Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

The sexualization and fetishization of dommes


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> The sexualization and fetishization of dommes Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 4:45:22 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		(song parody on the basis of the B-52's 'Love Shack')

If you see a jaded domme complaining of subs
She says fifteen mails from subs with just lunch packs
Lunch packs yeah
They seem to be writing to me all day
Looking for a domme for casual play
Heading for dommes for casual play

I got me some time to write one liner mails
And to send off my pics of my lunch pack
I got my form letter I just sent off twenty
So hurry up and bring your thigh boots honey

Well my lunch pack is my little place
Where I make dommes feel better
Lunch pack baby (my lunch pack baby)
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at)
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at)

Profiles are written for fools
'Cos sex rules with my lunch pack
I'm a male slave 'cos that's what I really feel
Just a male submissive with a little lunch pack
Droplets on the mattress
Droplets on the carpet
Droplets on the keyboard
Droplets on the mattress

Well my lunch pack is my little place
Where I make dommes feel better
Lunch pack baby (lunch pack baby)
Lunch pack, that's where I'm at
Lunch pack, that's where I'm at

Perving and a writing, thinking of the domming
Dommes wearing next to nothing, for the guys into subbing
And all at Collarme
Yes at Collarme
Thoughts of domming, with subs searching around and around and around and around
Everybody's perving, everybody's searching baby
Subs lining up on these sites just to get down
All the subbies searching, all the subbies searching
With their lunch packs, with their lunch packs

I got me some time here just wrote a one liner mail
And I'm about to send another mail
I got my form letter, just sent off about twenty
So come on and bring your thigh boots honey

Well my lunch pack is my little place
Where I make dommes feel better
Lunch pack baby (lunch pack baby)
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at)
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at)

Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (not even reading it)
Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (it's in my bulk mail)
Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (I just deleted it)
Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (I just blocked you)
Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (deleted it)
Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (I just blocked you)
C-mail (in my bluk mail)
C-mail (it's deleted)
C-mail (in my bluk mail)
C-mail.................... you're what?

Not actively seeking

Lunch pack, baby lunch pack
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at)
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at)
Lunch pack, baby lunch pack...

As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are?
How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives?
As a submissive, particularly a male submissive, have you ever felt that you have been cast unfairly in a negative stereotype or wrongly accused of being a 'do me' submissive?
How much do you feel this is influenced by images of dominant women portrayed in the media?


< Message edited by stella41b -- 10/14/2008 4:46:24 AM >

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 4:52:07 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Stella, have you been reading my Cmail again?  *giggle* 

Good Job.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 5:22:46 AM   
LadyLou


Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Best read out loud whilst listening to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZju7TstLrg

Nice job! Lol.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 5:47:46 AM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
As a submissive, particularly a male submissive, have you ever felt that you have been cast unfairly in a negative stereotype or wrongly accused of being a 'do me' submissive?


Pretty much constantly

quote:

How much do you feel this is influenced by images of dominant women portrayed in the media?


I'm not generally inclined to blame things on the media. Some guys are horndogs, and they'd be horndogs if they were Dominant or vanilla, they'd just have a different pitch.


Okay, so I gotta ask... Am I the only one sitting here thinking "Lunch pack?"


_____________________________

-and the few still remember passion over rage-

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 6:46:54 AM   
LadyLou


Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are?
How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives?
As a submissive, particularly a male submissive, have you ever felt that you have been cast unfairly in a negative stereotype or wrongly accused of being a 'do me' submissive?
How much do you feel this is influenced by images of dominant women portrayed in the media?



To answer your question, I have found it common place. There is a certain noisy section of men that pervade this lifestyle that try to project their sexual fantasy (whatever persuasion that may be) onto any woman or man they feel even vaguely attracted to, or sometimes anything that is female/male and breathing. There were a few times I came across it, where it reached entitlement complex levels. It has made me rather jaded in all honesty. But ya have to wade through the crap to find the gems I suppose.

The contact with the type of male you describe is so utterly thoughtless that for me, it all fades into an insignificance. What I don’t understand though, is why anyone would think that employing that kind of approach is flattering. But I guess it must be working, as it doesn’t seem to stop. Even now, I still get that crap.

