RE: why cant people find each other

RE: why cant people find each other (Full Version)

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Lilith13 -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 5:55:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode no BDSM aisle in Borders Oddly enough, there is in mine! It's a short aisle, more of a nook really--which is even better. Here's how it happened: the store is irregularly shaped and the Sexuality section is in a series of little nooks in an odd corner. BDSM takes up one of those nooks. It's delightful. P.S. For me the tool section in a hardware store makes more of a BDSM aisle. Ooooh.

MasterVirago -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 5:55:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simpleplan2 Nothing wrong with us. "Regular" folk have trouble finding each other. Add kink in the mix and it makes the "pool" that much smaller. I happen to think it's more because we live in a disposable society. Few want to take the time and trouble to make a relationship work. It seems many just move on when the going gets touch. Man oh man, add 'Black' and 'lesbian' and the pool gets even smaller.

impishlilhellcat -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 5:56:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 hi, ive been wondering this for a while - i was browsing through the many people seeking partners on fet life, alt. bondage, here - so many people looking for people. interests arent that far apart, distance may have a bearing, compatibility of course, sexual attraction is important too. but why is it that so many people are looking and still looking when there are so many people out there looking for more or less the same thing. on the whole we are all regular folk, with regular lives, looking for someone to connect with. so why, when there are so many singles in this lifestyle, that so few seem to find what they are looking for. whats wrong with us? seriously - i just dont understand it. Some people have been through a lot and are scared to move onto something new. Some are cautious, some like playing the field, and some are just really picky/ choosey. You want what you want. If you plan on having a long term relationship with someone wouldn't you rather be happy than wanting, wishing, or trying to change someone into something you want rather than just waiting it out for that person that already fits the mold?

ExSteelAgain -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 5:59:13 PM)
If you can't find someone and it's a problem to you, I suggest you look inward. As the original poster said, there are many similar folks out there.

lilmisssubmiss -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 5:59:53 PM)
Eh...ummm probably for the same reason why everyone you meet in real life you don't date. Sure people might be looking for the same interests...but seriously when it comes down to it to find the right person who you get along together great with who is dating matrial somtimes that isn't exactly easy to find just because someone is looking for the same thing as you doesn't mean you two actually fit well together. IDK common sense really.

leakylee -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 6:00:52 PM)
i dont see much 'wrong' with us. it is just like any other situation. philos, kinks, fetishes, fantasies, morals, prefernces and needs in dynamics, motivations, it all plays a part. i find that the more open i become in those areas the smaller my pool becomes. throw in distance, relocation ablity, public vs private, it all combines to say who you are, and who you end up being compatible with. age-range, preconcived notions, standards, and expections, can take a pond to a dern mud puddle. oh and lets not forget finding someone with luggage to match your baggage. it can all add up to muddle your brain. i opt to enjoy life, not sweat it. it will happen sooner or later. til then, take the opprotunites life throws out, to live and learn. smooches lee

ThatDaveGuy69 -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 6:15:01 PM)
simplan: A Freudian slip? "when the going gets touch" For me, when the going gets touch, that's the best part! :D ~Dave

DavanKael -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 6:27:04 PM)
I think it really depends on what you're looking for and if you're the 'settling' sort. Magic between people relationally speaking isn't a common place thing, imo. People ought cherish it more than they often seem to. But, there is magic! :> Davan

Padriag -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 6:32:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 whats wrong with us? seriously - i just dont understand it. For the most part, and in a word... insecurity.

theobserver -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 6:48:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fnordstrum quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 hi, ive been wondering this for a while - i was browsing through the many people seeking partners on fet life, alt. bondage, here - so many people looking for people. interests arent that far apart, distance may have a bearing, compatibility of course, sexual attraction is important too. but why is it that so many people are looking and still looking when there are so many people out there looking for more or less the same thing. on the whole we are all regular folk, with regular lives, looking for someone to connect with. so why, when there are so many singles in this lifestyle, that so few seem to find what they are looking for. whats wrong with us? seriously - i just dont understand it. For me personally, distance is the main issue I come across... for some reason it seems nobody I talk to online, on any site and for any reason, happens to live close to me. (This is made a lot worse by the fact that I don't drive, don't have much of an interest in the whole driving / getting a car / etc thing)... But there are people I've talked to that seem pretty cool, etc, but live on the other side of the country (far enough so that even if I did drive it'd be kind of far) Why it is that I have a much easier time finding people far away than close.. Well I could hypothesize, but, really I don't know. And as far as people in general, even if people on the surface seem to share similar interests / etc, people in general are probably more picky, picky about things that might not be mentioned in their profiles/etc... and of course even if a ton of people share the same interests, it's possible none of them are physically attracted to each other. Fnord. ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ I'll cosign to this!

