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Submissives? I think not..... - 10/26/2008 11:36:29 PM

OrdernChaos

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline

....yet they are still here.

I received an unsolicited email from what seemed to be a very polite submissive. I read her profile and she seemed to be a level headed, willing to please sub.

The odd thing was that in the bottom of her introduction email she insisted that I call her. she was certain that within a moment or two, she would be able to discern whether I was a "real" Dominant or just a fake.

Willing to give her the benefit of the doubt based on the profile, I politely suggested we meet at yahoo, and go from there, since I don't have a habbit of calling total strangers.

At that point, she called me a bullshit artist, and unfortunately that was the straw that broke the camel's back having had quite a few similar interactions as of late.

So I ask my "fellow romans" have most of our female so called submissives or slaves not what they appear to be? Has this become a case of buyer beware?

I make no pretentions of who or what I am. I am a Dominant person, and I want things a certain way. I make no false ad claims.

However, I keep reading about "willing to please", "bend to your will", "get genuine pleasure from serving" and the like, yet the moment the interaction starts, the disclaimers pour out like out clauses on a hollywood contract, instead of the thoughts of someone with a submissive (let alone a slave) mindset.

Have we turned our little femslave and femsub friends into "Prima Donnas"?

OnC

Post #: 1

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/26/2008 11:51:51 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

Yes, it's a case of "buyer beware" in both directions. I can't speak for the person you dealt with, but I would guess that for as many submissives that strike a dominant in a bad way, there are 100 dominants who strike a submissive in a bad way. Sure, I'm willing to please and bend to someone's will - AFTER I have felt a certain chemistry and gotten to know the person better. You speak as though we're all sitting around just waiting to be picked. In most cases, we're just being selective. Do you know how many cyber-fools are out there, wanting to get off on someone with a "submissive mindset" and then disappear?

I have been called both a fake and the most submissive person someone has known. It depends on circumstance, I suppose.

_____________________________

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(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 2

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 12:04:05 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Yup, it works both ways.

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(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 3

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 1:08:04 AM

SlaveSimone

Posts: 95
Joined: 3/17/2008
From: Denver, Co
Status: offline

Perhaps it would be of help to think of these gals as humans first, and subs/slaves second?

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 4

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 1:13:42 AM

subbysubsubsub

Posts: 41
Joined: 8/17/2008
Status: offline

Listing disclaimers, conditions, limits, etc is not such a bad thing early on. Just think of it as having saved you a lot of time.

(in reply to SlaveSimone)

Post #: 5

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 1:22:50 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

First post and a whine about fakes, what a surprise. From your profile, I think you are putting the cart before the horse, skippy.

quote:

So I ask my "fellow romans" have most of our female so called submissives or slaves not what they appear to be? Has this become a case of buyer beware?

It is always a case of buyer beware in dating situations, particularly online dating. This isn't Subway, where we come made to order for any D that shows an interest. That said, if you have had "quite a few similar interactions", the problem may just be you and/or your approach.

While there are fakes, scammers, and drama queens on both sides of the slash here, mostly there are just people. If you expect the s-types here to treat you like Sir Domly Dom from the get-go, you are going to be disappointed. There are many female subs/slaves here, but if you do not approach us as people first, you won't get far.

quote:

Have we turned our little femslave and femsub friends into "Prima Donnas"?

Wow, how much more condescending could this be?

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(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 6

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:08:01 AM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

I have very specific views of "the way of the world", and while I respect the views of others, the beauty of being a Dominant is that I don't have to put up with yours, if they don't agree with Mine.

As pulled from your profile; why are you even posting here then? You've made up your mind already. The lil subbie girlies are fakes or demanding or whatever Prima Donnas they are. That's the way you view it so why whine to us?

quote:

I am more interested in meeting females with a slave mentality or tendency, and not so much submissives.

Ah, the lovely slave vs sub thing that so many people harp about. And then you met this young lass who wanted to bend over backwards for her man but...GASP, not right away? How dare she! Now, I agree wanting someone to call her right away is a bit pushy and would have either explained or ended contact but that doesn't make her a "so called" anything. It makes her a woman who was probably bullshited by "so called twue doms" one too many times and doesn't want to deal with it.

