can't go wrong by informing your Keeper about what happened, and having hir deal with things as xhe prefers.

JMO

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to HotFaerieMama)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 2:18:59 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		I think the OP is not hearing what she wants to hear. I believe she wants sympathy and support instead of the get a backbone speeches.

I can see no other real reason to her posted statements. We all see the obvious answer and it is amazing she does not.

Just me but I think some counseling is needed not about this situation but for her general outlook on life. I'm not putting her down in any way but I get the feeling she in not secure in her ability to control her life. I don't like talking like this because it sounds so condescending and I don't mean to be that way at all.

Butch

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 2:22:29 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe some of us are reading her words wrong.  The small chance that he could do it... may have been taken as she might be open to it and then could mean, and I am starting to think, did mean... that he could try to do this and she wouldn't be open to it.  From her scared statements.  If so, I am sorry for what I have said on this thread, that basically said she was playing a push me pull me game.

If you are really scared, you have legal recourse.  Be prepared. 

< Message edited by Lockit -- 9/21/2008 2:23:01 PM >

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 2:41:52 PM   
housemouse61


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline 		Seems like "much ado about nothing" from my perspective.  If someone i considered a friend made such an uncalled for remark to me in IM i would most likely laugh my ass off at him/her and dare them to try.  But, then i stand pretty firmly in my relationship and don't allow others to "rattle my cage".  Some say that makes me very UNsubmissive...i say it makes me committed, honorable and loyal and if you don't like it you can "kiss my grits".  *chuckles*

Bottom line, Master can't always be there to protect me from those who would take advantage on line or in real life.  Therefore, it behooves me to protect myself and stand up for myself in His stead.  The first and best line of defense when dealing with online issues is to take everything said with a grain of salt.  If someone goes too far block, ignore, blow 'em outta cyber space and be done with it.

Just my two cents...and about what it's worth.  Not everyone can be as "uppity" as me.  ;-)

Peace favor and blessed be.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 3:50:46 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		My first reaction is what some others have said here, or have alluded to.  Something inside you feels submissive to him and it scared you, since you're already in a relationship. 

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to HotFaerieMama)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 4:44:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yup- until you are secure and happy in your situation and know it is right for you, then you will simply continue this drama and needless waste of energy.  Enjoy yourself.

Ask yourself what a mature and secure adult would respond as and try faking it for awhile to see what happens.

(Does that sound like I'm bashing her for being weak?  Only because her weakness is obviously causing her to be unable to function and is asking cyber strangers to help)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 4:44:56 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		My first reaction would have been  friends respect others and their relationship dynamics  and the other person they call friend .I would think you need have more strength to say in confidence That will NEVER happen and you can not be stolen away unwillingly.If this was a poor attempt at a jest and you value him as a friend  accept the action and apology and move on ,If not tighten your friend circle and exclude the offender . I would communicate the event with your Master and  at the very least  allow him to know , but others are correct your Master  can not protect you 24/7 365  and the iggy button is one simple click away .

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 5:02:07 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		The answer (for me anyway): "You can't. I wouldn't obey and if you touched me I'd tie your genitals into a lovely bow before calling the cops on your ass".

No is no. If he won't respect you and you can't say no to him, maybe he isn't a person you need in your life until you can.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/21/2008 5:03:30 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to HotFaerieMama)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 5:26:00 PM   
lizcgirl


Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		If you are seriously committed to the one you're with, and this "friend" affects you in such a negative manner, than don't allow his insults. Tell him it was totally inappropriate, jokingly or not, and end the friendship. Obviously if you know and he knows it wasn't a joke, he has alterior motivates for being your friend. A person like that who KNOWS they affect you will continue to use that power to bring drama into your life and try to get what he wants. Don't put more value on his friendship than what he actually deserves- cut him loose and focus on the ones who are your friends to be your FRIENDS, not looking for a way to 'steal you  away'.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 8:18:53 PM   
scarlethiney


Posts: 492
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HotFaerieMama

a good friend of mine. said to me the other day ( on yim) " what would happen if i took ownership of you by force of will alone?" and this scared me and i cried. i immediately told my Master who has since then spoken with my friend. i am very upset because i trusted my friend. and thought that he would respect the fact that i am collared. i'm not sure why he said this or what his original intentions were. i am not questioning the friendship and i am very hurt.

my question is. why would someone say something like that to someone who they know is collared ? my friend tried to claim it was a joke... but i know better. and so does he.

if anyone can help me sort this out i'd appreciate it 



How does someone "take you by force of will alone"???  Are you so timid you can't stand up for yourself ? If your so sure this person was intentionally disrespectful  and threatening then why not just cut off contact with him?
What is there to sort out??? He said something you considered threatening and your sure he was serious. Let it go, let him go and move on.

scarlet


_____________________________

"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." - A.L. Kitselman.


see my profile masterkspet

(in reply to HotFaerieMama)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 9:56:35 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		I'm not sure why people fell that just because they happen to be submissive, they also have the right to throw common sense out the window.

If someone would bring that up in an IM convo, I'd quit talking to them.

If it was in person, I'd likely poke them in the chest and tell them to quit being a whore.


_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to scarlethiney)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 10:47:02 PM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		So let's say he does it. He say's come and she comes. Exactly what kind of charges would she be filing? This guy has the ability to take her from her current and she knows it and so does he. She got upset because it scares her to death. Maybe she likes her current, maybe she needs some of what he has. But If her friend meant nothing to her in that way then there would be no chance of him taking her with his will alone. The fact that he can means she has some serious issues to deal with.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/21/2008 10:52:43 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		Damn, I thank god I'm a Dom.  Because I'd just make a smart ass remark back at them put them in their place and move on with day to day life.

I really don't understand why you got so upset and cried, unless he hit a nerve of truth in something.   Most submissives who are committed to a Master/Dom should be pretty secure in their relationship and not prone to being stealed away in such a manner.

Honey, I think you need to spend some quality time reflecting upon the reasons why you become so emotional over this.   Sounds like you have a personal issue that you've not faced up to yet.   Sure you can sit there and blame your friend for saying what he did, however I think your friend knows and sees something about you that you don't want to admit to.  Hence probally why he explored things with his remark to begin with.   So you can so cry to your Master and everybody else in the world.

I'm sorry if I'm coming across like a hard ass here, but seriously... this is my knee jerk reaction to your OP.


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/22/2008 2:08:43 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
....(Does that sound like I'm bashing her for being weak?  Only because her weakness is obviously causing her to be unable to function and is asking cyber strangers to help)

Yup!  But after reading this I just can't help seeing images of patterollers fetching runaway slaves back to their owners.  Alas, non consensual slavery is no more and me thinks someone reads too many old south novels and seeks the same drama in real life. 


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/22/2008 2:49:40 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		i absolutely adore Daddy and TheEngineer.

i've had a couple of dominant types try to do the "i could make you mine" comments to me and i have FULL encouragement from both the ones who own me to be as ugly as i choose to be to them.  actually i wasnt ugly to them but did get frosty, ad then blocked them from talking to me again.

but they arent friends that i had trusted for some time, whom i had let past my defenses and whose words i treasured.  if someone like *that* suddenly got all "you WILL be mine" on me...i'd probably do the same as the OP.  tell Daddy and TheEngineer, and be shaken....not just for the momentary "ack, what if!" that went through my mind, but also for the breach of trust from my friend.  i trust my friends to respect my relationships, even when they arent worth respecting.

kitten

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/22/2008 4:50:00 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I would have laughed and said something along the lines of "you wish" or "yea in your dreams honey"



_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to HotFaerieMama)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094