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Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 1:50:40 AM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		Pro-Dommes get alot of stick, the tribute being the main factor really for many to stomach, and digest.
Being a lifestyle/pro-Dominant, I do not have a category really to fall into, however just prefer to reveal myself as a Pro-Style Domme
Why do non profit/none pro Dominants/submissives, look down at Professional Dominants/Pro Submissives?
You dont really hear many Pro-Tops saying "more fool you, for not charging" to lifestyle/none tribute Dominants/subs, so the stigma of taking payment for a genuine passion/career is still raw and unacceptable in some eyes, which is their opinion, which I also respect.
Surely a Professional Dominant/sub/fetishist can enjoy the lifestyle, aswell as investing & enjoying a career out of his/her passion, and something they have skills and job satisfaction with!
Many non profit/tribute Dominants/submissives, cannot understand the dynamic of a paid transaction/tribute based sessions, and only see the romanticism of a poly or monogamous D/S or s/m or BDSM relationship, which I respect, and each to their own.
Service Tops fill the void for those that wish: a quick fix, convenience, fetishes (especially which leather and latex are very expensive), an abundance of equipment, and the none commitment of sharing a session with the option to leave, and walk back into their own structured day to day lives.
Many I see for sessions, professional or not, say the release and escapism from day to day life, is the main focus of their reason for sessions, aswell as sharing a senario/time/session with "yours truly" lol
So some enjoy the "tribute and go" aspect, no responsibilities, and many tribute paying subs/players/fetishists wish not to have a romantic relationship, they like to keep their interests private/individual/discreet, and many do not wish the 24/7 commitment of a non pro BDSM lifestyle.
Life does indeed get in the way, for many to indulge or to have any hands on involvement/experience in any BDSM activities: children, partners not really into it, disabilities, hectic work schedules/busy lives overall etc.
So for many I understand the tribute aspect, in a Pro/Service Top arrangement may not be for many, but like myself there are many lifestyle/service Tops too
I will happily just need to sit in the Pro Domme bracket of the system, after all they are only labels aren't they

[mod edit to remove images]

< Message edited by ModeratorSixteen -- 10/17/2008 8:04:57 AM >

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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 2:36:12 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Why do you feel the need to rationalize how you make your money?  Obviously you have issue with it. 

BadOne

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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 4:56:53 AM   
housemouse61


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline 		A good deal of the negative feedback regarding pro-Dommes, i believe, is due to the lumping in with ideals regarding prostitution.  Religious beliefs and the laws that govern us frown upon and ostricize those who make their living through sexual gratification in all it's variying degrees; from those who are bona-fide prostitutes to exotic dancers (whether or not they offer sex on the side for financial gain).  Pro-Dommes get blasted because of the "sin factor" that has been bludgeoned into the minds of the masses since the dawn of Christianity.  Kind of like all us BDSMers get blasted by society at large for much the same reasons.

i, myself, am pretty much of the mind that as long as the appropriate health and safety precautions are exercised within the myriad of sexual services professions and everyone involved is mutually satisfied...what the hell?  Not my job to sit back and judge others for how they make their living.  That's one of those things they have to decide on and live with themselves.

Peace favor and blessed be,

nikki
Property of Cruel Desires



(in reply to MistressRouge)
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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 5:20:19 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		To me it is the way how "some"  ask for the tribute in their profile.
Makes it sound like prostitution to me..... but as usual...most remarks target the whole Pro group..and that is propably not fair.

On the other side....people seem to look for Pro Dommes..else there wouldn't be so many.

ps. Why do they say tribute..and not...pay (website rules?)

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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 6:04:58 AM   
housemouse61


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline 		i don't really know why "tribute" is used in place of "pay", myself.  Perhaps it's because "pay" is viewed as solicitation and "tribute" is viewed more as an honorarium?  *shrugs*

Good question, though.

Peace favor and blessed be,

nikki
Property of Cruel Desires

< Message edited by housemouse61 -- 10/17/2008 6:05:57 AM >

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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 6:21:33 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Ok, let's see if I have this straight.  Some folks don't like what some other folks do.  Shocking.  And the folks doing it are sensitive to the fact that they are not universally loved.  Oh, the horrors.
 
