RE: why cant people find each other

RE: why cant people find each other (Full Version)

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SimplyMichael -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 9:06:19 PM)
As someone who goes to public bdsm parties and such, who has met any number of people from CM and has been doing this silly stuff for a very long time, chemistry between couples, the magic sort that just seems, well magic is a rare thing. I have seen lots of couples, lots of relationships but most don't have the sort of magic where you see their face light up when their partner enters the room, or the lilt in their voice as they describe some shared moment, or other shared chemistry. So you have lots of people here looking and you will always have that, some because they are clueless nitwits, some perhaps because they live in small community, others because they are unlucky or even unready.

DavanKael -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 9:57:41 PM)
Pooh, Michael, you agreed that the magic is a rare thing. I was pretending for a few minutes that I was just being jaded rather than correct, as I know my previous assertion and now yours to be. < sigh > Davan

SimplyMichael -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 10:13:45 PM)
Oh, but being rare means it is possible, that it exists. One of the things I love about CM is how many people here have that sort of magic. Merc and his 2X21 year old HOTTIE are certainly one, KOM is three, Leadership and Carol, my friends Rick and tina, and Cuffkinks and hejira although in that case that is BSB's opinion as I haven't met them. There are lots and lots of other ones on here as well. Hell, despite the break between BSB and I, we STILL have that sort magic with each other. So, yeah it is rare, but IS out there. It does happen so don't lose hope.

NuevaVida -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/3/2008 10:51:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 i dont know if vanilla sites are any more successful, ive never gone on one. Going from what my non-D/s friends have said (they use match.com, eHarmony, etc.), I would say no, they're not more successful. It was said before but I'll repeat it. You're trying to match two (or more) unique personalities, each with its set of baggage, issues, preferences, history, hopes for the future, etc. Chemistry is a huge factor. You can take two people and have a perfect match on paper, but put them together and it's oil and water. It exists, though, that chemistry. It's all the more special when you find it. And Aquatic Sub, I'll also add that I just LOVE the new photo!!!

ResidentSadist -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 12:19:23 AM)
-fr (I only read page one) Your OP seems a bit off base and is akin to someone standing in an airport wondering why no one was at home. When you survey singles dating sites, you should expect to find that a majority of the members are singles seeking. It is a very biased sample of the BDSM community and does not support your presumption that there are anymore “singles in this lifestyle” than any other lifestyle and we have something “wrong with us”. Many people enjoy being single whether they are in or out of the BDSM lifestyle and they haunt singles sites to help enrich their dating experiences. Most of my friends in the lifestyle (or out) have partners. I gravitate to like-minded people so I get along best with the partnered TPE crowd. Since the age of 15 I have had 38 years of lifestyle relationships. Collectively I have been single for less than 10% of that time. I think the amount of single people in the lifestyle is proportinate, whether it is that they are single by choice because they like it or they are seeking LTR partners.

WannaSPOON -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 12:35:46 AM)
POLO Edit: I was surprised no one took that chance to say polo. Anyway, now that I've read and can reply I will say that I'm only half-looking right now. I try to find people with whom I can talk and connect, but the timing is pretty terrible for me right now. I'm on that cusp between college and real life and I am trying to figure out what to do with said life. I don't really know where I want to live, what I want to do nor with whom -- if anyone -- I want to do those things. There are people out there for me, I know that, I am starting to realize more every day just how unprepared I am for being with those people and I think that is contributing to why I haven't find them and they me. I just have to keep making myself happy and enjoy things as they come.

RCdc -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 12:54:27 AM)
Lally, you are on a dating site, albeit a BDSM one. The reason that people are single in the majority here is because it is a dating site. There is no big conspiracy about it. People aren't any more insecure or clueless than they are away from a dating site. If you look at the forum side, the majority are in a relationship - whether poly or not. So yes people do find each other. the.dark.

candystripper -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 1:36:22 AM)
LMAO at 'standing in an airport wondering why no one was at home'. What a turn of phrase, he he. Smiles candystripper [sm=pole.gif]

AquaticSub -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 1:41:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida And Aquatic Sub, I'll also add that I just LOVE the new photo!!! Thank you! [:)][:)][:)] Btw, who do you know who got approved for eHarmony? I tried after reading an article for a women's magazine on dating sides that said the author was rejected. I was too. Something about being unstable. [;)] Edited because I shouldn't be typing this late at night...

