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RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 2:58:42 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

I'd far rather be guided in being the best me for me , than the best me for him. I'd think far less of him if he spent his time moulding me for his own ends.

I personally enjoy the way you expressed this, but that's just me. Too often though, the response would be that you cannot be a *real* slave with an attitude like that. Which is an opinion that I find often accompanies the "molding to suit my needs" crowd.

And I would give that opinion a bit of respect if I felt that, even for a moment, it was realistic. But since it's just fantasy portrayed as reality (ie: a lie), I don't feel compelled in the least to be respectful of it.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 21

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:01:22 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

~fr~
*cracks her knuckles and digs into her office chair*

ahem...i have something to say about this.

i get sooo sick of the needy submissive.
i need things too. i need help. i need support. The fact remains that i am a grown up and if i have a need or a want, i need to find a way to fill that. If there is a problem, i need to find the solution for it. Life isnt a series of choices always...sometimes indecision makes the choice for you....life is what happens to you while youre trying to make up your mind what to do....
But do you want to know who gets the help? the support? Its invariably the one who cries in a corner bemoaning her fate....Someone with a Knight in Shining Armor fetish rides up on his horse and swoops in and rescues her....She gets rescued while im out there struggling to get the issue resolved...i really need to learn this particular skill set...the victim of life, the delicate flower, the precious doll.....
Well, theres a lot to be said for that...a lot. i just cant think of anything positive about it at this time...gimme a minute.

The need to be molded...to me started out much like what DV is talking about...molding your submissive into what you prefer him or her to be in your relationship...but the kind of "mold me" i see is entirely different. It is part of the D/s mystique to be molded into something that you werent necessarily before...but it gets translated into real life everyday activities of daily living and that is when this girl gets off the damn train.

You want me as your sub? Fabulous....im right here...mold me, train me....i aim to please and once i have a goal in front of me, dont get in my way....i can work my ass off to make you happy in your relationship, make your days more pleasant...whatever goal you have in mind, im willing to bet i can meet it and exceed it....
What i dont want is for you to think that im incapable of breathing on my own if youre away. i can ask permission for almost anything...but technically, i could make that decision on my own...its just plain hotter to give over that power and work it from that end...thats what makes me wet.

To me, there is nothing hawt about a girl (or boy) who cant survive on their own.
If a person is wired to like authority transfer dynamics...is that mutually exclusive to self sufficiency?? Comeon...there is the fantasy and then there is the reality....lets just get that straight. i dont need anyone to teach me how to balance my checkbook...(i WOULD LIKE someone to structure my spending, put me on a budget and hold me to it...)makes me feel taken care of to have that happen...makes me wet. It never stops being my money in reality...but if there is a way to make a bank balance a sexual experience, im all for it.

In reality, if i really wanted to be financially stable, i would take mySELF in hand...and make it happen. This in fact, is my own personal flaw that i am aiming to fix one of these days...and at this point, i honestly dont feel that i deserve to be taken in hand that way, since i didnt do it myself....i dont deserve to get my jollies off having it happen by someone elses hand...see what i mean? The caring involved in putting me on a budget would make me hot...and because i am not financially stable on my own, do i really deserve to have someone take the time and effort to do it for me and allow me to take internal pleasure from having that done? Wouldnt that be some sort of reward for basically bad behavior?

And the needy sub gets that kick...out of just that...
Why is the 47 yo woman crying because she was taken advantage of by the bigbaddom? Because she gets a payoff for behaving that way. She gets rescued. She gets cared for...But she cant hold up her end of the relationship. She apparently lacks the motivation to do that...but i will go to my death stating that she is MORE THAN CAPABLE of doing all that on her own, she just chooses to wait and hope that she is rescued. She gets the pity...and somewhere in there she gets off on the sympathies.

i would rather have an honest exchange of sympathy/empathy...than be pitied because i just cant deal with this cold hard world...If i have a problem and i let the dominant know about it, i dont even necessarily want him to fix it...altho that would be nice once in a while and maybe when i grow up and get one of my own, ill do that. But for now i just need an ear to hear that im in crisis....a hug to let me know that im not physically alone in my fear....and someone to watch over me while i dig myself out of whatever hole i managed to dig for myself.

*steps off her soapbox and fixes her skirt, lowers her eyes and composes herself*

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 22

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:05:44 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

OK Lady H. I will weigh in with my opinion. Molding sucks, whether it be ummms or partners. It's for those so weak of mind and confidence, that they feel that if they can make someone over, they will never leave them.
I do believe in encouraging and helping someone grow. Whether its ummms, partners, employees and friends. I would hope for the same encouragement.

As SimplePlan will tell you, I think that if a Dom/Domme has to rip someone apart and put them together to be what they want ... they are insecure or insane.
Insecure because they don't think they deserve the person they want,
Insane if they take pleasure in extinguishing the spirit of a person and replacing it with a shell.