Both sides need to get over it.
 
John

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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 6:29:48 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Not that I really care all that much about this.  But honestly, I should htink the logic chain here is pretty simple.

Even a casual perusal of this site will tell you pretty quickly that no matter what people say, BDSM really *IS* all about sex.  So now, despite whatever legal terminology debates are in play, we all know that fundamentally we're talking about a sex for money transaction.  Apparently, a lot of people have issues with that.  I personally do not.

That's my best guess anyway.

Well, now that I happened to scroll down to John's post before I hit "OK", I can't decide if I like his answer or mine best *laughs*.

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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 6:45:22 AM   
zakkan


Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		Seriously, prostitution, or whatever you choose to call it, is here to stay. And until you can buy disposable cloning devices from wal-mart there are going to be people who provide sexual services for money, and people who hate them, and the people who hate those people, and......


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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 6:49:45 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Ok, let's see if I have this straight.  Some folks don't like what some other folks do.  Shocking.  And the folks doing it are sensitive to the fact that they are not universally loved.  Oh, the horrors.
 
Both sides need to get over it.
 
John


Yeah, but John, if they did that, there wouldn't be all these posts for me to flap my yap on, then I'd be all depressed and bored!


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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 6:52:39 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

BDSM really *IS* all about sex


you just say that here, because people didn't agree with this in an other thread...lol

btw Many Pro-Dommes don't do "sex" ...but ..still..it can be sexual..I guess.

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 10/17/2008 6:53:18 AM >

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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 7:07:47 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Because most people aren't as open minded as they believe themselves to be?

Because some folks are CERTAIN that pros have sex for money? Never mind asking the pros... because you saw it on the internets, this makes you an expert. (Besides... everyone KNOWS it's hot to be a slut... it's bad to be a whore)

Because some pros are obnoxious about it, spamming the crap out of lifestyle type of sites?

I dunno, take your pick?

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 10/17/2008 7:52:15 AM >

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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 7:16:11 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Usually the debate boils down to prostitution. Are pro dommes / subs prostitutes or not? Unfortunately a lot of people cannot comprehend that there can be BDSM without sex or a sexual element. Therefore automatically pro dommes are prostitutes.
 
On the flip side of the coin those pro dommes /subs who incorporate sex into their work are loathe to accept that it is a form of prostitution.
 
 
 

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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 7:23:03 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I for one, think Pro-Dommes are cool and I say "More power to ya!"  Clearly, there is a need and a market, and if you are willing to put yourself out there, then YAYs!  I hope you love what you do.  

Clearly though, it is important to come to a place of peace surrounding being a pro, and how it is often viewed by society and some lifestyle people.  It is a fact of the job and there will be no changing it, so I would think it would be best to learn to roll with it and be secure in it.


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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 9:17:37 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		The ones I see giving the "Pros" a bad name are the day trippers and the pro dummy's. The ones who are young and dumb and full of piss and vinegar and who see a Pro making money and think it is okay for them to step in totally clueless and ask for it themselves. They tack the "pro" name onto themselves and then think that talking the talk and asking for tribute makes them better then anyone other clueless moocher looking for a handout . I see the same issues with the clueless "trainers" and "mentors" who realize that the mystique of the title and names gets them laid easier without really knowing what the hell the title stands for. They come up with some formula and in some cases, whacked out ideas of what a  mentor or trainer does and do it themselves just to get their penises wet. Since they usually prey on newcomers and unknowledgeable novices to the lifestyle, when things go south as they usually do it just leaves another person with the bad taste in the mouths on the title yet again.


C-D

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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 9:34:08 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

The ones I see giving the "Pros" a bad name are the day trippers and the pro dummy's. The ones who are young and dumb and full of piss and vinegar and who see a Pro making money and think it is okay for them to step in totally clueless and ask for it themselves. They tack the "pro" name onto themselves and then think that talking the talk and asking for tribute makes them better then anyone other clueless moocher looking for a handout . I see the same issues with the clueless "trainers" and "mentors" who realize that the mystique of the title and names gets them laid easier without really knowing what the hell the title stands for. They come up with some formula and in some cases, whacked out ideas of what a  mentor or trainer does and do it themselves just to get their penises wet. Since they usually prey on newcomers and unknowledgeable novices to the lifestyle, when things go south as they usually do it just leaves another person with the bad taste in the mouths on the title yet again.

