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RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:33:44 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kidwithknife

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
That's reading an awful lot into the semantic choice of a single word...


I read that differently to you.  For me the important part was "sole focus" not "slave".


Well, this is a social networking site, after all. It's not the fact that "sole focus" is a negative thing (unless we plan to admonish people here "solely" to meet friends)...it's the pejorative flavor given by the poster to the term "slave" as hypothetically written by a D-type user.

Granted, I'm sure there are plenty of profiles where you can smell the superficiality that I presume is being alluded to, but laying out your profile where the main focus revolves around looking for a slave (which I, for instance, do) isn't, I should think, grounds for automatic disqualification...but, that is, after all, each person's own choice.


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(in reply to kidwithknife)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 4:39:20 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

and what's wrong being a Prima Donna?

so what if i'm picky ...selective - you have to be. i'm not going to submit to you automatically simply because you claim to be dominant.  if that was the case, i would be every horny dom's/master's submissive. i don't submit to all ..only to one, Daddy.

there are too many hng's who hang out here pretending/role-playing as dominants to scams and/or obtain wank material.  my spambox, most days, is polluted with requests to cam, nude pics of my breasts, Ghanan/Nigerian "princes" looking for a God-fearing wife and hng's form love letter. and that's just the tip of the iceberg.



Good to know that the "the other side" doesn't fair any better, I sometimes didn't sign in for months because I got so frustrated with offers from guys who wanted to be chained to the radiator in my basement and live there as my slaves "forever" - I am ever so grateful to not have a cellar, because working my butt off to keep a slave in food while he "hangs around" in the cellar is somehow not my idea of a good time. If they would at least READ profiles....

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 5:11:56 PM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		I've had both subs and Doms decline to call the first time I posed it. I've also declined to both, the first time I've been asked.

Honestly, that just tells me that either one is more interested than the other, or that they use different methods to get to know another person.

When I've requested, and been declined, I'm ok with that, if the person can be open and honest and say, "I'm not ready to take things to that level yet", or 'now isn't really a good time because my children are around'. I've tried to be the same when it wasn't good for me.

For me, like another poster mentioned, talking for the first time is with another human being...not with a submissive or a Dominant. We haven't even gotten to the negotiation stage yet, so there is no expectation of power exchange. Anyone who jumps in and acts like there is, expects too much, too soon, to be compatible with me.

With the reaction you got from her, obviously, there is no compatibility...........NEXT!

~Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 5:42:20 PM   
OrdernChaos


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline 		I would like to thank people like Nihilus, LadyConstance, TabrisMaceth, Darcythedark and others for some very astute observations.

And I would also like to say thank you to one particular submissive that emailed me to let me know that not all hate my profile.

I don't particularly give a rat's ass if people don't like my profile, or are going to bash me here on my thread. I am going to give less than that if they "disapprove" of me, my "domliness" or my comments, and even less for their doubting of my motives.

I will not quake in my boots for the "sub squad" coming to bash me, or their "protectors" coming to their support.

The beauty of this country, freedom of speech, allows me to believe in what I want, and say what I want, and the beauty of being a Dominant is not having to put up with anything I don't like.

I am making an observation, about manners and the lack of extending respect. I am making an observation of "setting rules", or "making demands" of not just someone that an alleged submissive does not know, but an alleged Dominant they do not know.

Let me flip this for you:

If I am a Dominant, should I obediently comply with the demands of some "alleged" unknown sub, just as a dominant in this thread was told to on her first email to me?

Is the concept of control, command and power so foreign to those in the BDSM community that it solicits this type of responses?

And finally, if I have my own reasons for not calling every Donna, Vicky or Jane, that demands it on the phone, and I will be damned if I am bullied into explaining them....

OnC
The "Twue" Dominant

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 6:01:03 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrdernChaos
The beauty of this country, freedom of speech, allows me to believe in what I want, and say what I want, and the beauty of being a Dominant is not having to put up with anything I don't like.


I'm sure that's a comforting thought to your employer.... or the IRS.

quote:


I am making an observation, about manners and the lack of extending respect.


