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RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 6:58:23 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Well, I would've happily posted a long laundry list of my failings as an individual, but at 10:54pm last night I achieved perfection. I'm expecting to ascend to a higher state of being sometime this afternoon where my M/s relationship will transform into a twue B/s relationship. The rest of you losers need to quit slacking and get with the program.


Damn you at 10:45pm last, I was literally feeling like an awkward jackass.   I was questioning many things and feeling like absolute shit and was down in the dumps.  Until I got a phone call around midnight from my girl.  It actually meant a lot to me and made me realize that she can and is able to accept the not so good qualities, the flaws and things where I fall at being less then perfect at. 

I did come to the conclusion that I was letting D/s get to my head a bit early in game, in terms of some of my expectations. Combined with having some insecurities from past bad experiences effect me.  I'm having to get back with the program this morning and not simply slack off though.

It's now 9:49 am...  I've just finished my first cup of coffee.  I have a lot of things to do today.   Yesterday, I took a break from everything literally.  Call it a personal vacation day.    It's good to take a break from work, D/s or even the B/s aspects of trying to obtain a True D/s relationship too soon too fast...  Whooopps did I just admit to that one.   Then again, I'm not going into details about my own mortal sins here either.  No great harm down as far as I can tell.   She realizes that I'm human too, and neither of us are placing the other on pedestals.   This last week she has literally seen some of my flaws and faults for the first time in nearly 3 months.   It's new territory, and well...  if she's ok with it.  I guess I'll live, she'll live and we are still OK together. 

She's not perfect, I'm not either.   Fuck those Ivory Towers and those that like to watch and gossip from above.  Those people will have their days when they are less then perfect, they too will have their own struggles and moments.  hahaha

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 7:02:29 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
Oh right. And you've sat down and discussed this with her face to face? But I must admit you've done a pretty good job of setting yourself up as one of the characters in her OP.

Think about it. Then perhaps think again about what you posted.


Have you seen my posts in the Mistress forum? I am nothing if not brutally honest with myself

I must admit, I haven't even read all 2000-odd of her posts, much less spoken to her. Hell, I don't know if I've read anything from her aside from this thread. But what I take from the quotes above is:
"Don't judge me! It's my job to judge you!"

And what I still say is:
"If you all you want is attention, well, congrats. But that doesn't bestow moral high ground upon which to look down on people who consider BDSM to be an important part of their lifestyle"



Hi OneMoreWaste.. Point taken. Now that you've come back I kind of see your point more clearly, and I admit earlier I just thought it was a case of projecting personal bitterness into the thread. Please accept my apologies.

I see something completely different in the OP which to me is full of good points. To me there does seem to be a significant number of people involved in D/s and BDSM who are on some sort of ego trip. I hold my hand up here too, I've been on one in the past, and I will even admit to falling for a number of those common illusions. Today it's different, and I guess that is down to my own learning curve, meeting some good people who put me right, and others who were able to provide better examples.

Therefore if you look at it from this angle I feel you wouldn't think the OP to be judgmental but basically looking at it all from her own perspective and calling a spade a spade. At least, that's the way I see it.

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(in reply to OneMoreWaste)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 7:14:18 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Hi softness,

Caring too much about the content of emails and message board posts is, well, kinda dumb.

-- VeryVeryHighIQDom


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 7:26:58 AM   
scarlethiney


Posts: 492
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline 		softness,

I applaud your honesty, am grateful for your soul searching and your courage in stating it. Some times honesty can and needs to be brutal.

Good luck with your discovery.

scarlet


_____________________________

"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." - A.L. Kitselman.


see my profile masterkspet

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 7:36:51 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
~ Fast Reply ~
My apologies if this question and point was asked and answered. I've quickly looked at the thread but didn't read in detail every post.
quote:

If I was a thin, beautiful woman who could walk into any bar and get the attention I want ... I would be as vanilla as the ay is long.

Hi softness,
Do you really mean that? If I were 'in the market' I'd steer very clear of you. Why are you here? Is CM a 'last resort'? "If I can't find a partner for a relationship any other place, I'll try the 'freaks'?"

It represents that you believe that ideally, "if I was a thin, beautiful woman" drawing attention, you'd be in a bar meeting people and and "be as vanilla as the day is long".

You talk about self image and knowing yourself. At this point in life is that what you know?