Just my humble opinion.

edited cause umms screws up spell check

< Message edited by MidMichCowboy -- 11/30/2008 3:07:20 PM >

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 23

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:09:16 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Bravo persephonee!

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(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 24

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:12:01 PM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

(agrees with persephonee)

My first master thought he could "mold me". I'm glad it didn't last long enough for him to really try. His idea of molding me was to make me see his way on religion and religious issues. I would have served him as best I could, but turning this agnostic jew into a born again christian (and conservative) wasn't gonna happen. I am submissive, but I am a fully formed, capable, intelligent person. I like to say I am submissive, not passive.

Master thinks that I would have asked for release eventually over these "molding" issues, if other things didn't end it when they did.

As for being molded/trained to Master's specific tastes/likes/dislikes? I'm all for that, but after 45 years, my basic character is pretty set.

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Member:
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(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 25

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:13:26 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

i get sooo sick of the needy submissive.
i need things too. i need help. i need support. The fact remains that i am a grown up and if i have a need or a want, i need to find a way to fill that. If there is a problem, i need to find the solution for it.

but the kind of "mold me" i see is entirely different. It is part of the D/s mystique to be molded into something that you werent necessarily before...but it gets translated into real life everyday activities of daily living and that is when this girl gets off the damn train.

AMEN

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee
To me, there is nothing hawt about a girl (or boy) who cant survive on their own.

You go girl

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee
If a person is wired to like authority transfer dynamics...is that mutually exclusive to self sufficiency??

I sure hope not, but it seems like it at times

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 26

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:18:37 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

...youd think between my mind and .....erm, these...i would be able to get a damned date or something wouldnt you???

grrrrr......

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 27

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:23:05 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Why single out submissives who need molding? What about some of the dominants out there?

Just because you profess to be dominant doesn't mean that you cannot be vulnerable, or does it?

Just a passing thought.

I don't like the word 'molding'. To me you can mold something, an inanimate object such as a piece of clay, a block of wood, a piece of metal, but not a living, breathing, sentient human being, submissive or otherwise.

Besides it's negative, it smacks of perfectionism, it focusses on things which are unacceptable, and allows the person being molded to escape the responsibility and ownership of their own issues.

I'm not perfect, far from it in fact. I'm a human being, though at times the answer to what I'm being might be hard to fathom, but I'm human.

I have issues and I have baggage, but it's all got my name on it, I own it, it's my responsibility. I'm the one who has to carry it around and deal with it. I accept this. So should the dominant who elects to be with me.

Therefore instead of molding, I much prefer the term empowerment.

Yes I can be a needy submissive at times, but this isn't the focus of what it's about for me, but what I can offer and bring to a relationship, and one of the things which I can bring to a relationship and one of the reasons I prefer being submissive is that I am able to empower a dominant.

My empowerment comes from making things easier for my dominant, making things possible, giving her free and unrestricted access to everything that is me and everything I can do and have.

By the same token I am open to empowerment, through the responses of my dominant.

It's a sort of 'me strong, you strong, we strong' philosophy.

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(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 28

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:23:21 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

...youd think between my mind and .....erm, these...i would be able to get a damned date or something wouldnt you???

grrrrr......

LOL... sometimes brillance isn't seen because it is too bright for those who cannot withstand the light. You may need a superhero... But really... a good find is a hard find... but once you find it... mmmmmmmmmmmm They are worth the wait, you just hope you find them before you are too old to play! lol (Well in my case anyway)

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 29

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:29:17 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Things worked out okay for penicillin.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 30

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:31:40 PM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

I so hear you on that perse. Because I am a capable, functioning human with a decent job and life skills, I get no support. Mostly, I'm ok with that. My stuff is my stuff and I need to learn to deal. However, there are times I'd love for someone to deal with it. And yeah, the Cowboy and I have had many, many discussions on just that subject.

I don't know who I want to slap the bejesus out of more...the needy sub or the White Knight.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 31

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:33:28 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He's not interested in changing me wholesale. But we just had this discussion about my eating habits. He leaves tomorrow for another two week trip and he's fully aware that I skip meals when he isn't here. I just am not motivated to cook when he isn't here. Doesn't help that my son is heavy into his orthodontry and only can eat stuff I'm not interested in.

I wouldn't call it molding, but he does tend to ask me in his evening phone calls if I've eaten, and then insists I go get something. Somehow a piece of frozen pizza doesn't qualify as dinner in his viewpoint.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 32

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:37:33 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Things worked out okay for penicillin.

ROFL... I know... I knew I was doing it at the time too... but I am claiming headache and dingy domme on this one... lol But mold has now been on my mind since I did that!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 33

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:49:24 PM

trealeon

Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline

Okay,

I think this is a language thing and this seems to happen a lot. I think many times when someone uses the world "mold" they are really just referring to training someone to their personal preferences/protocols, or whatever and not fundamentally changing some core value or belief. That's just the word they use, maybe because that's the world they think fits what they're doing. I've noticed that certain words push people's buttons and just cause problems or misunderstandings or righteous indignation in some cases.