Respect is a funny animal.  It doesn't happen in a vacuum... it's not unilateral... it works in both directions or not at all.  I don't believe it's possible to respect anyone that doesn't return the favor. 
 
Besides, defining respect is rather akin to defining beauty.  It's in the eye of the beholder.  What you see as disrespectful, others see as an unrealistic expectation on your part. 

quote:


I am making an observation of "setting rules", or "making demands" of not just someone that an alleged submissive does not know, but an alleged Dominant they do not know.


You're Dominant based on what?  Your say so?  Pffffttttt.  Get over yourself... everyone else has.
 
quote:
Let me flip this for you:

If I am a Dominant, should I obediently comply with the demands of some "alleged" unknown sub, just as a dominant in this thread was told to on her first email to me?


Nope, it works both ways.  So why would you expect anything different in return?

quote:


Is the concept of control, command and power so foreign to those in the BDSM community that it solicits this type of responses?


And is the concept of ownership and consent foreign to you?  What is your experience with the BDSM community? 

quote:


And finally, if I have my own reasons for not calling every Donna, Vicky or Jane, that demands it on the phone, and I will be damned if I am bullied into explaining them....


You're welcome to have your own reasons and not to share them.  I wouldn't draw any conclusions from that.

quote:


OnC
The "Twue" Dominant


Well, if the shoe fits....
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 6:11:23 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I will not quake in my boots for the "sub squad" coming to bash me, or their "protectors" coming to their support

I believe the proper term is "subby mafia" which was, unsurprisingly, coined by a D who started a thread very similar to this one as his first post.

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(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 6:12:48 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		It has always been a case of Caveat Emptor. Or did you think everyone on here was sane?

(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 6:28:59 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		To be honest, I don't know what was the great suggestion I gave you, I thought it is as difficult for dominants as it is for subs because there are a lot of people who send messages and they are not all completely honest (what a surprise, it's the internet and we know nobody would ever lie online, all the women are supermodels and all the guys are studs, rich and handsome....)

Talking on the phone is a good idea to verify at least the gender of the person you are talking to, but I think the "call me right now" simply wouldn't work, after a day on the phone due to work stuff, I sometimes simply don't feel like yapping on the phone, or I sit there and kick back, or I might expect friends, another call, I'm too tired... You can always politely suggest another time.

You can't blame people for wanting to verify who they are talking to, though I would think it would take a psychic to figure out in a few seconds if a person is genuine or not...

(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 6:31:18 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3
i think the problem is that people on the net, subbies in this case, develop their own methods of sussing out and put great stock on their methods due to previous time wasters.

I've had weird problems like that back in the days of my attempts at internet dating.
Women who seemed interesting and interested in a "so far, so good" kind of way might suddenly disappear without a word.
I've heard some women claim that "if he asks to arrange something during the week, it means he's married and can't get away on a weekend", etc.
I think it's an attempt to apply simplistic rules to a comlex group. People are individuals; always a complex group. Some work on weekends.
I dated a girl who had her phone set up so she couldn't be indentified, and she would call strangers with it, no problem. My phone, on the other hand, is the minimal technology sort; no caller id, no id blocking, or whatever other stuff you're assumed to have purchased these days.
Maybe I'm just not phone-oriented, but if a stranger wrote and asked me to call, I might be slightly creeped out, but I'm not sure why.
Now if they offered that option, fine. But posed as sort of a challenge, it seems kinda creepy to me.
But, as I mentioned, I'm not in love with my phone like people are these days.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 7:02:21 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

 I am making an observation, about manners and the lack of extending respect.   

I certainly understood your point about manners, but as everyone knows, nobody, including you, has authority or power to make a rude person act more politely. 
 
No one is obligated in any way to extend respect to another. 



quote:

  Is the concept of control, command and power so foreign to those in the BDSM community that it solicits this type of responses?


I would bet that this is where your issues lie.  You have no control over random strangers.  You have no authority until someone agrees you do.  You have no power over anyone here.  You are not owed any deference simply because you have given yourself the title dominant. Those are the concepts that are foreign to you and until you get that, you will continue to be frustrated.
 
