RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate?

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RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/23/2008 1:38:45 PM

phoenixrising43

Posts: 51
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Very true words there KatyLied. Any therapist worth his or her salt will tell you that too. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of that truth.

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RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/23/2008 2:14:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
Much like feminism, it was brought up to me that a significant portion of the s-type population has spent a great deal of time explaining that they don't submit to just anyone, and that submissive does not equal weak, that when the s-types show up who -would- submit to anyone who knew what to do with it, and who do -need- that kind of direct management and the protective exoskeleton of a d-type (even in the vanilla world) to be able to manage, it seems like its thrown off at least a decade of 'progress'.

The issues with that as I see it are

1) The people who tend to need to shout about how strong they are and how they won't submit easily are either the ones who really ARE insecure and scared to surrender, or the ones who really ARE weak and feel that talking about how strong they are will fool them all

2) The fact is that plenty of people in the scene encourage and approve of treating all subs like less than competent adults in tons of ways all the time.

I think we all understand there's a level of reasonability here- we're human, we've got strengths and weaknesses and it's about being compatible. There is "some point" at which weakness becomes untenable and "some point" at which strength becomes weakness. But it is indeed about knowing yourself, and being true to that with the people you bring into your life. As long as it's informed, then you're good.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me bu... - 9/23/2008 4:51:01 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I am insecure as all get out, I do tend to dissolve in tears on his shoulder a lot.
He has no trouble taking over when I can't handle something emotionally.

I might in this situation have gone to pieces and cried, but I would have done the right thing first, meaning telling him he overstepped boundaries and then blocking him so he couldn't reply. I have no problems with people who are emotionally needy, because I am one. I do have a problem with someone who knows the right thing to do but won't do it. I have a greater problem with someone who knows she's emotionally soft and doesn't figure out ahead of time a workable coping strategy.

This isn't the first time and it won't be the last. Figure out how to cope with these types, and then do it. And pay the emotional price later when there's time to fall apart.

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Post #: 103