Now that you've disclosed that here - who do you think will be attracted to that persona? Even if you didn't disclose it, what happens down the road should you meet someone who is confident in who they are, and represents themselves accurately? How much disappointment are you setting them up for when you tire of 'acting' and revert to your 'best case' desire to be vanilla?

Like it or not, label it "Ivory Tower"; some people are as they seem by their posts, or even more so without the burden of having to deal with the written word. We've met them. However there have been some hypocrites. People who represent one, personal agenda fulfilling, persona on a board and are quite the other in person. Faced with the choice of a honest "Ivory Tower" versus an agenda based fraud - we'll take 'Tower' people every time.

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 8:10:41 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


I see something completely different in the OP which to me is full of good points. To me there does seem to be a significant number of people involved in D/s and BDSM who are on some sort of ego trip.


I had to comment on this. =Life= is an "ego trip". Every single thing that human beings do, from the most altruistic to the most self-centered, is an act of Ego on the world. We do things because they make us feel good. We do things because when we do, we feel justified, proud, self-sacrificing, humbled, etc.

There is this huge fallacy that the -best- things that we do are, somehow, free of the taint of ego, but frankly, that just isn't possible. Anything we touch or put our energy into is covered with the scent of our drive for self-preservation and self-satisfaction. The "ivory tower", in as much as such a thing exists, other than in our own mind, is made up of the lies that we tell ourselves to keep us from the cultural pressure to feel crappy that we appear to be selfishly getting 'more' out of something that we've chosen to do than Joe Blow, when we said we that were doing whatever it is for Joe Blow's benefit.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 8:17:17 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		Wow, the more posts I read on this thread I realize how heated things can get.

Dare I make comments in some areas.   However, I myself have moment when I will ride a white horse.  However, my armor is a bit beat to hell and back again and then some.  I have my wounds and have taken a good proper beating from playing the so called White Knight.   However, It's given me a great deal of insight as to when to ride that white horse and when not to.   I just don't get on the horse for anybody or everybody.    The whole white knight thing, is just another sub-title and not my main title.

I feel lucky that I don't know a lot of people from the message board in real time life, and that they don't know me on this level.   I don't know what opinions I'd have of many people if I knew them in day to day life or vice versa.

I do know this, whoever meets or knows me in the real time, I tend to leave an impression upon.   I'm really not a passive laid back person.  I might appear to be as such at times, however I'm a pretty passionate person in terms of life itself.  I know I can be rather opinionated and at times, I really don't give a flying fuck about what people think about me.   I'm secure in myself to deal with snarky remarks, in fact, I'll even jump in the middle of snarky remarks directed at me and snark myself.   It all depends upon if there is a level of truth in the snarky remarks being directed at me. 

I can't live my life trying to be this or that thing to this or that person.  I can't be everything and anything other people want me to be.  I'd be a basket case if I tried.  Screw that.  I embrace being me myself and I.  I won't lie, I have paid social prices for this, then again it's well worth it.  I don't want to hang out with groups of people like that anyways, who want to put on a facade and be up each others asses while staring down at people from their Group Ivory Towers.

I don't know, I do tend to form my own opinions and thoughts about people.  Some of them are not pretty.   Yes, I can be somewhat judgemental myself at times.  I'm actually very judgemental of very judgemental people.   Ironic is it not! hahahaha...  I'm a bit of a strange odd ball dude anyways.   I know this about myself.  

OK, some people on here might think this or that about me.  You know what, you just might be right about me.  Dare I admit it, and yes I can deal with it even.  Won't kill me or make my lay down and die.   However, some people on here I really and deeply appreciate their perspectives and things that they have observed about me.   They share with me their true thoughts and opinions of me, not to put me down into the ground, but to be honest and without malice.   I tend to value these kind opinions and remarks.  

In fact, dare i say this, I take things more personally from people I respect, that are not trying to be judgemental.  Somebody that I respect and feel that they respect me, they can express anything in the world to me.  I will stop and think about it and take it into consideration without getting bent out of shape about.  Trust me, I value feedback and people telling me if I'm out to lunch or pointing out some of my flaws.

In fact it takes a certain degree of strength for somebody to confront another people with their honest opinions of other people at times.   Some people are too chicken shit to be honest with other people.  

It's all in terms of the context in which things are being said.  The motivations behind it and etc..

Differences between people are part of life, and everybody has opinions that we form or one another at times.  Even opinions of indifference or having no opinion is still having one.