Yes, I do feel there is a misconception, that is perpetrated by media and porn, that a ‘domme’ means a woman who is open to all kinky desires from men, and who‘ll ‘do’ anyone. I know there is a section of men that seem to think ’domme’ is a fancy word for slut who’ll fuck them. I think most femdoms have found that a high proportion of self proclaimed lifestyle subs are more fetish orientated than submissive. They often still retain that mainstream idea of woman=follow, man=lead, female led relationships are often derided in the media and society. Though I'm hesitant to blame the media for the way people act, I feel it can be responsible for consolidating stereotypes to the masses. But it’s all really no different from vanilla objectification, except that we are portrayed as easier ‘targets’, due to the misconception that we are all about the kink and indiscriminate because we are ‘femdoms‘.

I think it will be a long time before mainstream media portrays female led relationships as anything other than derisive and not all about the sex and kink.



(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 6:47:33 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Every time I get a first, second, or heck even an email within the first week of communication that declares that I am the mistress for him/her or that he/she loves me... I know that is an attempt, usually subconscious to sexualize and fetishize me.

However, to me that is simply a sign that this person is not even in the same zip code (so to speak) as someone I might see as a potential.

I do not allow myself to fall into the trap of feeling sexualized or fetishized.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 10/14/2008 6:48:44 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 7:16:06 AM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I know that is an attempt, usually subconscious to sexualize and fetishize me.



I certainly hope noone ever tries to sexualize or fetishize me.

I can only imagine the horror.




< Message edited by rulemylife -- 10/14/2008 7:17:56 AM >

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 7:46:17 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Stella, that just made me hungry.  Now all I can think about is lunch.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 10:05:15 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		I've got used to those images of Dommes in the media, sure.  I've never particularly noticed a stereotypical sub image, on the other hand, though I can imagine that there's a vague belief  subs are always gimps - a given something of a boost, I think, since the gimp in Tarantino's Pulp Fiction.

Domme clothing,  These days I just think "Well, you look great it in it, but only wear it if it adds to the feeling for you.  You don't have to wear it for my sake."  Similar opinion on all the other paraphernalia.  I only want to know that a Domme enjoys being a Domme.  If I'm projecting a fantasy onto her, then that's what it is.  Beyond that, everything's a question of research . . .

One line messages, though: well, I've sent a handful of those.  I used to have the idea that because Dommes got lots of emails they wouldn't want to plough through a lot of verbiage from me.  I've seen enough complaints about one-liners now for me to have changed my policy on that now, though.

I might just send audios in future - that way, I could get to show off my Sheer Khan in Disney's Jungle Book impression.  The receiving Domme would at least get a laugh, anyway. 

peon

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 10:07:39 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Peon, you can do a George Sanders voice?  That is the kind of skill that will take you places!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 11:18:28 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are?
How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives?


I have never felt objectified or fetishized, I would have to allow someone to do that to me.  I have met those would would like to objectify or fetishize me, they are usually easy to detect.  As far as being perceived as a sexual object, I can't control how others perceive me, I can only control how I allow them to treat me.

I have come across more "do me" subs than any other type.  I don't think the majority of them intend to be that way, and they aren't all male, but I do believe that's how men are conditioned.  It goes with both questions as well.  Men are stimulated and aroused visually, the porn industry as well as the fashion industry have played on that and  portrayed women as sexual objects for as long as they have been around.  Sex sells, men are buying, and women tend to foot the bill.


_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 11:35:07 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		It's only a question of flairing your nostrils and putting your tonsils into it, LH.  The rest is down to having a plummy English accent of the sort that's known and fondly hated throughout the world.

Funnily enough, though, my Clint Eastwood's well-respected too.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 11:40:39 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I really don't think I possess the right tonsils, Peon.... 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 12:05:12 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Life's harsh for you women, so harsh . . .

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 12:22:41 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Lunch pack! Stella, you're fabulous! I love it.

I am very upset about the media stereotyping of dominant women. I am nothing like the cardboard cutout Dommes I typically see in the media, and I think we are vastly misrepresented, as a group.

