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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 5:04:33 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
The trick is to keep reminding yourself and the other what initially attracted you and play on those factors, get the thigh high boots out on occasion and all that, for some odd reason they always work.


Thank you for your post. I agree. To give an analogy for a vanilla relationship, it's like that evening with a candlelit dinner. You know, Barry White in the background and all that jazz (even though his music is not jazz) ;-)

A broader D/s relationship is based on attraction as a D/s couple and as simply a couple. So I think reminders to address both types of attraction would help. Do you have suggestions for what can a submissive do towards expressions or reminders of the D/s dynamic?

Cheers,

Sea


I towel Warden off after a shower. make sure i get every nook and Cranny. being on ones knees makes one feel more submissive. sometimes a kiss on the top of the feet.


Obvious evidence that Pimpettes Have More Fun!

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 5:06:22 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Oh you disgusting perv, you are telling me now that you don't have a flu fetish? I am shocked! Absolutely SHOCKED
 
As a matter of interest, did you come to SW England last night?  I actually have spent all day sneezing.  This is the sneeziest cold I can remember having. 



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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 5:11:00 PM   
LadyConstanze


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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

As a matter of interest, did you come to SW England last night?  I actually have spent all day sneezing.  This is the sneeziest cold I can remember having. 




No, brought my cold back from London, got absolutely soaked there and been sneezing, coughing and whimpering (dominantely of course) for most of the week, and do not call me Rudolph...


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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 5:15:44 PM   
undergroundsea


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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
You tell me that now after I've done the washing up? SHAME ON YOU! I could have dominantly sneezed on you!
 



quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
However, your later idea of sneezing on me doesn't, somehow, give me quite the thrill that it maybe should.  Perhaps that's because I'm not a German national, though.


All this talk reminds me of a recent service experience. It was on Monday and I am still floating from it. So I had served breakfast for these two women who are roommates. They were sitting on the bed eating there while I was in the kitchen cleaning up. I heard one blowing her nose. I grabbed some extra tissue and took it to her. It turns out that she laughed while eating the celery from the bloody mary and it had gone into her nose.

She scolded me for it playfully because I had served the celery. "What kind of a service submissive are you?" I told her that I had done many types of service before but chewing the food before serving it was not one of them ;-)

Anyway, when she was done, I extended my hand to take the wad of tissue from her hand and she readily placed it in there, which I saw as a gesture of D/s. So I suppose you could say the same for sneezing ;-)

During this time, she amplified my submissive feelings by calling me when she needed something, unapologetically giving instructions, and the way she spoke.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 11/14/2008 5:21:04 PM >

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 5:20:06 PM   
PeonForHer


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Status: offline 		Anyway, when she was done, I extended my hand to take the wad of tissue from her hand and she readily placed it in there, which I saw as a gesture of D/s. So I suppose you could say the same for sneezing ;-)
 
It really is that sort of thing though, isn't it - that kind of gesture?  I can imagine that as a buzz . . .




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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 5:29:24 PM   
undergroundsea


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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
It really is that sort of thing though, isn't it - that kind of gesture?  I can imagine that as a buzz . . .


It is. Speaking of 2+ tangos, I served at a women's pool party this summer. I suppose I do have a tendency to crash women only events ;-)

At the party, the hostess sent me around with a tray of fruit. It was a mix of vanilla (but kink-friendly) and kinky women. As I went to women who had already put their plate down, there was no place to put the pit of the cherries or the stem of the strawberries. I, thus, extended my hand to collect them. Some were hesitant to put it there or did so apologetically. Some were not. To me, the latter did more to convey D/s.

So then, after that I waited until they had put down their plate before going to them. Just kidding ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 5:31:58 PM   
undergroundsea


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
do not call me Rudolph...


There are many times when I could have been called Rudolph. But it was not because of my nose and instead my ass ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 5:38:49 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
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Status: offline 		you sure that wasn't baboon?

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 5:51:29 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		All this talk of animals has me worried.  Anyway, I don't really have anything exciting to contribute but it is thought provoking. I do see how going to dungeons and such together would keep some sort of spark going. Munches can be good, too, but I've yet to find a group that's doing them in my area. *for shame*

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 5:54:23 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
unapologetically giving instructions, and the way she spoke.


I think I have a speech fetish or something. I think some hot feelings of D/s can be created by speech only: tone, choice of words.

For example, "do you want a water" conveys a different feeling than "may I bring you water?"

In response to "may I bring you some water?", "yup" or even "yes" conveys a different feeling than "you may".

I discussed this idea about speech this summer in a class on how to convey dominance. One attendee was an actress. She chimed in with what characterizes submissive speech versus dominant speech with respect to tone, volume, and content. In comparison to each other, dominant speech has lower tone, greater volume, and smaller content.

And I think the basis for this idea is simple. Much of the BDSM response comes from the brain. And the brain is stimulated by thoughts and ideas created in the mind. And words (verbal communication in general) are a vehicle to create thoughts and ideas in the mind.

So. There's one simple way to express the roles to keep the D/s dynamic alive.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 6:12:03 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think I like the company on this thread better.  I believe I'll stay a while.