Tearing into one another on a message board.   It can be good and it can be a bad thing.  At times, I myself need to hear and I'm looking for sharp remarks from people.  At times, it's those things I need and want to hear most.   It's not my good qualities that I'm worried about, it's the bad things about me that concern me the most at times.

There's been ONE person so far, and she knows who she is, that has expressed something to me that haulted me in my tracks for a moment.  In fact, I had to write her on the other side and ask her what she meant regarding "Patterns".  She was polite in how she phrased things on a public posting.   At times making a Neutral statement without heated emotion can do wonders.

I see no good coming from calling somebody a name directly out in the open.  i.e. Such as Dipshit.   However, I had no idea in hell about who the so called Dipshit is/was until somebody gave that info up.   I don't follow the details of everybody's life to this extreme.

I started a thread up a little over a month ago,  two members from this site started to lock horns.  They ended up outting or revealing themselves and their issues out in public.   LORD, something ugly reared it's head out in public.  In fact, I had even requested for the thread to be yanked.  However, it's policy that if members out themselves that the thread and posts stick.

This was the first and only time in my life, I had requested for a thread I started to get yanked.  However, it did not. Sure it was a little tense but both parties expressed themselves and positions rather well, without jumping into a lot mindless flaming and name calling.   They focused on the differences as best they humanly could.   Perhaps some good came of that thread.

Simply calling or refering to somebody as a dipship, really is not all that constructive.   Dipshit, how? in what manner or way?  perhaps it's best to address the issue(s) and not attack the person without any details.

If somebody where to call me a dipshit or refer to me as a dipshit on a message board, it really does not give me a clue about anything.  It just tells me that somebody else has a negative thought about me.  But nothing regarding the reasons why.  If somebody made a comment, that I was not very socialable out at a club or bar.  I might sit here and reflect and say, you know what.  You are right or have the wrong perception of what went down.  It gives me something solid to work off from.   Name calling really does not communicate much besides having a disliking for another human being.  Says nothing regarding why? 

Then again, some of this kind of stuff, can be best addressed in private email exchanges.  

In all honestly, I don't know those personally that are involved.  I've never met those people personally.  I don't know you people on deeper personal levels.  People can piss and moan back and forth with personal differences all damn day long on the message board.   What does this have to do with the topic again? 

Perhaps, I just stepped on somebody's toes with this post.  I'm not trying to be an asshole about it.  I'm just expressing myself and my thoughts and views.

I'm not only a poster to these threads, I'm also a reader that reads things that people post.  I'm not here to pick and choose sides in somebodys personal life or business.   I will at most or at best, offer my advice, make comments upon things I observe or about what I'm reading.  I make posts in response to things I read.

Many times, misunderstanding happen.  Face it, all of us on here have the potential to act like dipshits at times.   Hell, the day before last and yesterday morning I literally acted like a "Dipshit" with my girl.   I have my share of Dipshit potential.  Nobody is perfect and we all have our own Quarks, flaws and faults.

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 8:34:05 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Softness,

I've noticed that some people tend to view another's personal preference as a slight against them.  It is as if you are rejecting THEM, if you don't share in their particular flavor of BDSM.  Why these people feel the need to write to those not interested in them baffles me, amuses me and otherwise gives me a few odd laughs here and there as I shake my head and wonder WTF.

You know, when I first learned about BDSM, I was among those who believed it was a purer and better way of living.  Then I became disillusioned, and thought it was filled with nothing but vultures and victims.  Later, I realized it is simply filled with people; living and loving, hating and hurting, seeking and needing, and otherwise just doing what it is they do.  It just so happens that WIITWD, happens to involve various aspects of differing philosophies and practices that inspire a great deal of passionate debate. 

The way I see it, is that it isn't so much that people are or aren't in their Ivory Towers.  They are just where they are at and sharing from the perspective they are in at that particular growth (or lack of it) in their lives.  Some are a bit more pompous in their delivery, I'll give you that - but it certainly keeps things interesting at the very least.

Those who have something of value to impart, I pay closer attention to.  Those I pay close attention to are usually those who have DIFFERING point of views than myself.  I don't need to be told what I already know. 

Try not to let those odd few who write reactively to your profile, because they seem to think your preferences are a rejection of them, bring you down or get to you.  But - and this is simply my own personal opinion offered as advise - be careful of allowing your own personal 'growth' to become arrogance that brands the masses.  When you start viewing those masses as 'being in their Ivory Tower' you start building the very walls of your OWN Ivory Tower from which to look down upon them from.   Now, that is not me saying don't be judgmental, not really.  I will freely confess that I form judgements every day all the time.  It is just a word of caution not to become too quick to brand the masses because of the actions and ignorance of the minority.  I hold individuals (as well as myself) accountable for their (my) own actions, and try not to let individual reflect on the whole.

