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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:28:37 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: funnelgag
I totally agree with you, SacreBleu.

The forum is an exceptionally hostile place.  The aggressiveness, sarcasm and general rudeness puts me (and I'd imagine, many others) off from participating more.

Some of the regulars would need to be taken down a peg or two - maybe a yellow card/red card system might be useful.

Many of the worthwhile regulars have withered down to posting less and less, if not making the decision to all but leave the sight specifically because of this issue.

About the only thing that functionally works is treating this side of the site just like you expect the other to work: with continual spam making its way to your inbox.


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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:29:17 AM   
SacreBleu


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: SacreBleu

Maybe. But its only a 4 month old thread! Its not like it was dredged up from 8 years ago and it a topic that had no interest. Obviously since it went to 29 pages it was something that at least SOME people thought of interest.

I just dont get the hostility or the cutting attitude toward so many of the new posters here.


Not sure where LA was hostile..in any case, if you are offended by perceived hostility on forums, it may not be a place for you.




Since I never said that LA was hostile, nice reach. There IS a hostile wall toward newbies, most of you call it something else. Like they need to grow a thicker skin. Or the famous 'post somewhere else if you don't like it' that you tried to hand to me.

Just because my log in is new doesn't mean I haven't been reading this place for nearly 2 years.

Somehow it is just fine for you and the other 'girls' to slam what appears to be a perfectly innocent thread on Sub forum. A full page of it in fact just because someone dared ask 'What is the most erotic thing you do with your partner?'.

I think it is a shame that the Mods relaxed their guidelines. It has always been tough for a newbie to break into an established forum yes, that is natural. But in the last year this place has really changed, even though most of the regs have not...

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:29:50 AM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		NZ, they don't think they are rude, they think they are witty and funny.

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:30:45 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

This is how I feel also, and if you are "tired" of a topic, just don't answer it.
No one is forced to answer threads they are not interested in.

Some people like feeling more entitled than others.

Personally, I always wander into someone else's home for food and then promptly ask why they haven't cooked my favorite meal.

And now I'm hungry...


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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:32:00 AM   
NihilusZero


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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

NZ, they don't think they are rude, they think they are witty and funny.


Interesting psychological phenomenon, isn't it?


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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:32:25 AM   
SacreBleu


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/29/2010
Status: offline 		They are allowed to think they are witty and funny because so very few stand up and say something. Often when someone does say something, they close ranks.

Luckily I don't care what the forum regs think of me!

If enough people stand up and say that the behavior is out of line, maybe then there will be an influx of new and good posters.

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:35:10 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Wow, you kids are really upset today. poor newbies.

You should go complain to the mods about all the mean "girls" and all the cliques that won't coddle you.

But you do have some knights in shining armor to act as hall monitors, so you are covered.

Hmmmm...interesting you should site that particular thread. Could it be...no...it couldn't be that you raced in here under a new nick for the purposes of defending the righteous newbies?


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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:35:36 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT

There is actually a 3rd path:  do no posting and simply read the existing and extensive thread - but it only works if someone accepts that a new thread isn't needed, nor revival of the existing and extensively-beaten topic is needed.
Ahhhh....the voice of reason. To simply stop beating the dead horse and read what has been written.


i'd just like to offer some thoughts, if i may?

People enjoy discussion. Not so much "just reading." People come to the forums to post their thoughts (whatever they may be) and then discuss them with others, not to just read previous posts. There are other sites out there if someone is looking to just read essays - the boards are for chat, and discussion.

To me it's not really fair that when new posters come to the boards they aren't given the same opportunity for discussion that previous posters got to have. And i do see how when a new person posts a new thread, they get told to "search and read old threads", and then if they do just that, and decide to add a new comment, then they get told "quit reviving old threads." Basically they're being told that they can't contribute at all, simply because they weren't around when the topic was discussed previously.

From my personal experience, there have been several threads that i have thought might be interesting to discuss that i haven't started, because when i go look at the archives i see that there are some older threads that are similar - but not quite the same - and i'm afraid of getting feathers ruffled. Which is a shame, because there are new posters here every day, new ideas, thoughts, people change, grow, etc......discussion is always interesting to me, even if it's a subject that's been discussed many many times.

Take for example, the discussion that comes up over and over again on the concept of "no limits." i have developed and changed my thoughts about how this works for me many times over the years, and a big source of thought and consideration for me has been the different opinions expressed on different boards at different times over the years. If people just kept saying "read the old threads" i never would have had a chance to read new and different opinions and thoughts each time.

And yes, i've been guilty in the past as well of speaking out when old topics get re-hashed - and then realized that that wasn't right for me to do, for many reasons (a big one being how my online behavior appears to my potential Owner). Now i'm working to stay balanced, no matter what the topic or how often it's been presented. For me it is the right thing to do.

