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RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 12:02:39 PM   
Darias


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From: midlands ireland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusieBlue

I can see where the OP is coming from, though. I wouldn't consider it an issue with submissives, more of an issue with courtesy on the internet in general. It was perfectly reasonable for him to decline a phone chat with someone he'd barely spoken to, and it's reasonable for her to decline to pursue a possible connection. However her insulting him because he chose not to talk with her on the phone is rude. Not as a sub or a dom- as a person. I've seen that situation played out in similar forms throughout my years posting on the net, and most of those interactions were not on BDSM boards.

I have to question the wisdom of asking a stranger to call you after just a few emails. Most people (I think? I could be wrong here) don't have a separate phone for their d/s activities, that could become a bit expensive.

That said, people who behave as your dom when you don't know them from Adam deserve a smack in the butt themselves.


from the subs point of view its possibly a rather effective measure  of someones interest and twueness

after  all in an email or  IM situation i could if i so wished demonstrate a vast knowledge of brain surgery through the use of google etc... on the phone without the minutes needed to research every response... not so much. theres also in some cases an attitude a confidence that comes accross easier via voice than through text comunication

a simpler reason might be.. if he`s willing to pay for aphone call chances are he`s not just after her for wank material


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Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 12:07:00 PM   
RealSub58


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrdernChaos

....yet they are still here.

I received an unsolicited email from what seemed to be a very polite submissive. I read her profile and she seemed to be a level headed, willing to please sub.

The odd thing was that in the bottom of her introduction email she insisted that I call her. she was certain that within a moment or two, she would be able to discern whether I was a "real" Dominant or just a fake.

Willing to give her the benefit of the doubt based on the profile,  I politely suggested we meet at yahoo, and go from there, since I don't have a habbit of calling total strangers.

At that point, she called me a bullshit artist, and unfortunately that was the straw that broke the camel's back having had quite a few similar interactions as of late.

So I ask my "fellow romans" have most of our female so called submissives or slaves not what they appear to be? Has this become a case of buyer beware?

I make no pretentions of who or what I am. I am a Dominant person, and I want things a certain way. I make no false ad claims.

However, I keep reading about "willing to please", "bend to your will", "get genuine pleasure from serving" and the like, yet the moment the interaction starts, the disclaimers pour out like out clauses on a hollywood contract, instead of the thoughts of someone with a submissive (let alone a slave) mindset.

Have we turned our little femslave and femsub friends into "Prima Donnas"?

OnC


This is all so offensive. 
You rant about this one who and end up asking ~~
Have we turned our little femslave and femsub friends into "Prima Donnas"? 
WTF do we have to do her (speaking as a sub)  and why do you think dom/mes have turned subs in primma donna's just because you got a strange duck that bites like a lion? 

(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 12:28:30 PM   
softhearted


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveSimone

Perhaps it would be of help to think of these gals as humans first, and subs/slaves second?


I think this bears repeating again.

And again.

And again.

Maybe it's just me, but when the sole focus of a guy's profile is "looking for a slave", I move right along. (And, unlike 30-somethings, my mailbox does not get filled to overflowing, but still.) Kinda makes me think that the guy would rather look in the yellow pages under "Slaves available" than get to know someone.

Maybe things will work out with a guy so that I become his submissive or slave -- whatever the difference may be, but let's not go there -- but first and foremost we're both people seeing if we might fit together in some way. Aren't we?

(in reply to SlaveSimone)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 12:44:14 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrdernChaos

The odd thing was that in the bottom of her introduction email she insisted that I call her. she was certain that within a moment or two, she would be able to discern whether I was a "real" Dominant or just a fake.

Willing to give her the benefit of the doubt based on the profile,  I politely suggested we meet at yahoo, and go from there, since I don't have a habbit of calling total strangers.



I'm sure most of the regulars have already given you the 411 on how inappropriate it is for you to A) post another in the endless stream of whines about fakes; and B) how you are the Big Bad for whatever you said to the poor wittle subbie.
 
Frankly, I don't give a crap about either issue although I'm sure more than a few people will gloss over the fact that she claimed to be able to tell if you're a "Twue Dominate" within a few minutes of conversation.  That, in itself, sends up red flags for me.  But that's neither here nor there.
 
However, I do have a suggestion for you that might help in future situations.  It's called Skype.  It's free to download and free to use if you call someone else who has it.  For a small fee, you can also use it to call a cell phone or land line from your computer.  All you need is a headset and you're golden. 
 
I suggest you get it.  Next time a sub wants a phone call, you can use it and you will not have to worry about calling a stranger from your home phone.  If you want it to be free, tell her you will only call her if she has Skype.  If she's not willing to download it, you know she's a fake and you can move along.

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(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 12:57:52 PM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		i dislike the tediousness of writing back and forth in e-mails to a person i have no idea that they are even male let alone Dominant. one phone conversation can equal weeks of back forth writing that i personally do not have the time for and again, i find it tedious!
i once carried on a daily e-mail/yahoo IM exchange with someone who i never once spoke to on the phone....never again. to this day i don't know who was really on the other side of the screen.
 
i think her going off on you and calling you a fake was impolite, but i refuse to be anything but polite even when being called a fake subbie primadona.

may we all find our bliss. 

< Message edited by everhope -- 10/27/2008 1:00:34 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 1:05:55 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Syl.. not being willing to DL skype may not be an indicator of being fake... if someone has an ancient computer, or computer issues (as I am having now.. non-working soundcard/video) is a perfectly legit reason not to bother DLing software that they'll really have no use for.

