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SimplyMichael -> RE: Communicating our love in our lifestyle relationships (10/19/2008 12:58:09 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: leadership527
quote:
ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
The point being that saying "I am only going to be emotionally fed when you do it exactly how I want" is as silly as...
Well, you and I are going to have to agree to disagree here then. You know that my general feeling about relationships is always "let's meet in the middle". But this is one of those cases where I feel strongly that the way better rule is "receiver rules". It is not my belief that we get to consciously choose in what ways we need to be fed. Over time, perhaps, as KoM suggests, we can evolve. But from a pragmatic, day-to-day, how to ensure your relationship actually works standpoint, in my experience it is way easier for the lover to bend than the lovee in this case. I make it a point of delivering my "i love you" to carol in the coin of her realm, not my own. That's why she feels so loved. I personally find it relatively easy to see "spending meaningful and focused conversation time" with her as a warm and loving gesture. I think, however, that I could spend forever trying to learn to get loved myself that way with minimal success.
Jeff,
I think we are closer than we realize. I think you SHOULD strive to deliver your "love" in ways your partner wants/needs/hears. I think it would be the height of arrogance to sit there and do the opposite, expecting your partner to thrive off of however you communicate love. And I agree that it should be the receiver who dictates (or at least who's needs define the content) how that love is shown.
That said, I think that the more you can learn to appreciate how you lover says "I love you" naturally, the richer your love bucket can be. And people can change how they show love, I used to do it in such a charming way that after I was done with a woman they used to end up being an insecure wreck. I am every so slightly better now. Same goes for BSB and I. We have BOTH had to learn how to give and receive love differently but as we have done so, our love has deepened and become much more nurturing, not just hot sweaty animal lust of the deepest and most intoxicating nature putting Klingon sex to shame.
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