Also, there are subs out there who's desire is to have someone mold them or change a habit or mindset and there are Doms who are more than willing to do that. Everyone's different.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 34

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:51:35 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: simpleplan2

I so hear you on that perse. Because I am a capable, functioning human with a decent job and life skills, I get no support. Mostly, I'm ok with that. My stuff is my stuff and I need to learn to deal. However, there are times I'd love for someone to deal with it. And yeah, the Cowboy and I have had many, many discussions on just that subject.

I don't know who I want to slap the bejesus out of more...the needy sub or the White Knight.

I'm going for the white knight cause the submissive's want it too much and I am not going there with a needy submissive! Besides all that metal... just does something... I will figure that one out later! hehe

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to simpleplan2)

Post #: 35

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:55:53 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: simpleplan2

I so hear you on that perse. Because I am a capable, functioning human with a decent job and life skills, I get no support. Mostly, I'm ok with that. My stuff is my stuff and I need to learn to deal. However, there are times I'd love for someone to deal with it. And yeah, the Cowboy and I have had many, many discussions on just that subject.

I don't know who I want to slap the bejesus out of more...the needy sub or the White Knight.

I vote for both.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to simpleplan2)

Post #: 36

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:57:19 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trealeon

Okay,

I think this is a language thing and this seems to happen a lot. I think many times when someone uses the world "mold" they are really just referring to training someone to their personal preferences/protocols, or whatever and not fundamentally changing some core value or belief. That's just the word they use, maybe because that's the world they think fits what they're doing. I've noticed that certain words push people's buttons and just cause problems or misunderstandings or righteous indignation in some cases.

Also, there are subs out there who's desire is to have someone mold them or change a habit or mindset and there are Doms who are more than willing to do that. Everyone's different.

I can agree totally on this and try to take that into consideration! But I look at other things they say and do and then it all becomes all too clear! The one's I am talking about seem to think it is impressive that they come off so lost and in need of a strong person.. it is almost like a manipulative game.

Structuring things, supporting, building, refining... I am all for... but I want someone that already has something to be interested in. I don't have like half a life left to work out all the lil details... I want to have some fun!

But I also asked because of the differences that we all have and wondered how many or who was interested in this and thought maybe someone could enlighten me to some things I might not be looking at or thinking of and also where this kind of desire comes from. I am still listening and some great points have been made!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to trealeon)

Post #: 37

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 3:57:34 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

I'd rather have someone aiding me develop for MYSELF than aiding me to develop in some way for THEM.

Okay, but what makes them qualified to do the "molding"?

Just because someone lists themselves as Dominant does not mean that they are a superior human being, who has absolutely everything under control.

It's also been my experience that those that crow the loudest about "molding" a submissive are typically the biggest hypocrits. Nothing like a fat guy with greasy hair, missing teeth, wearing a stained Tshirt while holding a beer going on and on about the appearance and hygeine of his prospective submissive.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 11/30/2008 3:58:20 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

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(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 38

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 4:00:53 PM

trealeon

Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Okay, but what makes them qualified to do the "molding"?

Just because someone lists themselves as Dominant does not mean that they are a superior human being, who has absolutely everything under control.

It's also been my experience that those that crow the loudest about "molding" a submissive are typically the biggest hypocrits. Nothing like a fat guy with greasy hair, missing teeth, wearing a stained Tshirt while holding a beer going on and on about the appearance and hygeine of his prospective submissive.

I think it's the submissive that qualifies the Dom to "mold" them. It's there relationship. If the sub loves and trusts the Dom and wants that person to "tinker" with them, and the Dom is willing, that's them and that's what they want to do and what works in there relationship.

< Message edited by trealeon -- 11/30/2008 4:07:45 PM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 39

RE: Mold me? - 11/30/2008 4:07:12 PM

trealeon

Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I can agree totally on this and try to take that into consideration! But I look at other things they say and do and then it all becomes all too clear! The one's I am talking about seem to think it is impressive that they come off so lost and in need of a strong person.. it is almost like a manipulative game.

Structuring things, supporting, building, refining... I am all for... but I want someone that already has something to be interested in. I don't have like half a life left to work out all the lil details... I want to have some fun!

But I also asked because of the differences that we all have and wondered how many or who was interested in this and thought maybe someone could enlighten me to some things I might not be looking at or thinking of and also where this kind of desire comes from. I am still listening and some great points have been made!

Ah but I think you've hit the point right there... when you said "I want to have some fun!" for some people... working out all the little details, playing at perfection, molding... that's FUN... for both the sub and the Dom, that's what they enjoy and love and it's what makes them happy. It just means that the sub who loves to be ultra needy, ultra clingy, etc. just has to find the Dom that wants those things in a sub. To me it's just another "kink" something that turns them both on and they both love and it is part of their relationship dynamics.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 40

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