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porcelain26 -> Anal (11/23/2008 6:50:05 PM)
Okay, so here's the deal... I know darn well that at some point in the most likely near future, my Owner is going to take my 'anal virginity' and shatter it into oblivion. I do not think this is a bad thing by any means, but I'm terrified!! I have some trauma issues associated with anal sex (which He is completely aware of and very sensitive about), and some other sensitive anal issues as well. He's had me buy the butt plug (which I've only played with once and couldn't actually get it inside), and He encourages me to explore myself, but I'm having serious difficulty getting past my fear of it all. So, PLEASE!! I need some advice! How did you get started with anal sex? How did you learn to enjoy it? If you had a bad experience and are now an anal queen/king, how did you get to that point? Any advice will be GREATLY appreciated!

Usako -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 6:59:33 PM)
Why is he asking you to explore it on your own? I hope in his steps to take your "anal virginity" he actually works up to it. Perhaps licking, fingers, toys; etc. Over time. Not like one day, after assuming you've been doing it on your own (correctly I might add) he'll just be able to get on in. I would suggest asking him to explore light anal play first WITH you (not just on your own) to work up to it. How did I get started? A guy I was dating at the time liked it so I agreed to try it. Thankfully he knew what to do, plenty don't and that's where the bad experiences come in. One guy tried to shove a toy in with no lube and I almost kicked him in the nads. Then there are others who just don't know the right angle. From my experience, it takes work and practice. But I guess that's why rimming is one of my favs...it's a great way to lead up to correctly preformed anal.

RainydayNE -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 7:08:18 PM)
do you ever try new things after you've just been asleep? sometimes i find that that helps, because some of your self-censoring processes are turned off AND it helps that you're already pretty relaxed one of my nicest experiences with it was in the morning after asking him to do it the night before =p it was a nice way to wake up =p if he's aware of your issues, he'll probably be good about not trying to go too fast, but it doesn't hurt to remind him (and of course, the oft repeated "use lots and lots (times a million) of lube" =p) i was interested in it secretly from the beginning and he made some mention of it and i found out that it was something he liked, which made me happy. =p and i got a little carried away with the happiness and harassed him to try it with me. didn't go so well, because i didn't know what i was doing =p after that, i decided to leave it up to him =p which helped things go along alot easier. lots and lots of communication is good, starting with smaller things like fingers it's a really different sensation, so it's good to start getting used to it also, like... i dunno, maybe it was the masochist in me, but i don't mind that it hurts (in fact i love the fact that it does), and the first failed attempt just made me want to try it again HOWEVER not everyone is like that, and if it hurts too much (some chicks do it without any hurtiness at all, it's different for everyone) or you get scared and clench down, then you can't be afraid to ask to stop. it's VERY important to be able to relax those are reeeally delicate tissues and tearing something up in there can lead to very serious infections and other such unfun situations also, dunno how your Owner is, but it can help ease anxiety if he lets you touch him? some people are all "anal is totally unDomly!" so you'd have to talk about that with your own Owner in particular good luck :) and have a wonderful time :)

porcelain26 -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 7:19:50 PM)
First, my Owner is very experienced with anal sex and anal play. The only reason Him saying He will, without a doubt, be fucking my ass in the near future, doesn't terrify me to the point of psychosis, is because I trust this Man unconditionally and without reservation. I know that He know's exactly what He's doing, and more importantly, I know that He knows exactly how to work with me so that I am as relaxed and calm as can possibly be when the time arrives. He is encouraging me to explore myself, as in touch myself, play with myself, masturbate at my own comfort level, etc. He's not encouraging me to go out and try to find random people to do anal play with (though I know that if I found some I trusted to play with, He wouldn't object too strongly). He know's I have a serious fear, and understands that by me going at my own pace and doing things myself, I'll have a better understanding of how everything is put together, how to accomodate so that it's comfortable...that sort of thing. Plus it will help in the communication process as well. Like I said originally, I'm really looking for advice from others on how to conquer the fear, different things to try, and personal experiences to help me along my path to becoming (as Master lovingly says) "an enthusiastic anal whore". RainyDayNe - those are great tips and I really appreciate it! I'm not much for 'morning sex', but you're right, that's definately a point where I'd be most relaxed and probably a great time to try and play a bit. Thanks!