Of course I don't agree with her method but I don't think it makes her or anyone else any more or less submissive because they won't bend to your will upon first few e-mails. Imagine that, people are people first and BDSMers second.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 7

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:30:00 AM

darkslife

Posts: 43
Joined: 3/21/2004
Status: offline

Hmm she asked you to call and you declined, and up to that point she had been polite? Well if someone I was interested in asked me to call, I'd call and use ID blocker.

Its a simple request that I bet weeds out pretty much every troll. If she is serious about it, its probably the only thing she uses that phone for.

I see a problem with you wanting to chat on yahoo honestly, leads me to think cyber dom.

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 8

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:33:26 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

i think the problem is that people on the net, subbies in this case, develop their own methods of sussing out and put great stock on their methods due to previous time wasters.

to have one method fitting all is a mistake and she should probably develop some flexibility, but it sounds to me as if she's been burned a few times and has set up the phone call thing as her litmus test, anyone who refuses to call gets outed - a bit extreme possibly, but its her method and not everyone elses - so by the same token i dont think you should be painting every sub in the world the same colour.

a generalised mindset is limiting, as youve found out..

a sub is not your sub until youve both walked the path a ways and have come to that arrangement. until then we are people with submissive orientation to you and every one else, nothing more.

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 9

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 3:36:52 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrdernChaos

....yet they are still here.

I received an unsolicited email from what seemed to be a very polite submissive. I read her profile and she seemed to be a level headed, willing to please sub.

The odd thing was that in the bottom of her introduction email she insisted that I call her. she was certain that within a moment or two, she would be able to discern whether I was a "real" Dominant or just a fake.

Willing to give her the benefit of the doubt based on the profile, I politely suggested we meet at yahoo, and go from there, since I don't have a habbit of calling total strangers.

At that point, she called me a bullshit artist, and unfortunately that was the straw that broke the camel's back having had quite a few similar interactions as of late.

So I ask my "fellow romans" have most of our female so called submissives or slaves not what they appear to be? Has this become a case of buyer beware?

I make no pretentions of who or what I am. I am a Dominant person, and I want things a certain way. I make no false ad claims.

However, I keep reading about "willing to please", "bend to your will", "get genuine pleasure from serving" and the like, yet the moment the interaction starts, the disclaimers pour out like out clauses on a hollywood contract, instead of the thoughts of someone with a submissive (let alone a slave) mindset.

Have we turned our little femslave and femsub friends into "Prima Donnas"?

OnC

OC

I had a similar experience about a year ago here on CM but I did not offer/give my yahoo as I will not respond to any demand. As with the above comments she was proably just using that method as a screening tool against time wasters
There are players on both sides of the slash and because of that all of us simply adapt and move on.

CP

(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 10

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 3:57:00 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

Like i always do when i read a post made by some one whose profile i've seen before i read yours. This comment;

"the beauty of being a Dominant is that I don't have to put up with yours, if they don't agree with Mine."

struck me as the root of the problem.

The beauty of being a human being, dominant or submissive is that both have the ability to agree or disagree and walk away.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 11

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 3:57:57 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

My feeling is that I can ask for whatever I want until such time as I am in some sort of more serious relationship with a dominant. There is no one correct path for people to follow in this lifestyle. Simply move on to someone who shares your beliefs rather than labeling these other people as prima donnas.

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(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 12

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 3:58:05 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

Its not just with the females--trust Me--I get the same thing from the males----what gets Me too is when they are overseas and expect a call--hellloooo???

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 13

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 4:40:14 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

Hello...

Since this is your first post I will extend that greeting.....not because I feel the need to please but to remind you of the whole "first impressions" cliche'.

First impressions are very important....let's take a look at the impression you give with your profile (you are wearing your flame-retardant suit?).
You begin by saying you're here to "scope out" things and for friendship....nice idea. You then go into....

"you do not ask or beg, let alone demand, you answer questions and you receive, when I decide it is time.

Finally, I am very interested in the mental aspect of D/s. My most favorite past time is discovering one's weaknesses and systematically exploiting them to get one to surrender.

Step into My parlor, and yes, this IS about control.".........Hmmmm, quite a step from simple friendship.

I do agree that to demand a phone call with the first email is a bit forward, however the flip-flop tone of your profile makes me question exactly what it is you're looking for.

I, myself, take great pleasure in serving and pleasing the one I'm with. This, of course, is after spending time getting to know that person and, hopefully, discovering what they are about. Many subs get taken advantage of because the desire to please is used against them..."if you were real, you would do A B and C for me".