I agree with the notion that we really aren't so different than our vanilla counterparts in this.  Many of the things they do to keep romance alive can also be seen in the context of D/s.  Ever hear of those couples who are trying to put the 'spark' back in their relationship by having date night?  Same thing for us, only instead, it's dungeon night.  Instead of candlelit dinner, make it formal service dinner.  If the vanilla folks can dress up for a romantic evening, why can we dress up (or down) for our kind of evening?  A lot of vanilla folks get caught up in the day to day of regular life, and find that they have to 'make' time for the romance that is important to them.  Why wouldn't it be the same for our dynamics?

One thing I want to say about the ritual and/or protocol when compared to spontaneity.  A lot of people tend to see Me as a higher protocol person than most, and in some cases, that's true.  When clip is home, he sits at My feet.  He kneels when I enter the house for the evening.  My drinks are served in a certain way.  There are morning, evening, and collar changing rituals that are in place.  All of these things serve as constant reminders of his submission to Me.  If they were gone, we would both miss them.

That doesn't mean that I don't have a habit of, every once in a while, grabbing him by the nipple and commanding him to kneel.  It's not uncommon for Me to slap his ass and ask him how wearing My marks feels.  If the mood strikes Me, I will absolutely grab him by the throat and ask him who he belongs to.  None of these little things take much time, but they also help to keep him in his submissive mindset.


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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 7:52:18 PM   
undergroundsea


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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
All of these things serve as constant reminders of his submission to Me.  If they were gone, we would both miss them.


Thank you for joining the discussion :) I agree with the points about parallels with vanilla relationships for keeping the spark there.

And what I have quoted above is what I think brings value to rituals. Sure, people try new things in a relationship but they still hold hands or kiss as reminders of what the relationship is.

I thought you might speak in favor of rituals because of your appreciation for the leather culture, and because rituals are very present in leather lifestyles.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 11:51:39 PM   
FullfigRIMaam


Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline 		I was thinking that a weekly beating my do it?!  LOLOL
Probably some rituals, though I'm not particularly ritualistic usually.    M

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/14/2008 11:55:15 PM   
UmbraDomina


Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline 		       I was thinking the same thing...... if the weekly or more beatings don't do it, the chains with cuffs hanging from the bedroom wall might help remind him, or the collar he wears 24/7 or if he misbehaves or bugs me the ........ "bitch you need to be beaten" statement that pops out of my mouth.

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~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/15/2008 12:05:00 AM   
FullfigRIMaam


Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline 		       .

Yup, don't think those would let anyone forget the D/s dynamic.   Hope all these ideas are helpful to Sea and his ruler.    M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/15/2008 7:17:44 AM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

All it took was a little dominant body language and speech (an expression of dominance) that helped me transition from feeling like her vanilla friend who was helping her clean her place to a submissive who was cleaning for her. My mind began to buzz with feelings of submission.

Yes!  I'm convinced that the same would work for me.  But it takes two to tango, as you imply.  She'd have to get into the mode for me to be able to be there too.


PeonforHer,

That's why I took a few days 'off' recently. I didn't have the energy to *snap-crackle-pop* and then when my sub came over at my command last night I was able to bounce back into 'Domme mode'

With lifestyle D/s subs can get into that 'waiting for Her to get it up for me'  headspace.
I understand it, however some days I need to recharge my Domme/woman/human batteries and do not want to be 'on'. That's a good time for me to hang out at home, rest and relax in total peace.



< Message edited by MissEnchanted -- 11/15/2008 7:18:26 AM >

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/15/2008 7:17:50 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		We have daily rituals and our rules that have been in place from the end of the 9 month training we did. We do not let these consistent rules and rituals slide unless I'm out of town or Fox is -- rare. Aside from these, I'll ask from time to time "Who am I?" and "What are you?" to get us both a bit more connected.

After 9 years though Ds is just how our relationship functions we don't need to do much to make it work that way. After so much time I can't honestly remember if we had to do anything special during post training and the first year of ownership.

I will say that SM, bondage, sex, all of those activities are NOT Ds -- Ds is about the authority or power (if you like) in the relationship. All the play time in the world will not re-enforce the Ds if the Ds isn't the foundation your dynamic is built upon.

Sorry I can't be more help.

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/15/2008 7:57:39 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I was in a simaliar situation, but we didn't succesfully navigate out. I think one of the biggest reasons it didn't work, was lack of communication.

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/15/2008 3:03:59 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I agree, I like the company on this thread better too.
 
I had a situation once where it just felt like the D/s had fallen by the wayside. See, I have this archway in my bedroom with eyebolts all around it (They're to hang delicates on to dry... really!!! weg) and I decided one day to put him there. Standing spread eagle facing all the mirrors in that area and walked out of the room. Kind of my way of reminding him who was boss... you know? It didn't work very well though, turned out he really enjoyed looking at himself in all the mirrors.
 
But I think it's great to be getting these kinds of suggestion from subs...
 
Jewel

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RE: How to Keep the D/s Dynamic Alive - 11/15/2008 4:32:37 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		If the mood strikes Me, I will absolutely grab him by the throat and ask him who he belongs to.
 
LP, I don't think you need those other techniques, fine as they are.  The throat-grabbing one on its own would most definitely do the required job, entirely on its own. 
 
Hell, it's making me loosen my collar, sitting the other side of the Atlantic from you!

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