CalifChick -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 7:41:16 PM)
I think, by telling you to explore on your own, he is actually increasing your anxiety. He just needs to jump in there himself, and start exploring. What I don't get is the need to announce it like it is some huge deal, thereby increasing your anxiety, and MAKING it a huge deal. What would have happened instead, if in the midst of some really nice oral play, he just started playing with your ass? If he felt you get tense, he could calm you down with words and deeds. But no, now it's on your mind, and the anticipation of something is almost always worse than the actual thing you were worried about. Even back when I was playing with the nilla guys, I can't recall a single one of them announcing their intentions to do anything at any point in the future. We just DID things. Cali

Usako -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 7:47:06 PM)
And my advice is to simply have him play with you. Oy. [8\|] From my utterly personal experience, no amount of self play really compares. If he is so amazing and you trust him so much, it will make the experience great if he's as experienced as you say. Actually being with someone where the connection is there would help the fear go away for me. A massage and, as I said, the pre-play (tongue, fingers, rubbing, etc). If you want to do it on your own, I dunno. Rub it, try a finger (with lube) work up to the plug. Have him help you with the plug. I've never had any fear of anal sex but each time it's not always easy, but the other person is usually all the help I need. Him hugging and cuddling you as he tries to rub at said spot to get you use to said feeling. I dunno, the actuality of being with another person while learning and trying it just sounds SOOO much better than boring masturbation to me. But that's just me, though it usually works so I stick to it. I've never had any fear of anal and all I could say is lube and take it slow. If the guy is right, it'll all slide right into place...so to speak.

porcelain26 -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 7:55:12 PM)
Cali, He didn't really 'announce' it in the way I think you've interpreted it. It has always been understood between us that this would eventually happen. However, He and I don't live in the same state anymore so basically all we can do at the moment is talk about things. For me, talking about it helps to decrease the anxiety. It comforts me dramatically to listen to Him talk about things He wants to do, the way in which He plans to go about it, and the way He gives me instruction on how to do things to myself. Maybe I need to clarify things a bit. My Owner and I have a very long history and a very deep relationship, and I trust Him completely, even with my biggest sexual fear (anal, duh). My request for advice here, has nothing to do with Him....He can't do anything more than what He's doing to help me. This is about me seeking out the advice of those who've learned how to relax, let a cock up their ass, and enjoy it GRINS

CalifChick -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 8:01:37 PM)
Okay, but I still think there is nothing to be done without HIM... just doing it. It's not like the next time you're together, you're suddenly going to be relaxed enough just because you've been meditating or something. You'll learn to love it (or not) by actually doing it. Cali

RainydayNE -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 8:02:46 PM)
one thing that did help me alot was knowing that he had experience with it and basically just letting him tinker with me =p and he's very good at picking up on my responses and when i was ready for the "real thing," he knew it, and there we go =p it helped to be able to trust him to take control of it, because i'd honestly have made myself too nervous and we'd never have gotten anywhere also, another thing i want to add, well... i still find that fingers feel differently than him =p and in that sense, i can agree with the idea that playing won't quite compare to it. alot of it has to do with how your anatomies work together, how well you can relax, his "intensity," etc etc there definitely IS something to be said about having him there in person. when i start to get nervous, hearing him say "relax" makes me calm down so much, and for me, it would be hard to do that by myself =p maybe if you have a long weekend together or something?