May I ask what you meant by the statement....
" yet the moment the interaction starts, the disclaimers pour out like out clauses on a hollywood contract, instead of the thoughts of someone with a submissive (let alone a slave) mindset"?
Do you feel a person should submit the moment contact is made? Without them knowing a thing about you....or you them?

I would like to offer a quote i found concerning the difference between dominant and domineering......

"The dominant person is recognized as the person in charge,
some one that exudes authority, natural born leaders.
The domineering person is a person who needs to be recognized as the person in charge,
as a defense to protect their ego.
They usually whine, bully, or bitch if they don’ t get their way"

Just something to remember before you decide to complain about those that don't fit your ideal. Look for a person and not a label. As others have said...it happens on both sides so.... pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start all over again.

Have a lovely day.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 14

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 4:49:37 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

You have to inspire the submissiveness in someone to be able to Dominant them. That is something that I've learned over my many years in BDSM. Obviously this woman felt the need to be careful and use a phone call as a weeding tool, you made a suggestion she did not like and she went off. Most likely she has heard that before and been taken for a ride.

My suggestion is this, do not expect automatic submission, do not expect to have your own way all the time and in those initial stages be willing to compromise some until you really get to know this person.

BTW not all femsubs are prima donnas I know plenty of malesubs and Dominants who fit that description as well.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 15

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 4:49:44 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Have you considered that someone thought you needed a taste of your own medicine and is making a point? Seems to have found a nerve as well.

John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 16

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 5:05:19 AM

housemouse61

Posts: 60
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline

i'd be curious as to just how much experience You have with online dating, myself. According to Your profile, You've only been a member of this particular site for a couple of months. Come to think of it, i'd be rather curious as to how much experience You have had with real time dating in the D/s realm. These things take time and patience and a little give and take on both sides...especially at first.

Maybe it would help if You thought about things like this: giving one's submission no-holds-barred in an online setting is a bit like blindly giving out one's credit card number at any spammer's request...DANGEROUS! Keep in mind that it's not fair for You to expect any "suzy sub/slave" to bow down before Your mighty online dominance and "bend to Your will" on a whim or just because Your profile reads well. That's fantasy bullshit. In reality, the fact of the matter is that no one knows who or what You really are beyond the computer screen. For all anyone knows, You could be some pimply-faced teenager "experimenting" on mom & dad's computer or some psychopathic killer lining up a next victim. Neither of these possibilities, though seemingly laughable, is beyond the realm of possibility. It's been known to happen.

The point of all this being: Slow down, tread carefully as You filter through the myriad of profiles You'll explore in Your journey. If You see something in a profile that doesn't fit with Your idea of what You want, move along. Don't blame them for not being that ideal. You've got to kiss a bunch of horny toad-ettes before You find Your charming sub/slave princess. And try being a little flexible. Maybe start with email communication at first, then move to private messaging and on to phone calls and if everything seems to mesh well then to a real time meeting. It's a slow process, yes. But all good things really do come to those who wait and take the time to make them happen.

Best of luck to You in Your search.

(On a side note: while i agree that the young lady You wrote of in Your post may have been a bit extreme in her request and reaction to Your unwillingness to comply; i also agree that, in her mind at least, that request was there for good reason and this is one of the things You should keep in mind when coming across such "disclaimers" in a profile).

Peace favor and blessed be,

nikki
Property of Cruel Desires

< Message edited by housemouse61 -- 10/27/2008 5:22:32 AM >

(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 17

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 5:28:02 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

Lemme guess....it's Monday so this is the weekly gripe about all the "fakes" around here?

Just checking....

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Post #: 18

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 5:28:05 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

and what's wrong being a Prima Donna?

so what if i'm picky ...selective - you have to be. i'm not going to submit to you automatically simply because you claim to be dominant. if that was the case, i would be every horny dom's/master's submissive. i don't submit to all ..only to one, Daddy.

there are too many hng's who hang out here pretending/role-playing as dominants to scams and/or obtain wank material. my spambox, most days, is polluted with requests to cam, nude pics of my breasts, Ghanan/Nigerian "princes" looking for a God-fearing wife and hng's form love letter. and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

_____________________________

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(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 19

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 5:31:21 AM

Pixiespark

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline

ive had quite a few experiences of 'submissives /slaves' that "DOM from the bottom" as my Master calls it. He taught me some characteristics of those kinds of people, who control You by letting You *think* Your in control. it's quite sad and pathetic really..

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 20

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