agirl -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 2:36:53 AM)
Well, looking for 'more or less the same thing' doesn't mean 'looking for YOU'. If I had an ad, and M had an ad, we'd have skipped right over each other. Nothing written in a profile or advert could have prepared either of us for what we got. agirl

dreamysubmale -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 3:00:41 AM)
Maybe we place too much emphasis on whether our kinks, fetishes, fantasies are compatible and forget to look past them and see the real person? Maybe we concentrate too much on contacting potential partners only instead of opening ourselves up for all kinds of acquaintances and potential friendships. Who know… my humble opinion anyways. Please excuse me if there is any bad grammar. English is my second language.

agirl -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 3:21:13 AM)
If you're viewing someone as a 'potential' something, you have an agenda and that often limits you getting to know them as a whole. Everyone, of course, is more than the sum of their interest in D/s or bdsm and no matter how much your 'kinks or interests' align, you still are faced with a man or a woman. agirl

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 5:18:13 AM)
speaking only for me and not the majority of "us" i can be picky and selective when i was looking. i'm not going to settle for quantity ...i want quality. when searching, friendship, compatiblity, and trust as well as chemistry and similar interests had to be well established if there's going to be a relationship. yes, i've had my share of frogs and made hasty mistakes in the process which ended badly however i didn't give up. it worked when Daddy found me two years ago it worked when my pet and i rekindled our relationship this year.

MasterRobert1 -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 6:27:46 AM)
As important as chemistry and connecting are in vanilla relationships, it is even more important in a D/s BDSM relationship. Not only do you have the normal connections to establish (do I like his/her looks, do we have things in common and to talk about, et cetera) but there also has to be that kinky connection too. It's like passing through the eyes of two needles. It is simply more difficult for Doms and subs to hook up because there are so many things that have to line up properly, so many gears that have to mess. BDSM and D/s are very complicated machinery, and nothing is going to change that.

StevenTeal -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 6:28:49 AM)
I find that alot of responses lately, are from people who dont really want to hook up, but they do want you to go to a pay-for-use site and sign up. They use the excuse that they are interested in you, but you need to go to another website that they specify, in order to connect up to them. So, what is wrong with talking here, or in the email that they sent to you in the first place? DO some people really want to connect, or are they really just spamming? Beats me, I know most people on this site are really looking, but, I am finding it hard to connect up too. Sure, I have my standards, and am finding it hard to find the right person. But, like some of yousaid, maybe alot of the 'seekers' have already found someone?

NuevaVida -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 7:28:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Btw, who do you know who got approved for eHarmony? I tried after reading an article for a women's magazine on dating sides that said the author was rejected. I was too. Something about being unstable. [;)] A male friend in Texas got "in", after, in my opinion, an exhausting and extensive application (which he solicited my help in filling out), and a female co-worker used the site, years ago. Most I know use match, but have had little success. A lot of "one-date-wonders" as we call them, but not much more than that. Oh and you think people are rude and picky here?? Two very good looking female friends both have countless stories of walking into a restaurant, seeing their date, seeing an obviously disappointed look on their date's face, and hearing, "Oh you weren't what I was expecting at ALL." (Even after a photo exchange). It is the experience of these friends that most are looking for casual dates and/or fuck-buddies.

leadership527 -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 7:41:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DavanKael Pooh, Michael, you agreed that the magic is a rare thing. I was pretending for a few minutes that I was just being jaded rather than correct, as I know my previous assertion and now yours to be. < sigh > Just for the record (and also because I love the rare opportunities to disagree with Michael), I disagree. My own opinion is that we go through our lives meeting people constantly that might've been "the one" (OK, now I need to take a shower for typing that phrase). I don't think the question is so much whether or not we meet such people, but whether or not we notice that it happened. I mean seriously, today I'll probably spend the entire day in my house and maybe just take a walk or two outside for some sunshine and I bet I'll meet 10 women today. On a more extroverted day, that number might well go up to 50. Let's just average that out to somewhere around 10,000 women a year that I am meeting. But how many of them did I actually notice? And, perhaps even more importantly, am I in the life condition that would be attractive to the woman that I am hoping to attract?

SimplyMichael -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 7:46:06 AM)
quote: am I in the life condition that would be attractive to the woman that I am hoping to attract? OOH, such a brutal and honest mirror is that!

DavanKael -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 10:43:10 AM)
I agree totally, Michael, that there is hope. I also agree that it is rare and, as I asserted, ought be cherished more than it oft-times is. Leadership, hmmmmm, perhaps we are talking about different things. I mean magic, true magic between people. Rare connection. While I agree that there are a lot of potential fits for folks out there, I think the number with which there is true magic is lesser. Still an optimist, though. Davan

LadyHibiscus -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/4/2008 10:48:02 AM)
~~adding to Leadership's post.... And how often do we think we have found someone, but the other person does not feel the same way? Far too often, if you're me! [&:]

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