BKSir -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 8:10:08 PM)
Lube lube lube. No such thing as too much lube in these instances. I can somewhat see why he might want you to experiment a bit on your own, as you can totally control the speed and depth and size of things that go in. Yes, it will hurt some, unless you're one of the amazingly desensitized few. But, there are many many different sizes of anal plugs that can be used and tried (always start small and go up from there). They're also good for becoming accustomed to things being inside you there. Go slow and be gentle, and lots of lube. Rough can be fun sometimes for people, but, don't even try 'rough' the first time or two, and after that, be sure that you're used to him being inside you before you go for 'rough', otherwise things could tense at the wrong time and cause physical and internal damage. It's not likely, but, better safe than sorry. Also, toys are useful for readying yourself for such a thing. Loosening yourself up. Fingering, and even rimming.

bamabbwsub -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 8:14:05 PM)
quote: How did you get started with anal sex? How did you learn to enjoy it? If you had a bad experience and are now an anal queen/king, how did you get to that point? I think it's just something that happens. For me my Dom and I were having "regular" sex, and all of a sudden, I really wanted to try it. He was GREAT. The main things to remember are 1) lots and lots and lots of lube, 2) try to relax (easier said than done, I know), and 3) lots and lots and lots of feedback. If it hurts, tell him and let him readjust. My Dom used his fingers quite a bit at first, until I was able to relax my sphincter muscle and accept his fingers. Then he tried his cock, and -- whoa! -- what a sensation! After the initial experience, he would always make me beg him for it, and I was happy to oblige. [:D]

chamberqueen -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 8:17:56 PM)
Finally! I was waiting for someone to stress lube! Actually, it's not uncommon for someone to start exploring with themselves. Lube up your pinkie finger and just gently rub the area. Put on some soft music, get relaxed, and just enjoy the sensation. There are more nerve ending around the anus and just inside than in any other part of the body. Gently insert just the tip of your pinkie. Many people enjoy the sensation around the entry much more than a thrusting feeling, so just start with holding it there. Over time work up to a bigger finger, then a small toy. I think he wants you to be comfortable with sensation there before he tries to enter you and there is nothing wrong with that. In my case my anus was ripped in a car accident when the drive shaft snapped and came up through the back seat impaling me. Mine had to rebuilt so I had a lot of fears about anal sex for fear that the repaired area would rip. Done properly I have come to absolutely love it. It's not for everyone, but if it is something that you enjoy it can lead to mind blowing orgasms.

porcelain26 -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 8:24:59 PM)
You guys are wonderful! This is exactly the kind of encouragement I was hoping to get! Thank you so much!!! Okay, so obviously, lube is extremely important....Any recommendations as to the best brands? I have astroglide and I love the stuff for vaginal sex, but I'm not sure I was too impressed when I tried it (the one time) on my ass.

BKSir -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 8:29:03 PM)
... Uh. Ouch! I'm thinking that doesn't even begin to cover it either. [:@] I'm glad everything got back to working though. One thing also I forgot to mention to the OP is that if there is something in both holes, for example, him anally and a vibrator vaginally, you can stimulate the g-spot from both sides, as well as him feeling the vibrations as well, which can be extremely pleasurable for him, and probably you as well.

BKSir -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 8:34:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain26 You guys are wonderful! This is exactly the kind of encouragement I was hoping to get! Thank you so much!!! Okay, so obviously, lube is extremely important....Any recommendations as to the best brands? I have astroglide and I love the stuff for vaginal sex, but I'm not sure I was too impressed when I tried it (the one time) on my ass. ID millineum, or really most any silicon lube is great for anal. It doesn't get sticky and stays wet and slippery for far longer, as well as reacts very well to natural fluids, and a little goes a LONG way. Just be careful to wash off your silicon toys REALLY well if you use them together. Don't get it on glass doorknobs either... especially not the bathroom. You'll play hell getting in there quickly if you do. LOL