I agree.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 9:40:54 AM   
DontUDare


Posts: 23
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline 		I think the answer is, its like assholes and opinions, everybody has one right?

From my point of view it is just something I observe in others, these opinions, I've made up my mind that I am in this with integrity and their opinion does not matter that much. No more than peoples opinion on me having a tatto, being a pagan or loving ice cream matters.

It amuses me, to hear those who "need" to have an opinion on this and just compare it to the debate about porn. Porn is bad, sexual innuendo in tv ads is ok type of deal. And if they only knew how much of my job entails the denial of sex would it change anything? Probably not. Just last week I had a client over who likes to be verbaly abused and so on, I spent about an hour walking around in my leathers and telling him how I would never have sex with a dwarf like him, having him brush up my leathers and bring me food and vine. Service. He paid me for a conversation, my precense and for serving me. Thanked me afterwards and I gave him a hug, he is such a nice man. I then went down town to a coffeshop and had the same conversation with a servant at a bar, well maybe a little toned down. There the servant got paid for serving me drinks tried to pick me up and got turned down. On the next table was a girl I know with a date, she told me in confidence that he was certainly to much of a scrooge with the money, no way she was going to go home with him. Later she did anyway I guess. I later went home to have sex with my boyfriend. Who pays money into the house for rent cause I own it. Life is full of money flowing around and things being turned around it. None of this matters in the global sceme of things. If they think I'm a prostitute, I don't mind at all, prostitutes are hard working honest people most of them. I'm not at all better or worse then them.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 9:41:18 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		i dont like pro's.  "sex is not involved in my biz" YA RIGHT ITS NOT.  you may not have actual intercourse.  but sex is definitely involved.  so right there...thats a crock...trying to hide what you really do.

not to mention that in profiles on here i have seen many say "you must provide tribute, or gift before i will even talk to you".  ya...who the hells gonna do that???

nobody has offered me a gift or a tribute... and i dont see why i havent been offered such...im hot as hell....with a great body....  DAMNIT!!


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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 10:23:12 AM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Why do you feel the need to rationalize how you make your money?  Obviously you have issue with it. 

BadOne



I have no need to justify or rationalize anything, on the contrary Mr Bum  

Just thought I would begin a discussion, I am my most creative in the morn lol.

My issues are blatantly clear from my op, however I have no ill feeling or malice with the closed of mind & their opinions, opinions make this world much more interesting!



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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 10:48:59 AM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		Bleh.
If I worried about what people thought, I'd never have any fun. Or profit.
If someone doesn't like the idea of Pro Dommes, they should just not hire one. The end.


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RE: Pro-Style Fusion - Stigma. - 10/17/2008 10:54:18 AM   
justgemmie


Posts: 246
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Not that I really care all that much about this.  But honestly, I should htink the logic chain here is pretty simple.

Even a casual perusal of this site will tell you pretty quickly that no matter what people say, BDSM really *IS* all about sex.  So now, despite whatever legal terminology debates are in play, we all know that fundamentally we're talking about a sex for money transaction.  Apparently, a lot of people have issues with that.  I personally do not.

That's my best guess anyway.

Well, now that I happened to scroll down to John's post before I hit "OK", I can't decide if I like his answer or mine best *laughs*.


greetings Leadership

I don't find bdsm generally to be about sex *shrugs* but that is my opinion.  I was a public bottom for about 2 years - I simply liked the stuff done.  Although granted, sometimes it was sexual and I orgasmed from the play, oftentimes I derived, not sexual pleasure, but simply tactile pleasure for example, like taking a nice hot bath in smelly stuff with candles all by myself.  It's not sexual, it's just relaxing and feels good.

Sorry for the hijack OP.

well wishes,
Gemmie

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(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 20
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