We have all experienced rudeness from people on the internet.  Most of us are able to understand that some people are impolite without painting an entire orientation with the same wide brush. 


_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 7:04:34 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		sounds like the prima-donna is you.  you meet someone who wants to verify that you're real by speaking on the phone, and you want to chat on yahoo?  dom?  i think not!

(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 7:04:54 PM   
dreamysubmale


Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3
i think the problem is that people on the net, subbies in this case, develop their own methods of sussing out and put great stock on their methods due to previous time wasters.

I've had weird problems like that back in the days of my attempts at internet dating.
Women who seemed interesting and interested in a "so far, so good" kind of way might suddenly disappear without a word.
I've heard some women claim that "if he asks to arrange something during the week, it means he's married and can't get away on a weekend", etc.
I think it's an attempt to apply simplistic rules to a comlex group. People are individuals; always a complex group. Some work on weekends.
I dated a girl who had her phone set up so she couldn't be indentified, and she would call strangers with it, no problem. My phone, on the other hand, is the minimal technology sort; no caller id, no id blocking, or whatever other stuff you're assumed to have purchased these days.
Maybe I'm just not phone-oriented, but if a stranger wrote and asked me to call, I might be slightly creeped out, but I'm not sure why.
Now if they offered that option, fine. But posed as sort of a challenge, it seems kinda creepy to me.
But, as I mentioned, I'm not in love with my phone like people are these days.


I will worry too if i receive an unsolicited email from a stranger, insisting that i call them first. I don't know the OP's circumstanses but there are many phone scams out there.

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 7:27:55 PM   
HornyToadsMI


Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I agree wholeheartedly......
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkslife

Hmm she asked you to call and you declined, and up to that point she had been polite?  Well if someone I was interested in asked me to call, I'd call and use ID blocker.

Its a simple request that I bet weeds out pretty much every troll.  If she is serious about it, its probably the only thing she uses that phone for.

I see a problem with you wanting to chat on yahoo honestly, leads me to think cyber dom.



A lady has to protect herself here in cyberspace.  And she wanted to hear your voice to make sure you are not some wack-o.  Saved you both some time...IMO

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(in reply to darkslife)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 7:32:04 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: roughleather

Look, if you're afraid to call someone on the phone, why should she bother with you?

Really.

Also, "afraid to talk on phone" often means "married", "troll for porno site", "teenage wanker", or, for female profiles, "is really a guy".


I for one do not like to talk to people from the phone after just one or even a couple of e-mails. Unless you're using a blocked number, you run the risk of being harassed. Plus, I've personally had one too many bad phone experiences already. When people sound SOOOO nice in their e-mail that you just say "Oh why waste time back and forth, they sound so nice" and turn out to be douches on the phone or worse, in person.

I'm not "afraid to talk on the phone" I'm cautious about doing so right away. I think most who posted weren't finding fault in that the OP didn't want to call her, they just find his attitude shittier than a human toilet's mouth after Mexican night.

(in reply to roughleather)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 7:45:38 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrdernChaos

I am making an observation, about manners and the lack of extending respect.

if you want my respect, you will have to earn it  ...the same rule applies with trust as well.

quote:

OnC
The "Twue" Dominant

is that a CM certified "twue" dominant card?

_____________________________

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(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:17:18 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		                                        ~FR~

Well, GreedyTop and i exchanged phone numbers today and tonight i called her...and she really is a girl!!!!!!!!
 
Not only that, she wasn't scarey at all! Beats the hell out of Yahoo Chat

_____________________________

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(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:39:10 PM   
OrdernChaos


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrdernChaos
The beauty of this country, freedom of speech, allows me to believe in what I want, and say what I want, and the beauty of being a Dominant is not having to put up with anything I don't like.


I'm sure that's a comforting thought to your employer.... or the IRS.
 


Gosh, I am glad you approve, as for what I do in my spare time, so long as it is within the confines of the law it's neither my employer's business or the IRS's. I am much more relieved that you feel the need to comment on it, especially with bold letters.

Since you really felt the need for attention, there you are, I just gave it to you. And that's all I am going to give you. I am not get in a word mincing argument with you, about shoes, or anything else. I have a life that does not involve sitting online and word fencing. >>You<< as well as other "toilet mouths on a Mexican night", just don't get it.....