Now, if you actually DO consider the majority of people doing WIITWD to be arrogant and pompous jackasses, posturing on the boards - well, then it is what it is from your perspective.

WinD

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 10/11/2008 8:39:32 AM >

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 8:53:00 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		people who cling to some form of ideology in order to get through their day are always going to be the people who fight tooth and nail to protect it.  politics, religion, you name it.  its why we have so many wars and ding dongs going off all over the world.

my attempt at honesty:

*  i have found a relationship that has no emotional hang ups, no purpose other than to get my life back in order and its the most focused and settled ive felt in a long while.
*  i always thought that without love or affection it would be a hollow experience, it isnt.
*  the above is a total departure from what i thought i wanted and needed  - its pragmatism is awesome and i cant buck out of it as i have in the past the moment ive felt that what i had wasnt D/s but some excuse for some seriously lame bdsm.
*  im arrogant enough to believe that there is no man available in the UK ever likely to engage me properly in D/s because D/s is a way of being first and foremost and a vehicle to bdsm second, not the other way around.
* i have tried very hard to be a twue subbie but its impossible, im arrogant, disobedient and free spirited, it will always be hard work for me and i will always find little loop holes to skip through and feel childishly clever about.
*  having said all of that i am submissive to the core i always have been and i always will be - im just not very good at it. (for instance right now im in direct contravention of my rules, but i did ask first)

.... but i wanted to write and say that youre going through one of those growth membranes and youre embracing it fully and wholly and though its never particularly comfortable to change and morph it does separate you from the lot all slinging mud at you from their ivory towers.  fuck them, block them, do as you want - its all about life and living it fully, warts and all.

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 9:02:19 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Is CM a 'last resort'? "If I can't find a partner for a relationship any other place, I'll try the 'freaks'?"

Quoted for emphasis... to everyone who might be reading.  I've seen lots and lots of posts over the last 18 months that imply something like, "The truly pretty women, truly handsome men, anyone who actually has their life together, can date in real life only, and won't be looking for partners online."  That is absolute fucking bullshit.  It isn't easy for anyone, regardless of the shape of their body or the size of their wallet, to find someone who is

1. Emotionally dependable.
2. Emotionally available.
3. Twisted as hell.

If you really think you're likely to find such people by dating exclusively in your local scene -- or in vanilla singles bars -- please do be my guest, and give it a try.  I'll stick with what works, thank you very much.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 9:12:24 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I know me.  I am pretty open about who I am.  But frankly if I were to write down a story or two of my life (and I have), I get told anyone like that character has to be too sick to have a regular life.  So, while I know me and how I got here, I have opted to keep quiet about a lot of it. 
There is no value to keeping yourself on top of an ivory tower, the air is nicer but the view has too much glare from all the bald heads at the bottom.
Knowing yourself if helpful, but does not gaurantee that you will find what you want.  It does give you a step up on filtering out what does not work.

For a couple of years after I was told that my character was too fucked up to have a regular life I did step back for a while.  And then I looked around me.  I have more than most, I am a home owner, I raised great offspring, there is enough support in my life that I don't have to worry about survival.  Incredible! 

Now, I think that if your life is soley identified by a single aspect, whether that be submissive, slave, dominant, clown, whatever.. that you are living with tunnel vision and not seeing that those around you dont have to be confined to living the one true way.

And slightly off track here.. DAMN woman!  I keep seeing you say you are not a beautiful woman... have you seen your picture?  You are stunning!
Kyst

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 9:28:23 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

~ Fast Reply ~
My apologies if this question and point was asked and answered. I've quickly looked at the thread but didn't read in detail every post.
quote:

If I was a thin, beautiful woman who could walk into any bar and get the attention I want ... I would be as vanilla as the ay is long.

Hi softness,
Do you really mean that? If I were 'in the market' I'd steer very clear of you. Why are you here? Is CM a 'last resort'? "If I can't find a partner for a relationship any other place, I'll try the 'freaks'?"


I've re-read my OP a few times .. and I didn't make the best go at phrasing things how I meant them. ... so I'll have another go .. I think the main problem came about with how I used the word "attention"  - I used it to mean a measure of time and energy from people ... not gasping applause from ardent admirers.