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 7:07:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance (sighs) I dunno. I keep swimming around in the 'pool' screaming Marco! but I haven't heard anyone respond with POLO! yet. you see, youre a perfect example of wtf - so pretty and that winsome look - shrugs. it shouldnt have to be so hard with so many out there - i just think something isnt working is all. That's very sweet of you to say, thank you for the compliment. In all fairness, to your post, I can't say that I've been seriously or actively looking. Even when I have, it hasn't really been that long, just seems like it because I'm a want it yesterday kinda gal.

mc1234 -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 7:33:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 it is the chemistry thing, always - i spose in a club you see how a person is before you even get to talk to them, by then youve already established an attraction, body language, clothes, attitude tell you if youre going to like them. I think you're absolutely right - in person meeting takes the guessing game out of a lot of it. quote: i agree that its better to be happy and on your own than with the wrong person and these things cant be rushed. just seems to me there are alot of people holding out for the holy grail and maybe restricting their options in the process. I'm definitely selective, and just now after a few years, coming to an understanding of what it is I need out of a D/s relationship. Perhaps that's part of it too - there's the mystical 'One' being sought, yet some people don't even know what their 'One' would be like, setting them back into the dating pool time and again because things just don't work out. It's difficult at times. But I do think a similar thing happens in vanilla dating with everyone searching for the ideal, but ignoring the really good thing just around the bend to get there.

AquaticSub -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 7:33:41 PM)
Just because someone has the same kinks and the correct sexual attraction doesn't mean anything. In fact I regard it as really meaning nothing. They could want kids, not want kids, already have kids, want something short-term, long-term - so many hundreds of factors and there is just plain 'ol attraction. And BDSM isn't the only place where people are "having trouble". Good old fashioned paid matchmakers are starting to make a comeback. I once read a very interesting article that suggested that, because people are more spread out, the old social networks through which people were introduced to suitable people by others who knew them well are dying out and that is part of the problem. Internet dating sites wouldn't be buying primetime ads on TV if there weren't hundreds of thousands of "vanilla" people trying to find true love. I don't think we have a disposable society though. I think we have a society where people don't put up a facade of happiness for the comfort of others while having a secret something on the side.

worshippingyou -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 7:44:53 PM)
In addition to the other great points made here, I couldn't help noticing the enormous surplus of sub males and the scaricty of dominant women. I reckon that's got something to do with the frustration here.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 7:51:40 PM)
I assure you, there are many dominant women out here! There is not a surplus of "sub" males, there is a surplus of fetish seeking self serving men who are blocking the view of the decent male submissives who deserve our attention. I am picky, and I want what I NEED. At this point in my life, I am not going to settle for less. If I come out of the game with friends only, it will still be worth it.

RedMagic1 -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 7:53:39 PM)
Holy smoke, Aqua! That pic is fan-tas-tic!

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 7:54:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I assure you, there are many dominant women out here! There is not a surplus of "sub" males, there is a surplus of fetish seeking self serving men who are blocking the view of the decent male submissives who deserve our attention. I am picky, and I want what I NEED. At this point in my life, I am not going to settle for less. If I come out of the game with friends only, it will still be worth it. [sm=cheerleader.gif]Damn right! You go Ladybug! [sm=cheerleader.gif] WinD Self-proclaimed Head Cheerleader of the Lady(bug)Habiscus Fan Club

AquaticSub -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 8:05:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Holy smoke, Aqua! That pic is fan-tas-tic! Awww blushes Thank you. Pun intended even? [;)]

worshippingyou -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 8:08:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I assure you, there are many dominant women out here! There is not a surplus of "sub" males, there is a surplus of fetish seeking self serving men who are blocking the view of the decent male submissives who deserve our attention. I am picky, and I want what I NEED. At this point in my life, I am not going to settle for less. If I come out of the game with friends only, it will still be worth it. [sm=cheerleader.gif]Damn right! You go Ladybug! [sm=cheerleader.gif] WinD Self-proclaimed Head Cheerleader of the Lady(bug)Habiscus Fan Club I think I can see your point... nearly every Domme profile on this site complains of the deluge of chat invites and one-liner emails from sub men. Shame.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 8:11:13 PM)
[sm=cute.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I assure you, there are many dominant women out here! There is not a surplus of "sub" males, there is a surplus of fetish seeking self serving men who are blocking the view of the decent male submissives who deserve our attention. I am picky, and I want what I NEED. At this point in my life, I am not going to settle for less. If I come out of the game with friends only, it will still be worth it. [sm=cheerleader.gif]Damn right! You go Ladybug! [sm=cheerleader.gif] WinD Self-proclaimed Head Cheerleader of the Lady(bug)Habiscus Fan Club w0000000000000t!! I got a cheerleader!!! [sm=cheering.gif]

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