In short, please let me say that these are chat boards, not archives. Personally i'd love to see a bit more leeway towards the new folks, or the people who aren't as "well-spoken" as some, or who post things that have been said over and over again, and give everyone an opportunity to share and discuss.

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:35:42 AM   
funnelgag


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
Many of the worthwhile regulars have withered down to posting less and less, if not making the decision to all but leave the sight specifically because of this issue.

About the only thing that functionally works is treating this side of the site just like you expect the other to work: with continual spam making its way to your inbox.


yes, that is probably the best approach.

The rare times that I do venture over to these forums, I usually just look at a few threads and then leave.  The nastiness is so evident.  It means most people won't take part.  And who can blame them.



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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:35:57 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SacreBleu

There IS a hostile wall toward newbies, most of you call it something else. Like they need to grow a thicker skin. Or the famous 'post somewhere else if you don't like it' that you tried to hand to me.

I had discussed this in a previous thread.

Go search for it.




Okay, okay. Joke.

What I had alluded to is the way people develop on message fora. The attitude is based on having enough tenure on a website to act like you've 'seen it all' before. It's natural, at that point, to start treating some threads in a 'rolleyes' manner. That slowly turns to cynical belittling.

The problem some people have is in not being able to dissociate the genuine troll posts (which do merit derision) from the ones which are more honest, but just written from the position of someone wholly new to either the site or BDSM or the messages forums altogether.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:36:47 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

This is how I feel also, and if you are "tired" of a topic, just don't answer it.
No one is forced to answer threads they are not interested in.

Some people like feeling more entitled than others.
Personally, I always wander into someone else's home for food and then promptly ask why they haven't cooked my favorite meal.

And now I'm hungry...



oh, the irony....:)

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:37:51 AM   
DomMeinCT


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT

There is actually a 3rd path:  do no posting and simply read the existing and extensive thread - but it only works if someone accepts that a new thread isn't needed, nor revival of the existing and extensively-beaten topic is needed.

"Isn't needed"? What's the actual downside?

LuckyAlbatross used to be fantastic in these situations. She would just reply with a handful of links to places where the topic had similarly been discussed.

The entire point of a message forum (as opposed to any regular website) is the ability to interact with other posters and make a discussion personal. Admonishing someone for starting a thread that's familiar to you or admonishing them for adding their own curiosities to an older thread doesn't do that.



No, you're right, "Isn't needed" was perhaps not the best phrase, but how about "won't be welcomed with open arms in a forum community that has a good search engine and isn't that tolerant of repetitive topics".

There is absolutely no downside overall, except that it consistently pisses off certain OPs who don't get the responses and welcome they want.   Others manage to roll with it.

quote:

LuckyAlbatross used to be fantastic in these situations. She would just reply with a handful of links to places where the topic had similarly been discussed.


Yes, and I recall that her straightforward and polite method pissed off OPs just as frequently as when responded to by snarky/short/chiding posts.


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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:38:14 AM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: funnelgag

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
Many of the worthwhile regulars have withered down to posting less and less, if not making the decision to all but leave the sight specifically because of this issue.

About the only thing that functionally works is treating this side of the site just like you expect the other to work: with continual spam making its way to your inbox.


yes, that is probably the best approach.

The rare times that I do venture over to these forums, I usually just look at a few threads and then leave.  The nastiness is so evident.  It means most people won't take part.  And who can blame them.




They are not mean and nasty, and don't you dare pull up a thread that is 4 months old.
They are being funny and witty, I tell you.
Also, don't you dare say anything about it, you are not allowed to.
Take it like a man, I mean a submissive, I mean a Dominant, I mean just take it or leave.
They own the sandbox.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 1/31/2010 11:40:04 AM >

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:40:48 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SacreBleu

They are allowed to think they are witty and funny because so very few stand up and say something. Often when someone does say something, they close ranks.

Luckily I don't care what the forum regs think of me!

If enough people stand up and say that the behavior is out of line, maybe then there will be an influx of new and good posters.

Ignore them. Rule no.1 of internet forums: don't feed the trolls (you can tell who they are by how developed their ability is to make comments that are intended to lure you into an argument).

And, in the case of veteran posters, the moderation/administrative team usually has little business or personal incentive to address these issues. The moderators are also site members who are volunteers...and are not always necessarily objective in the way with which they deal with such situations.

It's a lot like life. Just try and surround yourself with the worthwhile people.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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(in reply to SacreBleu)
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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:41:02 AM   
SacreBleu


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Wow, you kids are really upset today. poor newbies.