If I was a regular girl,  not overly tall, clumsy, stuttering and shy etc etc .. I would have the confidence to go into a bar attract someone who I found attractive, and have a conversation which could lead to more. As things are I find vannilla to be perfectly satisfactory as far as my sexual preference goes - a life of good vanilla sex 3.5 times a week sounds perfectly acceptable to me. I would have used sky diving and extreme ironing as an outlet for my thrill seeking sensation junky needs.
This was not how it worked out for me, how it worked out for me was that I (gangling, stuttring painfully shy repressed) ended up in a fet club one night and started mixing with people who were perfectly accepting of my oddities and were prepared to invest time and engery (or attention) into getting to know me. Hapilly these people were all busily enaged in a world of activity that set my pulse to racing, pushed all my thrill junky buttons ... and was populated by people who had tapped into something I found attractive (inner power). I continue to find this to be the case in my local community - where I am surrounded by people who generally accept what you are and how you like life to be and dont (or at least dont to you face) rip into your chosen way of life because it fails to match their own.

I can say with complete honesty that if I hadn't been a socially terrified, bumbling moron as a teenager ... I wouldn't have ended up where I am today. I would be happy and fulfilled by my adventurous vanilla sex life with strong male characters, indulging my wild at heart tendencies with odd hobbies and danger sports. Howveer I am happuy and fulfilled in adventuours kinky sex life with strong male and female characters indulging my wild at heart tendencies with odd hobbies and blood sports.

~By no means was my OP an attack on BDSMers in general, and I am saddened that some people have seen it that way. It was a response to the inbox full of email I had (many from regualar CM posters) that I had sold out and was besmirching the good name of BDSM.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 9:38:55 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

~By no means was my OP an attack on BDSMers in general, and I am saddened that some people have seen it that way. It was a response to the inbox full of email I had (many from regualar CM posters) that I had sold out and was besmirching the good name of BDSM.


By no means do I mean this condescendingly, because I adore ya, but I saw your OP as written by someone who has recently been freed of a long, intense, all consuming relationship, and who is still discovering where to step next. Or hell, maybe I'm just projecting my own frame of mind onto it!

Ironically, and this commented is related to no particular person or comment in this thread, but in general...I was thinking this morning how when people are insecure, they are criticized for not being strong and brave and confident and able to stand on their own. And when people are confident and strong and have high standards for themselves, they are criticized for having too much ego.

I suppose there is an in between, and I suppose I could be warped in my thinking (wouldn't be the first time), but just food for thought.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 10:43:17 AM   
ApathyRomance


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:


*steps out of lego tower*


Legos!!!

<3 forever!

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 10:52:39 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I'm still not totally convinced.  If you really think skydiving and extreme ironing (whatever that is) would satisfy the same urges that you've come to satisfy through kinky sex, most people would still say that you're in BDSM for the wrong reasons.  Or at least that you'd have serious trouble forging a relationship with a dom.  I like kinky sex as much as the next guy, but for me it wouldn't be enough to serve as the foundation of a relationship.  I need to dominate.  I need to own.  It's who I am.  And that means I need someone whose urge to submit is as overwhelming as my urge to dominate.

There are plenty of beautiful women who receive all the attention in the world and are submissive because they have gone through the bittersweet process of accepting that a life of submission is the only one that will fulfill them.  Skydiving wouldn't do it for them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

If I was a regular girl,  not overly tall, clumsy, stuttering and shy etc etc .. I would have the confidence to go into a bar attract someone who I found attractive, and have a conversation which could lead to more. As things are I find vannilla to be perfectly satisfactory as far as my sexual preference goes - a life of good vanilla sex 3.5 times a week sounds perfectly acceptable to me. I would have used sky diving and extreme ironing as an outlet for my thrill seeking sensation junky needs.
This was not how it worked out for me, how it worked out for me was that I (gangling, stuttring painfully shy repressed) ended up in a fet club one night and started mixing with people who were perfectly accepting of my oddities and were prepared to invest time and engery (or attention) into getting to know me. Hapilly these people were all busily enaged in a world of activity that set my pulse to racing, pushed all my thrill junky buttons ... and was populated by people who had tapped into something I found attractive (inner power). I continue to find this to be the case in my local community - where I am surrounded by people who generally accept what you are and how you like life to be and dont (or at least dont to you face) rip into your chosen way of life because it fails to match their own.