And I think there are enough people on the boards that can vouch for me being a living, breathing female... (the sub thing? meh, that's subjective..LOL)


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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 1:21:09 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		GT ~
 
The part about not wanting to DL Skype = fake was intended as sarcasm.  Sorry it didn't come across.  Dagnabbit, I'll have to work harder.   

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 1:34:14 PM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrdernChaos

At that point, she called me a bullshit artist



What did you say immediately before she called you bullshit artist?

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 1:36:53 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

You have to inspire the submissiveness in someone to be able to Dominant them.



Perhaps so, but this doesn't give licence to running 'round shouting about 'bullshit artists'.....assuming he hasn't overstepped the mark.

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 1:51:33 PM   
roughleather


Posts: 232
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		Look, if you're afraid to call someone on the phone, why should she bother with you?

Really.

Also, "afraid to talk on phone" often means "married", "troll for porno site", "teenage wanker", or, for female profiles, "is really a guy".

To get this message, see this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GcVnhNjWV0

(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 1:53:34 PM   
TabrisMaceth


Posts: 190
Joined: 9/23/2008
From: The Ghost Matrix
Status: offline 		Ugh. I found a "sub" here this one time who- during the first, last, and only time we ever talked- tried to tell me what to do with my fucking life! Yeah, first time we met, several years my junior, she's telling me what to do with my life! I tried holding back my disgust, I tried telling her I already know what I want to do with my life, but when she told me a "real" dom is basically someone who takes orders, I had to leave or I would have went berserk! If lusting after power and a hatred of being bossed around isn't the very definition of dominant, then am I actually submissive? Have I actually live in Bizzaro World all this time and not realized it?
There are only two things I ask of the human race: Be honest, and use words right. Nothing pisses my shit like people butchering the English language. You are not a biker because ride a motorcycle, something is not "gay" if it isn't happy and/or full of homosexuality, and you are not a submissive because you like to get spanked on the weekends. If you're a dom or a sub, it's only logical that...y'know...you have mainly dominant or submissive traits, in a non-BDSM sense. Just freaking makes sense that dominants have dominant personalities and submissives have submissive personalities, right?!

-Tabris

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 1:59:42 PM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrdernChaos
At that point, she called me a bullshit artist, and unfortunately that was the straw that broke the camel's back having had quite a few similar interactions as of late.


Hmm.  Ok, according to your version of events, it does sound like she overeacted to you not wanting to call.  (Although I'm not quite sure why you fear the phone so, that's your business I guess).

However, if you've had "quite a few similar interactions" recently it does raise the question of why.  If a significant number of subs are accusing you of being a "bullshit artist", that does raise some questions for me.

quote:

However, I keep reading about "willing to please", "bend to your will", "get genuine pleasure from serving" and the like, yet the moment the interaction starts, the disclaimers pour out like out clauses on a hollywood contract, instead of the thoughts of someone with a submissive (let alone a slave) mindset.


Not wanting to submit to you is not the same thing as not being a submissive/slave.  In other news, any female who isn't attracted to you isn't necessarily a lesbian.


(in reply to OrdernChaos)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:11:10 PM   
Darias


Posts: 1757
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: midlands ireland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: roughleather

To get this message, see this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GcVnhNjWV0



*fallin on the floor laughing* not sure whats more disturbing... ole kirk in the video... a country singer singing about the internet .. or that up untill the end i didnt know whether the hobbit looking guy was the singer or not ...


Has the  OP returned yet?


_____________________________

**Perving or perusing... it gets me the same place.**


**May Gods come between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk**


** may you live in interesting times**

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:13:56 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darias
Has the  OP returned yet?



With most people treating the observation like a joke and hijacking the thread?  I doubt it.
 
the.dark.

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:20:20 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

Interestingly many people on this site view a persons posts on the fora along with their profile when responding to emails or chat requests. A persons posts can say so much about them.



True. But what they say directly (or don't say) and how they act trump both for me every time.

But then again I don't start thinking in terms of dominant or submissive until I know who the person is. Until that moment in time there is no dominant and there is no submissive.

< Message edited by stella41b -- 10/27/2008 2:22:26 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:21:14 PM   
Darias


Posts: 1757
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: midlands ireland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darias
Has the  OP returned yet?



With most people treating the observation like a joke and hijacking the thread?  I doubt it.
 
the.dark.


Darnit  some people are just spoilsports


_____________________________

**Perving or perusing... it gets me the same place.**


**May Gods come between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk**


** may you live in interesting times**

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:23:14 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softhearted

Maybe it's just me, but when the sole focus of a guy's profile is "looking for a slave", I move right along. (And, unlike 30-somethings, my mailbox does not get filled to overflowing, but still.) Kinda makes me think that the guy would rather look in the yellow pages under "Slaves available" than get to know someone.

That's reading an awful lot into the semantic choice of a single word...


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(in reply to softhearted)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:24:31 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darias
Darnit  some people are just spoilsports



...or 'fakes'... or 'primadonnas'.
End of the day - it's all name calling.
 
the.dark.

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:27:21 PM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
That's reading an awful lot into the semantic choice of a single word...


I read that differently to you.  For me the important part was "sole focus" not "slave".

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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 2:28:30 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

You have to inspire the submissiveness in someone to be able to

No I don't. I'd specifically avoid s-types with that mentality.

I'll inspire many things in a sub/slave (intellect, emotions, sexuality), but I'd really rather not play with the staunch trigger subs.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 80
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