Now, I am done with you...

Bon voyage!

Look ma, no caps!

OnC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:


I am making an observation, about manners and the lack of extending respect.


Respect is a funny animal.  It doesn't happen in a vacuum... it's not unilateral... it works in both directions or not at all.  I don't believe it's possible to respect anyone that doesn't return the favor. 
 
Besides, defining respect is rather akin to defining beauty.  It's in the eye of the beholder.  What you see as disrespectful, others see as an unrealistic expectation on your part. 

quote:


I am making an observation of "setting rules", or "making demands" of not just someone that an alleged submissive does not know, but an alleged Dominant they do not know.


You're Dominant based on what?  Your say so?  Pffffttttt.  Get over yourself... everyone else has.
 
quote:
Let me flip this for you:

If I am a Dominant, should I obediently comply with the demands of some "alleged" unknown sub, just as a dominant in this thread was told to on her first email to me?


Nope, it works both ways.  So why would you expect anything different in return?

quote:


Is the concept of control, command and power so foreign to those in the BDSM community that it solicits this type of responses?


And is the concept of ownership and consent foreign to you?  What is your experience with the BDSM community? 

quote:


And finally, if I have my own reasons for not calling every Donna, Vicky or Jane, that demands it on the phone, and I will be damned if I am bullied into explaining them....


You're welcome to have your own reasons and not to share them.  I wouldn't draw any conclusions from that.

quote:


OnC
The "Twue" Dominant


Well, if the shoe fits....
 
John

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 10:16:29 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		~fast reply~
Reduced to incoherent babbling in the face of polite and logical opposition?  Is that spittle I see at the corner of your mouth?
 

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 10:18:09 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

                                       ~FR~

Well, GreedyTop and i exchanged phone numbers today and tonight i called her...and she really is a girl!!!!!!!!
 
Not only that, she wasn't scarey at all! Beats the hell out of Yahoo Chat


Yeah!! And Dawn is a girl too! (with a really sexy voice and the most appealing laugh!)


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 10:21:28 PM   
housemouse61


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline 		For me, personally, i don't think it's about whether or not you comply with a virtual stranger's request for a phone call, no matter their orientation in D/s.  That's a personal choice reserved for the individuals involved.  Do i think you were somehow in the wrong for refusing the request?  Absolutely not.  Do i think she was justified in her reaction to your refusal?  Not necessarily.  But, then again, i don't know what reasons may have been behind her reaction; so i really couldn't say either way.  One thing you may wish to file away for future reference: it is far too common on these sites for real posers (pardon the oxymoron) looking for cyber wank material to invite those who identify as submissive/slave to a private IM.  Most will politely decline unless politeness has been overruled by the actions of the one who is doing the inviting.  If you understand my meaning.

i think what irked me the most in regard to your original post was the blanket assumption that because one girl (or even a few) rubbed you the wrong way with her behavior; you somehow felt justified in inferring that every submissive/slave on CM is some sort of fake.  That's just as wrong as submissives/slaves who lump all Dominants in the category of "poser" based on a few bad experiences.  Couple that with the fact that there are so many who seem to bemoan the same crap over and over on these boards and it's not surprising that you would get more than a few curt responses.  And then there is your profile that, at least when i read it, made me think of Helen Reddy singing "I Am Dominant; Hear Me Roar".  But, that's just me.  i already have a Master and have been with Him for more than 6 years.  He's the only one i have to prove or give my submission to.  So, i don't really give a rat's patootie about what other Dominants (real or otherwise) put in their profiles.  But, they're sometimes fun to read. 

There are some who will be put off by your profile; there are some who will read it and swoon.  It's all a matter of personal perspective.  Some who swoon will have weird requests that you're not comfortable with and may go ballistic if you refuse.  But, try not to let that shine a negative light on the submissive/slave community at large.  Otherwise, you might find yourself so blinded by that light that you miss finding some true gems.

Peace favor and blessed be,

nikki
Property of Cruel Desires

(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 100
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