SimplyMichael
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Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Rover
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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
This is an area where you & I see things much differently. I don't see the word "molding" as a fancy term, for one. I've been hearing that term for ages, in regards to parenting, whereby parents mold the young minds of their kids into healthy, strong and capable adults.
And used in a parent/child context, it's far more appropriate in that children really are blank slates when it comes to many things. By in large, children take on the politics of their parents. They take on the religion of their parents. They take on the morals of their parents.
It's not the same situation with adults.
It is precisely the same situation with adults, or at least it can be given the right dominant and the right submissive.
The problem with this discussion is we are essentially discussing "can someone take oil paint and create a masterpiece" and the answer is both absolutely not and absolutely yes. The fact that almost none can does not negate the answer that a few will. Perhaps a better analogy is "can someone survive a fall from a three story building" and while most can't, there are people who do, however recommending it as an exit is still probably a bad idea.
Molding and shaping someone occurs in every relationship, we train our partners by the things we react to. How many people here experienced guilt and shame from their partners in the past over their kinky desires? Our partners taught us not to mention those things, they molded us into vanilla.
Okay so now you say molding isn't deep if it changes later and you are right. But again, that excludes the cases where molding and shaping is "internalized" which is what psychologists call it when someone adopts something deeply like a child might.
When I met BSB she was not used to being deeply honest with her partner. She had been shaped by a long history from childhood that one does not truly tell others what is going on emotionally. I don't think she longed for honesty but she did long for happiness and as I showed her time and time again how honesty was to be our path to happiness, she opened up more and more. I made her safe to try and rewarded her when she was open and honest. When we had our big breakup it was about something deep and hurtful she should have discussed with me but couldn't. After we worked through that she has truly come over to the other side and internalized not only how to be honest (and I am talking about deep vulnerability and saying things you fear will hurt your partner) but how to do so in a loving and caring way. Of course I harnessed things that were already there in her personality to achieve goals she wanted but it was my being ME that shaped her into a place where she could learn how to be truly open and honest. I am quite she she has internalized that lesson. Was it all me? Of course not, was I a mere catalyst? Possibly. However, at some point you begin arguing over which came first and then nothing means anything. I was there, it was a goal of mine, and it happened, take from that what you will.
I think people do that all the time. Again, the problem is that not everyone is painting a masterpiece nor is everyone surviving the fall. There are unreasonable expectations and this is certainly an area of bdsm filled with more fantasy than any other, but that does not negate the fact that it can and does go on successfully.
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RE: Mold me? - 
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