BLGirl -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 8:55:26 PM)
Just relax, take a deep breath, and oh yeah, relax. While reading your post I tried to remember the first time I experienced anal and just couldn't do it. As long as I can remember, I have craved having a man shove his cock in my ass. Before Daddy and I got together, I had been alone for almost two years and had to get used to anal again. We started as everyone else has suggested, slowly with tongue, finger, various cylindrical objects. The first few times Daddy let me work it in myself by backing up against him and this really helped control the pace and the pain. Even now, years later, I have to do that occasionally lest he really tear me up. If done right, we can enjoy anal several times a week. If done wrong, well, we won't go there. I have to say this; there is nothing that compares to the orgasm that can be had during anal sex. I swear I feel like the back of my head has simply exploded when I cum this way, and if there is any kind of clitoral or vaginal stimulation at the same time, OMG! Good luck and I highly recommend it; two thumbs up! Anally, BLGirl

DefiantFlower -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 9:16:05 PM)
Looks like almost everything's been said save for one thing...though it may seem obvious, please please please make sure you trim your fingernails and maybe even file down the edges after you cut them. And his too, if he's involved. Otherwise...owie! [&:] Also, I've found if you push outward or down on the muscles, it will help you relax them more, as when you stop pushing and relax them....THAT is where the muscles need to be. Sometimes people just don't know how to relax. And for the first time, maybe doggie is best? On your back with your legs all over the place tightens everything more. So...on your knees, lotsa lube (Astroglide), deep breaths, push and release, and enjoy! [:)]

DavanKael -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 9:16:34 PM)
Hi, porcelain26---- Anal is fabulous; another way to enjoy your body and for your Owner to enjoy your body as well! :> Both peoples' handling of the situation is really important. For you, relaxing, pushing out as he is pushing in: very important. For him, taking his time, preparing you via louth, fingers, toys, etc. can be helpful. Lube has been mentioned. Personally, I will sing the praises of silicone lube for vaginal sex but think it's really horrendous for anal. I would recommend water-based. Also, if you're fluid bonded, all the better as condoms add unpleasant drag. If you are using a condom, refer back to the previously mentioned preparation stuff. Some people prefer more lube with condoms. Additionally, if you are very excited in advance, your endorphins are going to be helping your level of enthusiasm and diminishing your fears. Many people fear pain related to anal sex. Generally, there should be very little, if any, pain. Take your time, have fun. Oh, and if you're doing some self-exploration and you're a bath person, giving a small, waterproof toy (Glass is very, very nice, imo) a try as you're relaxing in the tub may be nice; your Master may wish to join you in acclimating you in this way, using his finger(s) and or toy(s) as well. Oh, and google Tristan Taormino; I believe her site is Pucker Up; she is very pro-anal (Andpro-sex in general) for more information on anal. It's a great form of sexual expression and I hope you and your Owner enjoy it very much! :> Davan

porcelain26 -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 9:26:50 PM)
Davan - what a wonderful site, thank you so much!!! The bath idea is fantastic. I don't take many baths, but that's definately a great incentive! DeviantFlower - I think usually the things that 'go without saying' can sometimes be the things that need said most hehehe. I actually use gloves when doing self play (I'm a nurse, I can't help it laughing), but my nails are short and well manicured anyway. Master's fingers are well cared for as well, but you brought up a great point and I appreciate it. Okay...now that I'm feeling more 'open' about this topic...my next question (wow, can we say spastic deviation here? sorry everyone!) is about enemas. Recommend them for play or no?? I've never done them before, but I do harbor a secret fascination with them.

DefiantFlower -> RE: Anal (11/23/2008 9:28:01 PM)
Oh yeah! Totally forgot to mention! My first time was after a loooong scene, and my endorphin levels were most likely through the roof. Floggers, crops, canes, etc...maybe ask if you can dabble for a while with those beforehand, and you should have a great experience. One thing I will never forget about that night was that it did not hurt AT ALL. Edited to add that while enemas may help you relax more, it's not a good idea to try to do it every time. If he's as experienced as you say he is, he's bound to have dealt with the consequences. By nature, it is not a nice little clean part of the body. But you could shower and maybe use a soapy finger to clean it as best you can. For the first time, if you know you're gonna be worried about cleanliness, go ahead sister. Hope all this helps!

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