In the media Dommes are consistently portrayed as cold, heartless, and cruel. I have a bit of a sadistic streak but not much of one, really. I pay close attention to the needs and desires of my slave, and I delight in lavishing my love upon him. My main goals are to promote his  well being, happiness, and self- actualization. Quite the opposite of the dommes I see portrayed in the media, who seem so one-dimensionally sadistic, selfish,and without compassion or empathy.

And yes it does seem to me that a significant amount of subs are influenced by this negative portrayal, because some of them are responsible for perpetuating it in the media!

There's my rant, I'll get down off my soapbox now. Thanks for letting me vent.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 10/14/2008 12:26:22 PM >

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 1:07:10 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are?
 
Yes, of course, and I don't necessarily mind.  When I was seeking a sub, it sometimes got in the way of serious inquiries, but in the end it only really matters if I sexually excite my own boy, and he does me.  I enjoy the latex/fetish wear look, which may contribute to my relaxed attitude towards the subject.

How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives?
 
I've experienced it quite often.  However, I think there are just as many over-the-top "give me" Dommes out there.  The idea of a "do me" sub is annoying to me if it truly is only the sub who is benefitting.  At some point, I think you have to have some idea of what a sub enjoys in a relationship that involves BDSM.  There are many things my sub likes done to him, and I enjoy doing them to him.  If we hadn't had the discussion about his wants and needs in addition to mine, it wouldn't be a good relationship, in my opinion.

LadyJulieAnn

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 1:53:26 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		No thanks... I already ate.

Hello All,

Gulty as charged, I suppose.  My current relationship is devoid of any sexual aspects that aren't in my head.  Untill the crop meets the butt it's all fantasy.  I will not aplogize for that fantasy.  However, I am willing to accept reality.  Accepting reality is better that facing total disappointment.  I am glad that I am able to serve at all.

I do have a fetish for delicate feet (There... I said it!).  I admit that I objectify a woman that displays them.  However, I'd rather have a relationship with the whole woman.  I want the give (mine) and take (her's); and, a bit of toe sucking!

Sexualization...?  Hell Yes!  I would rather have a relationship that included sex.  A lot of sex.  I  love when the underside of my tongue is raw from my lower teeth.  I want lots of cowgirl action.  There is a lot of energy in sex and I would love to give that energy and strength to my mistress.  I would also like to have a bit of... ro... rom... romance (Golly, did I really say that?).  I do, however, want more than a tie me up and do me situation.

I recognize that you have to meet people (dominant women included) where they are at; and, not where you want them to be.   Still, I want the whole ball of yarn if I can get it.

Respectfully but Unrepentently,
Mike
SnowRanger




_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 2:05:35 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		What do you mean by 'over the top "give me" Dommes', Lady JA?  It seems to me all Dommes are very demanding - but that's what they're meant to be, isn't it?  Do you mean that you've come across many who make ridiculous, unreal demands?  If so, what sort of demands, for example?

Sorry, still quite new, still trying to find things out . . .

peon

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 2:36:47 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

What do you mean by 'over the top "give me" Dommes', Lady JA?  It seems to me all Dommes are very demanding - but that's what they're meant to be, isn't it?  Do you mean that you've come across many who make ridiculous, unreal demands?  If so, what sort of demands, for example?

Sorry, still quite new, still trying to find things out . . .

peon


I'm talking about the "your needs will never matter to me", "you are inferior to me so get used to it", "don't even think you are worthy of my time" type of Dommes.  I'm talking about Dommes who want gifts and tributes simply because they call themselves Dommes.  They exist, and some subs crave them, but to me, it's over the top. 

Hope that helps clarify my thoughts.

LadyJulieAnn 

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes - 10/14/2008 2:45:03 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are?
How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives?
As a submissive, particularly a male submissive, have you ever felt that you have been cast unfairly in a negative stereotype or wrongly accused of being a 'do me' submissive?
How much do you feel this is influenced by images of dominant women portrayed in the media?
[/size]





A little too much testosterone, mixed in with emotional immaturity and chauvinism. When they get older, they get a clue. :)


_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e


(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> The sexualization and fetishization of dommes Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109