You should go complain to the mods about all the mean "girls" and all the cliques that won't coddle you.

But you do have some knights in shining armor to act as hall monitors, so you are covered.

Hmmmm...interesting you should site that particular thread. Could it be...no...it couldn't be that you raced in here under a new nick for the purposes of defending the righteous newbies?




Could it be... could it be? Nope. I'm not that unfortunate poster. Nor do I have need for knights in shiny or dingy armor, I do fine on my own. I don't want coddling (unless I have the flu then please coddle away).

Funny though that I'm getting postive responses, does that shake you up a bit? It must or you wouldn't bother responding to me.

I know that many of you actually get off on trashing people. Doesn't that EVER cause a twinge inside?

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:41:51 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

they get told "quit reviving old threads."


And if this is what I had said, I could understand the hostility. But it isn't. I asked him why. He could have answered before everyone else jumped on the "newbies" get treated like hell band wagon. I tend to always welcome new posters when I notice they are new.

Last time I mentioned this to someone (here), he was very appreciative. We became friends and actually ended up going on a date. I PMed him rather than post on the boards. Again, in retrospect, that might have been better.

- LA

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:42:40 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		The problem is even when someone posts something decent, a lot of the new ones at least, they dont want to hear any responses that arent telling them what they decided they want to hear already. I have seen quite a few who have argued against all new ideas with ways it isnt what they are talking about, which makes me wonder why bother bringing it to an open forum if oyu are looking for specific answers and you already know what you want to hear.

Yes, some of us older posters can get a little harsh when it is obvious that a new poster hasnt bothered doing their homework. We are not going to be all roses and honey when someone creates a new thread or ressurects an old one on the "sub vs slave" definition again, or creates a thread that looks like it is nothing but wan material from someone who has never posted before and never comes back to give insight into their own thread. When it is a legitimate, thought out post to an actual question, that shows that the poster took a little time to see if their question has been answered already before acting as if they were the first person to ever come up with the idea then they get a far better response. We all learned, and we expect someone coming in to try and learn as well. Most of us didnt have our answers spoon fed to us, we had to make the effort to do our own research and then ask clarifying questions rather than asking something everyone else is also asking and getting the same cut and paste responses in every thread about it. In school, would you expect a professor to be perfectly OK explaining the same question to every student day after day when it is asked as if for the first time every morning even though the previous class's discussion is readlily available? Or would you expect that professor to direct the student to the notes and then answer any leftover questions afterwards? Why waste time reinventing the wheel when you can spend your time perfecting it?


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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:43:18 AM   
SacreBleu


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: SacreBleu

They are allowed to think they are witty and funny because so very few stand up and say something. Often when someone does say something, they close ranks.

Luckily I don't care what the forum regs think of me!

If enough people stand up and say that the behavior is out of line, maybe then there will be an influx of new and good posters.

Ignore them. Rule no.1 of internet forums: don't feed the trolls (you can tell who they are by how developed their ability is to make comments that are intended to lure you into an argument).

And, in the case of veteran posters, the moderation/administrative team usually has little business or personal incentive to address these issues. The moderators are also site members who are volunteers...and are not always necessarily objective in the way with which they deal with such situations.

It's a lot like life. Just try and surround yourself with the worthwhile people.




Okay. I will attempt to put that into practice and hold myself back from my usual scathing remarks!

Maybe the veteran posters are simply suffering from some form of IntrawebPTSD??

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Profile   Post #: 618
RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:43:44 AM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SacreBleu


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Maybe you'd rather read the 29 page thread for insights rather than revive a 4 month old thread? Just saying...

- LA



I see reviving old threads as a total no win situation. If someone starts a thread they get told to go read old threads. If someone revives an old thread they get asked wtf they were doing reviving an old thread.

As always when someone complains about a thread I wonder why they didn't just skip reading it, be it the topic or the poster that causes irritation. Is it just a part of human nature, to react to something that irritates rather than just ignore? I see this happen all over the forum.


One reason they can't skip reading it is because, then they can't come and bitch about reviving an old thread.
Part of the fun here is complaining about bringing back old threads.
They are compelled to read whatever thread is started and then bitch about it.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 1/31/2010 11:45:36 AM >

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 1/31/2010 11:44:47 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT

There is absolutely no downside overall, except that it consistently pisses off certain OPs who don't get the responses and welcome they want.   Others manage to roll with it.

Yeah, but that isn't the situation we're dealing with here. If all the people who thought they could toss in a clever quip into  thread by a new poster that has been discussed before actually ignored it, the thread would either stay empty or it would be responded to be people who do feel motivated to answer without poking unnecessary fun.

The issue here is about how people respond, really...not about how people post.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 620
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