I can say with complete honesty that if I hadn't been a socially terrified, bumbling moron as a teenager ... I wouldn't have ended up where I am today. I would be happy and fulfilled by my adventurous vanilla sex life with strong male characters, indulging my wild at heart tendencies with odd hobbies and danger sports. Howveer I am happuy and fulfilled in adventuours kinky sex life with strong male and female characters indulging my wild at heart tendencies with odd hobbies and blood sports.

~By no means was my OP an attack on BDSMers in general, and I am saddened that some people have seen it that way. It was a response to the inbox full of email I had (many from regualar CM posters) that I had sold out and was besmirching the good name of BDSM.

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 11:12:34 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

If you really think skydiving and extreme ironing (whatever that is) would satisfy the same urges that you've come to satisfy through kinky sex, most people would still say that you're in BDSM for the wrong reasons. 



This is ... sadly ... my point.

I mean no personal attack on you - I understand you were putting across a generalisation ... and so please do not take this personally.

But who is anyone to tell me that my reasons are wrong because those reasons are different to their own?

quote:

 
Or at least that you'd have serious trouble forging a relationship with a dom.


Which is why "Dominant" is not actually the primary criteria in my partners right now ... its attraction and respect ... I am making that pelucidly clear to anyone looking to get involved with me.



_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 11:19:24 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Because you're asking for perspective.  If you ask for people's perspectives, you get them (if they bother to respond at all).  And then you do with them what you wish.

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

If you really think skydiving and extreme ironing (whatever that is) would satisfy the same urges that you've come to satisfy through kinky sex, most people would still say that you're in BDSM for the wrong reasons. 



This is ... sadly ... my point.

I mean no personal attack on you - I understand you were putting across a generalisation ... and so please do not take this personally.

But who is anyone to tell me that my reasons are wrong because those reasons are different to their own?

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 11:21:53 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I thought, all and all, a pretty good OP like most of softness's threads even if she needs to work on a less snobbish and more mature presentation. It would be a shame if what has been an interesting discussion was detracted by that.


But you see, MR...part of the problem is that some of us get real tired of the snobbishness and immaturity and arrogance;  especially when it comes from one who, in a thread regarding youth and inexperience, took many of us to task for daring to think that many times the problem with younger people was snobbery, flippancy, immaturity and arrogance.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 11:23:56 AM   
Subductrssss


Posts: 97
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline
  • I live and breathe for love.
  • I do believe in "The One"
  • I would lay down my life for "The One"
  • When I first began in the lifestyle I was told I was not a sub or slave as I did not call every Dominant "Sir", I set limits on what I would allow and not allow in a relationship (And I am not talking "play" limits or hard limits). I would debate anyting with anyone whether Dom/Top/Master/Mistress slave/sub/toy/boi and if I was right I would claim that rightness and not back down no matter who or what status the other person was or had.
  • I hate submissives who go to a play party and "allow" a Dominant to do something then get back to their house and get online and cry "foul" about the Dominant and Them not respecting the subs limits.  You have a mind and a mouth, use both when you are put into an uncomfortable situation.
  • For me BDSM D/s is sensual and sexual.
  • I don't play with anyone there is not chemistry or attraction with, a relationship with or least the possiblity of one.
  • My kink is my kink and yours is yours, do not put me down for mine and I will not put you down for yours.
  • When I am in a relationship I do put a Dom I am in a relationship with on a pedestal and expect a lot from Him.
  • I am bi but not in the way that makes men drool about threesomes, I simply have the capacity to be attracted to another person or fall in love with them regardless of Gender.
  • I live and breathe for love (Yes it bears repeating).


< Message edited by Subductrssss -- 10/11/2008 11:28:31 AM >

_____________________________

Subductrssss

The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather to what he does not say.
Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods - 10/11/2008 11:27:20 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I'm still not totally convinced.  If you really think skydiving and extreme ironing (whatever that is) would satisfy the same urges that you've come to satisfy through kinky sex, most people would still say that you're in BDSM for the wrong reasons.  Or at least that you'd have serious trouble forging a relationship with a dom. 


Extreme sports cause endorphin release, the same reason people do s & m. So if endorphin release is why they're into BDSM, that's fine.

But you really can do BDSM as just a top or a bottom without needing power exchange. I can't, and you can't, but lots of people out there can. And if that's what they want, then why shouldn't they go for it? As long as both parties know and are fine with there being no power exchange, so what?

It makes her not compatible as a partner for you. But she's still compatible with lots of guys.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 60
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